Chapter Seventeen

Austin didn't sleep at all last night. Honestly, after everything that had happened, he was a little grateful that he couldn't. A part of him was a little afraid to acknowledge the possibility of the enchanting pair of brown eyes following him into his dreams.

But she trailed his thoughts constantly, hounding him. He went from attempting to sleep to pacing his bedchamber to resigning himself to his study instead. No matter what he did, he could not get her out of his head. He could still feel the phantom touch of Lavender's lips against his.

Dawn came far too slowly. Austin was exhausted by then, his lack of sleep the night before catching up to him. Even so, he felt oddly invigorated knowing that, in a matter of hours, Lavender would be up again.

He waited. He paced. He walked through the garden, distracting himself by admiring how everything looked put together despite the storm that had raged the night before. Now there was nothing but blue skies and a blazing sun, as if nothing had happened at all. When he thought the time was appropriate, he got Mr. Francis to have breakfast ready in the drawing room. Then he sat there, staring up at the portrait of the late countess wondering how his life had turned to this.

"My, you're up early."

Austin turned slowly, calmly, even though his heart skipped a beat and it felt as if every raging thought in his mind had quieted to nothing.

Lavender stood at the threshold of the drawing room, a small smile on her lips. She wore something different, a pale blue morning gown that he believed had once belonged to the late countess. It fit her far better than his late mother's had. Austin swallowed, steeling his nerves and resisting the urge to take in every inch of her appearance before finally settling on her face.

She'd brushed her hair but didn't bother to style it. He had to admit that he liked it that way, though she would look just as lovely with her hair done up in ringlets like the other ladies of the ton. Watching her pad up to him with bare feet and her hair tumbling untethered down her back did something to him that he could not comprehend.

He cleared his throat and looked away. "Did you sleep well?"

"Not very," she admitted, sitting in the chair across from him. "My mind was a little…preoccupied."

"Was it?" Why couldn't he meet her eyes? Austin had never cared to pay pieces of toast and jam so much attention before now.

"How about you? You look as if you haven't slept at all."

She said her words in jest but when he glanced up at her, her brows raised in surprise.

"Didn't you?"

"I suppose my mind was a little preoccupied as well."

Lavender just stared at him for a moment. And then her smile widened knowingly. She began pouring herself a cup of green tea. "Well, I hope you are not too tired, Austin, since there are still a lot of preparations we need to undergo for this Season. Like the tailor's visit tomorrow afternoon. And—"

"Pray tell, don't you think about anything other than your silly little plan?"

Her brows dipped. "It isn't a silly little plan. I have been devising this for as long as I can remember and I only have a limited amount of time to execute it."

"All for the aim of impressing a lady who has no respect for you nor your family."

He struck a nerve. Austin realized it a moment after he said his words and instantly regretted it. This wasn't how he'd intended for their morning to go. He thought they could talk comfortably over breakfast then perhaps go for one of those walks she was so fond of before returning to her home. But as he watched her smile slip into a scowl, Austin realized that he'd just ruined their chances of that.

"Impressing? Surely after everything you do not still think that I only wish to impress the countess?"

Since he'd already gotten this deep, he couldn't help but say, "What else could it possibly be? "

She drew in a slow breath as if she was trying to calm herself. "Austin, I think you of all people would understand how degrading it is to be around those who deem you as inferior."

"I do," he admitted. "Which is why I cannot understand why you want to be accepted by such people."

"Because it was my father's only wish to be." Austin leaned back, watching as she slowly sipped her tea. "My father grew up in poverty and created a name and wealth for himself. He gave my brother and me a comfortable life. Even after my mother passed away, when I was only seven, he did all he could to raise us. I always respected him for that, loved him dearly for everything he'd done for us."

Lavender drew in a breath. Austin could almost see the layers of her composure peeling away from her skin as she spoke. With every breath, raw emotion began to shine through to the surface. Right now, he saw nothing but such deep sadness that he wished he could go back in time and take back the words that had caused it.

"He wanted more for us. We were always stuck in between, you see. Wealthy enough to be deemed a part of the upper class, but lacking the prestige and honour that came with a title. He thought that if he could get us accepted by them then our lives would be infinitely better." She laughed but it lacked its usual humor. "Those were excuses, of course. My father idolized the idea of becoming a lord and thought that he could be granted land and a title if he befriended the right people. He tried so hard that when they eventually rejected and humiliated him in front of the ton, it sent him into deep melancholy. I was young at the time, too young to understand just how embarrassing it had been. Apparently, it was enough of a scandal to fill the scandal sheets for weeks on end. He became the laughingstock of the ton."

She sipped her tea again and another layer peeled away. Under the sadness, Austin saw anger and resentment blazing in her eyes. "My father, the proud man that he was, could not handle it. He drank himself to sleep every night after that. He turned away from us. He was a shell of his former self. When he finally passed away, a part of me thought that it was a mercy, that perhaps now he was a bit happier. Before he died, though, I made him promise to use his connections to find me a husband. I needed one, you see. Not for love or to start a family but because I was well aware of how crucial having a husband would be to executing my plan."

"Your plan of revenge," Austin said as realization dawned on him.

Lavender met his eyes. She held her composure well enough but there was no concealing the rage that shimmered there.

"The Countess of Lively pulls the strings of the ton. She was the one who degraded my father until he felt like a failure, despite everything he had built for us. You've seen firsthand how scathing her words can be, even as she says them with a smile. I intend to show her that sitting on such a high throne will only make her fall that much more painful."

After that, nothing else was said. Lavender blinked and the mask—the mask he hadn't even realized until now that she'd had in place from the moment he met her—was back in place. She resumed eating as if nothing were amiss, as if she hadn't just revealed to him that she had been consumed with vengeance all these years.

He didn't know the right words to say and it bothered him. He should apologize at least, for misunderstanding her, but before he could get the words out, the door banged open.

Vincent Latrice came marching in, face red with anger. "Lavender!" he barked, making his sister jump.

"Vincent?" Lavender sounded confused. "What are you doing here?"

"Why do you think I am here, my foolish, insane sister?" He stalked towards her, dragging his fingers through his hair. "Do you know how worried I was about you all night?"

"But Austin sent word—"

"Which did not reach me until this morning! Do you think anyone in their right mind would have braved last night's storm to deliver a simple message?" Vincent whirled on Austin. "And you! Surely you should have known better than to house an unmarried lady without a chaperone overnight?"

Austin raised a brow at him as he asked, "What would you have had me do? Send her home in the storm? "

"Vincent, please," Lavender stepped in before Vincent could think of a response. She stood, putting a placating hand on her brother's arm. "It was my fault. I was the one who decided to come here without warning and Austin only did what he thought was best at the moment."

He pulled his fingers through his hair again, frustrated. It was a wonder how he didn't pull a few strands loose at the same time, Austin thought.

"You're going to be the death of me, Lav," he sighed. "Come. It's time to go home."

Lavender pouted. "Can't I stay and finish break—" At Vincent's scathing look, she quickly said, "Or not. Let's leave."

"I'll walk you to the door," Austin said, standing. He met Vincent's eyes, challenging him to say something about it.

The other man only shook his head in frustration. They left the drawing room in silence, making their way to the foyer. Austin could see Mr. Francis hovering anxiously nearby, holding a pair of slippers in his hand.

At the door, Lavender turned to Austin. "Thank you for hosting me, my lord. I hope to repay your kindness one day."

Austin resisted the urge to grin at that. How proper of her to say, considering the fact that she was still bare-footed. As if she was just now realizing that herself, she accepted her now dried slippers from Mr. Francis.

"Yes, thank you," Vincent joined in, looking considerably less frustrated now. "And forgive my anger, my lord. I was just worried sick about her all night that I rushed over here as soon as I received your letter. I understand that my rash sister is the one at fault here."

"Or perhaps no one is at fault," Lavender suggested lightheartedly. When she caught her brother's glare, she thinned her lips. "You're not in the mood for jests, I see. Austin, we should leave before my brother's glaring gives him a megrim."

Austin swallowed his laughter and nodded. "Very well."

He stepped back, his throat suddenly growing thick as he watched Lavender and her brother leave. He followed them to the porch and listened to their soft bickering as they climbed into their waiting carriage. He didn't move until their carriage was out of sight.

At last, he turned and went back into the house, ignoring Mr. Francis still hovering in the corner. He hated to admit it to himself but the truth was as bright as day.

Now that Lavender was gone, the house seemed much, much lonelier.

***

The first thing Lavender noticed when she reached home was that there were two other carriages in the driveway. She frowned at Vincent. "Do you have guests over?"

Vincent didn't look at her. Lavender had almost forgotten just how much her brother could hold a grudge. It may be days before he forgave her for this.

"You worried more people than you think," he grumbled as the carriage came to a stop.

She didn't bother to question him further on it. Later she would try to get him to forgive her, hoping she could simply lay on the charm like she usually did. She wasn't often denied anything and her brother's forgiveness was normally one of it. But this was her first time doing something as scandalous as this so she wasn't sure just how easy it would be this time around.

Lavender put it to the back of her mind as she exited the carriage and made her way into the house. The moment she stepped past the threshold, someone barrelled up to her.

"Lavender! Are you all right? Are you hurt? Did that brute hurt you?"

A pair of hands gripped her shoulders and began twisting her around. Lavender just barely caught the familiar head of blond hair and worried blue eyes. "Colin, what are you doing here?"

He kept twisting her around as if he was checking for wounds or bruises. Lavender glimpsed Alice over his shoulder, looking at them with a mixture of relief and humor. "Alice? Goodness, you're here as well?"

"How could I not be?" Alice said. "Vincent came to my home early this morning asking if you might have been here. When I told him that I haven't seen you since the tea party, he informed me that you didn't come home last night. Considering the storm last night, I grew worried and followed him here."

Lavender pushed Colin's hands away before he made her dizzy. "And you?" she asked. "Did he come to you too?"

"He was here before," Vincent grumbled from behind. "I hope you see the extent to which your actions have consequences, Lav."

"Yes, yes, I understand." She took a step back to face them all. "I'm sorry, everyone, for the way I worried you. I assure you, though, that I was in good hands."

Colin snorted. "Good hands? You were at the Earl of Derby's house."

Lavender frowned at him. She couldn't understand the anger in his voice. Colin had never been angry with her before and now it had happened twice. "Yes, but I was perfectly safe, as you can see. And as soon as the stormed cleared, Austin sent word of where I was to Vincent."

"Austin?" Colin looked two shades paler. "Have you two grown so close?"

Lavender didn't get the chance to think of a response to that before Alice came up to her side, sliding her arm through hers. "If she says that she was safe, then I believe her. There isn't any need to hound her now. Let us just be happy that she is here."

Vincent sighed dramatically. "I suppose I should sent a letter of apology to Lord Derby. I was rather rude when I arrived."

"I'm happy you realised it," Lavender said. "Though I doubt he really took your words to heart."

Colin paced away, looking agitated. He moved over to the staircase and leaned against the balustrade with his arms crossed, a scowl on his face. Lavender frowned at him. She couldn't understand why he seemed so…frustrated.

But she didn't want to ask him about it right now. She was tired, since she hadn't slept much last night, and felt a little overwhelmed at the high emotions circling the room at the moment. She could get answers about why Colin was here before Vincent had gone to see Alice or when Vincent would stop sulking about it .

"If you all do not mind," she began, making her way to the staircase. "I am quite tired and wish to retire to my chambers."

"I shall come with you," Alice announced, not letting go of Lavender's arm. The look in her eye told Lavender that there was a reason for it so she didn't bother to protest.

"Very well then." Vincent began heading in the direction of the hallway next to the staircase. "Mr. Asher, let us finish our discussion, shall we?"

Discussion? Lavender paused, watching as the scowling Colin avoided her eyes and followed behind her brother. What could they possibly be discussing?

Probably business matters, she dismissed after a moment. She didn't care about such things.

Suddenly too tired to question anything, Lavender made her way up to her chambers with Alice by her side. The moment she was in her bedchamber, she collapsed onto the bed with her arms and legs spread wide, watching as Alice absently made her way to the sofa next to the fire place.

Exhaustion settled over her eyes the moment she sank into her bed. But Lavender knew she couldn't sleep just yet. She knew Alice well enough to know that there was a reason she had followed her up here.

True to what she'd expected, Alice sat with her hands clasped in her lap, staring expectantly at Lavender.

"Out with it," Lavender sighed. "I know you have your questions."

"Quite a few," Alice admitted with a private smile. "But before that, I do hope you understand how worried you made everyone."

"I did not think word would reach to both Colin and you," Lavender sighed. "But yes, I suppose I should have been more mindful. Though, I must add that there wasn't anything I could do at the time."

"Yes, I am aware. Which is why I am opting to hold back most of my chastisement. Now, for the questions." Alice leaned forward and rested her chin on her lap, her elbow balancing on her knee. "How was it spending the night with the Earl of Derby? "

Lavender turned her face away to hide the blush that suddenly rushed to her cheeks. Slowly, she sat up and ran her fingers idly through her hair, giving herself enough time to think of the right answer.

What was the right answer? She'd done so many scandalous things in the past few hours that she was afraid of saying it aloud. She knew that her secret was safe with Alice but saying it would be admitting aloud things she was yet to admit to herself just yet.

So she settled on skirting around the full truth as best as she could. "He was a gracious host," she said and then cringed inwardly when she heard how unbelieving that was. "Well, as gracious a host as the earl could be. You know his temperament as well as I do."

"Perhaps not as well as you do," Alice hummed, that smile still playing around her lips. Almost as if she knew more than she was letting on. "What possessed you to go there unchaperoned in the first place?"

"I am not sure," Lavender admitted. "I had time on my hands and thought that it would be a good idea to prepare him for what was to come. Things took quite a turn, however."

"In what way?"

"Well…there was the storm."

"And?"

Lavender frowned at her. Did she know about the kiss? Surely she didn't? Or was she simply reading the blush on Lavender's face and assuming that something might have happened?

"And…nothing," Lavender said finally, avoiding her eyes.

Alice laughed. "You are a magnificent liar, Lavender, but you have never been able to lie to me. Something happened. I noticed it the moment you walked through the door. And I think Colin might be thinking the same thing."

"Nothing happened and Colin was only worried about me, like you said." Lavender felt a bite of guilt at the lie. Alice said nothing and the silence bore down on her until she couldn't help but crack. "All right, perhaps something did happen."

"I knew it!" In a second, Alice flew across the room onto the bed. "Tell me all about it. "

"It really isn't anything!" Lavender quickly said. "We only shared a few intimate conversations. It gave me a chance to understand who he truly was. And…"

"And…"

Lavender's lips tilted up as the memory of their lips touching filled her mind. There was no chance of her hiding it at this point. "We may have shared a kiss."

Alice, being nearly as dramatic as Lavender was behind closed doors, squealed. Lavender tried putting her hand over Alice's mouth but it wasn't enough to hold back the sound.

"Hush!" Lavender scolded. "Vincent and Colin might hear you!"

"Oh, yes." Alice sobered up quickly, though her eyes danced with excitement. "We wouldn't want that, would we? Tell me how it happened, when, everything."

Her excitement was infections. Honestly, even though she had spent the better part of last night thinking about their kiss, Lavender hadn't truly come to terms with it. The man she had sat with this morning had been the same standoffish man she'd met, making her wonder if he cared about the kiss as much as she did.

But Alice's excitement had the same feeling bubbling up in her and, before she knew it, Lavender was telling her every detail about her time with Austin from the moment she walked into his study until the second he kissed her goodnight.

It felt nice, she realized after a while, to simply sit and talk with her friends about mundane things such as kissing and feelings. She could admit to Alice that she might be falling for Austin. It didn't seem so terrifying to say it aloud to her friend. It didn't feel as if she was jumping headfirst into something that would leave her a broken mess in the end. Instead, she chatted and laughed and squealed about everything that had happened as if this wasn't an arranged marriage. As if she wasn't dragging an unwilling man around to help her in a quest for revenge.

As if she hadn't known about her brother's plan to ‘trap' her future husband in a contract by paying him off to marry her and that that was the only reason why Austin tolerated her presence.

With Alice, Lavender could almost pretend as if Austin might be falling in love with her too.