Chapter Seventeen

F or two days, the memory of the hurt on Raine's face kept Keaton awake at night. If he closed his eyes, she was there. Who was he kidding? Even when his eyes were open, her image was front and center in his mind.

His fault.

Callie had warned him.

He'd promised.

But he'd failed, and Raine was paying the price even though he'd told her he wasn't staying. He thought she understood. And she had.

Until she hadn't.

The worst part?

She hadn't asked him to change his mind and stay. And when he had to make travel arrangements and plans for living arrangements in Boston and pack, which meant he hadn't seen her since the Boo Bash, she didn't get upset. She told him she understood.

The funny thing?

He wasn't sure if he understood.

Callie and Garrett had called him out for hurting Raine. And Keaton had. A text notification sounded.

He'd given up thinking Raine would reply to any of the messages he'd sent. Still, he glanced at the screen.

Garrett: Be ready in 10.

Garrett: And don't try to get out of this. You're going.

Me: Don't worry. I'm not canceling.

Keaton wanted to blame his brother for telling Raine about the new job, but he should have told her himself. There'd been no reason for him to hold back. He'd used the Boo Bash to justify his actions when all he wanted was to delay the inevitable.

He closed his eyes.

Raine's face appeared—her hurt palpable.

He enjoyed spending time with her. Their kisses were scorching, but his attraction went beyond the physical. She made him laugh. Her support made him think it was only a matter of time before he sold his fantasy novel. Her gratitude for his help on the Boo Bash had made him feel like one of the gods of ancient Norway.

Keaton hadn't wanted to lose that. Nor see the disappointment on Raine's face. But he had.

In a much worse way than had he been open and honest.

A knock sounded on his door.

"It's open," he called out.

Margot peeked her head inside his room. "Brandt and Garrett are downstairs. They said you're going out."

Keaton adjusted the collar of his shirt. "To celebrate my new job in Boston."

Her face fell. "You took the position?"

He nodded. "I accepted yesterday. The job is everything I've ever wanted. It's temporary, but you've got to start somewhere."

And not take good fortune for granted the way he'd done with his last position. He could see what he'd done now.

Margot clutched the door handle. "What about Raine?"

His heart skipped a beat. Maybe two. Okay, not really, but his chest hurt. "Raine wants me to take the job."

"Because she cares about you."

"She wants me to pursue my dream. I hate to leave her in the lurch."

Margot rolled her eyes. "The Boo Bash is over. She has Timmy, Robin, and that new guy."

"You're right." The realization was bittersweet. "The new guy is named Parker. He's working full-time. There's also Amanda and Jon, high school students who work on weekends, afternoons, and evenings."

Margot's eyes no longer twinkled. "When do you leave?"

"Saturday."

Her mouth gaped. "That's tomorrow. Why aren't you with Raine tonight?"

"She had plans, and I'd made some with my brother and Brandt. I'll see her before I leave."

Margot shook her head. "You're family now, so I won't mince my words. Dreams are important. We're supposed to pursue them. But dreams can change. It happens all the time as you saw with Brandt and Garrett. I'd hate for you to walk away from something special in Silver Falls to discover Boston isn't what you thought it would be."

He raised his chin. "Won't happen."

Margot raised a brow. "You're that certain."

"If I wasn't, I would stay."

"Nothing left to say then. I hope it works out the way you want."

Him, too.

Keaton hoped Raine wasn't only saying what she thought he wanted to hear. Her being so understanding made leaving…not easier, but…

He dragged his hand through his hair.

…filled him with regret.

He cared about her. Another place and time, they could have something special. Of that, he was one hundred percent certain.

*

Friday night, Raine sat on the floor in Anna's living room. Milo, Anna's little dog, lay against Raine's side. She rubbed the white ball of fur. "Can you miss someone who isn't gone yet?"

Open containers of Chinese food sat on the coffee table next to five plates and wineglasses.

Anna nodded. "I got lonely when Davis worked while we were dating, and he only lived in Summit Ridge. But when I had the chance to get back together with him, I realized we wanted different things. I'd much rather be on my own, or even alone, than settle for something I don't want."

"Garrett wanted different things, too, but I was willing to give long distance a try." Taryn raised her wineglass. "Thankfully, we didn't have to do it long. Being apart was so hard."

Callie nodded. "You both were miserable."

"And now you're not." Pippa passed out fortune cookies.

Callie opened hers and read. "Prepare for expansion. Oh, this must mean the overnight kennel will happen. Maybe sooner than we've planned."

Taryn snickered. "Sorry to burst your bubble, but I got the same one."

Pippa held up hers. "Me, too. Or is that three."

"That makes four of us." Anna took a sip of wine. "Want to see if you got the same one."

"No." Raine's fortune wouldn't change her future anytime soon. "Open mine, Anna."

"I will." Anna's eyes widened. "Yours is different. It says to expect the unexpected."

"Already happened." Raine sighed.

Her eyes stung as if she'd been dicing onions. She rubbed them, not wanting to cry again. She'd cried enough these past two days. Texts from Keaton had only made it worse, so she'd stopped replying. Unfortunately, he kept messaging her.

Raine sighed. "I can't believe I'm in the same place with Keaton as I was with Emmett. Silver Falls wasn't enough for either of them." She wasn't enough to make them want to stay. "But somehow with Keaton, I feel way worse."

"Worse how?" Taryn asked.

"With Emmett, things ran their course. We met when I moved to Silver Falls. He decided to stick around for me. We dated for almost four years. He supported my business and helped me. It was easy. Convenient. We took each other for granted. Became comfortable. I thought I loved him, which is why I tried long-distance dating twice. But I wasn't doing that for the right reason. For us. I feared being alone again. Afraid I might not be able to handle everything on my own. Because Emmett was here when I started the coffee shop."

Pippa rubbed her chin. "He was, but you're the reason Tea Leaves and Coffee Beans is a success. Emmett supported you, but you're doing well because of you."

"Thanks." Raine had the best friends. "I was so unhappy after the breakup. I thought I'd closed the door to another relationship. I was attracted to Keaton, but I never planned on letting him in. I was trying something new the same way he was with pumpkin spice. I thought I was preparing for when I was ready to date, not realizing my heart was dating him. He was upfront about his plans the entire time. I was the one who let my feelings get carried away."

"It's a different situation than with Emmett," Taryn said.

Callie nodded. "But my brother could have handled it better."

"It sucks." Anna ate her cookie.

Callie fiddled with her fortune. "Keaton is as torn up about this as you are, Raine."

That should make Raine happy, right? Except it didn't. "He's pursuing his dream. That should make him happy."

"But he's leaving you behind to do so," Pippa said. "One of those double-edged swords."

That made sense but… "For all I know we wouldn't have lasted beyond Halloween." Raine had been trying to see this from all angles, including Keaton's. "I guess it hurts more because I'm mourning what could have been. I knew with Emmett. But Keaton and I will never have a chance to see what we could have together. He didn't set out to hurt me."

"They never do," Anna said. "But somehow they manage to."

"It's not Keaton's fault. He told me he was here to regroup and apply for jobs. My heart is the one to blame." Raine needed to defend him. "We didn't have a bad, blowout breakup. He's off to pursue his dreams. How can I be mad at him for that?"

Taryn grabbed a wonton out from a container. "You can't."

"And that must hurt even more," Anna added.

Milo rolled onto his back, so Raine rubbed his belly.

Callie shifted positions. "Keaton's dream has always been to be a tenured professor at a top university. He's never considered anything else, which shows how much of an arrogant snob he is when it comes to academia. Losing his job rattled him and his self-confidence. You helped him get that back, Raine."

Raine held up a wineglass. "Cheers to me."

"You deserve all the cheers." Compassion filled Callie's smile. "The new university is more elite than where he was. Until he achieves the dream he's been chasing since he was a teenager or changes his mind about it like he did his major, there's no way you could compete. It's…bad timing."

Raine appreciated Callie's openness. "My timing's been off my entire life, except for opening the coffee shop. I should focus my attention there and forget about guys the way I planned."

Until Keaton and their practice date, she hadn't even wanted a romance let alone a boyfriend. Except she'd found both. A part of her believed she'd found even more.

Anna touched her shoulder. "You've got this. And you've got us."

Taryn, Pippa, and Callie nodded.

"Thanks." Raine was so lucky to have these four women in her life, but she wanted something else.

Someone else.

Keaton.

It would take time to get over that.

Over him.

*

Saturday evening, the sun slipped toward the horizon. Red and orange tendrils painted the sky, the colors fitting the night before Halloween.

Keaton would have enjoyed seeing kids in their costumes again take to the street on the thirty-first, but he had to catch a red-eye flight to Logan International Airport. Goodbyes couldn't be pushed off any longer.

That meant seeing Raine. Leaving without saying goodbye would only hurt her more.

Though…did they have to say farewell?

At the bar last night, Garrett had kept talking about how he and Taryn had dated long distance. It hadn't been easy, but that was better than not being together.

Would Raine be up for that?

That question made for a sleepless night. He didn't want to cut things off completely. Instead of a final farewell, couldn't they hit pause?

It was worth asking.

He made his way along First Avenue as if on autopilot. Muscle memory led the way to where he'd spent the most time next to Margot's. That was only because he slept there.

Keaton held the handles of a gift bag—basic craft paper—which seemed more like Raine than something sparkly and fancy. He appreciated that about her.

He stopped at the sign for Tea Leaves and Coffee Beans outside the shop.

He pulled out his phone and took a photo of it. Man, when had he become so sappy?

His life wasn't a Shakespearean tragedy. He would return to Silver Falls for Christmas. Less than two months from now.

Would Raine want to see him then? Not only as a customer…

Time to find out.

Keaton opened the door. The familiar jingle didn't loosen the imaginary band around his chest. If anything, it tightened more. The bottoms of his shoes stuck to the sidewalk. He forced himself to step inside.

The scent of fresh brewed coffee hit him like a left hook. Just coffee. Except it wasn't. He'd been in coffee shops all over the world, and something about this one was special.

A few customers sat at tables. Most stared at their phones. One read a book. He hoped that meant all would ignore him. But for all he knew, someone might be filming him. He wouldn't be surprised if a secret web series called "As Silver Falls Fall" existed.

Raine measured tea or spices. She appeared to be making a tea blend, but she never talked much about that part of her business.

Keaton took slow, measured steps toward the counter as if wanting to prolong this visit.

Who was he kidding? He might be pursuing his dream, but he didn't want to say goodbye.

Today.

Or ever.

Wait. Where had that come from?

His muscles tensed.

Knots formed on his knots. Even a gifted massage therapist would have issues loosening them.

Timmy caught Keaton's eye and motioned toward the back where the office and supplies were and took off without saying a word to Raine. He dragged one of the new high school kids with him.

Raine hadn't turned around, but Keaton got the feeling she knew he was there based on how she brushed her hands off.

Keaton didn't blame her. "Hey."

The less-than-eloquent opening wouldn't score him any points, but it was a start.

Raine turned. Her lips pressed together tightly.

His heart squeezed. Usually, she came around the corner to greet him. This time, she remained behind the counter.

Only yourself to blame.

A glance at the seating area showed people staring.

Great. Now they had an audience.

Might as well get it over with. He handed her the gift bag. "I brought you something."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to."

"Thanks."

He rubbed his palms against his pants. "Open it before you thank me."

She opened the gift bag, pushed aside the black tissue paper, and pulled out a leather journal. She opened the cover and read his inscription. "I don't know how to pronounce this."

" Bak skyene er himmelen alltid bl?. " Keaton read the line and then he translated it for her. "Behind the clouds, the sky is always blue. It's a Norwegian proverb."

She closed the cover. "This is a thoughtful gift."

"It's a journal. You said you didn't have one."

Raine ran her fingertip along the binding. "I don't."

"Use it as a journal or a notebook or a recipe book. Whatever you want. I keep mine next to my bed so I can jot down thoughts."

"That's a good idea. I didn't get you a goodbye present."

His heart stumbled. It didn't want to believe this was the end. "I wasn't expecting anything."

The last thing he wanted was for her to feel bad. He raised his hand to cup her face, but she turned away from him.

"You gave me enough while I was here," he added.

You could have so much more if you didn't leave.

Callie's words swirled in his mind.

Keaton had to go. Dreams were meant to be pursued, not forgotten about and tucked away like a memento. "Thank you, Raine."

She stared at the journal. "I should be thanking you for helping with the Boo Bash."

This was awkward.

It shouldn't be.

And Keaton hated that it was. He dragged his fingers through his hair.

"I'll be back for Christmas." No, that wasn't enough. He took a breath. Time to lay it on the line. "I don't want this, us, to end. We could keep—"

"I can't." She held the journal in front of her like a shield. "I don't do long distance. I tried. Twice. It doesn't work."

"It didn't work for you with Emmett. We're different."

Raine shook her head. "We're more similar than I realized. Continuing to see each other will only delay the inevitable."

The certainty in her voice made him take a step back. His chest wanted to cave in on itself. "You're—"

"I'm closing the door."

He hadn't expected that. Not at all.

Keaton tried to see things from her perspective. Tried and failed. But her stiff posture and determined expression told him she wouldn't be swayed.

"I'll miss you." He leaned over the counter to kiss her goodbye.

She backed away. "I-I can't."

Raine hadn't closed the door. She'd slammed it in his face.

It—they—were over.

Hurt slashed through him. More than he thought it would. "I understand. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." Her voice cracked. Resignation filled her gaze. "I'm living my dream. I would never expect you to give up yours."

He longed to reach out and caress her face one last time, but he kept his arm pressed against his side.

"That's why I didn't ask you to come with me." That was what the other guy had asked her to do. "I would never want you to give up what matters most to you."

The whites of her eyes turned red. Tears welled. "Good luck in Boston. I hope it's everything you've dreamed about."

"Thanks." He hesitated. "Can I hug you?"

Raine half smiled. She leaned forward. "Yeah."

Keaton wrapped his arms around her, and Raine did the same with him. The counter was in the way, but he didn't care. He wanted to relish every moment of her in his arms.

The scents of vanilla and coffee surrounded him. He inhaled, holding on to her because he wanted to remember the way she felt, her warmth, and her heartbeat against him.

Keaton didn't want to let go. He might never ever find this again.

Raine dropped her arms and straightened. Her face was flushed. She held the journal in front of her like a shield. "Take care."

Keaton waited for her to say keep in touch .

She didn't.

He didn't say it either even if that was what he wanted. He hadn't meant to hurt her, but he had. He'd hurt both of them.

When he returned to Silver Falls in December, things wouldn't be the same.

The light in Raine's eyes had dimmed. Her smile appeared to take effort. Her shoulders drooped.

His fault.

Which meant…

Time to go.

"Take care of yourself." As he walked toward the door, he used every ounce of his willpower not to glance over his shoulder at her.

He couldn't.

For her sake and for his.

Keaton opened the door. The jingle no longer sounded happy. It was more of a requiem.

Hyperbole?

Most definitely, but Keaton would miss Raine.

And so would his heart.