17. Holly

Chapter 17

Holly

Lucas cradled my face in his hands, his blue eyes locked onto mine with an intensity that left me breathless. Compassion radiated from him, soft and steady, but there was something more—a spark of emotion flickering beneath the surface, as if he cared about me. Me. The thought hit harder than I expected—I couldn’t quite believe it.

And then, there it was—the intrusive memory of the kiss at the wedding. I’d taken a moment without asking, clumsy and wrong, yet… it had left something behind. Something I couldn’t forget. I knew how Lucas had tasted and how he felt against me, and I wanted more if he thought I deserved it.

I leaned into his touch, my cheek pressing into the warmth of his hand, and something shifted inside me for the first time in what felt like forever. The guilt, the regret, the constant panic—it all faded, just for a moment. In its place came a quiet warmth, flooding through me like a long-forgotten comfort. It felt… safe.

Would he lean in? Would he kiss me?

The words tumbled out of me, barely a whisper. “I’m so fucking sorry I stole our first kiss from us.”

He smiled. “That didn’t count,” he said, his voice low, soothing.

Then his lips met mine, and the world stopped. It wasn’t rushed or frantic but slow, deliberate, and achingly sweet. His hands stayed firm on my face, grounding me, holding me as if I might slip away if he let go. There was no hesitation, no second-guessing—just Lucas kissing me as though he’d been waiting for this moment as long as I had.

I melted. My hands found his chest, clutching at his shirt, and I let myself sink into the kiss and feel the softness, sweetness, and heat that came with it. It wasn’t just a kiss—it was a reassurance, a promise, a bridge across the mess I’d made of my life. It was Lucas saying without words that maybe I was worth this.

When we parted, I stayed close, my forehead resting against his, both of us catching our breath. My chest felt tight, not with fear, but with something I couldn’t quite name. Something good.

“ That was our first kiss,” he murmured. “And I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time,” Lucas admitted, his voice soft but steady. “From the first time we met at the draft in Calgary, I felt this buzz inside me.”

“We were only eighteen.”

“I like you, Holly—more than just someone I know. More than just… whatever this has been between us.” Lucas murmured. “It’s this thing that’s built and built, and it won’t leave me alone.”

His words hit me hard, and I swallowed, my heart pounding. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

He pulled back enough to meet my eyes. “It’s okay,” he said gently. “I don’t know how to process this either. Or if it’s fair to you, with everything you’re going through. But I needed you to know. I care about you, Holly. A lot.”

My throat tightened, and I nodded, words failing me. But for the first time, outside of the care that Kai and Bailey had given me, I didn’t feel alone. Lucas was here, holding me steady— that was enough for now.

Admitting all that to Lucas left me feeling raw and exposed, but somehow, being trapped here in this tiny cabin with the storm raging outside had given me the freedom to open up in a small way I never could before. I could tell him about the panic attacks and the medication. It would stay safe between us, and that scared me.

And he could tell me that he liked me more than a little.

He kissed me once more, deeper this time, harder, and it sent a shockwave through me that left me breathless. My libido, long-dormant under layers of guilt and regret, roared awake with a suddenness that made my knees feel weak. I wanted more—more kisses, more of his words, more of the way his hands felt on me, anchoring me, the warmth of his body close to mine. I wanted all of it, all of him, in a way that made my head spin.

But then he released me, his hands sliding away from my face as he eased back, and the absence of his touch left me feeling bereft as though the air had been sucked from the room. I reached for him instinctively, my face wet… was I crying?

He caught my hands, shaking his head. “You’re too precious to me to rush this, Holly,” he said, his voice low, as if it cost him something to say it.

Precious?

What heaven had I woken up in?

I swallowed hard, my breath coming in uneven bursts, and for a moment, I wanted to argue, to tell him we didn’t need to slow down. But then my eyes dropped to his sweats, where the bulge was unmistakable, and I realized he was as turned on as I was. It wasn’t only me feeling this heat, this pull, but he was holding himself back for us both.

And I knew he was right. As much as my body protested, as much as I wanted to see if my body would let me give in to everything building between us, now wasn’t the time. Lucas needed space to deal with all of my shit, and right now, I’d let him lead. Let him decide what was best for both of us.

I nodded, my throat tight, and let my hands fall to my sides, although everything in me screamed to hold on to him. “I get it,” I whispered. “Whatever you need.”

“No, it’s whatever we need,” he corrected as his lips quirked into a small, bittersweet smile, and he gave my arm a reassuring squeeze before stepping away.

The distance felt unbearable, but I stayed rooted to the spot, watching him, letting him have what he needed. Because I trusted him. And I trusted myself to follow someone else’s lead for the first time in a long time.

“But soon, right?” I asked, and I added a pout, which made him smile.

“Soon,” he agreed, turning his attention to the cupboards in the small front room. He opened them, rummaging around as if searching for treasure, then straightened with a grin. “Aha! Found them.”

He pulled out a stack of games—Monopoly, Scrabble, Jenga, and Codenames . He held up Monopoly with a questioning look. “You want to play?”

“In the middle of the night?”

“Good a time as any.”

“We’ll use up all the battery on the flashlight!”

“I have candles.” He waved them at me, lit one, and then switched off the flashlight. The change was intimate—romantic—and I blinked, confused. The idea of playing a board game right now felt… weird. I needed space, a way to clear my head, not pretend everything was fine with a round of Monopoly.

“I think… I want a shower first,” I muttered. “I need to…” I thought about hiding in the bedroom again, burying myself under the covers until the weight pressing down on my chest eased up.

“You can have a shower,” Lucas said, unfazed. “The tank should still be hot. Just don’t take too long. I had mine a couple of hours ago before the power went out.”

I nodded, grateful for the excuse to step away. I hurried to the bathroom and stripped. The space was cramped, with barely enough room to turn around, with a window frosted over with snow. The shower itself was smaller—basic, with plain tiles and a single shower head—but the hot water was a blessing. As soon as it hit my skin, I felt the tension in my shoulders ease, but the relief didn’t last long. The pressure in my chest was still there, tightening like a vise.

And my cock was awake, and I needed something…

“That’s not helping,” I told it, because getting off was a painfully long experience on these meds, and I didn’t have time.

I want it to be with Lucas.

The water helped to clear my mind but didn’t wash away my confusion about everything. About Lucas. About the way being around him was messing with my head. I scrubbed my face, my fingers trembling a little, and forced myself to get through the quickest shower of my life.

When I turned the water off, I realized I hadn’t brought any clean clothes, so I grabbed a towel, wrapping it low around my waist before heading out of the bathroom and up the ladder to my room. Halfway up, I felt Lucas’s eyes on me, and when I glanced back, I caught him looking. His eyes dropped to my waist briefly before snapping back to my face.

“I’ll set up the board and find some midnight snacks,” he said, almost too casually, his tone betraying a hint of something else.

I hurried up to my room, but as soon as I was alone, I realized I was still hard . What the hell? Normally, the meds dulled everything and kept me in this neutral space where I barely felt… anything. But right now? My body was trying to send a message loud and clear—the attraction I felt for Lucas was still very much there.

I sat on the edge of the bed, towel still wrapped around me, my heart racing for a different reason now. My head was a mess, but my body? My body knew what it wanted. And that scared the hell out of me.

The Monopoly board lay sprawled between us, the colorful pieces and fake money feeling almost surreal in the middle of this snowstorm. Lucas and I sat across from each other, his focus sharp as he counted cash for a property he’d bought. The crackle of the flames in the stove was the only other sound inside, the storm howling in the background as we played this domestic game. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d played Monopoly, and the familiarity of it made everything feel… weirdly normal.

I rolled the dice and landed on Boardwalk—my favorite property. But Lucas had already bought it, of course. “I see how it is,” I muttered, handing him a stack of rent money, which he took with a smug grin.

“You gotta play smart, Hollister,” he said, leaning back confidently. “Monopoly’s all about strategy.”

I raised an eyebrow, smirking as I took my next turn. “Strategy, huh? I guess that’s what I’ve been lacking.”

We played on in silence, the board filling with properties, houses, and hotels. It was calming in a way, mindless, but it made me think of simpler times. Times before everything got so damn complicated.

“Did you get a message out to your family?” he asked as if it suddenly occurred to him.

“They know I’m here,” I said as my fingers traced the edge of my little silver dog, and I realized I’d never really talked about my family with Lucas.

“I don’t have a traditional family,” I began, and he hummed as he rolled a five and a four. “I mean, you probably know my dad died young. Aneurism. He was thirty-four and barely had a chance to see me grow up.”

He stopped counting out his moves. “Yeah, I remember reading that. I’m sorry.”

“It was a long time ago, and my uncle Brad and Aunt Letty raised me like their own. Brad took me to my first hockey game when I was six.”

“What about your mom?”

“Remarried,” I said as if that explained everything. Not all of us had strong, close families like Lucas’s, but I wouldn’t explain Mom to him when she wasn’t even part of my life.

Therapy had made me realize she hadn’t abandoned me; dating other men was her way of dealing with her grief. I didn’t have to have therapy to know that, but talking it through allowed me to accept it as truth. We weren’t close, but we exchanged birthday and Christmas cards, which was okay because Aunt Letty was more my mom than she was.

I moved my piece across the board, landing on one of Lucas’s hotels—another fat stack of cash heading his way. “Brad’s the one who got me into hockey. He’d take me to the rink every weekend. After a while, hockey became everything. I loved it, and I was good at it.”

Lucas nodded, moving his piece and landing on one of my properties. “Sounds like your uncle made an impact.”

“Yeah,” I said, counting out his rent. “After my mom remarried, we weren’t all that close. I’ve got two stepsisters, but… we don’t talk much. Brad and Letty were my family, but once I started getting serious about hockey, I ended up billeting with a family closer to my school. Then, I got drafted in the first round, and by eighteen, I had my own place. Money came fast, fame even faster.”

“When we met,” he reminded me, leaning forward to take his turn. He landed on Go , collecting two hundred dollars like it was nothing.

“Yeah, it was. And I loved it. Loved every second of it.” I smiled faintly, remembering the rush of those early days. “But… it also meant hockey became everything. There wasn’t room for much else.”

We played for a while in silence after that, my thoughts spinning around the past as the game continued. I’d built this life around the rink, winning, and being the best—and now? Now it felt as though all of that had crumbled.

“Your turn,” Lucas said, handing me the dice.

I rolled, my piece clattering across the board. For a moment, I let the game distract me until the tablet and caffeine, plus the enormous amount of chocolate I’d eaten, made me tired. I checked my watch—a little after five a.m.—and I leaned on my side, on plumped-up cushions, the stove heat lulling me into a soft place where I wasn’t losing all my money to Lucas.

I must’ve dozed off, the weight of everything catching up. The Monopoly game blurred as my eyes grew heavy, and before I knew it, I was slipping in and out of wakefulness. The fire was comforting, and I felt something enveloping me—a blanket, maybe, pulled gently over my shoulders.

In the distance, I could hear Lucas talking, his voice low and soft, almost like a lullaby, though I couldn’t make out what he was saying. It wasn’t meant for me to understand, just… something to anchor me in this strange haze between sleep and wakefulness.

The words wrapped around me like a cocoon, and I wanted to believe them. To let myself lean into that warmth, into its safety. But even in the dream, part of me was afraid to trust it and let go of the walls I’d built to protect myself.

Still, the fire flickered, the snow swirled, and the voice whispered again, quieter this time.

You’re okay. You’re going to be okay.

I woke to the sound of someone talking. “You wanna wake up, Hols? Lunch in thirty.”

I blinked, groggy, and saw Lucas not far away, standing by the stove. “Lunch?” I mumbled, still half-asleep. “What happened to breakfast?” Did I say that out loud?

“You slept through breakfast,” Lucas said with a smile. “And I found a camping stove and gas, so I made lunch early. Come on, up and at ’em.”

I groaned and pushed myself up, a little unsteady, but Lucas reached out, catching my hand to steady me. I let him help me, my head still foggy from sleep, and stumbled to the bathroom. Splashing cold water on my face, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t look tense. I looked soft around the edges for the first time in a while. Relaxed, even. And that was because of this place, this beautiful isolation, and Lucas, listening to me ramble like I wasn’t completely falling apart, kissing me and telling me we would kiss again.

And more.

I dried off and returned to the small table in the kitchen, where Lucas was setting up lunch. Glancing at him as we sat to eat, I felt a quiet peace settle over me.

“How’re you feeling?” he asked.

“Good,” I said, and I wasn’t lying.

I ate the chicken stew he’d made, listening as Lucas talked about family and the Emporium, his voice hypnotic, gentle but animated. Every time he mentioned his family, a smile tugged at his lips, and I couldn’t help but notice how his blue eyes sparkled with humor and love. He talked with an ease that made everything feel lighter, like there wasn’t a storm raging outside or a mess of emotions building up inside me.

I could listen to him talk all day. Something about the way he spoke, so full of love for the people in his life, made me feel safe. As if, in this moment, nothing could go wrong.