Chapter Ten

After three days of hospital grade dialysis, the doctor deemed I was well enough to go home. I would have to get dialysis three times a week until they found some brand spanking new kidneys for me, and he instructed my parents not to let me do anything strenuous.

Nolan moved in immediately. He told his parents and mine that he refused to let another minute go by where he wasn't constantly with me. He also reasoned that it would be good "practice" for him to take me to dialysis, since we didn't know how long I would be waiting for new kidneys.

It was an impressive argument and it obviously worked.

So there I was, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling when he finally entered the room and closed the door securely behind him. He opened his backpack and pulled out some kind of medical device I had never seen before.

"It's an Osmoscope," he explained. "I was reading online when you were in the hospital about some holistic thing called Micro-Chinese Medicine Osmotherapy Treatment. Anyway, with these shredded herbs and this thingamajig, you won't need new kidneys and your ESRD should go away."

I smiled at him. Nolan had been as worried as my parents were and even though I hated to see them all like this, it was kind of refreshing to see someone other than them love me so much.

"Alright, so I'm going to have to flip you onto your stomach," he said after he got everything ready.

I nodded and turned myself over slowly. Nolan sat next to me on the bed and lifted the back of my shirt slowly. I closed my eyes when he traced his fingers over my bare skin slowly.

"What are you doing back there, buddy?" I asked playfully.

"Sorry. I just… have I told you that you're beautiful?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Yes. Now medicate me please," I replied, my voice now muffled by the pillows.

The process was weird, and it made my skin feel tingly. He apologized saying that he wished we were in a better environment than my room to do this in. I squirmed at the first couple of passes, but once I relaxed it was quite soothing. So much so, that I wound up taking a nice nap while he made his passes over my kidneys.

I woke up to Nolan snoring softly next to me. I lifted my head off of the pillows and looked at him groggily. I couldn't help but laugh; I had never watched him sleep before and his hair was all over the place. His mouth was slightly open, but other than that, he looked so peaceful.

"Huh?" he asked, waking up slowly.

"Nice hair," I teased.

He gave me his half smile—and being that he was half asleep, it made him that much more irresistible—and pushed himself up onto his elbows.

"How you feeling?" he asked sleepily.

"I'm okay, I guess. I mean, I'm slightly less warm than before, but it could be because the window is open, too. I don't know." I shrugged.

Nolan reached for me and laid back with my head against his chest.

"I don't expect it to work immediately. But I do expect something. I will accept a slight decrease in body temperature and discount the window being open as a factor," he murmured into my hair as he ran his hand up and down my back.

The doorknob started twisting and I sighed. I had a good thirty seconds of just lying there with him in silence, and it was like a warning went off somewhere in the house. "JANE AND NOLAN ARE LYING IN BED TOGETHER. STOP THEM IMMEDIATELY BEFORE IT ESCALATES."

He slid out of the bed carefully and helped me roll onto my back. The doorknob jiggled again as he hurried to put his herbs and Osmoscope into the backpack, before shoving it under my bed.

He cleared his throat and made his way to the door. He gave me a glance and I nodded.

Liam was standing there, waiting patiently. When Nolan opened the door for him, he reached down and picked up a food tray that he had been holding and came over to the bed.

"Let me help you with that, kiddo," Nolan said. He held the food tray so that Liam could climb onto the bed, and then handed it back to him as he knelt next to me.

"I made you my favorite, Starr. Peanut butter and jelly!" he said proudly.

I looked down at the hopelessly sloppy sandwich and grinned. I saw the silver colored juice pouch sitting next to the sandwich and looked at him.

"I can have one of your juices too?"

"Yeah! That's what makes the sandwich so good. The juice," he replied, reaching for the pouch.

"Help me sit up?" I asked Nolan.

He slid me up gently and in a manner where he wouldn't have to move Liam from the bed, or so that he wouldn't have to remove the food tray. Once I was situated, I watched Liam as he carefully peeled the straw off the back out the pouch and began the task of poking it through the hole. It took him a few frustrated tries, but once he got it, he gave me the biggest smile.

"Thanks, Nugget!" I said as he handed it to me.

I took a sip.

Fruit Punch, his favorite.

"I tried to cut your sandwich in half, but Mom told me that I couldn't use the knife. So I ripped it in half for you," he said, holding out half.

I grinned when I saw where his small fingers had punctured the bread and its contents. I took a big bite and he grinned happily.

"I'm gonna go make you one too, Nolan," he said, suddenly hopping off of the bed and running out of the room.

We both laughed. Liam was such a good kid and I loved him so much. I don't know where he got his strength from, but if I could just get one tenth of it, I knew I'd be okay.

About five minutes later, he came in juggling another sloppy PBJ sandwich and juice pouch. He handed them both to Nolan and pulled himself up onto the bed.

I finished my sandwich and Nolan downed his in two bites. The three of us sat there quietly while I drank my juice and Nolan shared his with Liam.

"You look really pretty today, Starr," Liam observed. "It's almost like you're not sick."

"Thanks, Nugget," I replied, pulling him into a hug.

"I asked Daddy and Mommy if I could give you my kidneys. They said I'm not big enough," he said sadly.

"What?" I asked in surprise.

"My kidneys; I want to give them to you, but I'm not big enough."

"Liam, look at me," I said very seriously. "I want you to know that you are the best brother in the entire world. You want to do so much for me, and you don't even worry or care if it will make you sick too. I promise that I will try to get better as soon as I can so that you don't have to worry about me anymore. If I don't, please don't ever think it was your fault or that you could have done more. It's just what happens to some people."

"But it's not a'sposed to happen to you," he argued, bursting into tears.

I held him tightly and let him cry into my chest. Nolan reached between us, pulled out the food tray, and left the room. Silently, I was thankful to have this time alone with Liam. He and Stella had been wrecks since I had fallen at PPG, and I felt terrible for doing that to them.

"Liam, what on Earth?" Mom asked, rushing into the room.

"He's just sad is all," I explained, still hugging him.

"Why?" she asked, coming over to sit on the bed.

"Because he's not big enough to give me his kidneys. He wanted to give me his legs for my birthday, you know," I said quietly.

"Oh, sweetheart," she said, collecting Liam from my arms and cradling him in hers. "Starr is going to be fine, Liam. Especially because she has you for a brother."

I watched her get up and leave with him. I honestly wish she wouldn't have said that. If I didn't get kidneys in time, I didn't want him to think it was his fault that I died.

I turned my face to look out the window. That was the first time in all of my life that I finally faced the prospect of mortality. The ESRD diagnosis didn't count, because I was kind of out of it when they told me. But now, with Liam angry with himself for not being able to give me his kidneys, and Nolan trying holistic treatments to "save" me, I knew that everyone was worried.