Chapter Eleven

Jake

T he baseboard heater was warm, and Cora was snug as a bug in her drawer, her beautiful face peaceful in sleep. Cam had played with her for ages, asking me questions about tummy time and getting down with her on the rug.

Watching them together made me… Well, it made me feel all sorts of things I shouldn’t have. But it was Christmas, so I let myself revel in the joy and cheer and peace on Earth—and most of all, the hope.

With Cora settled for a nap on the bathroom floor—still better than a barn, right?—I flicked off the light and pulled the door halfway.

And I couldn’t keep my eyes off Cam’s bed. Couldn’t stop thinking about what we might do in said bed. That rhymed, which made me want to giggle.

“Jake?”

I snapped my gaze to Cam, who watched me from the kitchen sink with a furrowed brow. “Yeah?” I asked too breathily.

“You look…” He shook his head. “Never mind. Are you tired?”

I nodded because I was always tired now. I had months of sleep debt accumulated.

“Okay. Get some rest.”

Oh.

On one hand, I could gratefully collapse into Cam’s bed and sleep. But on the other…

I peeked back through the partly open bathroom door. In a band of orange light, Cora slept soundly, her pink lips parted. Toby was out in the barn, so Cam and I were almost alone.

“Don’t you want to sleep?” Cam asked, drying his hands on a tea towel.

“Yes, but no.” I rubbed my face. “I’m not sure if—” I broke off. Why was this so hard? I’d been with plenty of people before. I wasn’t some blushing virgin.

But what if I did or said the wrong thing? God, I really was exhausted. Outside of feeding and diapers and bath time and feeding and diapers and bath time—who even was I now?

Cam switched off the overhead light, the glow from the fire casting shadows over his bearded face. The sun was already low in the afternoon sky, the day fading through the small window.

Cam’s eyes glittered, though. He crossed the distance to me slowly. Steadily. With the warmth of the fire behind me and Cam’s bulk in front, I had no place to go.

And the knots of tension in my body released.

“Do you want me to tell you what to do?” Cam murmured.

Along with the sweet balm of relief, excitement sizzled through me. I nodded eagerly.

“Take off your clothes and get into bed.”

With a last glance at Cora asleep, I did as I was told. The flannel sheets were soft on my bare skin as I slipped under the covers, safe and warm in Cam’s bed. I watched him undress, part of me still amazed that this confident, sexy cowboy was really Cam .

The bed creaked as he joined me, and I was about to make a dumb joke asking if the frame was strong enough to hold both of us when he rolled on top of me.

“Oh, fuck ,” I gasped. With Cam’s full weight pressing me down for the first time, my dick swelled. Instead of suffocating, it was the ultimate comfort. He was hard muscle and warm flesh, and I wanted every part of him against my skin.

“Don’t you mean fudge ?”

“Not right now, I don’t.”

From the bathroom, Cora grunted and made one of her little groans. I sighed. “I should check on her.”

Pressing a meaty hand on my chest, Cam straddled my hips and sat up. He craned his neck. “She’s sleeping,” he whispered. “You can relax.”

I almost laughed. Relax? What even was relaxation? I could barely remember.

“I said relax .” Cam circled my nipple with his thumb, still holding me down.

The guilt reared up like a horse trying to throw its rider, but I reminded myself Cam was in charge. I forced a breath and exhaled.

“That’s it,” he murmured, still circling with his thumb.

Cam lowered himself over me again, shifting down and replacing his thumb with his tongue. Slowly, steadily, he teased that one nipple. Sparks of pleasure danced across my skin, and I bit my lip to stop from crying out when he twisted my other nipple without warning.

My hard cock was trapped against his hairy chest. The weight and friction as he shifted made my balls tingle. I whined as he lifted to reach into the drawer under the reading lamp on the wall.

A chuckle rumbling through his chest, Cam returned, his hot, hard cock brushing my stomach. Beside me, pushing up on his left elbow, he watched me carefully.

“You still want me to tell you what to do?” he asked in a low whisper that made me want to moan.

My mouth was dry. “Yes,” I croaked.

“You can say no at any point.”

I nodded.

He uncapped a bottle of lube and slicked the fingers on his right hand, watching me. Heart thudding, I nodded again. I’d do anything Cam wanted. The thought of him inside me was intimidating—but thrilling.

“I’m not going to fuck you today,” Cam murmured.

Heat flushed my face. It made sense—I wasn’t sure I was ready for that since I hadn’t experimented much with anal. But I also wasn’t sure whether or not to be disappointed.

Lips at my ear, he ordered, “Spread your legs.”

Biting back a moan, I did, and he moved to kneel between them. One of his fingers circled my hole, and my thighs trembled.

In the flickering firelight, Cam watched me as he pushed a finger inside. I arched my back, squeezing my eyes shut. I flailed with my hands, the pressure and stretch so sweet. My fingers dug into his shoulder, and when I opened my eyes, he was still watching me.

The intensity of his stare made my heart skip. Part of me wanted to close my eyes again and focus only on the incredible sensations of Cam finger-fucking me.

But I couldn’t look away.

Under the covers in the darkening stillness of the cabin, the stove warming our skin, the intimacy as Cam pushed a second finger inside me was almost too much. Our breath gusted warm and harsh between us, the only sound aside from the crackle of wood burning.

This wasn’t the distracted, perfunctory sex I’d gotten used to with Anna as the years passed, or the drunken getting off at the end of the night in university with whoever happened to be there when the party finished. It wasn’t like the few hookups I’d had last year either. There was no extraneous “ oh, baby ” or other porn talk.

Not that those were bad things, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever experienced sex like this. The stretch in my ass was on the knife’s edge of painful, and I rocked my hips, wanting more.

Our eyes were locked together, and we were present in a way that made my eyes burn. My breath hitched.

Don’t you dare cry again!

Nostrils flaring, Cam swooped down to kiss me, his tongue in my mouth mimicking the thrust of his fingers. I groaned into his kiss, unbearably grateful that he was in control.

When he eased back and then crooked his callused finger against just the right spot, I sucked in a breath to shout.

Cam was ready for me.

His warm, meaty hand clapped over my mouth. I groaned, trembling—then cried out against his palm as he moved back to the edge of the bed on his knees and swallowed my cock.

Sensation overwhelmed me. Cam’s finger inside stroking my prostate, his wet, incredible mouth sucking my dick, his hand heavy over my mouth. I grunted and shook, pleasure building, building…

Lips glossy with spit and precum, Cam lifted his head enough to say, “I want you to come for me.”

He barely had his mouth back over me when I did what he asked, moaning against the damp skin of his palm, my whole body jerking as he swallowed my load. Waves of pleasure burned through me, blood rushing in my ears.

I was absolutely wrung out, but as Cam took his leaking cock in hand and stroked, I reached for him. “Please let me,” I whispered, scooting down and maneuvering us until he was on his back and I had him in my mouth.

The need to please him and make it perfect had me tensing. I sucked desperately, my lips stretching over his thick shaft, wanting to take every inch even though I choked. Cam threaded his fingers through my hair, easing me back and guiding me.

I realized I’d dug my fingers into his hips, and I relaxed my grip, reaching down for his balls. They were heavy and hairy, and I pulled off his cock to lap them. He came suddenly, splashing his belly, his fingers tightening in my hair.

Panting again, I sat up, watching Cam milk himself. I reached for his wet skin, but hesitated.

“You want to taste?” he asked gruffly.

I nodded.

“Lick it up.”

With a fresh burst of desire shuddering through me, I lapped at his hairy stomach, tasting musk and rubbing my body against his legs. I moved slowly upward as Cam caressed my shoulders and head. I hadn’t felt so close to another person in a very long time.

Taking my face in his rough hands, he kissed me lazily, the taste of both of us mixing on our tongues. He was warm and solid beneath me, and he urged my head down to his chest, tucking the covers around me and holding me close.

“I should check on her,” I mumbled against his pecs, hair tickling my cheek.

“Go to sleep.”

Guilt surged predictably, and I squirmed against him. Cam sighed and let me up. Naked, I tiptoed past the warm hearth and peeked into the bathroom. Cora slept, one arm over her head, her chest rising and falling.

“While you’re up, can you let Toby in?” Cam whispered.

The floor grew cold by the door, and I hurried to tug it open. As I did, shivering in the blast of Arctic air, Cam whistled softly. Toby rocketed over from the direction of the barn, waiting obediently on the mat while I closed the door. I brushed any lingering dry snow from his fur with the towel Cam kept in the closet.

Before I could get back into bed, Toby bounded up and took my place. I stopped in my tracks, rubbing the goosebumps on my arms. I eyed the bedroll at the foot of the bed with a sigh. “No room at the inn. I can take the floor.”

With a rumble of laughter, Cam gave Toby a shove and told me, “Get back here.”

I snuggled back under the covers, and Cam pulled me against him, urging my head to his broad chest. Cam was like a furnace, and I pressed against him gratefully while Toby huffed and squeezed in on top of our feet. I didn’t mind the crowding at all.

I wished Cora could join us. I was so afraid of rolling over on her, and with her bassinet stowed in the car, she was safer in her drawer and already fast asleep for the moment. At least she had been a minute ago. Was she still okay?

I sat up, squinting into the bathroom. With a big hand cupping my head, Cam pulled me back to his chest. “Go. To. Sleep. She’s dreaming.”

The guilty tension faded away, and I let myself dream for a few minutes too…

Later, Cam made dinner while I played peekaboo with Cora, making her laugh and kick.

I asked, “Is it cool if I put on some music?”

Stirring a chopped onion in a frying pan, Cam said, “Sure.” He was making a black bean and ground beef hash, and it already smelled delicious.

I picked up my phone and hesitated. “It’s not cool music or anything. I downloaded a playlist of Christmas songs for Cora.”

Brow furrowed, he looked over. “Since when was I ever cool?”

I laughed. “True. Actually, do you know what a playlist is? You’re living out here in the land technology forgot. Will your new house have Wi-Fi? Because I need it.” The moment I spoke, I realized how presumptuous that sounded. “Not that it matters what I want! It’s your house. You might not want Wi-Fi.”

I turned on the playlist while Cam stirred the sizzling onions. I scrolled to “Away in a Manger,” which felt right. I was struck by a memory of singing the carol in church choir as a kid with my parents watching from the pews.

I couldn’t remember the words, but I hummed and joined Cam in the kitchen as the onions released a deliciously sweet scent. I pressed a kiss to his furry cheek, reminding myself not to worry about tomorrow. Tonight was Christmas, and we were safe and warm and together.

Shaking a carefully measured teaspoon of some kind of spice over the onions, Cam smiled and simply said, “I’ll have Wi-Fi,” and I fell in love with him even more.