Chapter 40

He was here. Every hair on her body stood at attention. Rafe was in the woods. She could feel him. Ruby sucked in a deep breath as though she could inhale him into her lungs and keep him locked inside her chest.

She’d thought she sensed him the night before but hadn’t been sure. Now she was sure. He was there again. Their old game was back in play, but now with the familiar zing of excitement came the desperate longing for what she was missing.

She strode down the path, pretending to ignore the weight of his stare from the shadows, pretending to be immune to his presence when all she really wanted to do was drop down in the dirt at his feet and beg him to come back to her. But she didn’t. She wouldn’t.

Instead she let him walk beside her, his steady breathing and quiet footsteps comforting her aching heart. Neither of them spoke but Ruby knew he was getting closer, and could feel his warmth beside her. Perhaps if she turned and peered into the darkness she would catch a glimpse of her wolf. But she kept her eyes on the path ahead of her, using her phone to light only the dirt in front of her feet.

“I miss you,” she whispered to the darkness.

No answer other than rustling leaves in the branches overhead.

“I miss watching movies with you. I know Twilight was secretly your favorite.” She paused, hoping he wouldn’t be able to resist arguing about his least favorite werewolf portrayal in a teen drama. “Team Jacob all the way, right?”

Nothing.

She kept walking and felt him keep stride beside her. “I definitely miss you making me breakfast. Lena tried yesterday and I had to pretend to like my toast burnt and my eggs runny.”

Still nothing.

Ruby blew out a sigh and adjusted her bag on her shoulder. “This purse is awfully heavy. I sure wish a big strong man would come out and carry it for me,” she said in her best damsel-in-distress voice, hand on her forehead for dramatic effect.

A wolfy huff cut through the sound of the crickets. Ruby bit down on a smile. “I miss that wolfy sound you always make.”

He did it again, the low breathy noise teasing Ruby with its closeness.

“I’m glad you’re still there. Even though I should be pissed at you. Even though I kind of am.”

They were nearly at her house now and she dreaded the moment he would leave her again. “For a minute there, I really thought this would work. I thought we understood each other. I thought we were inevitable…”

She swallowed the tears that rose up in her throat. She considered telling him about Knox’s little visit. It might draw him out; his instinct to protect her was clearly still intact. But she’d told him before, she didn’t want a bodyguard. She just wanted him.

“If this is the only way I can have you, then I’ll take it. Just knowing you’re there, listening. I’ll take it.”

The light from her windows spilled into the yard, and she stopped at the edge, not wanting to leave him. She turned in time to see silver eyes watching her from the dark before she made her way slowly to the door.

The wood was covered in scratches, a permanent reminder of how this all started, of why Rafe was so terrified to be with her. How her sweet werewolf could ever think he was anything like the deranged wolves who attacked her was incomprehensible. As angry as she was with him for turning her away, Ruby knew Rafe was the one in more pain here.

She just hoped it didn’t take too long for him to realize what she already knew. She would love him for the rest of her life. He’d been right all along. Fate didn’t make mistakes.

* * *

Rafe waited for her every night for a week at the edge of the woods just like before. He walked her home just like before. He stuck to the shadows just like before. His life was running on a tortuous loop and it was his own damn fault.

Knox’s words about keeping Ruby safe were like a toxin in his blood. Every time he thought he was close to purging them, they came back to the surface. But Knox had forgotten something. A truth Rafe kept reminding himself of, the fact like a balm to his wounds. Scarlet didn’t want him, didn’t accept him. But Ruby did.

She had all along. Even her terror had been for his safety, not about his misdeeds. And still he’d pushed her away. Still he balked at being with her, at having the one thing that would make him happy after living centuries with only half a soul.

He was an idiot.

And for some reason she was still talking to him, still holding on to this thing between them because it was too fucking precious to let it go. Still acting like he wasn’t a monster at all. And slowly it was sinking in, slowly it was replacing things he’d thought about himself for years.

Ruby’s steady belief in him, along with Nell’s words, worked to chip away at the image he had of himself. He’d always been the sensitive one, she’d said. Had everyone seen him differently than he’d seen himself for years? Even Knox, underneath his posturing bullshit, seemed hurt that Rafe had left and never returned. The brother he was sure wanted him dead wanted him to come home.

With every day that passed, every night spent walking beside his Mate, Rafe’s confidence in his decision to stay away from Ruby wavered. He’d acted out of decades-old fear and a lifetime of believing he wasn’t worth loving.

But Nell loved him. His brothers … tolerated him. Maybe even wanted him around? Could Ruby love him too?

“Macy sent home chicken parm tonight.” Ruby’s chatter interrupted his thoughts and Rafe smiled. Chicken parm was her favorite.

“That should make me happy.” Her voice was too far away so he slunk closer, stealthy even in his human form. “But food can only do so much, you know?”

He winced. He couldn’t keep doing this. He was hurting her. His Mate was in pain because of him. It was worse than finding her bleeding in the grass. He could see that now. That wolf attack was not his damn fault, but this … this sorrow in Ruby’s voice, this was his fucking fault.

“It’s hard being without you. Do you feel it too?”

God, yes, he felt it in every inch of his body. He ached with it.

She turned suddenly on the path and stared into the shadows. He could tell by the way she squinted that she couldn’t actually see him yet, but she spoke into the darkness anyway.

“Why are you doing this, Rafe?” Her voice broke and so did Rafe’s restraint. He stepped into the light and Ruby flinched, startled. But the smile that crossed her face at the sight of him set his heart racing. How could she still look at him like that? He didn’t deserve that smile but God he wanted to earn it.

“I thought you wouldn’t want me anymore after what I did.” His voice was raspy from a week of speaking to no one but the ghosts in his head.

Ruby’s eyes widened. “You thought I wouldn’t want you after you saved my life? My sister’s life?”

Rafe shook his head. “I don’t know. I just … I thought that wasn’t me anymore. I thought I could be…” He growled in frustration, his thoughts scrambling in Ruby’s presence. “I thought I could be more human for you.”

“Oh.” Ruby’s response was small and quiet in the expanse of the woods.

“But I can’t. That attack made it perfectly clear, Ruby. I’m still a beast.”

“And what if I want the beast?”

Rafe huffed. “We have to stop playing this game.”

“It isn’t a game, and protecting people you care about isn’t a sin!”

God, he wanted to believe her. His body called for hers; keeping his hands clenched at his sides was taking all his strength.

“You didn’t leave,” Ruby continued before he could piece together an explanation, before he could collect the reasons for his self-hatred.

“What?”

“You said it was over, that we were over, but you’re still here.” She put her hands on her hips, ready to fight, and hope surged in Rafe’s chest.

“I can’t stay away. You know that.”

“Then why do you keep trying?” Ruby’s voice rose. “I don’t know how many more times I can tell you that I want you. Both sides of you. That I’m not scared of you. That I fucking love you!”

Her arms were across her chest, and she was scowling at him, and her words were sharp and angry, but all Rafe heard was that she loved him. Ruby, his Ruby, loved him. And everything else faded into the background. Every doubt. Every fear. He’d be insane to turn her away now.

“Tell me again,” he demanded.

“What?” Ruby asked, brow furrowed, frown pulling down her red lips. She’d painted them to walk through the woods with him and he loved that. He loved her.

“Tell me again. And again. Please.” He stepped closer until he could feel her warmth. “I’ll try to hear you this time. I’ll keep trying.”

Her face crumpled and she leaned into his chest, her cheek pressed against his heart. “I love you, you big idiot. I love you and I want you and I need you.”

She needed him. Ruby, who tried so hard not to need anyone, had just admitted to needing him. Couldn’t he do the same? Couldn’t he leave all his bullshit behind for her?

“Shit, Ruby.” He wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips to her hair. “I love you too. I’m sorry I’m so screwed up. I wanted to be something better for you.” He breathed her in, crushing her to his body. How had he thought for a second he could live without this? Why had he even tried?

“We’re all screwed up. And I don’t want you to be different. I want you to be you.” Her words were muffled as she spoke nuzzled against his chest. “Just stay with me.”

Rafe grabbed her by the arms and pulled her away so she could see his face, so she could see how dead serious he was. He was going to do this. He could be the man she needed, the man she wanted. He could trust her like she trusted him.

“Always.” Knowing Ruby loved him burned down all his doubts. Nell was right. Ruby was different. This time was different.

“Even if my face is doing something weird?”

He huffed a laugh. “Even if your face looks absolutely horrified. I won’t leave. You’re stuck with me.”

She grinned through her tears and he pulled her close again. He held her like that for a long time, lingering on the overgrown forest path where he had first seen her. His fingers wove through her hair and down her back. He let them trail over the tempting curve of her ass and back again. Ruby sighed against him and he thought he could stay here forever, listening to the crickets and the distant thunder and the heartbeat of his beloved.

“Walk me home?” Ruby asked, eventually emerging from their mutual stupor.

“Of course.” Rafe took her hand and led her through the dark woods back to the little house on the edge of the trees.

“Hey, Rafe?” she asked when they stood in her yard under the soft glow of the lights from Lena’s window.

“Yeah?” He didn’t know what was supposed to happen next and his heart clenched at the thought of letting her go inside alone. But as for the next logical step, he was at a complete loss.

“Want to make it official?” She raised her eyebrows suggestively and heat shot through Rafe’s body.

“What did you have in mind?”

Ruby ran a hand down his chest, her fingers skating across his abs, skimming along the waistband of his pants. A low growl started in his throat. Ruby smiled wider.

“I thought instead of running away from me, we could switch it up. Maybe I could do the running…”

A dozen images crowded into his head, Ruby running, Ruby pinned down… He groaned.

“What are you asking for, Ruby?”

Pink crept up her cheeks and she bit down on her bottom lip. “I want you to chase me.”

Fuck.

The chance to release all these human emotions and let his inner beast play was so damn tempting. He could show Ruby how much he wanted her so much better than he could ever tell her.

Rafe stepped closer and dipped his head. He whispered, “And what do you want me to do when I catch you?” He brushed his lips along the shell of Ruby’s ear and she shivered.

“I want you to make me yours.”

His teeth scraped the soft skin of her neck. “You’re sure?”

“Yes.” The word was nothing more than an exhale but it rang through his body and left him trembling. There was no coming back from this, but if she was in then so was he. Forever.

He held her closer, his lips pressed against her racing pulse, her fingers raking through his hair. He kissed her hard and fast and then let her go. She leaned back against a tree with a gasp.

He let his lips tip into a predatory grin as his gaze raked over her. “Well, brave girl, you better run.”