Chapter 9

May

Maybe I had overreacted. Or perhaps I was exhausted.

Of everything.

I was just so flabbergasted that he would say that. That I was off-limits. That I wasn’t worth kissing. Or whatever the hell he had said. At this point, I didn’t even remember the exact words he’d used. All I could remember were his lips on mine and then him walking away.

And here I was, feeling like I was making mistake after mistake and not knowing what I was doing.

I started my laundry, turning on permanent press with cold water because I didn’t feel like sorting.

What was wrong with me?

That was a loaded question. I didn’t want to think about what was wrong with me because then I’d have to wonder why nobody seemed to want me.

Because they didn’t. They kept running away from me.

As if I were a leper.

Someone who wasn’t good enough for them.

Perhaps I was being a little melodramatic, but Leo had kissed me and then said it was a mistake.

That I wasn’t for him.

Screw that.

I was so tired of feeling like I wasn’t good enough. That every time I tried, it wasn’t enough. And I was putting so much energy and focus into this. And all for a promise I had made to my dad. It made no sense. I didn’t even want a happily ever after anymore. How could I? Not when I never even made it to a second date .

They either didn’t show up, treated me like crap, went for their former loves, or there just wasn’t a spark. In the end, I ended up with friends or nothing. I would have to be fine with that.

But I didn’t know why I felt such disappointment when it came to Leo. I didn’t even know him all that well. But the parts that I did? I liked those—or at least I had.

My doorbell rang, and I frowned, making my way toward the front door. My phone was on the counter, so I couldn’t look at the security video to see who it was. I looked through the peephole instead and froze.

I swallowed hard and looked down at what I wore—gray shorts with bleach stains on the edges, no socks or shoes, only a toe ring. I had on a sports bra and two tank tops, my hair piled on the top of my head.

I looked ridiculous.

And yet it wasn’t like I could leave him standing out there.

I could, but I wouldn’t. I was a little nervous that he knew where I lived. There had to be a logical explanation for this. I could leave, walk away, and not let him in. But then things would be even weirder. Plus, I was angry.

So, I opened the door and scowled. “What are you doing here?”

Leo winced. “I should have expected that. It’s kind of weird that we live in the same neighborhood, and I’ve never seen you.”

“I just moved here to be closer to Brooke’s house. Which is good because now I’m closer to Sebastian’s. How did you find out where I live?” I asked, worry settling over me.

“I coaxed it out of Brooke. But that was only because she said if I did anything to hurt you, she would castrate me, and I believed her. She would hurt me. So would everybody else. And I would deserve it for making you feel bad. So, yes, she told me where you live so I could come here and grovel and say I’m sorry. I swear I’m not a stalker.”

“I…what are you doing here, Leo?” Why was my heart racing? He couldn’t be here. Not now. Not when it felt like I was living outside of my body and trying to figure out where I was and who I needed to be.

“I am so sorry for making you feel like crap. I promise I wasn’t trying to.”

“What were you trying to do, Leo? You kissed me. Then, suddenly, you were done. Was I not good enough?” I asked, bile settling over my tongue.

He cursed under his breath. “No, that is not at all what happened.”

“Then what did happen, Leo?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

“When you came in that day, there was a spark between us. That weird moment where we simply looked at each other. Leif and the others were worried that I was going to sleep with you right then and there or something and hurt you.”

I blinked. “I’m going to need you to talk slower and run that by me one more time.”

“I don’t do serious relationships. Which is probably the worst thing to say since I’m here on your doorstep trying to make things right.”

“You’re right; it’s not really working,” I said dryly.

“Okay. I suck. I know that. Like many of our mutual friends, I haven’t had a serious relationship. I treat women with respect, but I haven’t dated anybody long-term. It just hasn’t worked out. And Leif was afraid because of how I looked at you as soon as I saw you. He worried I would date you and screw things up. Mess up whatever plans you had, or our friendship. Or their friendship with us. So, he warned me off you. But he really didn’t,” he added quickly as I narrowed my gaze.

“Clarify what you meant just now,” I growled. “Because that doesn’t sound like the Leif I know.”

“Leif is protective of you. They all are. But I know they don’t have any right to be. They aren’t your brothers or anything. They can’t tell you who to date.”

“If I had brothers, they wouldn’t be able to say that, either. You’re going to need to get to the point a little quicker, or I’m going to slam the door in your face.”

“I’m not good at this.”

“You’re not,” I said with a laugh, melting a little bit. He was cute even though he was rambling, and I needed him to tell me what was going on because I was beyond confused.

“The guys were afraid if I flirted with you or hit on you, things would get weird. That’s all they meant. In my head, I heard that I couldn’t ask you out or want anything more because I would fuck it up. Because I’m pretty good at fucking things up. So, I’m sorry. I know you didn’t have any idea what was going on, and I treated you like crap after I kissed you, even though I told myself I wouldn’t.”

I held up a hand, praying for patience. “Are you kidding me? The guys said that? And you listened to them?”

“It’s part of the bro-code. Something that is completely archaic and ridiculous. And I misunderstood. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. And honestly, I didn’t think you liked me back. So, I was giving you space. And then I was all up in your business and couldn’t stop. I’m not good with signals. I need women to tell me what they want. And I didn’t want to fuck it up by asking you out. But I feel something. Don’t you?”

I looked at him, things clicking into place, even though I wanted to scream. “Maybe? I’m not good at this. You know I’m not. You know my string of bad dates and everything I do wrong. I cannot believe you would listen to the others and think it was okay to let them dictate who you asked out.”

“But they didn’t. They just didn’t want me to make you uncomfortable. Because that’s what we do, make each other uncomfortable. I took it too far because I was worried. Stressed out. You’re important, May. I didn’t realize how important until we were suddenly in each other’s lives so much. I mean, Denver is a really big fucking city. And we kept bumping into each other in the most unexpected ways and places. I feel like that means something. Or, once again, maybe I’m overthinking and putting too much on you. So, tell me to walk away, to shut up right now, and I will. But, May? I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you. But I’m not sorry for kissing you.”

I pressed my lips together. “You want to kiss me again?” My mind whirled.

“I do. If you’ll let me. Then maybe we can start over. Without misconceptions or rambling. Well, there will probably be rambling.” His lips quirked into a smile, and I swallowed hard.

“Okay. I guess you can kiss me.”

He pressed his lips to mine, right there on my front porch, and I melted.

His beard was only slightly rough, just long enough that it had grown soft. His lips were firm, but they softened beneath my touch. Hands ran through my hair, and he kissed me harder, then backed away, looking down at me.

We were both breathless, staring at each other.

“I didn’t mean to accost you on your porch like that. But I’m not going to apologize.”

I smiled. “Maybe we should start over.”

He smiled softly, his eyes brightened, and that same flash of heat and importance I felt when I’d first met him hit me again. “Hi, I’m Leo. Tattoo artist and uncle to four—soon to be six—kids. I like Italian and Korean food. I read some, but mostly do audiobooks. I love art, I have good friends, and sometimes I should listen to what my sister and friends say rather than being inside my head.”

I let out a breath. “Hi, I’m May. I’m a nanny and educator, and I’m really bad at dating. So, I hope you know that kiss right there? That might be the end of it.”

I winced, but he only grinned. “I think that’s a challenge.”

“The thing is, Leo. I gave up dating,” I said as I cringed.

“What?”

“I’m bad at it. I’m a perpetual first-dater. I don’t know what that says about me, but I don’t like it.”

“I think it says more about the men you meet rather than who you are,” he grumbled.

I warmed, then grinned. “When my dad was dying, I promised him I would let my family set me up with someone so I would be taken care of,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “In other words, he wanted me to find happiness as he had with my mom. So, I made a promise that I would let my family set me up on every other date. And I have one more date to do because of the rule, but then I’m done.”

“Pick me. Try with me. Let me be your date. If it doesn’t work, then go back to your plan. But if it does? Then what do you have to lose?”

Everything.

But I didn’t say that out loud. “I wanted it to be you, Leo. Maybe that’s too forward and will make you run away. But I wanted it to be you.”

“Then let it be me. Let’s figure out why we keep circling each other. Why I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Oh,” I whispered.

Then I looked up at the man who made me smile, who had fixed my shoe, who made me laugh and gave me that warm feeling I couldn’t deny.

Maybe I should take my destiny into my hands.

And maybe I wouldn’t mess it up.

Maybe.