Chapter 8

Leo

“I know my worth.”

I cringed, hearing May’s voice again, the echo never leaving my mind.

I was such a damn idiot.

Not only had I kissed her after telling myself I wouldn’t, but I had then made her feel worthless because I apologized. Because I had told her I couldn’t kiss her. What the hell was wrong with me?

She knew her worth.

Of course, she fucking did. Of course, she knew her worth. She was worth far more than me. She was brilliant, caring, and beautiful. And here I was, kissing her on the street where anybody could see and not even asking first. And then I made her feel like crap. I did not deserve her forgiveness. I hadn’t earned her return kiss.

I deserved all the wrath she gave me.

But I couldn’t just stay away and let her feel like she had done something wrong. How was I supposed to explain that the code was the reason I stayed away? That we didn’t date within our group of friends. And as soon as I thought that, I knew I was an idiot. She wouldn’t care about a bro-code or anything like that. She wouldn’t care that I stayed away for her own good.

No, I had made her feel like she was less than, and now I needed to fix it.

I had no idea how I was supposed to do that, though.

I parked in front of my sister’s house, knowing she probably didn’t have time for me. She would have those babies soon and needed to focus on that and her kids, not my mistakes. But I needed someone to talk to, and I trusted my sister more than anyone.

Caroline opened the door before I even had a chance to knock, frowning at me.

“What’s wrong?”

I blinked. “Why do you think something’s wrong?”

“Because you’re here, you didn’t call, and you have frowny face.”

“I have frowny face?” I asked dryly.

“You’re frowning. But it’s not only a sad frown. It’s a confused, devastated, thoughtful one. Meaning, you probably fucked up, and now you need to fix it. But it’s likely an emotional fuck-up, so now you need to figure out your feelings, too.”

I blinked at my older sister and wondered when and where exactly she had gone to school for witchcraft and wizardry.

“Seriously, how do you do that? How can you just look at me and know what I’m feeling?”

“This is about a woman. May . The one you can’t have.”

I stared at her. “How the hell…? Do you have cameras in front of the bookshop?”

She blinked at me, then looked down at the bags in my hands. In my confusion, I had forgotten I’d even pulled them out of the car. “You kissed May outside Beneath the Cover? What the hell did you do?”

“Seriously? How do you know these things? Were you watching? Can you read my mind? Is this a pregnancy thing? I feel like this is a pregnancy thing.”

“It’s a pregnancy thing,” Caroline’s husband said as he came forward, the girls in tow.

“I’m taking the girls out for ice cream.”

“Ice cream! We love ice cream!” all four girls said in unison.

I laughed as they shouted, “Uncle Leo!” and knelt to hug each one.

“You are too cute. I love you guys.”

“We love you, too. Don’t be sad, Uncle Leo,” the eldest, Lane, said.

I shook my head. “I’m going to try. Your mom’s going to help.”

“You bet I am. My husband is amazing and was already going out for ice cream with the girls, but now is the perfect timing. Maybe I do have witchcraft in my family. Maybe I am a witch, and that’s how I know.”

“I want to be a witch!” Willow exclaimed before cackling .

Ashlyn and Beverly joined in, Lane dancing around them as their father shook his head and corralled them out.

He kissed his wife fiercely, nodded at me, and left me alone with my sister.

“I’m a little afraid of this witchcraft of yours.”

“Don’t be. I’ll only use my new powers for good. Now, what happened?”

I let out a breath. “I messed up.”

“Okay. But what happened?”

I laughed as I set the bags next to the front door. She narrowed her eyes at them, and I knew she would probably yell at me for spoiling the girls later. The girls had been so excited about ice cream they hadn’t even noticed their presents. That was probably a good thing. Because honestly, I was a little too distracted to deal with that much happiness and excitement.

“Talk to me, baby brother.”

I frowned. “I think I’m accidentally falling in love with May, and I’ve only kissed her once, and I only know parts of her, but I want to know more. Every time I see her, it’s like we have this connection I can’t explain, and I’m so confused. But the guys told me I couldn’t be with her, and now, here I am.” I explained the connection and spark I felt each time we met. It didn’t make any sense that I would love her. I barely even knew her. But maybe it was an instant attraction and spark that turned into love. Or lust. Lust seemed more likely. I didn’t love her. I wasn’t a guy who fell head over heels. So what the fuck was wrong with me?

As I explained everything to my sister, Caroline’s eyes got wide before she reached out and smacked the back of my head.

“What the hell was that for?” I asked, rubbing the tender spot.

“Fix this. Fix this .”

“What do you mean? How am I supposed to do that? I made her feel like crap, and I’ll try to make it better, but I’m not supposed to be with her. She’s Leif and Brooke’s nanny. When this goes belly-up, it’ll be awkward, and I’ll lose my job. I’ll lose my group of friends. And I’ll only have you—which…you’re amazing and more than enough. And now I’m talking in circles and making you feel worthless.”

“I do not feel worthless. I know my worth. Just like May does. And you will not only have us. But you’re right. You need more than us. More than my amazing family. Because you are my amazing family, too. You need May.”

My brain hurt trying to keep up with this conversation. It was easier when I went on a date, slept with someone, and walked away when we were both done. They might have once called me a player, but I wasn’t. I didn’t play. I just didn’t stay.

But I didn’t want to be that person for May.

“You don’t even know May.”

“But I know you. You’re different now. Yes, you’ve only had a few drinks with her in groups, and you had that moment where you saved her life.”

“She wouldn’t have died,” I whispered, the thought of that curdling my stomach.

“I know. But it all just feels like it’s a moment. Each of these moments tied together brings you something. So, fix it. And ask yourself why you’re so afraid to keep kissing. To keep moving. Is it really because your bros told you not to? Do they even know that it’s not you only wanting to sleep with her?”

“I feel like we’ve passed the part where I’m supposed to be discussing this with my sister.”

“I will hit you again. And I’m a pregnant woman. These hormones have a mind of their own.”

“Believe me, I know all about the hormones,” I said deadpan, and she raised her fist.

I rolled my eyes, then kissed her knuckles.

“I love you, sister mine.”

“I love you, brother mine. Don’t fuck this up again. Talk to the guys. Because I don’t think it’s the bro-code you think it is. I think this is mostly in your head. And you really need to fix it. Get to know her. You’re right. It’s probably not love yet, but it is a connection. I’ve had that, and I married him. Go fix this, and don’t be a dumb fucker.”

“I feel like that needs to be an emotional epigraph written somewhere. Maybe cross-stitched onto a pillow.”

“I will hit you again. I don’t normally condone violence, but I will hit my baby brother.”

I rolled my eyes and kissed the top of her head. “I need to get to work.”

“Talk to the guys. They warned you off her for a reason, but I don’t think it was the right one. Maybe if they had all the information, and you had the damn information, you wouldn’t be screwing this up.”

“I hear you. I’ll fix it.”

Though I had no idea how to do that.

She narrowed her gaze at me, nodded tightly, and then practically pushed me out of the house.

Considering she would probably have another twenty minutes of being alone, I didn’t blame her for that.

I drove to work, thinking about what I was doing. I needed to talk to the guys, and I needed to talk to May. But I had no idea what to say. Thankfully, only Tristan was working, and I didn’t have to figure out what to say until Leif and Nick came in.

Tristan gave me an odd look, and I had to wonder if maybe May had said something and everybody already knew. Maybe everybody knew that I had kissed her and then hurt her and now needed to be burned alive.

Because that sounded like the really rational explanation of what’d just happened.

“You okay?” Tristan asked.

“I’m fine.” I let out a breath. “How long have you and Taryn been together?”

He smiled that self-satisfied smile that said he was a man in love. How the hell had I missed it?

“A few months now. We kept it quiet because…hell, we’re coworkers and friends, and we’re all with a big group. It could have blown up in our faces. But it hasn’t yet. And, fuck, man. I love her. Me. I’m not a guy who falls in love like that. It doesn’t happen.”

“But you did. You fell in love with her.”

“You’re right. I did. And, thankfully, she loves me back. It would’ve been awkward if she didn’t. But we kept it to ourselves because we liked it just being ours without everybody worrying about us, wondering what mistakes we would make, or trying to give us advice. Yes, at first, it probably would’ve been easier to talk to you about it, but I kind of liked sneaking around. It was fun.”

“So, you weren’t afraid we would hate you if you broke up?”

Tristan blinked at me. “No, I just thought you’d kick my ass if I hurt her. And I would gladly let you.”

My lips twitched. “That sounds like a reasonable assumption.”

“You going to talk about it then?” Tristan asked, and I knew we were no longer talking about him and Taryn.

“Not yet. I need to think. ”

“Good. Think. And then tell us. Because whatever the hell’s been going on with you for the past couple of weeks is freaking me out.”

“Well, God forbid I freak you out.”

“It’s true. I am the center of the universe.”

I laughed as Brandi, my client for the day, walked in. “Well, two handsome men laughing as I walk in. I hope you’re telling a dirty joke, and it’s not about me.”

“I promise it’s not about you. Come on down. We’re working on your back today.”

“Are we? I thought we were just working on the sketch.”

She gripped her hands in front of her, her teeth tugging at her lip.

I leaned forward and patted her arm. “If you’re not ready, we can just finish the sketch today. I can even put the stencil on your back to see how it looks. We don’t have to make a single mark today if you don’t want to.”

Brandi let out a breath. “Thank you. I know it sounds weird. I’ve been ready for this for years. I know exactly what I want, and we’ve been talking about it forever. But I think I want to show my sister.”

“Really?”

“I know it’s insane, but we tell each other everything. I haven’t told her about this, and it feels weird. I don’t like secrets.”

Tristan gave me a look, and I shuddered. It was coming at me from all angles today.

Brandi stared at me. “What happened?”

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

“You have that guilt face.”

“What’s the guilt face?” I snorted, tilting my head as I stared at her. “My sister called it a frowny face earlier.”

“It could be called that, too. My family called it guilt face. Now, what did you do?”

“I kissed someone,” I blurted.

She blinked as Tristan whistled between his teeth. Oh, my friend knew exactly who I was talking about.

“You kissed who?”

“A girl I wasn’t supposed to.”

“Why weren’t you? Is she someone else’s? Is she of age? Talk to me.”

“She’s no one else’s. She’s single. Completely of age. But off- limits.”

“Why is she off-limits? Does someone else love her?”

I shook my head, running my hands through my hair and feeling frustrated. “No, it’s nothing like that. I just said I wouldn’t go near her. They told me she was off-limits, so I didn’t let that happen.”

I explained a little bit more about her, but not too much. Brandi didn’t need to know all about May. And, frankly, I was getting exhausted trying to explain this corner I found myself in.

Brandi blinked at me. “Okay. You aren’t a jerk dude who lets other people say who’s off-limits. She’s the one who decides. Other dudes don’t get to piss around her and claim her as their territory because they think they need to protect her. That’s not how this works.”

Tristan laughed. “You’re my favorite person now.”

“I’m everybody’s favorite person.” She turned to me. “Leo. Are you serious right now? Are you terrified of what others will think, or are you afraid of what you could do?”

“I have no idea what that means. And I don’t know the answers.”

“Then think about it. But you’re clearly all worked up yet smiling at the thought of this woman. You should see what happens. Fix it. Apologize. Make sure she knows that you’re not a jerk. That means you can’t be a jerk.”

“What if I screw up?” I asked, my voice low.

“With who I think you’re talking about, you won’t,” Leif said.

I froze, then looked at my boss. I hadn’t even realized he’d come in. What the hell was wrong with me? “What?”

“With May? You’re not going to fuck it up.”

“May? That’s her name?” Brandi asked, a weird look on her face. Then she shook her head. “Seriously, though, just talk to her. All you need to do is talk to her.”

“I agree.” Leif glared at me. “I see the way you two act around each other. How you look at each other. Fix it, or I’ll fix you.”

I blinked. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I asked, my voice a growl. “What is going on right now?”

“What’s going on is that you need to figure out what you’re thinking. What you’re feeling. And talk to May,” Tristan put in.

“Talk to her,” Brandi whispered.

“And before? What I said about her being off-limits? I meant treating her like your past women—not that you ever would,” he put in. “I meant sleeping with her and walking away. Because I don’t need broken hearts all around us. But then I realized, thanks to Brooke and me, that it’s not my place. I’m not that jerk either, Brandi,” he said, telling me Leif had been listening for a while.

“You weren’t a jerk,” I growled.

“I’m not. But I had no right to tell you not to date May. To say she was off-limits. I could have said, and what I should have said, was that you two are both good friends of mine, and I don’t want things awkward. But that’s selfish of me. You guys would probably be great with each other. So, I’m just going to ignore what I said. Like you should ignore me.”

“Leif.”

“No, I have nothing to do with this. I meant at the moment, weeks ago. I didn’t mean for you not to date her. I was being a growly asshole.”

“You are a growly asshole,” I said with a laugh.

“We all are. Now, go fix it. That way, Brooke can stop yelling at me.”

I looked around and wondered what the fuck had just happened and what the hell I was supposed to do.