Chapter 45

My ice-coated fist slammed into a wooden shield, cracking it down the centre right between the eyes of the ugly green Dragon painted on it.

"Good. Again," Tyler encouraged, fixing the shield and raising the other one in his right hand.

I slammed my fist into the shield, then the other with a twisted-looking Shadow Princess painted on it, determined to break right through them. Tyler fixed them as fast as I could punch, my coated knuckles slamming hard into the wood over and over. The impact ricocheted up my arms and sweat was beading on my bare chest. We'd been at this all morning, and I stamped my foot in anger as I continued to be thwarted, the words of my horoscope wrapping themselves around my thoughts like a taunt.

Good morning, Sagittarius.

The stars have spoken about your day!

Today is a meeting of the paths where you will either take the first tentative steps in a new and revolutionary direction or continue to stumble across dead ends. Though frustrations will rise each time you find yourself reaching another blockade, take heed in the fact that every new attempt could place your feet upon the path you have been seeking. Open your heart to new ways of considering the world and listen to the whispers of your soul, for it seeks the salvation you so desperately crave and is willing your stubborn mind to bend towards it.

The words made no more sense to me now than they had when I'd first read them and all they served to do was rile me up further as I failed to achieve my goal.

There were plenty of others training around me, the Pitball stadium repurposed for any academy students who wanted to fight in the war to come and train. Tiberius ran most of these sessions, dedicated to honing the army into the fittest and the best.

Darcy and Geraldine were working together to my right, Geraldine casting wooden shields the same way Tyler was for me, and Athena and Grayson were on my other side.

My gaze slipped to Sofia over Tyler's shoulder where another line of rebels were training with fire. She cast tiny fireballs at a target ahead of her that moved sporadically under a levitation charm. Our old professors helped coordinate the training, keeping the targets moving or marching down the lines offering out tips.

Lance Orion was headed this way, his chest bare from his own training, but he was playing the asshole professor today too, shouting orders at anyone who was lagging. He paused just beyond Tyler, folding his arms and watching Darcy for several moments. His eyes brightened before he turned them on me and all darkness descended instead.

"Watch your stance, Acrux," he clipped, and I readjusted my footing.

"You're not a teacher anymore, you can use my first name," I said through my teeth, then swung a fist at the left shield. It cracked again, but Tyler fixed it once more.

"Come on, Xavier, you've got more in you than this," Tyler urged.

"I'll use your first name when you break one of those shields," Orion goaded me, and I snorted angrily.

Tiberius started marching this way too, his gaze snapping between the ranks, looking for weaknesses. "Five more minutes then switch stations!" he bellowed.

"I wouldn't let anyone switch stations until they'd achieved the goal of the station they're at," Orion muttered just as Darcy's fist split through one of her shields.

"Holy wangadoodles! That was quite the crackerjack," Geraldine cheered.

"Good work, beautiful," Orion called to her, and I scowled at his obvious favouritism.

Darcy smiled, raising her fists again as Geraldine reset the shields.

"Focus," Tyler urged me.

I swung another fist, driving it hard into the face of the green Dragon, my fury setting my pulse pounding in my ears as I thought of everything that piece of shit had done to me.

"Tyler, move stations," Orion ordered, forcing him to step aside so he could take his place.

"You don't have earth, you can't cast the shields," I hissed.

"Fuck the shields," he said. "Hit me here." He tapped his jaw.

"What?" I balked.

"I'll have a go," Darcy offered with a hopeful grin, and Orion shot her a heated look.

"Get back in line, Miss Vega. You only broke one shield, break the other one before your time is up or I'll make sure you regret it," he warned, then turned to me again.

He tapped his jaw once more. "Come on."

"You're gonna use your Vampire speed to move," I said, stamping my foot. "Let me work with the shields."

"The shields test your strength, but that's not your weakness."

"Then why can't I break them?" I barked.

"Because of that rage. It's fucking with your focus. You know you can break a shield, but your anger is making you mess up the punches."

"And why shouldn't I be angry? What do you expect? My father has taken over the star damned kingdom, Lance. Didn't you get the message?" I snapped.

"Hit me," he said simply.

"Let me work on the shields," I insisted, moving to step past him to fetch Tyler, but Orion just smacked me around the head.

"Hit me," he demanded, and I swung for him in fury, feeling Athena and Grayson's eyes on me.

He sped away predictably, appearing behind me and shoving me in the back. I stumbled forward several steps with a curse then swung around, my heart thundering and my jaw gritting.

"What's your problem?" I lunged for him, fist cutting through the air, wanting to wipe that casual expression off his face.

He sped back two steps to evade it and I stumbled forward, swinging for him again. He zoomed behind me, kicking me in the ass and sending me flying onto the ground. I rolled on to my back, a savage whinny tearing from my throat as he stood over me.

"Hit. Me," Orion said evenly.

I launched myself up from the ground, fists swinging, my rage blinding. My fists struck nothing but air, and I hung my head, breathing in heavily in defeat. I couldn't catch a fucking Vampire. I was never going to land a hit on him, and he knew it.

"Charge on, my fine pego-brother," Geraldine bayed. "All is possible when you believe it to be so."

"I can't catch him without using magic," I grumbled.

"Who said you can't use magic? You're Fae, aren't you?" Orion called. "There won't be any rules on the battlefield."

"Only blood," Darcy said darkly, and I glanced at her, seeing the determination in her eyes to see this war won.

My gaze trailed to the other Spares, Athena and Grayson falling back into their training while Hadley smashed through his partner's shield with a bellow of effort, his knuckles splitting open on the wood. Then I looked to Darius and Tory further down the line who were running drills together with perfect precision. None of them were bringing their feelings into this, they were putting it all aside in favour of honing their skills. Because right here was where warriors were made.

"This anger in you might be messing with your training right now," Orion said. "But there's no real consequences here. You've seen war, you've tasted the chaos of battle. You know what it's like, and you kept your head then."

"But that was before-" My throat closed on the words, refusing to let them out.

"Before you lost your sweet mama," Geraldine breathed, her eyes twinkling as I turned to look at her. She knew this pain. Her father had died with my mother, and she was still here, not letting that wound destroy her. Having Darius back healed that pain in so many ways, but his return wasn't guaranteed. Not everyone in this stadium was going to survive the war, it was simple math. And the chances that I'd survive along with all those I loved…it was nigh on impossible.

"Breathe and think," Orion directed.

It was so simple it seemed pointless, but I was out of ideas.

The people around me had lost just as much as I had and they weren't distracted by anger, affected to the point of failure. I was letting them all down, not just myself. Ultimately, when I marched into battle again, my strength, my focus, my power, it could save those I loved. I could be the difference between them surviving or not. And though the pressure of that truth was unbearable, I couldn't shy away from it.

I twisted around, blasting giant ice shards up from the grass around Orion so he had nowhere to run, and while he blasted them away from him with air, I launched a ball of ice shaped like my fist right into his face.

His lip split and his eyes shone with triumph as the ice fell to the ground with a thump.

"There it is," Orion said with a smirk. "Your focus is back. Keep hold of it. It's what will save your ass ultimately."

I nodded, a small smile fighting its way onto my lips as Geraldine rushed over to pat my shoulder.

"Good show!" she cried. "Want to flip the flamingo with me now?"

Orion swapped into her place to train with Darcy, and I worked with Geraldine to practise what I'd learned, my heart full of hope once more.

By the time Tiberius called time on the session, I felt I was getting a real handle on my anger issues. It was so fucking simple. Breathing and thinking. Dammit, why hadn't someone told me that before?

"Right, fellows of the flag," Geraldine called. "Upon the hour we shall leave for our daring ventures. Sing your farewells and may the stars see you safely return." She strode away toward the changing rooms, and I shared a grim look with Sofia as she ran to join me.

"Shall we save some time and shower together back at Terra House?" she asked, her eyelashes fluttering a little, and Tyler trotted over excitedly as he heard that.

I glanced between them, seeing the offering in their eyes and wanting that more than anything. But the last few times we'd all had sex, I still hadn't finished, and it had left me feeling like a failure as their Dom. I was heading somewhere extremely dangerous in an hour's time, and I didn't want that to be the last memory they had of me if I didn't return. But if I didn't try, then wasn't that worse? I had to show them what they meant to me, to prove there wasn't any other Fae in the world I desired more than them.

I nodded, taking Sofia's hand and giving Tyler a look that said I wanted him just as much as the girl at my side. He nuzzled against me, letting me take the lead and I hoped this time, I would prove I was worthy of holding that position.

"Darius?" I whispered, tugging his sleeve as I walked with him to the edge of campus.

He glanced at me, getting the hint and letting Tory and Darcy move ahead while we hung back on the path.

He flicked up a silencing bubble, his frown deepening. "Are you good? What's wrong?"

That look entered his brown eyes, the one he'd always given me whenever he came home from the academy and he feared what our father had done to me while he was away. I loved Darius for the way he cared for me, but I'd always despised being his burden.

"I need some advice," I said, clearing my throat. It wasn't like going to my big brother about this was my preferred course of action, but I didn't want the Spares knowing my issues. It was too damn embarrassing.

"On?" he pressed.

"Well," I glanced away then back to him, heat coursing up my neck. "It's a sex thing."

His expression skewed a little. "Is it those gemstones on your dick? Are they chafing?"

"No," I hissed.

"Is it an ass issue? Have you got that ass infection again?"

"No!" I cried. "I was eight when I had that."

"Yeah, but things can, you know, repeat."

"It's not an ass infection," I snarled, remembering the mortifying moment when my big brother had taken me to a healer and just as I'd bent over to show them the problem, a whole host of trainee healers had walked in to observe my asshole too.

"You didn't trap your dick in a fridge drawer again, did you? Because your naked midnight feasting is a hazard, Xavier."

"Could you please stop listing the most mortifying moments of my life and listen to what I have to say?" I demanded and Darius chuckled, clearly fucking with me.

"Alright, alright. What is it?" he asked.

"I can't…" A pregnant pause passed between us where I grappled with how to say this in the least embarrassing way. "Finish."

"Oh," he exhaled.

"Have you ever had that problem?" I asked.

"No…oh, well yeah once actually. When I was with Marguerite. The last time I hooked up with her, I swear it felt like my dick was just dangling off a bridge, flapping in a light breeze. Did nothing for me. But I wouldn't say I didn't finish, more that I just pulled out and left."

"Okay, um, let's never speak of that again, yeah?"

"Agreed," he snorted.

"The thing is, I love my herd. They get me so…you know. And it's not ever like I'm dangling my dick off a bridge, it's always great. But lately, since…well…it was after…"

"Spit it out."

"After you and Mom died," I said, glancing away from him. "The grief fucked me up. I can't explain it. I was in the worst place of my life, and now you're back it's better. But Mom…" I shook my head, unable to express the pain inside me. "Maybe part of me feels like I don't have the right to pleasure when so many lives have been destroyed around me. I feel so damn guilty sometimes."

"Guilty for what?" He stopped me on the path, gripping my shoulder to make me look at him.

"For living, I guess. While others can't be here." I glanced down at my feet, the words so raw and true they cut me open.

"Hey," Darius growled, and I looked up at him. "Mom died for us. And she'd fucking do it all over again because that's what we do for family. I'd do it for you, and I damn well know you'd do it for me. That's the way of war. It hurts, and it's unjust, and those who live or die is all down to the flip of a coin. But it's not your responsibility to keep everyone here. Sometimes shit happens that none of us can control, and it's not fair, but that's life, Xavier. Hell, I know how quick it can be lost. Don't waste the time you have here feeling bad for the time you're given. No one deserves free air in their lungs like you do."

I chewed the inside of my cheek, trying to accept his words, but at the core of me, I'd believed this long before the war had started. "The truth is…I used to think that things would have been better if I hadn't been around. If Lionel hadn't had me to hold over you, you wouldn't have had to go through what you did. You could have made your own choices. Maybe you never would have been Star Crossed-"

"Don't speak like that," Darius said, hurt pooling in his eyes. "I'd be nothing without you. My childhood only held any happiness because you were in it. Without you, I never would have had something to fight for. I would have become Father's puppet long before I ever considered breaking away from him. You were the reason I resisted him. You, Xavier. Because I love you. You're my fucking brother, there isn't a universe I'd want to exist in without you."

My heart bled at his words, my own love for him pouring from that wound. Because it was sullied by the cruelty of our father, but it had never been shattered. Love had overcome his hate, and perhaps it could still do so.

I dragged him into a hug and he clasped the back of my neck, holding me tight.

"I love you too," I said raggedly. "I'll never be able to repay you for protecting me like you did when we were kids."

We parted and he frowned, a sense of change between us solidifying in my chest. Because we weren't those kids anymore. We were hardened by war and had been made men long before we should have had to be.

"Enjoy your life, Xavier. You've earned it," he said.

"So have you, don't waste a second, zombie bro," I said, knocking my fist against his shoulder.

"I don't plan on it." We walked on side by side, finding the twins waiting for us up ahead, glancing curiously between us but asking no questions. They were like us; they understood that siblings needed each other in ways that no other relationship could fulfil. It was sacred.

We made it beyond the campus gates, finding the Councillors there waiting to go, and with a toss of stardust, we were stolen away towards our destined location.

When we were spat out again, I gasped at what I found laid out before me.

We stood at the peak of a barren mountain, shrouded in shadow cast by Melinda Altair to conceal us from view, though we were so high up that I doubted anyone would spy us here. We gazed down at a terrible army, the rows and rows of encampments full of Lionel's soldiers seeming to stretch on forever. Terror bound me in place as I tried to estimate the numbers, the camps spreading on for miles. It was too vast, far more than we'd come close to gathering.

"It's worse than I imagined," Darcy breathed in horror.

"There's too many," Tory said thickly, stepping closer to her twin.

Darius gave me a grave look, then cast his eyes beyond the encampment to another sweeping mountainside across the valley. "Tiberius, Melinda, Antonia. Head over there. It's a decent vantage point." He pointed it out and Melinda pressed a hand to his shoulder in goodbye, touching mine too before stardusting away with the other Councillors to that location.

We could just make them out on the distant mountainside before they cast thick concealment spells around themselves, blending in with the rocks, and I started doing the same for us.

When we were well hidden, I looked to the twins with anticipation brewing in my chest.

"Let's do this," Tory said, and Darcy raised her hands, casting the first glimmer of the illusion.

We all added to the magic, and the Councillors worked to cast their part of it too, our rebel army appearing to march into the gully between the mountains towards Lionel's ranks. My pulse quickened as I added to the thundering sound of thousands of boots hitting the ground, sending tremors through the earth to sell the lie.

I let my magic pour from me, joining that of my brother's and the twins, all of it rushing out to bolster the illusion. I crafted warriors one after another, the time I'd spent practicing this magic paying off ten-fold as I gave individuality to each of them, making their movements just different enough to look realistic, adding bannermen and foot soldiers then casting the appearance of Manticores, Harpies and Griffins into formation in the sky, sweeping down from the clouds with bays for war.

My focus was sharp, and I let slow breaths pass my lips, refusing to allow myself to be shaken by Lionel's terrifying army which could so easily crush ours if we were truly marching out to meet them this day. We were laying plans to increase our chances when that time really came. And by dusk, I hoped we'd be back at the academy with many victories being sung by the rebels, because we weren't the only Fae in our group on a mission right now. The others would be arriving at the doors of their own destinies, and I wished them all the luck in the world. Because the fate of this war depended on them.