5. Zane

FIVE

ZANE

Christmas has always been a magical time in my eyes. A time where the unexpected tended to happen and the joy spread through the community. Every year I’d wished for happiness and security for the people surrounding me and who I loved… writing it down in my notebook as a memory of all that had happened throughout the year. It was a tradition I’d done where I went back and reflected on the past year and gave myself a plan of what I could aim for the next twelve months.

This year I’d ticked off my main objective of finally working in the tattoo industry and couldn’t have been prouder of my achievement I’d accomplished. But over the next year I wanted that all to change, and create a wish which affected every aspect of my life and not just my career. I still wanted my family and friends to have a year full of happiness and security, but I needed something to change and be dramatically different within mine too. I wanted to have the hidden desires that ignited within only my dreams. I wanted the love that I pretended didn’t really exist for a guy for me. I wanted the whole picture. Yes, work gave me a love and passion that I didn’t know existed, but what about the other parts? I couldn’t help but open my notebook and begin scribing away.

Zane’s Christmas Wish: to support the man I love in his journey of acceptance and make him see that our love is meant to be.

It may seem vague and not personal, but I knew who I was referring to, even if no one else did. Jed was the man who could have it all if he wanted to—he just had to let me help him. Everyone deserved what their heart screamed out for even if they were too scared to get it.

My cell suddenly started ringing, knocking me from the dream-like focus I’d drifted into of hopes and desires, and crashing me straight back into reality of the here and now.

“Hello,” I answered without a second's pause to check the caller identification as I closed up my notebook and secured the holly leaved elastic ribbon around it to secure it before opening the kitchen drawer and placing it back on top of my art supplies. “Zane?—”

“It’s me, Eli.” He cut in as I lifted the cell away from my face and saw his name on the screen. “I was ringing to check if you were still able to make it today?”

I quickly glanced at my watch and realized it was twenty past the hour and groaned.

“Fuck man,” I cursed out as I ran over to the bowl next to the fruit bowl, where I threw all my keys and important trinkets into. I halted and saw my knotted bracelet I’d made. I picked it out of the bowl and placed it back on my wrist, running the fine string between my fingers as I circled it around my wrist. My thoughts instantly went to Jed and the matching one he wore that I’d given him and swallowed the lump in my throat. I’d only taken mine off as I wanted to preserve it for as long as possible, and I knew with my luck the threading would go bare a lot faster if I wore it whilst washing up or in the shower. “I lost track of time—” I began, as I made my way into the hall entrance and grabbed the first pair of shoes I could find and slid them on. “I can be there in fifteen—twenty tops. Is that—?” I said breathlessly, as I reached for my jacket I’d thankfully hung-up last night by the door and rushed out. “I just need to drive to?—”

“Zane,” Eli chuckled out in his raspy tone. “It’s fine, really it is,” he added. “Just drive safe. I’ll be at Sean’s anyway with Maxwell.”

“Sean’s Tattoo Lounge, or Gallery of Ink,” I inquired as I opened the door, the slamming of it behind me as I quickly locked up caused a shiver down my spine. I hoped none of my neighbors opened the door, as the sound richoted through their walls. It was the only downfall of this place, the paper-thin walls allowing us to hear everything that happened in each other's lives. “I assume we’ll just be walking across to the Christmas Wishing Tree then?”

“Sean’s Tattoo Lounge man,” Eli confirmed as I made my way down the stairs knowing that if I entered the elevator, I’d probably lose connection as it descended down to the exit of the block. At least this helped with an extra amount of cardio prior to decorating the area surrounding the tree for the news team that was coming later to do an article about the charity we had decided to donate our funds to. “It’s a shorter walk with all the boxes we need to load across.”

“That makes total sense. Right, I’ll leave you to it. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” I uttered as I heard Eli’s laughter down the line just as I cut it off.

“Right, time to get my ass in gear,” I said to myself as I made my way across the parking lot and unlocked my vehicle. “It’s going to be a long and busy day ahead, but fuck… it’s worth it to bring people to the community and help the North Avenue Lane grow.”

I don’t know how I made it to Sean’s Tattoo Lounge within the time frame I’d stated—it was pure luck—thanks to the shit show of traffic that was blocking my way. Once I’d secured my vehicle and parked, I jogged across to the shop and was greeted with the laughter of the guys.

“Sorry, I should have—” I began as the three of them paused their conversation and walked across to me. “it’s just?—”

“It’s fine,” Sean replied, squeezing my shoulder. “Just gave us a little time to chat and catch up. As normal these two—.” He cocked his head, “—have been up to mischief as normal.”

“Hey you,” Maxwell cut in, stunned as he schooled his features before letting out a chuckle and his lip tipped into a smirk. “How can I not get into trouble with Cole? He’s a magnet for letting me lose my inhibitions.” He sighed out loudly. “With that body and?—”

“I think we all know about Cole’s and your antics.” Eli blurted out, stopping him mid-sentence. “You two are meant for each other,” he replied before turning to face me. “Like I said on the phone, I was just checking in and you’re here.”

I nodded in confirmation as Maxwell knocked into my side.

“It’s only because he’s jealous,” he replied and winked at me. “Him and Kellan…”

“Kellan and I are perfect,” Eli growled back as Sean and I shook our heads at the two of them, standing their ground with each other. “Don’t forget we have a family to look after, too. Maybe you could take them for the night?—”

“You two are the right pair.” Sean burst out laughing as Maxwell narrowed his gaze in concentration, cocking his head to the side. “I daren’t think what the banter between you two gets like when Hardin or Cameron join the mix.”

“Well—" Maxwell began before shaking his head. “Having Riley and Ana would be perfect. It’ll give me and Cole the chance to prepare and see what the future holds.”

“What?” I asked as my mouth dropped open. “Have I missed something?”

“Ah yes,” Maxwell began before turning to me. “Dee has offered to be our surrogate and the two of us are thinking of accepting,” he replied with a huge grin across his face. “We’ve been talking about the situation for a while.”

“That’s amazing news,” I uttered back in shock. I had no clue that the two of them were so deep in conversation about even wanting a family and having children together. “I’m just—I’m so pleased for you both.” I stumbled over my words. “Come here, man.” I opened my arms and patted his back. “I really am so excited for what the future holds for you.”

“Thanks,” Maxwell replied, pulling back. “I know it’s going to shock some people especially with the age difference and route of having a child together,” he continued as I nodded. The news stunned me. It was probably due to the fact that Maxwell and I probably had the closest backgrounds, and I wanted to pry on how this would affect the people closest to him. I was just nervous and panicked to attempt it, especially as it could then open up more questions moving forward that I wasn’t comfortable to answer back. Maxwell’s gaze scoured my face before he took in a deep breath and whispered. “You know if you need to talk?—”

“Thanks, I'll let you know,” I instantly replied as the wave of knowing hit me. Had Maxwell seen something within me that I didn’t want anyone to know. Had he maybe seen the struggles and torment that I was battling inside?

“Come on you three, we’d better get going or we’ll never be finished in time—” Sean commanded, walking over to the boxes that had already been packed. “We can talk more on the way.”

“After you,” I uttered to Maxwell and Eli. “Let’s get to it,” I confirmed as the four of us quickly started to get to the task at hand.

The walk across to the charity Christmas Wishing Tree didn’t take any time at all. It was a good call on Eli’s behalf though, as the weight of the contents within the boxes made for great cardio for my arms. Once I placed the couple of boxes I’d been carrying, next to the ones the other guys had brought across, they began opening them up and organizing the contents into piles.

“I was thinking if we added some red baubles amongst the wishes then the silvery tone and star shape would pop out,” Eli suggested as he carried on pulling items out. “Also, we could place all the wish bauble messages to be the focus of the tree,” he continued. “It would make a great photo opportunity for the media to show how popular it has been so far—the way it’s promoting mental health awareness as well as, of course, supporting a charity close to many people in the area.”

“Want me to start moving some of the wishes on the tree to make it happen?” I asked him, cocking my head to the side. “It would make sense to be ready and prepared so that when you’ve finished over it here, the other decorations could just be added on.”

“I think that would be spot on,” Eli confirmed, nodding his head. “It will make the process flow much more at ease, especially as time is ticking away to be done before…” he checked his watch and shook his head. “The news team is meant to arrive in just over ninety minutes.”

“Let’s get to it, then,” I replied back as I walked across the stretch of greenery until I reached the front of the Christmas Wishing Tree before pacing around the diameter glancing at the magnificent piece in front of me. I halted my pace and stared at the magnitude at hand of having to combine all the scattered baubles in one place. “This is going to take some time,” I whispered to myself.

Reminder for the future: I should have thought about the potential job at hand before I volunteered to undertake it. I ended up starting at the left-hand side of the tree collecting the baubles that had been placed and moving them to be more central as a sense of overwhelming emotion took hold of me. I just couldn’t believe how many people had come out here and supported the project—some baubles had charms and little handwritten tags with surrounding towns written upon it. The money and, therefore, resources that all these people have managed to raise for charity, was so heartwarming to me as I suddenly paused and gasped at the star in my hand. An instant connection hit me as I glanced at the cotton string hanging in a bauble. I sighed—it couldn’t be, could it.

I shook my head as my mouth instantly dried up.

I quickly checked that I was still alone and the other three guys were too busy to think about what I was doing as I pressed open the star with bated breath. If I had taken a moment to think about what I was doing I would have questioned myself. But in that second, I had to read it. I had to know what this person was feeling when they hung their wish on the tree.

I unrolled the written message and allowed my eyes to scan over the words, pausing and checking behind me once again as I read over it again.

My life is a shambles—hiding away from reality rather than facing it. This year I wish to break the mould that I was forced into and to take a risk. I wish to be free from the shackles that have been placed upon me. For once I deserve the whole picture and not a half-assed one. If only I could be given the confidence to be the real me.

My fingers shook with the piece of paper within my grasp as I slowly sucked in large gulps of breath, before placing the paper back in the star shell and closing it back up. I placed the star front and centre on the Christmas Wishing Tree and took a step back to admire it in all its glory contemplating how alike the two of us are in hopes and dreams.

“I hope that your wish comes true and someone sees the peace you are searching for in your life,” I whispered, before glancing at the sky wondering about the person behind the heartfelt message. “No one deserves to have to hide from the real them. No one.” I gulped down the large lump that had formed at the back of my throat. “We just have to believe that life puts us on this winding path and eventually will guide us on the true and righteous path.”