Chapter Fifteen

True to his word, the towels and dry clothes came within minutes, while Lavender desperately tried to stave off the cold in front of the dying fire. To her disappointment, Austin did not show with them. The maids he'd sent hurried to help her, one rekindling the fire while the others dried her hair and helped her change. It only lasted a few minutes, which seemed like seconds considering her mind was far away from the room.

Her thoughts remained on that small bench in the garden, those heart-racing moments before the storm struck.

Every time she thought of how Austin had leaned closer to her, Lavender lost her breath. She'd frozen at the time but his gaze had rested solely on her lips so she doubted he had noticed. What would have happened if the thunder hadn't sounded? Would she have accepted the kiss?

Would he have kissed her?

Lavender brushed her fingers over her lips, a chill racing up her spine.

"Oh dear," one of the maids drying her hair said. "Miss, you are still cold. You are getting gooseflesh! Come, sit by the hearth."

She didn't wait for Lavender to respond before ushering her over to the armchair closest to the crackling fire. Lavender didn't bother to correct her. Gooseflesh washed her skin, yes, but it had nothing to do with her wet hair and everything to do with her soon-to-be husband somewhere in this house.

You will be my wife. It will be my duty to protect you .

A smile flitted over her face. Had he meant it or was he saying the things he thought he should as a respectable man?

"Where is the earl?" Lavender heard herself ask. She spoke so lowly that she didn't know if any of the maids heard her.

"He may be in his study, miss," one of them said.

Would it be too forward of her to go to see him? No, certainly not. He was her betrothed. She had no qualms with coming here, unchaperoned, before so why should it bother her now ?

Only before there hadn't been a brief moment where she considered that he might like her more than she thought he did. Perhaps he was even beginning to fancy her…

An excited giggle escaped before she could do anything to stop it. Lavender stood and the maids fell away from her. She turned to face them. "Thank you for your assistance but—"

A knock on the door cut into her words. There was silence for a moment, and then a gruff, oddly hesitant voice. "Lavender?"

Lavender's heart shot into her throat. She ran her hands over hair, suddenly wishing it was a little drier. She knew she didn't look her best right now.

She cleared her throat, schooling her expression. "Yes?"

Another beat of silence and then, "May I come in?"

"Yes," she answered a little too quickly.

The door opened and Austin slid in, his eyes finding her immediately. His gaze started at her face, up to her hair, then slowly traveled down the length of her. Lavender felt exposed, heat washing through her body with such force that it chased away the lingering chill.

His eyes found hers again and then darted away as if he had just realized what he had been doing. The sight was both surprising and endearing

"Leave us," he ordered and the maids wasted no time scurrying out of the door, their heads bowed.

Lavender waited until they were alone. "They are afraid of you."

"As are many. I am no stranger to it."

"Do you like it?" she asked without thinking. "How intimidating you can be?"

For some reason, Austin stayed by the door. Almost as if he didn't dare to get any closer to her. "It matters not to me what others think of me. Though I will admit that my intimidating manner is at times favorable." He scratched the back of his head, still not looking at her. Instead, he seemed to be rather interested in the bed posts. "Do the clothes fit?"

"They are a bit loose." Lavender tugged on the slipping sleeve of the fine muslin gown she was wearing. "Was it the late countess'? '

"No, it was my mother's," Austin answered.

"Truly?' Lavender asked, her tone incredulous. She flushed, looking away. "Forgive me, I just—"

"It's fine. I understand your disbelief."

He hesitated again. It was so unusual to see that Lavender forgot the barrage of questions that had rushed to her head at the mention of the late countess and his mother.

"The evening is upon us," he went on as he wandered over to the closest window. "And this storm shows no signs of breaking soon."

"Yes, that appears to be the case," Lavender agreed. She drew nearer to the window as well. The skies were so dark and angry that it was almost as dark as nighttime. Wind and rain pounded the windowpanes with so much force that it was a wonder it didn't break right through.

"So I shall send word to your brother," Austin said. "He will worry when you do not return home."

"What will you tell him, Austin? That you have held me hostage at your house and have no intentions of returning me?"

He snorted, which she considered a success at her jest. "I shall tell him the truth. That you came to visit me late in the afternoon, without a chaperone, and that the current weather conditions make it impossible for you to return home."

"Oh, heavens, don't act as if you aren't happy to have me here." She came closer still, until she could peer up at his face. "Aren't you lonely here by yourself?"

"Not in the slightest." Austin glanced at her. Whatever he saw must have displeased him because he frowned a little and swallowed harshly. Without warning, he turned away, making his way to the door.

Lavender watched him go, feeling a little snubbed. She knew she was not the prettiest. Perhaps not even the smartest. But she had hoped that whomever she married would admire her individual charm. Did that mean that she was both unattractive and uninteresting?

Austin paused at the door, looking back at her. "You're going to be late if you intend on standing there all day."

Lavender perked up. "Pardon? "

"Dinner. It will be served shortly." Then he walked through the door.

She was left staring at the spot he'd just vacated, his last words ringing in her ears. There had to be something seriously wrong with her, she decided. Because why did that fill her with such giddiness?

Lavender hurried to the door and then paused to compose herself. She barrelled through right after, expecting to chase after him but she ran right into his chest instead.

"You will hurt yourself if you keep doing that," he commented dryly.

Lavender rubbed her nose, her grin peeking out from behind her hand. "I thought you had gone ahead of me."

"Perhaps I should have." He turned and began making his way down the hallway. Lavender noticed the fact that he was keeping pace with her. "But I do not want you to get lost on your way to the dining room. I'd hate to have to go in search of you."

"What an odd way of saying that you care about my well-being," Lavender chirped.

He scoffed. "I care more about a nosy lady poking her nose into rooms where she does not belong."

"Oh, so there are rooms that I have not seen yet. That is certainly good to know."

"Don't you dare think about it."

"Far too late for that, my lord," Lavender laughed. She nudged him playfully and he only grunted.

It only took them a couple of minutes to reach the dining room. Footmen stood at hand to serve the first course and Lavender did not miss the scowl Austin gave them.

"Are you uncomfortable?" she asked him.

He frowned at her. "No."

Lavender watched as he pulled her chair out for her and tried to swallow her surprise. "Yes, you are. The scowl on your face tells me that you are."

It only deepened. He took his seat and the footmen took that as their cue to move. "According to you, I am always scowling. "

"Which is correct. And by now you should know that I am very rarely wrong. But it looks like a scowl of discomfort rather than your usual scowl of displeasure."

She didn't realize how crazy she sounded until he frowned at her as if she had two heads. Lavender avoided his eyes by watching the bowl of white soup being placed in front of her, along with all the cutlery and a glass of wine.

"You're right," he said after the footmen had retreated. "I am uncomfortable. I do not like being served my meals."

"Is this not what you are used to?"

"I prefer it being brought to my chambers or my study if I am unable to retrieve it myself. And I would do the latter more often if it were not for the kitchen help causing such a fuss every time I pay them a visit."

"Then why didn't you do the same this evening?" she asked, a beat before the answer to her question dawned on her. Lavender smiled. "If all this effort is for me, my lord, you needn't bother. I would have been quite fine with dining alone. I am used to it since Vincent is oftentimes away from home during dinnertime."

"It was not for you," he denied though there was something about the way he said it that made her doubt how truthfully he spoke. "I only thought that it would help if I got used to it from now, since I know you will be dragging me from dinner party to dinner party in the future."

"My goodness, Austin, I knew you would become more willing if I applied a bit more pressure on you. Yes, I do agree. This will certainly help you grow accustomed to such settings."

"God help me."

Lavender tilted her head to the side, regarding him with a soft smile. "Tell me about your childhood, Austin."

The sudden question seemed to startle him, though he covered it up quickly. "There is nothing to tell. It was like any other."

"I doubt that. You are the known bastard of England, pardon my bluntness. Surely that must have affected your upbringing in some manner. "

Now he seemed to be paying keen attention to his soup, eating with the barest amount of grace as if he could not get through it quickly enough.

"As I've said, there is nothing to talk about. I'm sure yours is far more interesting than mine."

"Doubtful. To be quite honest with you, I was raised with a silver spoon in my mouth. Or perhaps I should say copper since it seems silver is only reserved for the upper class." Lavender paused, swallowing the note of bitterness that slipped out. Though she doubted Austin had missed it. "I wanted for nothing. I went to the best ladies' seminary in London and my studies consisted of everything that was to be expected of a daughter of a lord. Except my father was not a lord. He was a merchant. And it did not matter what we did, we were always treated as such."

"There is nothing wrong with being a merchant."

"Oh, I am well aware. And his success opened doors that others with titles could never open. But…" Lavender trailed off. Rage and bitterness turned her stomach, making her wish she didn't have to continue eating. It took every bit of her strength to suppress those familiar feelings, not needing Austin to see any of it.

He wouldn't understand. Even Vincent didn't understand, even though he went along with it to appease her. And she didn't expect them to. They weren't there when she saw her father return home late at night, heavily inebriated and furious. They hadn't secretly followed him to his study and watched as he drunk himself into a stupor. They didn't see shades of who he had once been fade away until he was nothing but a shell of his former self. Vincent thought it foolish, that their father had given up on life and on them. But Lavender understood the depth of her father's pain—and the root of it.

She'd spent years trying to hide the anger that simmered deep within her. It was never far away, always within reach. She could call on it when she needed motivation to continue on her path and it never steered her wrong. But she knew better than to let anyone see the dark, roiling knot that existed deep within her.

For a few moments, Austin stared at her as if he could see that ball she'd tucked away. She was afraid of the question that he would ask next, not completely certain that she'd be able to deflect it like she usually did.

But instead he said, "Well, since you had all those lessons, I suppose I could ask for a worse instructor to teach me how to be a proper gentleman."

Lavender looked at him in surprise. He knew something. Perhaps not the truth but that there was more to what she was saying. And instead of pressing her on it, he decided to change the topic.

She smiled in relief. "I hope to be thanked in the future for the kind service I am extending to you," she said, to which he only grunted.

There was no more talk about the past after that. The dinner went by in relative comfort and, to Lavender's surprise, Austin was far more talkative than he let on. She even got him to laugh a few times throughout the three courses that were served and by the time they were finished with dessert, he seemed content, swirling his glass of wine idly.

"It does not seem as if the storm is letting up," he commented.

Lavender paused. Even in the dining room, she could hear the thunder of rain outside, a low drone that she had been ignoring this entire time. The thought of not being able to go home should have bothered her. Instead she felt immense relief.

"It is not," she agreed. "It appears as if I will be spending the night."

Austin raised his brows at her. "You sound oddly pleased by that."

"Do I?"

The barest of smiles touched his face. "Then I suppose I should keep you entertained while you are here. You like to read, correct?"

"It is one of my favourite pastimes." Lavender paused then shook her head. "My only pastime."

"Then come with me and I shall show you my library." He stood and held out his hand. Butterflies fluttered in the pit of her stomach as she took it and came to a stand .

They left the dining room behind. And though he released her hand after a few seconds, Lavender realized at that moment that she was willing to follow him anywhere.