CHAPTER 39

Iawoke with sadness constricting my heart. As much as I didn't want to, I had to leave. I knew it as soon as Thea had broken the news to me. I needed to check on River. I needed to tell him I was sorry and that I was wrong.

Thanks to Kit's comforting presence, I was able to fall asleep but not without tears streaking my face. Weirdly enough, I was starting to find that when you cried yourself to sleep, you ended up falling into a deeper slumber. Like your body had consumed all its energy and could no longer handle your emotions, forcing you to fully shut down and rest. It was a bleak realisation. Clearly, I had cried myself to sleep too many times.

To my surprise, I had woken up feeling sure of my decision. But the thought of leaving Griffin made my aching heart cry out even louder. I was a mess. A mess who had to make a choice that would help one boy, only to hurt another. Another who I had grown so fond of.

The stupid, stubborn part of me pondered whether he would even care if I left. We weren't serious anyway. It wasn't like he was my boyfriend. But I knew better than that. I knew deep down he cared more than he'd ever admit. I knew deep down that we were more than we ever dared to voice.

I needed to talk to him.

Making my way to his room, I tried to recall how he'd reacted last night, but my mind blanked. The shock of it all had rendered my brain useless. I couldn't help but think that he must have known about it all. He was a captain. He was in the loop. He would have known the rogues were attacking before the rest of us found out. Was he keeping it from me this whole time? I vaguely remembered him going still after Thea had revealed that it was likely Amelia would have been killed as some sort of collateral damage in this budding rogue war, but maybe his reaction was the result of me finding out the truth and the implications that would have on our relationship. Implications that were already beginning to transpire.

With that thought seeded, I rushed up the stairs like a girl on a mission until I reached his door, knocking forcefully.

It opened to reveal a dishevelled Griffin, still as glorious as ever with that messy dark hair and those molten eyes, but the tiredness that settled under them was clear.

He smiled down at me. "Hey."

Sculpted, delicious abs momentarily distracted me as he opened the door wider before I snapped out of the trance.

I tried to glare at him. Tried not to be fragile right now. But as his beautiful eyes softened when they looked at me with concern, my countenance threatened to crumble.

He reached out to cup my face. "Are you okay, Supernova? I know last night was tough—"

I broke, cutting him off. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

Suddenly I was in hysterics and I couldn't help it.

"I didn't know, Venus. You never told me what the attack was," he replied, pulling me inside and closing the door behind us. I moved towards the centre of the living room. "I wouldn't keep that from you. I wouldn't lie to you like that fucking dog."

Despite his harsher tone, I settled at that, simmering down because he was right. I didn't ever tell him any of the details of the attack. How would he have known?

"So, you didn't know it was the rogues?" My voice was quiet.

He picked up my hand, holding it in his as he stepped closer.

"I knew the rogues were attacking more and more. I didn't know that it was a problem in Saint Claire. I'd only heard of it happening around the city." His hand snaked around my waist, bringing me closer to him. I tilted my face up towards his. I could see the sincerity in his expression. He continued. "It's not uncommon for wolves to attack humans. I've never trusted them. So, I didn't question what you'd told me. My patrols are always in the city, so that's usually as far as my knowledge goes. Despite what you might think, Thea doesn't tell me everything. I didn't know it wasn't your wolf. I would have told you if I knew it was a rogue. Even if that meant losing you to your old home. I know how much it would have meant to you. I promise I didn't know. Okay, baby?" His eyes pleaded with me, begging me to believe him. I nodded and his hands found their favourite spot at the back of my neck. He wrapped them in my hair as he kissed me deeply. Like he needed me to feel his truth. And I did. Kissing him back, giving us this moment. I closed my eyes. Feeling everything. My lips pulled his into my mouth as I tasted him. When we were done, he rested his forehead on mine and we stayed like that for a few moments.

I couldn't blame him for this. This was my fault. I ran away before ever giving River a chance to explain. And deep down I knew Griffin wouldn't lie to me. Wouldn't keep things from me. Not like River did. Maybe if Riv had been a bit more open with me, I wouldn't have jumped to conclusions so quickly. Or at least would have stayed to hear him out.

I gently moved away and sat on the couch. Griffin took the armchair, leaning forward on his elbows as he watched me. I could see the underlying apprehension that plagued him. So I ripped off the Band-Aid.

"I have to go see him."

"You're leaving?" His arms dropped as he stared at me, clearly taken aback. I couldn't ignore the hurt in his voice but I also couldn't leave things the way they were with River after knowing all this.

"I have to Griff."

"After everything between us? You're just going to go?" His volume slowly increased as his frustration settled in.

I couldn't look him in the eye as I nodded.

"Give me a day or two to talk to Thea. I can come with you." His eyes urged me not to go.

"I have to do this alone," I whispered.

"Fine." He abruptly stood up. "Go. Go back to him." He turned away from me. And just like that, he was gone, the door slamming behind him as he left me alone in his room. Alone in the eerie quiet.

???

In the last four months, this place became more of a home to me than anywhere else. I found myself here and I found my people. I didn't want to leave them. I didn't want to leave him. But I wouldn't be able to settle until I had addressed this.

Griff was nowhere to be found by the time I was ready to depart. Not even Carter knew where he was.

As much as my friends didn't want me to go, they understood why I needed to. Kit and Billie helped me pack a few things, but I wasn't sure how much I'd need. I didn't know what my plan was. Truth be told, I didn't have one. I wasn't sure if I'd return or if I'd end up staying. I knew the Knights were onto this now. That they were going to deal with this problem and that meant inadvertently helping River, which gave me a sense of relief.

The thought of him going through all of this without me even knowing cut deep. He had lied and kept things from me, but I couldn't imagine what he must have been going through. It all made sense; the phone calls, the withdrawn change to his personality. He was dealing with a lot and yet somehow, he still made time for me. Still found ways to deal with all my insignificant concerns. The pointless arguments. The trivial shopping trips. The time-wasting pizza dates. All while trying to hold off the menacing invaders that were advancing on his territory, ones that threatened the livelihood of his whole pack. That threatened my livelihood.

I was just grateful he had his inner circle to help with all of this. And now he would have the Knights. Whatever needed to be done, I would help. I could help now.

A task force would be sent to Saint Claire soon enough. So maybe that was an opportunity for me to rejoin them later. I didn't know for sure. Maybe I'd stay in town with River and my family. But right now, I didn't give it more thought than that. It had been too long since I'd left. And that's all I knew for sure. That I needed to make things right with River. The rest would come.

I had told Thea I was heading back and she didn't fight me on it. She said she'd get Kit or Billie to text me with updates and let me know when the task force would be on its way down. I could see that she wanted to remind me what side I was on, but the words didn't leave her mouth. When we were done, I nodded to her and she mimicked the action. A silent agreement that I'd eventually find my way back to the Knights.

Kit, Billie and Carter walked me to the subway. They squeezed me, one by one, with tears lining each of our eyes; strong emotions hiding just beneath the surface that no one voiced in an unsaid pact so as to not make it more difficult.

"Text us!" Kit called out as I began to head towards the turnstile.

"Definitely." I smiled to her.

"Everyday?" She pushed and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Everyday," I assured.

"Good."

"Take care, Vee." Billie's voice trailed after me as I passed through the gates.

"You too!"

"Don't get up to too much trouble," Carter added with a wink.

"I'll try not to." I gave them a final wave.

It would be hard not to see each other for a while, especially after being with each other every single day for the last third of year. But I promised them it wasn't goodbye for good. And I was able to walk away from them with that promise binding us together.

I couldn't say the same for Griffin. The way we had left things was horrible. I didn't even get to say a proper goodbye before he stormed out of there. If I thought about it too much, the pain that thronged inside me became unbearable. Life was a bitch. This was a full circle moment; I had left River like that and now Griffin had left me in the same way. Karma could go fuck itself.

As I took a seat in the busy carriage, I was hit with an unnerving sense of deja vu. Once again, I was in the same spot; on the same train, leaving the person I cared about behind and running away from a plethora of problems. Feelings of sorrow and heartache, anger and guilt, plagued me. My heart was again racing as I watched the landscape change for the second time as I left my new life that I had come to love. A life where I had found a sense of direction and purpose I never had before.

If it wasn't for River and falsely believing he was a killer, I never would have known this side of me. When I sat in this same spot all those months ago, I had hoped the city would bring about something good. And it sure had provided. It was so good, that leaving it now was almost as hard as coming here to begin with. The city had given and given; friends, love, purpose, confidence, fight and now answers.

Once again, everything I thought I knew had been wrong. And I couldn't fight the guilt that all of this had come at River's expense.