Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I didn't sleep a wink after my date with Marcus. It wasn't the revelations that got me. It was the fact that I didn't ask enough questions. The right questions. I barely learned anything.

It was like I showed up to Differential Equations when the teacher still needed to teach me 2 + 2. I was so far out of my wheelhouse; I couldn't even discern the best place to begin.

So instead, like a jealous, insecure nerd, I just offered myself as a blood bag, because he made a really good sandwich, and I didn't like the idea of him being with other people. That was magical compulsion due to the mate mark, I bet. I didn't know how marks worked, but that seemed more likely than believing I was that much of a fan girl.

Okay, I was kind of his fan girl. If he was telling the truth, then he was the first guy to ever want me just out of genuine interest. Not to mention he was also one of the best looking men I'd ever met in my life. And he was a vampire? My teenage comic book reading heart would be telling me to propose.

I couldn't even villainize him as one of those creepy ‘five-hundred year old immortal seeking a sixteen year old virgin' type vampires. He was barely older than me. If he turned me one day, we could live a big, long, sexy eternal life together. That was win, win, win, and win.

It all sounded great in theory, but in reality, this whole situation was much more terrifying, especially when I didn't know for sure what each month would look like with him or with his brother.

What a mess.

Either way, there was no reason I needed to keep avoiding Marcus. I'd been a bit cold to him since the field trip out of frustration, but he was bonded to me on some level of semi-permanence, so it would probably be wise to keep that friendship strong.

With a sigh, I plunked onto my bed and mentally prepared myself for a very long couple weeks. We'd start learning about the Pisces in Astrology Club soon. I didn't know if I should be excited or terrified of a sign represented by fish.

Well, if the Aquarius didn't drown me, how bad could this sign be?

It was amazing the way Professor Karras had managed to create a consistently non-awkward and impersonal front throughout Physics. He did a good job of barely acknowledging me, while also answering my questions like I was anyone else. The easy going man in class was nothing like the professor I knew.

Having learned just a little bit more about him, I wanted more than ever to sit down and talk and get more of that information first hand. He was so unapproachable though, and I didn't want to cause him additional grief by trapping him after class. Our relationship was a confusing, squiggly line, where it was near impossible to figure out which side was appropriate and which side was crossing a boundary. It was clear that he didn't want to be alone with me over the field trip, but that didn't change that we shared some sort of bond. He was a closed book, and I needed him to at least let me peek at the title page.

As Astrology Club came around, another week closer to the Pisces full moon, I walked into the classroom and patted my cheeks in a silent pep talk. If all went well, I will have convinced myself to be bold, speak up, and participate in the open. It was important I gather any information I could within the next two weeks.

When I sat down, Marcus was already settled at the desk beside me. Linda was flirting with the professor as usual, and I tried not to be annoyed in light of our new found sort-of-friendship. There was nothing wrong with her as a person beyond my own insecurity and that spike of irritation every time I watched her talk to Adrian. I didn't want to base my opinions on her around whether I decided I was good enough or not, but her natural perfection had a tendency to bring out my defeatist tendencies. I'd have to unpack all that one of these days. Maybe when we got to the month of the Virgo, I'd discover it was all astrology's fault.

I laughed internally while keeping up a neutral expression externally. All mocking aside, it wasn't like I could argue that zodiac signs were part of fake pseudoscience anymore. Not when I just rode that water bearer and goat dick.

"As we cross into the month of March, let's hone in on discussing our first Mutable sign of the year." Professor Karras began the lesson by drawing a symbol composed of a line crossing two curved brackets. He wrote Pisces in bold letters beside the symbol.

"Mutable?" Linda asked with a few fast, fluttery, flirty blinks. "What does that mean?" I got the impression that astrology was even more her personality than it was Marcus and Adrian's, so I would hazard a guess that she knew the answer to that question. She was just trying to be engaging and keep Adrian's attention. But I didn't know anything about anything, so I wasn't going to complain.

"It means that someone who is born in the month of the Pisces is more likely to be open to compromise. A mutable sign is willing or capable of change, and they'll often put their partner's needs and wants before their own. Of all the signs, a fluid water sign like a Pisces is especially open to adapting, to the point that they can lose themselves in their pursuit of meeting their partner's expectations."

I glanced subtly at Marcus. He seemed pretty good at adapting to my needs. My mom had probably mentioned what sign was what, but I could never remember all of these bazillion little details.

I returned my attention to the front of the room, then I raised my hand.

"What other signs are like that? Is the Leo a Mutable sign? "

For the first time ever, Adrian's mask didn't just slip—I think it straight up fell off. He full blown snort laughed, and had to cover his face to hide the amusement on his lips that was still vividly apparent in his turquois eyes.

Marcus stared at me wide eyed, and if I didn't know better, I might say I'd stunned him into mortified silence.

"A mutable Beta…" He grumbled beneath his breath, the words muffled by his fist over his mouth. "Is that really how you see me, Lila?" He said, directly into my mind.

I just smiled sweetly at the vampire, and I'd admit that I liked being on the offensive for once. If they were all going to withhold information, I was going to use my own ignorance to make them wish they had taken the time to fill me in.

"Is being mutable bad?" Linda asked next, watching the small, quiet scene we were all making.

"No, not bad." Adrian managed to wrangle in his shaking laughter long enough to speak like an authority figure. "There are a lot of advantages to having traits that go with the flow and don't pose challenges. But no, a Leo is not, by nature or the stars, mutable. A Virgo , however, is."

It was Marcus' turn to smirk-laugh at me, and I sucked my teeth in response.

Adrian continued. "As is the Gemini and the Sagittarius. Every element has one of each. Each designation brings different traits, distinguishing what might otherwise be similar elements. It's easy to dismiss astrology when you only have a basic understanding of its principals, but once you truly dig into the many layers of every star sign, I think you'll see more and more of its value and truths."

Why did that feel like a personal jab…

"So what was the Aquarius?" Linda chimed in again, most likely because that had been her star sign. "If I recall correctly, the Aquarius is a caring sign who's very in tune with their partner's pleasure, right?" She squeezed her ample chest between her arms. "So shouldn't that make them a compromising sign as well?"

"That's an interesting interpretation." Professor Karras nodded along. "But interestingly enough, the way the Aquarius tends to their lovers is quite different from a mutable sign. On the contrary, an Aquarius is a fixed sign, and as such, is particularly stubborn and set in their ways. While they care tremendously about pleasing their partner, they also believe they know what's best without necessarily taking into account feedback. Where a Pisces will change to better serve others, an Aquarius will hold to their values, and choose a partner who already suits their sensibilities." He spoke to a completely captive audience of one. "Both signs love deeply, but that love manifests with very different expectations."

I about wanted to groan at the way he was stroking that Aquarius ego, but instead, I tuned it out to glance at Marcus again. He'd been oddly quiet, even with my poking. Usually he would be making trouble, prodding Adrian about his star sign, but he was instead staring at the wall with his cheek in his palm. I was trying to be playful and tease him, but maybe asking if he was mutable was the step too far .

I was only kidding. I thought to myself, hoping he was listening. I was sure there was value in any sign's innate characteristics and modality, but somehow Marcus was all bitter about it.

Considering I was the mutable sign among us, I should have been the offended one.

Marcus ignored me, so I made a mental note to not be so stand-off-ish with him. I was trying to stick up for myself, but I didn't want to push him away and lose his friendship.

I inhaled a deep breath through my nose before I made myself engage in the conversation again, hoping to soften the blow. "So a Capricorn like you must be fixed then, right?"

Marcus rolled his eyes. " Did you have to get him started?" He said through his silent channel.

Adrian's smile was eerily friendly as he shook his head. "No, the fixed modality is made up of the Aquarius, Taurus, Scorpio, and Leo."

The professor returned to his white board and drew a grid with three columns and four rows. The rows covered each element, while the columns were labeled Mutable, Fixed, and something called ‘Cardinal.' He listed each sign under its designation. Virgo was earth and mutable, Leo was fire and fixed, and Capricorn was in the last column.

"Interestingly enough," he went into that over excited, buzzy nerd energy that he had in Physics, and I didn't know why that did things for me. "Capricorns start the Winter Season and belong to the Cardinal modality. Cardinal signs are typically characterized as the leaders and visionaries of the Astrological wheel. Tying into the endless ambition of a Capricorn, cardinal signs are the go getters who take risks and are very self-motivated." He paused a few moments, as if that statement had struck some revelation in his mind. He cleared his throat upon finishing whatever internal conversation was prattling through his head, then he faced me. The intensity of his attention had me shrinking away in my seat.

What was I playing at here by participating so much?

Instant regret. This forced boldness wasn't working for me. I would not be doing this again.

Adrian resumed the lecture. "Other Cardinal signs include the Libra, the Aries, and the Cancer. Similar to how the elements rotate one after the other each month, so, too, do the modalities. Every element gets one of each, and this adds additional nuance to compatibility within the signs." He started adding dates and seasons to the chart. "If you struggle to remember which sign is which, you just have to look at where they fall within the season. A Cardinal sign starts each season, as an initiator and leader. A Fixed sign maintains the middle of a season, like a stable and reliable workhorse. And a Mutable sign ends a season, creating a smooth transition to begin the cycle anew. Every modality is needed and important to the flow and cycle of life."

"You do seem like a born leader." Linda popped in again, and this time, I was okay with her cringy flirting that took the attention away from me.

"That's probably what attracted me to teaching." He was so proud, it would have almost been cute if there was anything soft and safe enough about Professor Karras to call him that. I wondered if those statements were real or fabricated. He seemed so prickly, but I wanted to know more about that passionate mentor side of him.

"That seems a little unbalanced though." Linda noted, and I had to agree with her. It must have been nice to know you were born to be the potter instead of the clay.

I was just clay.

I frowned and played with my fingers.

The professor shook his head. "It may sound somewhat unfair and demeaning if you're born under a sign thought to follow rather than lead, but every personality type is necessary for the world to function smoothly. A group of a thousand uncompromising Alphas will accomplish much less than a single leader and nine-hundred-ninety-nine loyal and attentive warriors. People are so quick to put all of the value on a singular figurehead, when that man at the top would be nothing without the army lifting him."

I'll admit that I smiled a little at that. I still wished I could be the leader, but then… I went into a borderline panic attack every time I had to make a presentation in front of a class of thirty, so maybe being mutable was a more innate truth than I wanted to admit. I'd have to ask how introversion and extroversion played into the signs next.

What am I even saying? I visibly laughed at myself, before I covered my mouth to hide the act. I was starting to buy way too deeply into this nonsense. The existence of magical zodiac shifters didn't actually prove the ridiculous personality parameters. I would never believe planets retrograding had any bearing on real life, nor would I believe that everyone born in a certain month had the same base characteristics. It was all arbitrary bullshit .

I nodded as if I'd just won an argument with my brain, while Adrian continued preaching his rubbish.

"As a reference point, let's look at two signs of the same element but different modalities. For example, the Cardinal Earth Capricorn is an interesting match with a Mutable Earth Virgo." My face blanched. Marcus seemed unusually annoyed. "Being a Cardinal sign, a Capricorn's ambition and drive can often be the catalyst to initiate change in the Mutable Virgo. The push and pull encourages the two to learn and grow together. So while the elements already lend to certain commonalities and compatibility, the modalities bring in an added layer of complementary but different approaches to the same base."

Not sure what to make of all that. Even less sure why Adrian decided to publically pick our combined signs without being prodded and poked by Marcus first. He could have talked about any other set of elements, but no, let's go with the one that has the whole class staring at my now blazing red face.

I dipped my chin, hoping my long hair would help with the visible mortification factor. What the hell was he doing?

The lecture wrapped up with the usual buzz. I looked to Marcus, who stood without saying a word. I pursed my lips, puzzled and feeling a bit apologetic.

Are we okay? I thought, in hopes he was listening.

He met my eyes, betraying no emotion in the flecks of gold that swam through his unusual irises. He held his eerily intimidating expression for about fifteen seconds before one side of his lips lifted, and he sent a message straight into my mind, "I will always be okay with you, Baby doll. But… don't ever call me a mutable Beta again. "

"Noted." I responded through thought with a smile and a nod. "Are we still on for, uh…" I rubbed my neck where I assumed he'd bite me.

He acknowledged the hint by patting me on the head. "I'm counting down the days."

With one more look shared between us, we finished our silent conversation, and he headed off. I started gathering my things with a sense of relief while letting my thoughts wander to everything I'd just learned.

"Lila." Adrian's voice pulled me from my task, and I jumped when I realized, at some point, he'd appeared right beside my desk. I scanned the room around us, only to see that we were the only ones left, and I didn't know what witchery had allowed this to happen. How unfocused had I been to not even notice the last person leaving or the sound of the door shutting?

Though, in my defense, I had a lot to think about these days.

"Yes, professor?" I managed something cordial and socially acceptable, despite the fact that there was no one else around. I wondered if the door was locked. I'd been so oblivious, I hadn't noticed. But then, Professor Karras wasn't one to risk eavesdroppers or interlopers.

I swallowed thickly before I forced a few more words, as if continuing to talk would give off the impression that I was comfortable and chill and totally not on edge around everyone and everything lately. "Did you need something from me?"

He cleared his throat and broke eye contact like he had any reason to be uneasy .

Weird. Who did he think he was? Me?

"Just a status update." He was impressively deadpan for how much uncharacteristic nervousness was in his body language. "As we approach the next full moon, it might be a good idea for us to chat. I haven't been overly forthcoming with you, and it's not fair or safe to keep you in the dark at this point. Especially not now that you…"

Please don't say ‘fucked my brother. ' For the love of ALL that's holy and just, don't tell me Marcus and Adrian are swapping stories about my vagina. Anything but that.

No, they wouldn't do that. They didn't like each other, according to Marcus. He didn't know about my dealings with the professor because they were friends. He only knew about the night of the Capricorn moon because I'd called him to the cafeteria, and he'd happened upon me—and protected my decency, I might add. I side eyed Adrian without explanation, and I wouldn't be clarifying why.

"Now that I what?" I said when he was taking way too long to finish his sentence.

"Now that you have an idea of what to expect."

Good answer. I'd have golf clapped if I had the mind to be sarcastic around him.

"Not really." I only half lied. I knew enough to suspect that, if I encountered either one of them, I'd be facing down a Pisces mixed with a vampire or an incubus. But I had no idea what two floppy fish were going to look like in weird zodiac shifter context. Not knowing how to swim somehow felt considerably more relevant this month, and yet, he'd not seemed terribly worried about it. "I mean, I don't have the foggiest clue what your trigger could be, so whether I run into you or not, or whether you get turned into a fish monster or not, is really up in the air."

Adrian snorted despite himself. "You're surprisingly good at making light of this situation, considering your position."

"I don't really know how else I'm supposed to handle it. I'm not just going to cower in my room every time there's a full moon. And even if I did, I doubt I'd be safe there." I hugged my arms across my chest in a natural defensive gesture. "But honestly, I think you're more nervous about the full moon than I am. You said yourself you can't do anything in that form without my consent, so what do I have to be afraid of?"

Adrian frowned. "It's not that simple."

"Of course it's not, but I'm trying to do better about freaking out about things I can't control." I took a step back from both my desk and my professor, and I subtly analyzed my escape route. "Anyway, it was a really interesting lesson today. My parents really liked astrology growing up, and I didn't care enough to pay attention to all the ins and outs. It's a lot more complicated than I realized." One more step, safe and slow and subtle.

"Did both of your parents talk a lot about astrology?" He was watching my every move with the precision of a predator. "Do you know their signs?"

I scrunched my nose at that. "My dad literally made us read our horoscopes over breakfast every single morning. My mom is a Libra born in late September, and my dad was born in late December, so he's a Capricorn like you." Oh no. That mortifying moment you realize you slept with an older man who has something in common with your father.

What have I done? Is this what having daddy issues looks like?

"Why are you making that face?" He raised both brows, and I cleared my throat.

"No reason." I grumbled.

"So your dad was most interested in astrology, but it was your mother who enrolled you here, right?" What was he getting at?

I nodded. "I already told you that. She got her accounting degree here." Here we go again. Was he also trying to imply I wasn't human? "We've been through this."

Professor Karras threw up his hands defensively. "I'm not trying to overstep. I'm just trying to understand a bit more about you. I feel like we got off on the wrong foot, and I'd like to do better about that since you've insisted on spending the year in so many of my classes."

My laugh was involuntary. "I couldn't really get around that without completely giving up on everything I came to college for in the first place." I chewed on my lip, then stopped when I realized I was nibbling on his literal mate mark. "I promise I didn't come here in hopes of spending every day of my life on uncomfortable egg shells."

"Well, I want to remedy that." Say what now? "The awkwardness, I mean. I've been incredibly unfair to you these last two months. Let me make it up to you. It doesn't have to be so tense in the interim. "

I stared at him, stunned.

Fucking.

Stunned.

Who was this rational, unaggressive man speaking to me? Was this the difference between moonstruck Adrian and normal Adrian? Was he actually a level headed person sometimes? "How exactly is that going to work?"

"Let me take you out."

"What?" The word came out more like a gasp. I didn't even know I was capable of a sound so high pitched. "Are you asking me on a date?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm just suggesting we go to dinner and get to know each other."

Oh, how completely, not at all similar to a date. "That sounds like a date."

"Intent to form a relationship would make it a date. I'm proposing a study session." He sighed. "I know I said we can't be friends, but I would like to at least understand your perspective, so I can do better about respecting your needs and comfort. I'd like to have a professional relationship going forward, and that's difficult when we're both in the dark about the other person." His ability to deflect from the fact that this was obviously a date was impressive.

And that was when I got suspicious.

"You said we couldn't spend time together outside of class. What made you change your mind? "

Once again, I prayed that he wouldn't answer that with "well, I got jealous when you fucked my brother."

"Inevitability, fairness, responsibility." He ran a hand through his longer-on-top brown hair. "It's my fault you're in this situation where you have to worry about every month's moon in the first place, and as your mentor, it's not acceptable that I might leave you in a vulnerable position due to ignorance. The mature and fair course of action would be to answer your questions and help you to better arm yourself."

"Really, is that why?" I pursed my lips, palpable doubt written all over my face.

"That, and if there's a risk of any given month going terribly wrong, I'd rather have control over the location and situation." There it is. "We can't have an emotional relationship, but we can have a structured and scientific one."

Uh huh . "Fine. You win. Let's go on a logical, platonic, professional, solitary dinner and get to know each other." I should have turned him down, but at this point, I was so beside myself, I couldn't seem to find the words. It was advantageous for me to go along with it anyway. I could ask him questions and compare notes with what Marcus told me. I'd wanted to get to know him, so I should be happy that he was now more receptive to it, right? It was almost as if the changing signs subtly altered his personality each month, even outside of transformation.

Only, I'd been so focused on Marcus and my job lately, I'd hardly thought about what I was to Adrian. He'd already rejected me so many times, it was silly to keep pushing when I had other people who wanted to spend time with me .

And yet, I bore his mark too, and I was still just as tied to him as anyone else. But he was so closed off and inaccessible, that it hardly felt like it. I guess that was intentional.

"Perfect. Two weeks, I'll pick you up and take you out somewhere nice." Somewhere nice, but not date-like, obviously. Just somewhere where I'd need to dress up and look my best, like all friends do together.

Wait a minute…

"Isn't the full moon in two more weeks?" I stated with a moment of realization.

Adrian chuckled, then he patted me on the shoulder. "Two weeks." He repeated, before he stepped away and headed for the door. It was easy for him to escape without further inquiry, purely on the basis that I was at a loss for words, and my brain had fully short circuited.

I didn't know if this was a game to protect me, get to know me, or because his Incubus hadn't been fed, but despite any effort I'd previously made to pursue him, I was now very much questioning my life path.