Chapter Twenty

Nolan

Friday, July 5th 10:20 AM

We left the church and were on our way to the cemetery. I was in the limo with her parents who were beyond inconsolable, my parents who were comforting her parents, and Stella and Liam sitting on either side of me.

I kept my eyes on the world outside as we made the slow procession toward Spring Grove Cemetery.

It was about a forty-five minute drive, but Aaron and Jessie wanted to make sure that she would be put somewhere where no one would forget her.

I personally think it was also because they couldn't stand having her so close by without being able to see and talk to her.

Around ten-twenty that morning, we rolled into the cemetery and the cars stopped, lined up behind each other.

I got out of the limo first and reached in for the children. Stella took my hand and looked at me with her sad eyes. She looked so beautiful in her little yellow sundress and white sandals, that I hated for her to have to do this.

"It'll be okay. I promise," I said to her. She nodded and turned around to take her little brother's hand.

"Come on, Nugget," she said quietly as he hopped out in his small dark blue suit and confused eyes.

"Where's Janey?" he asked suspiciously.

"She's over there," Stella said, pointing at the brown shiny casket with the beautiful white and blue flower arrangement on top.

Before he had a chance to ask any more questions, she put her hand over his mouth and led him toward the rows of chairs.

Next were my parents. My mother in her black dress and my father in his dark suit. They both looked at me sadly, and all I could do was nod.

Finally Aaron and Jessie emerged. Red-faced and numb, they walked with my parents and took their seats in the front row.

I looked at the green, green grass for a moment.

"Nolan," a voice said.

I raised my eyes and smiled sadly. It was Father Lucian.

"Mr. and Mrs. East asked me to do the services here. I hope that's okay with you."

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Father," I replied softly.

He gave me a smile and put a hand around my shoulder as he walked me to the waiting Mourners of Jane East.

I sat down next to my parents as Father Lucian took his place at the head of Jane's casket.

The service started as he went through the Rites of Whatever and I somehow managed to block him, my parents, Jane's parents, and everyone else out who was sobbing.

I wondered if Jane could see us. I wondered if she was standing by somewhere, hoping that everyone would stop crying for her. I wondered, wherever she was, if she still wore her ring as proudly as I wore mine.

My thoughts were interrupted ten minutes later when Father Lucian asked anyone if they wanted to share memories of Jane.

I put my hands on my knees and was about to stand up, when Liam got up and walked over to the casket.

"Why is she in a box?" he asked innocently.

That was all it took to set Jessie off into another bout of hysterical crying.

"Because she went to Heaven," Stella said, walking over to him. She put her hand on his arm to guide him back to his chair, but he pulled away.

I watched him ball his fists angrily at his side and look at Stella with a bright red face.

"But ... she didn't say goodbye."

"She couldn't," Stella said quietly, reaching for him again.

"When you love someone and you're going away somewhere, you're a'sposed to say goodbye!" he yelled angrily.

"Stop it," she hissed. "You're making Mom cry."

"I don't care! She should have said goodbye!" he yelled, throwing himself on the grass.

I got up and walked over to him. I knelt in the grass next to this hysterical little boy who didn't understand quite yet what had happened to his oldest sister.

"She didn't say goodbye to me either, Liam. But that doesn't mean she loved us any less. Janey always told me how proud she was of you because you're such a big boy. Can you be that big boy now? For Janey?" I asked, helping him to his knees.

He nodded and got to his feet. He was still crying, and he threw his arms around me, telling me that he wanted to go with his sister.

"Me too. But we can't. We have to be strong, okay?"

He pulled away from me and ran back to his father, climbing into his lap and crying harder than ever.

Father Lucian asked if anyone else had anything to say. My speech was burning a hole in my inner pocket, but I decided against reading it. Nothing I could possibly say right now would be consoling to anyone.

When the time finally came to lower her into the ground, I walked away. It was bad enough to lose her, but if I actually saw them do it, it would be "final".

So I stood on top of a hill next to a mausoleum with an angel out front while they put my Jane into the ground.