Chapter 22

AFTER REALIZING SHE DIDN”T quite feel good enough for alcohol yet, and eating a lot of the pint of ice cream on the ride over, Hailey met Avery at their local sports complex. Kicking the shit out of a ball might make her feel better. Good thing she already had her soccer stuff in the car. She lucked out that he happened to be having a light afternoon and moved a meeting for her. He was so damn reliable.

Avery was somehow already across the field, aiming at the wide goal, hitting it every time. After one goal, she shouted, “Show-off!” and Avery turned to see her with a beaming smile. Despite her rough day, Hailey couldn’t help but grin back.

The complex was huge and featured three adult-size soccer fields along with one for little kids. Then there was a softball and baseball field on the other side of the big concession stand, the only structure as far as the eye could see thanks to being surrounded by trees.

There was a nice breeze, enough to warrant her hoodie until she warmed up enough. The sun was dropping in the sky and casting a golden glow over the fields.

He passed her a ball and they started kicking it back and forth to warm up, maintaining a companionable silence. Hailey had a feeling he was waiting for her to fill the silence once she was ready to talk. Once they worked up a good sweat, which didn’t take her long at all thanks to still feeling pretty weak, they paused to stretch. Hailey missed the days where she could get away with skipping stretching and not feeling sore as hell the next day.

Once they got to quad stretches, Hailey lifting her right leg and pulling it toward her ass, Hailey took a deep breath and exhaled, “So something kinda fucked up happened and I don’t know how much I should tell you.”

“I’ll hear as little or as much as you want me to.”

She sighed, dropped her leg back to the ground and looked up into Avery’s eyes. He was a few feet away, but she could still see the setting sun making the blue in Avery’s eyes even brighter and she felt more warmth from those eyes than she did from the sun on her back. It gave her the courage to let out her frustration. He was so easy to talk to.

“I went to that work party the other night. I got there late and everyone was pretty much already drunk, and my closest friend at work ended up not going. I figured I’d grab one drink, do some people-watching, and then say my goodbyes.”

Avery was listening with rapt attention, his eyes focused solely on Hailey.

“Well, someone else made me a drink while I wasn’t paying much attention and … um. I guess it wasn’t just liquor and lemonade when I got it.”

“Holy shit. Hailey, did you get…?”

He couldn’t say the word and Hailey couldn’t bring herself to either. She just nodded with tears starting to pool in her eyes, trying to blink them away.

Avery’s face showed so many different emotions. He went from scared to angry to concerned. He took a tentative step toward Hailey with his hand reached out but stopped himself and let it drop by his side.

“I’m sorry. I was going to give you a hug, but I figured you might not want any guys…,” he seemed to take a deep breath and steel himself. “...touching you right now.”

“Avery, you know you’re not just any guy, you’re one of my best friends,” she said with the ghost of a smile playing on her lips, a tear trailing down her cheek.

He was crestfallen as he stepped up to Hailey and wrapped her in his arms, giving her a hug she didn’t realize she desperately needed.

His hand reached up to cup the back of her head, pulling her even closer, while his other rubbed circles around her back. Close enough to feel his heart beat, Hailey allowed herself to let its rhythm soothe her and help her get through the tears she could no longer hold back.

It was unclear how long they stood there as time seemed to slow down in Avery’s embrace. After a while, he tentatively broke the silence. “I’m so sorry, Hailey. Is there anything I can do?”

Hailey kept her head braced against his chest, ducking a little so she could tuck her head under his chin. “You’re already doing it.”

She felt him give her just a little bit of a tighter squeeze for a moment, making her heart flutter. And she couldn’t be sure, but she didn’t think she was the only one sniffling.

When she pulled away, Avery’s eyes were glassy and he let his hand come back from around her neck to rub away her tears with his thumb.

“Sorry, I probably look awful right now,” said Hailey.

As a social worker, Avery had experience in dealing with these kinds of situations. Sure, he didn’t give hugs to teenagers telling the same stories. But, he somehow still managed to be there for them, console them, show them there was someone in their corner. The way he looked at her made her feel like he pulled up a chair in that corner and he wasn’t planning on leaving.

She explained to him that she was physically okay for now, but she was going to get tested to be sure. The mental wounds would probably stay with her forever, but she felt at least a little bit lucky that she couldn’t remember everything. And how fucked up was that?

“You could never look awful,” he said with a small smile.

Then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them, Avery was still looking at her with all the concern in the world. “There’s more.”

Avery’s face darkened, his arms falling from holding her and his fists clenched at his sides. She immediately missed the warmth of them. “What do you mean there’s more?”

Hailey wasn’t sure where to start and looked at her feet for a moment, realizing she was embarrassed about what happened with Gage. How could she be so stupid to ever think he was right for her? They say love is blind and she couldn’t see all his flaws clearly. Now they were staring her in her face and she just wanted to visit the past and slap herself, maybe beg her to pay attention to the red flags and get the hell out.

She looked back up at him and figured blunt was best. “When I told Gage what happened, he said it was somehow my fault and that I cheated on him. So I finally broke up with him. That was the last straw. I wish I listened to everyone sooner, but I just … couldn’t.”

Avery’s face was hard to understand. He dragged his hands through his hair and opened his mouth to say something but closed it a few times, obviously not knowing what to say.

He looked at his feet, shaking his head in frustration and muttered, “Fucking idiot,” before looking back up into Hailey’s now dry-as-a-desert eyes. She wasn’t about to waste anymore tears on Gage.

“I have so many things that I want to say that I probably shouldn’t. Just tell me if you’re okay.”

“I am now.”

The edges of his mouth curled up and he placed a hand on her shoulder. “Then now is a good time to kick the shit out of some soccer balls.”

“Hell yes. I need to pretend they are the heads of some people.” Avery nodded and his eyebrows shot up his head for a moment before he winked at her, as if he was thinking the exact same thing.

They spent the next half hour shooting on net, having a pass across the field so she could kick as hard as possible and then they played a little bit of one-on-one where she insisted Avery try his hardest so she could work hard to stop him. She still wasn’t one hundred percent, but it still felt good to run around.

They’re right when they say exercise helps alleviate depression, the problem is getting the motivation to get up and actually do it. With Avery, it was much easier. Plus, she had some rage fueling her before the inevitable crash that was coming.

When Hailey’s chest was heaving and her legs were ready to give out, they took a break for some water. Avery lifted his shirt to wipe the sweat off his brow and Hailey didn’t stop herself from enjoying the view, making sure she averted her eyes before he dropped his hand.

Being here with him now felt so natural, so comfortable. He’d been one of her closest friends since high school and there was always a little bit of flirtation here and there, but the timing was never right. And as Hailey chugged some water, she realized that right now wasn’t the right time either. She had to get some distance from this weekend and get her head on straight. But, soccer was definitely helping. All she could think about, though, was the fact that she had to go to the doctor tomorrow to get every test done.

She lifted the hem of her shirt to wipe her own brow and when she let go she noticed Avery’s eyes dart away and his face flush.

Tonight was not the night to do anything about it. She still didn’t know how she felt about what happened with Scott. While they were juggling the ball earlier, Avery recommended a few outlets she could reach out to for help. Part of her just wanted to put it behind her and try to move on. That asshole didn’t live in the state anymore. And she finally dropped Gage like a dish straight out of the oven. She felt burned. And she needed to heal a little before she could move forward.

Before Avery and her parted ways that night, he gave her another big hug, reminding her he was there if Hailey needed anything, but not forcing her and giving her the space she needed to make sense of everything.

Overall, it was a big week. And for once, she was looking forward to tomorrow.

———————————

“You want cookie dough, cookies and cream ice cream or a bag of cookies?”

“All three?”

The night after she kicked the ball around with Avery, she asked Bridget to come over and told her she needed sugar therapy.

That was their go-to when the other had something really important to figure out or deal with.

Bridget took the snacks out of the grocery bag while Hailey busted out the spoons and bowls.

She wasn’t kidding, and she filled her bowl with all three of the goodies Bridget brought over. Cookies just made everything better. Cookies and cookie dough with ice cream? That’s a medicine that worked better than half the drugs she’d tried so far, although it had its own negative side effects.

After they settled on the couch and turned on “The Office” for background noise, Hailey was ready to dish.

Hailey spent the next ten minutes explaining everything that happened over the past three days, starting with the party and sharing some tears, and ending with storming out of Gage’s house. Her reaction was … loud.

“FUCK YES!” she said as she leaped off the couch and started jumping up and down around her cheap coffee table. “He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s finally goooooooone!”

Bridget kept jumping around and shouting in celebration while looking up something on her phone.

“What are you doing?”

“Helping you of course!”

Bridget walked over to Hailey’s bluetooth speaker, a cheap little blue one shaped like a boom box, but it got the job done.

Then, “Since You Been Gone” started blaring from the speaker and Bridget yanked Hailey off the couch, shouting the lyrics until she joined in.

When the song ended, the music just kept going and she was listening to “Bye Bye Bye” from *NSync. They went on jumping around and singing to breakup songs for the next half hour before both of them were close to losing their voices.

Falling back onto the sofa and retrieving their bowls of heaven from the coffee table, Hailey realized that she actually did feel better. The music filled her soul with the promise of moving on, and suddenly that possibility felt easy.

After some more bites of ice cream, they had a short debate about which of the songs they played was the best one of all time. Bridget was an adamant T-Swift fan and chose “Never Getting Back Together,” but Hailey argued “I Will Survive” was a classic for a reason.

Once the dust cleared from their debate, Hailey figured now was as good a time as any to tell Bridget what she did after she left Gage’s.

She started with the text he sent earlier that day, then his reaction to the news and finally sweating out the frustration playing soccer until the sun went down.

Bridget just listened the whole time with her hands over her mouth, making squeaking noises every time she got excited, but she was considerate enough to wait until the end before she offered her opinion on the matter.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited about anything in my life, and I’m getting married next month,” she said, and Hailey really hoped she was exaggerating. “When are you going to see him again?”

“Well, we have a soccer game a couple nights from now so I guess I’ll see him there.”

“No, not with the team. I’m talking about alone?”

“Bridge, three days ago I had probably the worst experience of my life, I can’t just jump right into something new. I’m not ready. Shit, I could have an STD or a fucking child growing in me that I don’t even know about yet.”

“Okay, you’re right. Fuck, that’s a lot. When do you get all those test results back?”

“No more than two weeks, some results take longer than others.”

“Geez, why is science so far behind? Speed it up, rocket scientists!”

Hailey felt it unnecessary to point out that rocket scientists were probably busy working on rockets because they didn’t study diseases.

“I’ll email NASA and ask them if they can speed up the testing. I’m sure they’ll get right to work on that.”

“Good, you do that. In the meantime, what’s going through your head? Are you okay? Are you going to go after this asshole?”

“I don’t think it’s worth it. He already left the state. I just want to not think about it.”

“Alright, but if you change your mind, I am ready to attack. Oh my gosh, you know what I just thought?” Bridget’s eyes were wide and her smile was mischievous.

“I’m honestly very nervous to know. Is it something violent?”

“Of course not. I would never act on my rage. Prison doesn’t seem fun. No, I was thinking that maybe you should ask Avery to go to the wedding with you.” She waggled her eyebrows and her smile grew wider.

“I—Maybe. I’ll have to think about it. This all just happened in the last three days, it’s still a little raw.”

“Fiiiiiiiiine. Now be quiet, I love this scene with Michael and Dwight.”

The rest of the night went by with more ice cream, cookies and talking about anything but what happened this week.

Bridget left the comfort food leftovers behind for Hailey when it started to get late. There was way less left than was probably healthy.

She drew a bath and threw in some epsom salts to get rid of any toxins left behind from this week, if that was how this stuff worked anyway. But, a bath couldn’t hurt.

Laying back against a towel she was using for a pillow, Hailey went over everything that happened in the past few days.

It was clear to her that she had feelings for Avery. She tried denying it for so long and focused on their friendship while each of them dated different people over the years. The timing never seemed right, and neither of them crossed that line.

But, Hailey couldn’t deny that she felt different around Avery than her other friends. He lit up a room when he walked in. When he talked to her, she felt like the most important person in the world. He made her laugh. He was thoughtful, sweet, giving. He got her off the couch more often than she was willing to admit. If he wasn’t on the soccer team, she probably would have skipped a bunch of games, preferring to stay home and binge watch whatever she could find. He was everything she wanted in a teammate, a partner.

One thing Hailey was never sure about was if Avery felt the same way. She caught him looking at her a lot over the years. He blushed more often when talking to Hailey than he did with anyone else. And he was always there for her.

She didn’t think she’d ever rid herself of Gage and she cursed herself for not doing it sooner. Hailey thought she was being loyal and that things would get better. They were really good in the beginning, but that didn’t last very long. One thing was obvious to her now: the more Gage got to know her, the more he tried to quiet the things that made her happy. Dancing and singing while at a bar was something she enjoyed, but he always made her feel like a jerk for doing it. An embarrassment. Why was he even with her if he didn’t like the real her?

Hailey thought back to their time together and realized something. He treated her as some kind of trophy girlfriend. Encouraging her to dress a certain way, to hang on his arm at his company’s events, to silence her when she tried to break out of the shell Gage trapped her in. She was like a completely different person with him than she was with pretty much anyone else.

Shouldn’t she be with someone who liked her for her? Let Hailey be herself and feel adored and cared for? Instead she felt quieted. Ignored. Less than.

Gage never joked around with her, acted silly with her or even did any activities with her. It was like she was just there to look at or to screw and she cursed herself for letting it go on so long.

There was nothing she could do about it now, but she could certainly make better decisions in the future.

Avery’s face flashed in her mind and she realized she was smiling. When she joked around with him or acted silly with him, he did it, too. He enjoyed actually talking to her, having fun with her, and being there for her.

He was everything she wanted. She spent the last fifteen or so years befriending him, enjoying his company, but they never seemed to be single at the same time. They lived in the friend zone and it worked for what felt like forever.

But now, her feelings were painfully obvious and she hoped it wasn’t too late. If one of these tests came back positive or if she got pregnant by this cretin, then she’d be too ashamed to try something with Avery, at least for now. She had to be in the clear. She had to know she could give him all of herself because it’s what he deserved.

For the first time in forever, Hailey felt like she deserved it, too.