Chapter Nine

I woke up a day later, with my mother, father, and Nolan hovering over me in the hospital.

"What the hell happened?" I asked groggily.

"Your femur is infected. And because you didn't want the surgery, the infection quietly and quickly spread to your kidneys," Mom said tearfully.

"Oh. So what does that mean?"

"ESRD," my father said.

"What? That doesn't make sense. That happened way too fast," I said, shaking my head.

"Your body isn't as strong as a healthy person"s. It never has been since you got Legg–Calvé–Perthes Disease, Janey. Your body never fought the infection," he explained.

"Oh."

I didn't know how I felt about my new prognosis. I mean, I wasn't mad, and I wasn't glad. I was just there.

"So what's the next move?"

"Dialysis until they can find you a kidney," Mom said.

"Can I go home?"

"Not for a few days."

I looked over at Nolan who had said nothing so far, but looked like his world had just crashed down all around him.

"Do you want to stay here with me for a ‘few days'? You're under no obligation of course," I joked with a weak smile.

"This is all my fault," he blurted out. "The infection is from when you had your accident at the aquarium. If I had just kept you in town and went to the damn zoo like I planned, you wouldn't be here right now."

He burst into tears as soon as he was done saying that. He put his face on my legs and was begging me to forgive him. I laid my hand on his head and looked at my dad. I rolled my eyes good-naturedly and he forced a smile for my sake.

"Nolan, they're just kidneys. This happens to millions of people each year," I said, running my hands over his hair.

He blubbered something into my lap that I didn't understand, and I just sighed. I didn't feel any sicker than I had been; just ungodly warm.

"Where are Nugget and Rabbit?" I asked my parents.

"They're with Nolan's parents down in the waiting room. Stella took one look at you and began to cry so hard that we had to move her out of the room. Liam said he would go with her to make sure she was okay."

I smiled. Liam was the best little brother in the world. He was always making sure that Stella and I were okay and threatening to beat up anyone who made us sad.

I still had the world's most emotional fiancée bawling into my lap when the nurse entered the room. She worked her way around him so that he didn't have to move. I watched her check my IV bag before switching it with a new one. I turned my head to the side when she brandished an ear thermometer. It beeped when it was done, and she wrote down the information on a clipboard with an almost imperceptible head shake.

"How are you feeling, Jane?" she finally asked.

"Fine. I mean I don't feel anything abnormal. I'm just hot," I said.

"That happens with infections," she said, nodding sympathetically. "I'm going to go and let Dr. Ferrier know that you're awake now, hon. He's going to want you to sign those dialysis consent papers."

The mere mention of dialysis commanded another gut wrenching sob from Nolan.

"I'm not going to die, if that's what's got you so blubbery," I said to him.

He looked up at me, his face beet red and tear-stained. He took a couple of steadying breaths and then he spoke.

"I know. I'm not doubting your sustainability. I just hate that you're here with a new problem because of me."

"It was me too. I did say ‘yes', you know. Am I crying? No. Probably because I can't afford to spare the fluid, but really. It's okay. I'm okay. I'll be okay."

"Promise?" he asked.

"Promise."

"Ms. East! Good to see you're awake!"

A tall, young man with dark-brown wavy hair and big blue eyes walked into the room. He was wearing a white lab coat and had a pair of glasses in his coat pocket. He was also holding a file and a clipboard. His face was very kind, and it seemed to put everyone at ease.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, coming to stand next to me.

Nolan got up and went into the bathroom to clean his face.

I shrugged, "About eighty five percent; which is what I normally feel. Him, on the other hand? Not so much."

My parents laughed and so did Dr. Ferrier. Nolan walked out of the bathroom armed to the teeth with tissue paper and came back to sit on the bed.

"I'm Nolan. Her fiancée," he said, holding out a hand to the doctor.

"Please to meet you, young man. You have a very strong young lady here. I wouldn't worry about her too much. We've already put her name on the NFK list. It'll just be a waiting game, but with regular dialysis, I think her chances are pretty good."

He nodded and looked at me. I could see the smile on his face but the fear in his eyes shone brighter than any emotion I had seen before.

"Speaking of dialysis. If you would just take a moment to sign these forms consenting to the treatment, we can get you started right away," Dr. Ferrier said, placing the clipboard in my hands.

I skimmed the paper quickly out of habit, before I signed the first page. As I flipped it over to sign the second, I asked if someone could let Stella and Liam know that I was awake and okay. By the time I signed the fifth and final page, the kids entered the room. Stella hung by the door because she was scared to see me sick. At least, that's what Liam said.

I handed the clipboard to the doctor who quickly walked out of the room to set everything in motion.

"Rabbit? Come here so I can see you," I called out.

"Are you still sick?" she called back.

"A little bit. But the doctor is going to make me all better. Come sit with me, please," I half begged.

I saw her small hand on the wall as she inched slowly forward, peeking her little terrified face around the corner. I smiled at her, and her lower lip began to tremble. Nolan took a deep breath and left my side to go get her. His parents walked in behind her and watched him as he whispered to her that she and Liam were the first ones that I asked for and if she sat with me, I would be the happiest big sister in the world. She nodded and put her arms around his neck as he carried her over to my bed.

When he set her down and she turned her face to look at me, I almost cried. She looked so genuinely heartbroken and scared, that for a moment, I considered changing my mind on the dialysis. She and Liam had gone through so much heartache with me being sick in their short lives that the best thing for them would probably be for me to die.

"I was scared," she said to me. Stella crawled up the length of the bed and laid down next to me, putting her arm around me again, just like she did when we had our "sleepover."

"There's no reason to be scared, Rabbit. The doctor told me they're going to find new parts to make me all better soon and then we can all color in your room again. I'm not going anywhere."

If I had known that was the farthest thing from the truth, I would never have said it.