Chapter 15

Kelcey

I don’t know, maybe they were dates.

After I went to bed a little giggly that she’d remembered that whole name I’d made up for the nutcracker and completely forgotten myself, I woke up in the morning feeling bright and refreshed, and rolling over to pick up my phone and text Veronica was the easiest, most natural thing in the world.

good morning, sleepyhead!! do you want to get breakfast together?

I took a shower, putting more thought into my outfit than I should have for the situation, and I had a response from her when I got out.

and skip out on having to cook? sounds like paradise, you have a place in mind or should I pick?

I let her pick, ostensibly because I’d picked last time and mostly because I wanted to know what kinds of places she liked these days or if she frequented the same spots, and when she sent me the Google Maps listing of a spot just a bit outside the city center that was, from the last couple of pictures, decked full of the cutest Christmas decorations ever, I felt like I’d swoon right off my feet. Apparently they did massive monster stacks of special pancakes. Apparently they also had a dinner menu that included something ghastly-looking called holiday tacos , but maybe I could do that next year. That seemed like enough time to psyche myself up for it.

It was only once I got there, though, that I found out Veronica was a sneaky little so-and-so pulling tricks behind my back, because I’d thought she’d just slept in this morning, but I saw what she’d really been up to when I pushed into the entry at the front of the café and found her there in a sleek red trench coat and a sparkly gold manicure, and I shot her an incredulous look. “Vee!” I said, hands on my hips. “Oh my god, when did you do that?”

She grinned. “This morning. Thought I’d surprise you. What do you think?” she said, flashing them. They were short, which was… nice, just because—you know, practicality. A little past the fingertips, but not by much. Still practical.

“Oh my god, it’s so cute. You look like a sparkly Christmas dream. Like you should be on a Christmas card. And I can’t believe how sneaky you are! Veronica Preston, getting up early for a morning appointment?”

She laughed. “I know. I don’t even recognize myself. I need plenty of pancakes to heal the damage.”

“That can be arranged,” I said, and I didn’t really think about it—I looped my arm in hers, and I led her into the café, sticking close to her side. Not overthinking anything, just reveling in having her close to me.

I’d lost track of myself last night and kissed her, just for a second. And I’d resolved not to do it again today, but… well. I really, really wanted to kiss her. Kissing her had felt like getting back to a familiar bed at a warm, comfortable home after too long away, the way tensions I didn’t even know I had melted off at the edges and I was just safe, right there in the right place.

But—I wasn’t supposed to. Right? I was pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to.

I had an absolutely massive monster stack of pancakes, enough to defeat even me—I left a pancake and a half on the plate, completely wiped, and I groaned, slumping back in my seat in the booth across from her, under a windowsill stocked with books and Christmas garland, my kind of place.

“Ugh, god, I’m stuffed full,” I said, and she laughed.

“I thought you’d be able to take it. Who are you and what have you done with Kelcey Huntington?”

“I know! I think it’s because I already ate so much yesterday… you just keep getting me stuffed full.” I scrunched up my face after I said it, realizing too late how that sounded wrong—even though it also sounded great but I wasn’t thinking that—but Veronica didn’t react to it.

“Well, did you not enjoy it?” she teased. “Pancakes were a big old flop? No more food, then?”

“No, please, I love eating.” That also could have been a bit suggestive, after the previous comment, but Veronica didn’t take that one either.

“Well, if you’re happy, I’m happy,” she laughed. “We’ll just have to make up for it later.”

Maybe I was just petulant and wanted her to say something, because I leaned in closer and I smiled and I said, “If you have something in mind later, I’ll eat whatever you like.”

I saw a flicker in her expression, but she masked it perfectly, smiling. “Yeah? Going to prep another charcuterie board? You do spoil me.”

“An extra-large one. Even if I’m still full. I’m going to make sure you’re stuffed full too.” Okay, now I was getting out of hand. But Veronica just smiled.

“I’m sure I can take it,” she said. “I’ve got a pretty big appetite.”

Oh—was that—was that her flirting back? The thought of flirting back made me realize I was flirting in the first place—with Veronica Preston—trying to get her to make crude sexual comments about me. Was I the one who just wanted her when she didn’t want me? Or… no, I think I just wanted her all the time. I bit my lip with a little giggle, some color in my cheeks. “You do great,” I said. “I mean, we’ve had plenty of examples to back that up…”

“A million sweet potato fries and a charcuterie board big enough to feed a nation, just yesterday, for example.”

I felt myself blush more, looking out the window, as I said, “Just for… some examples.”

“What, are you thinking of another incident?” she said with her tone genuine enough that it took the wind out of my sails all at once.

Not flirting back. She, uh—she was being literal. Whoops. That was desperately embarrassing. Time to save the situation. “I might be,” I said, putting on a laugh. “How do you put away, like, sixteen thousand wings in one night and it’s not the first thing to mind on the subject?”

“Oh yeah…” She laughed, eyes sparkling. “I’d kind of forgotten about that. Ah, I’d do it again.”

“We should,” I said. “I’ll have to be there to make sure you take every last one. And the sauce, too! No skimping on the extra-spicy sauce. I expect every drop cleaned up.” What the hell was I saying? Past Veronica would have run with this until she got me off under the table right here in the café. Present Veronica smiled like it was a perfectly normal conversation, although there was a second’s delay too long before she spoke. God, I was being the creepy, objectifying one now. What was I doing?

“I’ll expect you to keep up, you know,” she said, and I laughed awkwardly.

“Okay, you don’t have to call my bluff,” I said, retreating into myself prickling with embarrassment. She was making it abundantly clear she wasn’t interested in me like that. I just couldn’t figure it out… was she not actually interested in me in general? Did she just want me around as a friend? Or did she specifically want me as a sexless relationship? I’d have done it if it meant I could be with Veronica, but… that was what she wanted? What she preferred? It felt more plausible to think I’d done something weird and killed her attraction to me in general and that maybe she just wanted to be my friend…

Whatever. I wasn’t thinking about it. I wasn’t overthinking anything. I was just enjoying the moment. Being around Veronica was nice. That was all that mattered.

We were just as relentless as we had been yesterday, because we went after breakfast to the Christmas market in the city center, and Veronica bundled up in about seven hundred layers of winterwear to walk with me between stalls, patiently listening to me squeal about how this thing was the cutest ever or actually that thing was. We got mulled cider and strolled around buying knickknacks, and I even managed to take her for a long walk in the snow-dressed park after, which was the hugest concession from Veronica Preston, where any temperature below freezing was an extinction-level crisis event. We walked with our arms linked and my heart soaring off somewhere into the stratosphere, our boots crunching through the thin layer of snow on the ground, and we talked about all the little nothings that made up everything, and we stopped into her apartment after, just since it was closer, where I cozied up on her couch and we shared her spiced hot chocolate again, which was quickly becoming my favorite thing in the world.

And when I whipped out the book again—a second-chance story of two former girlfriends who found themselves thrown back together by work, one I’d picked up dreamily and been self-conscious about what Veronica might say about it, but she’d been sweet and had just been enthusiastic to voice, of all people, the upbeat sunshine girl—she lit up and dove without hesitation into a reading from the second girl’s POV. The other lead didn’t have any lines this chapter, which meant obviously that we had to go onto the next chapter too, and we finally got to have another confrontation between leads, our voices breaking down into chaotic shouts and squawking until I had tears in my eyes from laughter, and somewhere in the back of my mind underneath it all, I just thought that nobody had ever been as happy as I was right now.

We settled back into her work before long, and I got to actually feel like a part of something that mattered, nodding along and giving recommendations, answering questions where she had them, and watching fascinated as her system played out, just a little starstruck at how good she was at this and also all those other random little things she knew how to do.

If she wanted me, she’d be a hell of a catch… I just couldn’t work out if she did want me or if she just wanted the thrill of the chase again. Again again again. And when the evidence was pointing towards that she really did… it was as scary as it was exciting.

We passed the day like that, just like the last one, barely spending a minute apart from each other, and the next day wasn’t too different, except for the fact that these swelling feelings in my chest were only getting bigger and bigger, and harder and harder to ignore, so when we were at her apartment that night, I wasn’t keen on going anywhere, sticking around until almost midnight. Veronica wasn’t keen on rushing me out the door either, so I somehow found it in me to work up the courage and ask, right as she was shutting her laptop from an extended session of watching the trashy TV I liked while cozied up on the couch together,

“I don’t want to go drive in the snow… would it be the biggest imposition in the world ever if I just stayed here tonight?”

She grinned at me. “Oh, I think I know where this is going.”

Oh, god, she saw right through me. I froze up. “Um. Yeah?” I said, my voice a few tones or maybe six octaves too high.

“You want another hot chocolate to get nice and cozy here.”

Oh, thank god. My shoulders slumped and I let out a long wheeze of air that was probably weird to do about hot chocolate, and I nodded helplessly. “Um—that sounds great. It’s kinda my favorite.”

“I know. You’re all cute and Christmassy like that.” She smiled, and my heart missed a beat when she gave my hand a squeeze, standing up, and it missed about sixty more beats when she bent down over me, close to the top of my head, and—she didn’t kiss me like I was expecting, just pausing there, almost like she was freezing up a little, and after a second, she said, “Have you been using a different hair product? It smells nice.”

Okay, nothing intimate. Just smelling me. Well, that sounded intimate. But just… casually smelling me. “No… nothing. I’m not even using any scented products, my hair freaks out if I do.”

“Huh. Actually, it smells a little like the candle shop did, so maybe it’s just been lingering in your hair all day. Concentrated Christmas spirit.”

I could work with that. I’d have preferred if it was Veronica kissing me, though… but I could work with that.

She straightened and went to the kitchen, starting the pot of hot chocolate, and I sat there waiting very relaxedly and normally, and by that I mean having a total freakout about the fact that I was going to stay here at Veronica’s apartment overnight and… and just… all of it. I didn’t know what it meant, except that I was going to die in the process of finding out.

“Do you have pajamas?” Veronica said once she came back out to join me again, and I blushed, ducking my head.

“Um… I actually didn’t think about that.”

“You could borrow some of mine, we’re the same size. Or—I mean—if you prefer, I can go drive to your house and pick them up. Or to the store, if you don’t want me going in your apartment. Just—whatever you like,” she said, her cheeks flushing a little, features scrunched. I laughed.

“Veronica, I’m not making you drive at midnight in the snow to buy me more pajamas! Um… if it’s no problem with you, I’d be very grateful if you let me borrow some.”

“Yeah. Of course. Anything you like. I mean, I have the ones you borrowed last time.” She winced. “Or anything else.”

Oh my god, she was so shy about me staying here. She was actually adorable like this. “I’ll go with the ones from last time,” I said, standing up. “Where are they? Or do you want to get them yourself so I don’t go digging through the skeletons in your closet?”

“Ah—I’ll grab them. Wait here. Far too many skeletons. Can’t even remember all their names.”

I leaned against the corner, smiling at her as she turned back towards the bedroom, and I said, “You remembered my nutcracker’s name just fine,” and she paused in the doorway.

“Well… it was just so catchy.”

“Mm. Rolls right off the tongue, indeed.”

She gave me a playful look even with her face flushed, and she said, “I am very skilled.”

I stopped, raising my eyebrows, a nervous sensation pulling taut in my chest. “Um… with your…?”

Veronica paled, wide-eyed, and she shook her head. “I mean—that wasn’t—sorry—I didn’t mean it like—” She put a hand over her face. “I meant with names… remembering things, and… okay, let me stop digging this hole and grab you an outfit.”

She was adorable like this, but—she really didn’t want even a little commentary about how good she was with her tongue?

I was being a creep. But maybe I didn’t care anymore! Veronica was—at least ostensibly—making a move on me. She’d said she was interested. And I… wanted… well, I wanted her. In all kinds of ways.

So I guess it was just my stubborn streak that had me in the bathroom, getting changed into the cute satiny lavender pajamas that I wore once in another lifetime—and given how Veronica had taken me every single time I wore these pajamas, it stirred something even more in me—so I just said screw it, buttoned up the shirt, and went without the pants. I liked sleeping without pants on anyway. I had my chest out and my chin up a little, even with my heart beating faster, as I stepped out of the bathroom and saw Veronica on the couch back at her laptop, tapping away, and she looked up and stopped, her hand hovering over her keyboard, staring at me with her lips parted for one crucial second before she caught herself.

“Hi—something wrong with the pants, or just feeling like going without tonight?”

I shrugged. “Just felt like this. It’s nice this way. You have an extra toothbrush, right?”

“Uh—yeah.” She stood up, scratching her head, barely even looking at me. “I think so, anyway. Let me grab one.”

She had one, turned out. In lavender, even, to match the pajamas. Like it was meant to be. She took the pajama pants back shyly and left me to brush my teeth, and once she’d finished getting her makeup off and brushed her teeth too, changing into a Christmas-green pajama set, she stood in front of me and made an awkward noise in her throat.

“I, uh—I don’t have any clean sheets to change the bed into right now. I’d been procrastinating on my laundry for a bit.”

I puffed my chest out and smiled and said, “What, have you been doing a lot of dirty things with them?”

She missed a beat and said, “Well—I mean—sleeping in them. I can be pretty gross.”

Every comment she sidestepped was a challenge, and I rose to meet it. “Just sleeping?”

She shrugged, not looking at me. “Also lying there procrastinating on getting up…”

“Well, I imagine you’re planning on sleeping tonight, too, so it wouldn’t make a lot of different anyway, would it?”

She put her hands up. “Oh—I’m not—I was just going to sleep on the couch.”

I folded my arms. “You’re going to leave me to freeze? When I’m not wearing pants?”

“No, I—” Her eyes flicked down to my legs for an instant, and I took it as a win. “Do you want pants?”

“No, I want it to be nice and warm so I don’t have to wear them. C’mon, it’s not complicated!”

“It’s—” She looked away. “Okay, um… if you’re sure. I’ll try not to take up too much of the bed.”

I laughed. “You can be anywhere you want. Well, c’mon, I’m exhausted from all the running around today.”

“Right—yeah.” She led me into the bedroom, moving stiffly as she tidied up the bed, and she turned on the low lamp by the bed and turned off the overhead lights before she shifted into the bed, sitting up against the headboard. “Well… make yourself comfortable.”

I paused at the edge of the bed, one leg up over it, half just to pause there and half to see if Veronica looked at where the riding posture showed my underwear. She did, just for a second. “Come to think of it—talking about how clean the sheets are—have you had sex with anyone else in them since you last washed them?”

“What—no—of course not,” she said, flushing hot. “No! I haven’t…” She looked away, putting a hand over her face. “I would not invite you into a bed like that.”

“Under what circumstances would you invite me into a bed?”

“Just—” She patted her hand on the spot in the bed next to her, still not looking. “Just get in bed. You can do it, Kelce. I believe in you.”

I laughed, settling into the bed and shifting up against her side, my bare leg pressing against the soft satin of her pants. “I mean, I hear your last attempt didn’t work out.”

“My last attempt—at what?” she said, her voice tight.

“At getting someone into this bed? Apparently you only talked about nutcrackers…”

“Kelcey.” She put both hands over her face. “I mean, yes. That’s accurate. What, are you wishing he was here?”

“Nah. I like the current company,” I laughed. She was really getting blushy and embarrassed… she was cute enough I couldn’t help myself, and I wanted to see how far I could push this thing. “You doing okay?” I said. “I know you have a pretty healthy appetite, and it sounds like you haven’t had that met in a while.”

She took a long breath, holding it for a second, before she let it out slowly. “I’m, uh… I’m doing okay, but I appreciate the concern.”

“Oh, really?” I leaned forward into her field of vision, looking at her. “Has your sex drive changed?”

“It’s not that it’s changed, just—” Her voice was strangled, and she looked everywhere but meeting my eyes. “Just that it’s not the most important thing in the world, you know?”

“And what is?” I laughed, and she shrugged.

“Oh, dunno. World peace? Prosperity of nations and equality for all? A happy, sustainable future for all humankind?”

“Okay, superhero. Well, assuming you can’t enact that—anything more on a personal level?”

She tented her hands in her lap, looking down at them like whatever she was doing there was the most fascinating thing ever. “Well… right now I’m hosting, so probably making sure my guest is comfortable. Especially since my guest is you.”

“Does that mean your guest is getting in the way?” I laughed, nudging her side. “I don’t want to cramp your style. You can do what you like.”

“Uh…” She adjusted the collar of her shirt, still explicitly not looking at me. “I don’t know… what you mean.”

I felt warmth bubbling up inside me, a nervous sensation making my heart race faster, and I edged closer, putting a hand on her knee. “Do you… need me to explain more of what I mean?”

“I—” She shrugged, looking up at the ceiling, and she caught herself more, speaking in a measured tone again. “You can do anything you want to.”

She was not going back to giving me non-reactions. Not as long as I could help it. I moved my fingers a little along the inside of her leg, just above her knee, and I saw her swallow. “I’m just saying you can do anything you want to. Anything that comes to you?” I said, my voice low, and she pursed her lips, shrugging again, looking past me.

“Um… dunno. It’s just nice being here with you.”

“That’s all? Nothing else you want?” I moved my hand higher, fanning my fingers quickly along her thigh, and she arched her back with a gasp, her composure splintering.

“God, Kelcey—” She sucked in a shaky breath. “I’m… I don’t need… anything. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I didn’t ask if you needed anything, I asked if you wanted anything.”

She swallowed, and, in a bad attempt at casual, she shrugged, not looking at me. I shifted, and before I could rethink it, I turned to face her, slipping one leg over hers to straddle her lap, and she drew a sharp breath, looking at me with wide eyes.

“Nothing that comes to mind?” I said, my heart pounding so wildly I felt dizzy, brushing my fingers over her upper arm. She swallowed hard.

“Kelcey…” she said, her voice strained, tight. “I need you to… understand… that I’m doing everything in my damn power and this is very nearly more than I can take.”

I smiled oddly at her. “Doing everything in your power to what?”

“To—” She looked away. “To be—respectful—and not think anything improper or… objectify you in any way, or…”

I stared at her for a second before I let my hands fall by my side. “Is that what you’ve been doing? Why you don’t seem the littlest bit interested in me like this?”

“It’s—” She reddened, putting a hand over her face and speaking muffled through it. “I don’t want you to think I only want you for your body!”

Oh my god, she’d been… she’d just been trying to respect my worries and insecurities. I stared at her for a second before I said, in a low voice, “If I told you I didn’t mind… that I wasn’t worried about that now. Maybe even going so far as to say I like feeling like I’m attractive! If I did that, hypothetically speaking. What do you think you would do? Right now?”

She swallowed hard, her breath ragged as she dragged her gaze back to me, eyes darkened as she met mine for a moment and, slowly, swept her gaze over me. I shivered under her attention, and when she met my eyes again, I smiled and nodded, encouragingly.

“You can tell me what you’re thinking,” I said softly.

“I’m thinking you’re… incredible…”

“You too, Veronica. You know, it’s really inspirational seeing how much work you’ve put in, but… it’s not like you have to change in every way.”

She bit her lip, her breathing short. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean it. There always were a lot of things about you that I liked.”

She closed her eyes, lips parting. “Okay, because there’s some things that I haven’t been able to change much.”

“Such as?”

“I am really horny.”

I smiled wider. “Okay,” I said. “How can I help?”

She made a sound in her throat, eyes fluttering open with the most beautifully desperate look in them, brows arched, and she said, “God, Kelcey—you know you don’t have to—”

“I’ve thought about you a lot,” I whispered, and she bit her lip through a hazy groan, something flickering in her eyes.

“Jesus Christ, Kelcey.”

“So?” I took her hands and laid them on my hips, immediately feelings a hundred familiar sensations coursing through me—Veronica’s hands on my body just like it was always meant to be. “What would you like me to do right now?”

She gripped her fingertips tighter into my sides, taking a long, shaky breath looking up at where I straddled her, and it took her a long time to form the words, “Can I… can I… kiss you?”

She was so sweet and so… cute like this, I never wanted anything other than her, other than this. I glided my hands up her arms, across her shoulders, and up to cup her cheeks, smiling softly at her. “As much as you like,” I said, and I bent down to meet her lips with mine, and it was so right, so perfect, so… so me and her, so Veronica and Kelcey, two things that were always supposed to go together, like silver and gold, like the sun and the sky.

She kissed me tentatively, hesitantly, like she still didn’t know if she could, keeping her hands rigid on my sides, before she melted into me with the softest, sweetest little sound of total contentment, moving her lips with mine and slipping her hands to my back. I already thought I was losing my mind in how perfect it was, how sweet and right it felt to kiss Veronica Preston, even before she whispered, “Kelcey…” against my lips in this tiny, trembling voice like she couldn’t believe it was me, here, right now, holding her like this.

Weird how it was something so sweet, so soft, so tender, that could turn me on so much. It was a good thing I’d foregone the pants or I’d have made a mess of them.

She parted from my lips, not far, holding me tenderly against her, and she whispered like a prayer, “Is this… is this okay, Kelcey?”

“Veronica, I want this and so much more. Please let me… give you what you want.”

“I want… you to have what you want too.”

I bit my lip. “You have no idea how much I want this. Of course, if you end up with your hand between my legs at any point, you’ll find out exactly how much I want this. It’s kind of up to you.”

“Jesus Christ, Kelcey. I can’t believe… you’re just so perfect,” she whispered, softening into another kiss, holding me tenderly, and I melted against her, letting her kiss me, letting her… have me.

This poor girl had probably been suffering through all of those times I made dirty comments. I was more than happy to make it up to her now.