Thirty-six

Eveline

I shared dinner with Patrick in the nursery for the final time. Tomorrow, he will be up and out of bed, and I could join my friends the final two days, including the closing soiree, before we prepared to leave for our home in London.

Earlier this afternoon, I decided to wait until spring before I searched for an estate in the country, desperate to be back with my mother and sister once more.

Hunter and Gwendolyn offered us use of their finest carriage, not wishing me to resort to a hired coach for the return trip. It not only tendered a comfortable interior but warming bricks and blankets for the journey.

While there have been wonderful and not so wonderful memories from the house party, I was most thankful to be returning home with my son… healthy, or relatively so, and happy.

The doctor left for the last time only an hour ago. He said Patrick must proceed slowly, particularly with the onset of winter weather. He said Patrick’s lungs are recovering fairly well and that he should have no ill effects from the event if we are mindful and keep him inside this winter. A feat much easier said than done for the rather rambunctious boy.

“Ma’am?” Banja entered the room. “I’m here,” she announced. “Take time tonight. He okay.” She pointed to Patrick playing with his blocks. He was sad now that Joseph had left but, silently, I was grateful, knowing he expended more energy around his friend.

I smiled and hugged Banja. We had grown even closer through all of this, and I appreciated all she did to make this new life for me and Patrick easier. “I won’t be too long, it’s hard for me to stay away.”

Banja grabbed my hands. “You. Be. Happy.” She stared hard at me as to make no mistake of what she intended.

I thanked her and stepped out into the corridor, leaning back against the wall. Several jagged breaths jostled within my chest, confirming my racing heart. I was about to visit with Zachary, and anytime I found myself in his presence, I failed in any capacity to keep my wits about me.

Before dinner, I received a message asking me to meet him in the stables in my riding habit. It had been four days since I rode Isis, and a thrill inched up my spine at the thought of not only enjoying a delightful ride with my horse under a beautiful sunset… but I would also get to spend time alone with Zach.

We needed to speak somewhere we could not be overheard. As I tarried in the hallway longer than I should have, I wondered how I might approach the topic of Frederick’s letter. Zach seemed to know something happened but was unaware of the details. I wanted whatever was happening with me and Zach to be a fresh and honest start. No secrets between us.

I hurried to my bedchamber to change and, while Rosie helped me with my attire, I caught sight of the crumpled letter sitting on top of my desk. Gwendolyn gave it to me this morning, but at the time, I had only opened it enough to verify my name was attached and, sure enough, it was addressed to me. Then I set it aside, allowing its presence to haunt my every move since then. What if it might say something akin to what Frederick tried to tell me? What if it was a confession of sorts that might alter what I felt in my heart? Was it written before we kissed the first time or after?

Curiosity burned through my body.

“Fine!” I mumbled, and by the light of a sole candlestick, I smoothed out the crumpled foolscap and read.

Evie,

I am not entirely sure why I am writing this at the moment, and it is certain you may never read this letter, but I have to tell you why I have failed in our friendship.

It was my first summer home from Oxford. Luke and I were 19 and you were 17. I remember waiting for the summons to Cornelius. Anxiously waiting. I had not seen you in six months and that had been the longest of our separations to date. When the summons finally arrived, I tore off to the pond on Thunder but, before I arrived, I had the brilliant idea that I would sneak up and frighten you. I tied my horse in the woods and inched my way slowly toward the pond.

When I arrived, I saw you sitting on a log waiting for me… for us, Luke hadn’t arrived yet, but I watched you while you sang “She Delivered the Poor That Cried”, possibly thinking no one was around. It was then, that very moment I realized my life would never be complete without you in it, but those strong emotions terrified me.

You were preparing for your first season, and I dreaded that gentlemen would see what I did and you would be married by the end of it. I had nothing to offer you. Even then, I knew Frederick was pressuring Father to cut me off. So, I pledged at that time to invest all my available allowance for the next few years and live off my father’s wealth while I could. My money multiplied, though I could never claim the means necessary to provide for a family, and for this reason I worried that I could not care for you in the way you deserved. Regardless, I made plans to ask for your hand. My only saving grace was that you didn’t enjoy being out in society and your first season did not go as your parents had planned.

As for me and my flirtatious ways, my reasons were ridiculous. I feared if I revealed my true heart to you, you might feel pressured to return those same sentiments. It wasn’t until my father had purchased my commission that I realized you might actually care for me the same way I did for you, then I made myself a promise. If I returned from war with few scars and in my right mind, I would not hesitate one solitary minute and ask you to marry me. Only when I arrived home and saw the old wedding invitation sitting on Father’s desk, I thought my world collapsed. All I could ask was why? Why did Eveline marry before I returned? Then I realized I had never confessed my heart to you. All those thoughts and wishes in my head never made it to my lips.

As a result, I threw myself into a world of gluttony. In my distorted thinking, I believed it would help erase your memory from my mind.

It never did.

When I saw you at The Pleasure Gardens and we walked and talked like before, I was drawn into the same mesmerizing fondness I always had for you and believed if I kissed you, somehow beguiled you, you might leave your husband for me. I knew with a surety it was wrong of me to tempt you and, of course, you responded precisely how a faithful woman should, but the shame of my behavior ate at me. My consumption of liquor increased in spades. It was my means to anything and everything and I cursed your husband’s life in every breath I owned. Especially after the Bow Street Runner told me about Deshane, his lover in the West Indies.

When I learned of Sir Colin’s death, I felt enormous guilt, for I had wished him dead quite often. I even believed somehow that I had mysteriously caused it to happen and, as a result, I caused you enormous pain and heartache. Once more I had proven I was not worthy of you. Now you have the world at your fingertips and while you hold my heart in your hands I am bound, restricted from expressing my true sentiment for fear that you might wonder if the attention is solely connected to your money. I could never do that to you.

I wish

The letter was unfinished and unsigned, clearly written before he even asked me to marry him. I stood frozen. These words offered an insight I had not been privy to, and it stunned me.

Zach feared I might believe his attention was tied to my money. Truth be told, I may have, had I known of his situation prior to witnessing his behavior this week.

I stuffed the letter in my pocket and opened the desk drawer. Retrieving a small jewelry box inside, I set it on top. Lifting the lid, I grasped the ring that sat inside and held it in my fingers. I did not lie when I said this jewel was the most beautiful ring I had ever seen, but what made it more beautiful was that Zachary had given it to me—a token of his unfailing heart.

The clock on the mantle chimed and stirred me into replacing the jewel and rushing down the stairs.

I reached the foyer just as the butler opened the door to a gentleman caller. When he removed his hat, my heart plummeted. Frederick.

He looked over and, when he saw me, he smiled. “Just who I came to see.”

I swallowed hard, trying to hide my astonishment. “F—forgive me, my lord,” I stuttered. “I am due for a r—ride.”

“Brilliant, I would be delighted to join you and, please, my dear, you must call me Frederick.” He gestured for the butler to return his hat and coat.

My dear? “No,” I said, and he stiffened in response. “I—I meant to say, I’m sorry. I apologize for my abruptness, but I had not expected your arrival. This is not a suitable time; I am meeting Zachary in the stables.”

Eying me curiously, his frown deepened. “Meeting Zachary, Eveline?”

I cringed at his continued use of my Christian name. As neighbors for so many years this should have been natural, but we never reached that level of comfort in our previous relationship.

“Did you not receive my letter?”

I took a deep breath, willing my pounding heart to slow down. “I did.”

“And?”

My thoughts shot back to the shredded pieces of parchment scattered on the grass in the rain and a stir of curiosity piqued.

“Oh, we have a visitor,” Gwendolyn said as she stepped into the foyer from the parlor. My eyes flitted to the arrival of Hunter and Lucas behind her. This was not a conversation I wished to have with an audience.

“Evie?” Zachary stood at the open front door. Oh. No. I did not even hear him enter. “Frederick?” Zach’s tone sharpened as he took in the identity of the man standing nearby. “What is going on? Why have you come? Is there an issue at Havenscrest?”

Frederick crossed his arms over his chest. “I have come for Eveline.”

“What?” Both Zachary and I coughed out the word almost simultaneously.

Frederick peered only at me. “The letter.”

Zachary took several steps forward, protectively. The foyer was now inundated with people. I felt my cheeks heat under everyone’s gazes and the tension in the room swelled.

Frederick ignored the growing audience and looked only at me. “Eveline, after everything I shared, you cannot tell me you are still intent on marrying this swindler.”

“Lord Frederick,” Hunter stepped forward.

“—Lord Tichborne!” Frederick snapped in response.

Hunter nodded, “Of course, my apologies. Lord Tichborne, won’t you please come into the parlor, and I will get you some refreshment?”

“No, thank you, I’m not staying. I only came to see Mrs. Turner and it is only she who I intend to speak with.”

My heart pounded in my ears. I had no intention of being alone with Frederick, but I also did not wish to humiliate him in front of the others. I caught Zach’s eye and saw fear there. Several seconds passed in uncomfortable silence. “Lord Tichborne.” I used the name he loved to hear so much. “Let us speak in the parlor.”

“Evie,” Zach whispered.

I glanced at him but said nothing as a slow smirk appeared on Frederick’s face.

I led the way and, once inside, I left the door open to make it clear I did not intend on procuring full privacy.

“Thank you, Eveline,” Frederick whispered.

I kept my distance and lifted my chin. Now that we could speak openly, I scolded him. “Lord Tichborne, you are to properly address me as Mrs. Turner. Even as neighbors you had no wish to maintain a civil friendship—”

“I had not a notion you would—”

“What?” I barked. “Become wealthy?”

“Beautiful,” he mumbled.

It momentarily stunned me and only reiterated his shallowness. Several seconds passed in uncomfortable silence before I spoke up again in a softer tone. “Yet, Zachary cared for me without knowledge of either one.” The statement was for me as much as it was for him and seemed to arrive with a herald of angels. “Zach loved me regardless.” I peered over at Frederick. “Please, do not ever say anything to me that might disparage the man I love.”

His eyes widened and his mouth fell open.

“I wish for us all to be friends and, as brothers, for you and Zach to mend your ways.” My tone strengthened. “But, let me be very clear. I will not allow you to speak ill of him, not in my presence and not in the presence of his friends. So, if there is anything else you have to say that does not criticize my betrothed then feel free to speak your mind, otherwise I bid you good day, sir.”

Frederick’s complexion turned ruddy but, thankfully, he did not utter another word. He bowed slightly and departed the room. I slipped to the chaise and, though my soul felt dispirited from the exchange, I was grateful it happened and was now over.

When I finally emerged from the room a quarter of an hour later, the foyer was empty with the exception of Mrs. Gentry, who sat on a chair. I was silently grateful for this.

“Are you well, dear?” Mrs. Gentry stood up and reached for my hands.

“Yes, thank you.”

She leaned forward. “Lord Zachary is waiting for you in the stables, but he asked me to remain here in case you needed anything.”

This sweet gesture warmed my heart. It was apparent Zach wanted to be respectful of my privacy but also wanted me to be safe. “Thank you!” I squeezed the housekeeper’s hands once and then rushed out to the stables.

Though Zachary appeared dashing in his riding clothes inside the house, I had little time to ruminate on it with Frederick present. I approached slowly so I could admire him unknowingly for as long as time allowed. He patted down Isis’ side and spoke gently to her, though I could not hear the conversation.

“Once again, you are attempting to sway my horse with your charm,” I interjected.

He flashed around and beheld me, though he didn’t approach. It almost seemed as if he was unsure of how I would receive him, not knowing where my feelings lay. “Did you get everything sorted with Frederick?” he asked cautiously.

I took a couple of steps closer. “I don’t know if they are sorted, but I made my feelings clear.”

Zach’s eyes widened, then he swiftly looked down at his hands as if he needed to conceal the worry I saw there. I moved in front of him.

He met my eyes. “Frederick sent you a letter. About me.”

It was a statement, not a question, to which I simply replied, “Yes.”

I heard Zach’s breathing speed up. “I can only imagine what it contained, Evie, but I will tell you with my whole heart. I have never done anything sordid or of ill repute. I never harmed a woman or muddied a reputation, but I did flirt. I am certainly guilty of encouraging women when I had no intention of marrying them.” He took a breath and added, “Because, in truth, my heart was taken… many years before.” He reached one hand forward and held my gloved fingers tenderly. “But there is something you should know before you decide where your future lies.”

My breath hitched.

Zach’s jaw tightened. “Frederick always threatened to cut me off once Father passed. I had already seen the will and knew my father was not leaving me anything, so I hired my own solicitor to help me take my allowance and my earnings and make the best of it. However, by no means does it entail all that is required to raise a family.”

I listened intently. Much of what he shared here I had read in his discarded letter, though I was certain that he hadn’t planned on me reading it.

He continued caressing my hand. “I had meant to tell you all of this the night we met in the music room, but we had argued first.” He reached for my other hand. “Evie, I feared you would believe my love for you had only come as a means to solve my financial concerns and I could never allow you to feel that way.” He drew closer and spoke softly. “I have always loved you for you.”

My heart fluttered, but when he leaned forward, it felt as though it flipped entirely. I released my hands and wrapped them around his neck. “I would love you, Zachary, if you were a stable hand, a footman, or a tradesman….” I kissed his lips tenderly. “Or even the poorest man alive.”

He chuckled against my lips. “Thank goodness I have not fallen that far, but thank you, Evie. Thank you for loving me.”

When he kissed me this time, a volley of unfettered sparks burst explosively. Wrapping his arms around my body, he brought me close to his chest. “I should have told you all this ages ago. I recognize that my lack of revealing my true feelings has been a significant source of our confusion.”

“Yes,” I chuckled.

Zach glanced out the stable doors. “We don’t have as much light as I planned, but are you still interested in a ride?”

I smiled wide and nodded. He already had Isis saddled and led me swiftly to her side, lifting me up to position me on top.

“Thank you for coming, Evie,” Zach said as he handed me the rope. I appreciated his gratitude, but I wouldn’t have missed this for anything, despite Frederick’s unwelcome appearance.

Zach led Thunder out of the stables and Isis followed. I was grateful the weather remained calm with only scattered clouds in the distance, nothing that might roll in unexpectedly and remind me of the torment little Patrick went through.

As we trotted up and over the first hill, Zach turned Thunder sharply and led me to an area that weighed quite heavily on my mind these past few days, but I had never seen it in person.

The medieval stone watchtower.

My heart sank. I did not want to be here. I did not want to envision Patrick’s tiny body curled up and terrified.

“Zach!” I hollered and stopped Isis from approaching.

He stopped ahead of me, just short of the stone ruins.

“I can’t.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”

He turned Thunder around and came to my side, reaching out for my hand. “Evie, trust me.” And then it happened. My entire insides seemed to liquefy at the way he beheld me. It was the look he gave me when he asked me to marry him. His gloved fingers squeezed my hand. “Please?”

I nudged Isis into a trot to bring us closer, then brought her to a stop near the ruins. Zach was quick to dismount and be by my side, placing his hands right where I wanted them to be… always. After he brought me down to solid ground, we held still, parallel to one another and, even without words, our bodies sensed the pull for one another.

He reached for my hand and led me forward, passing through the arched entry that led inside. Tears welled up in my eyes as I glanced around, my emotions tumbling wildly. Where was he? Where was Patrick found? But the question never reached my lips.

Zach led me up the stairs carefully. Fragmented sections were missing but nothing that required me to jump or fear falling. When we reached the top there was a long smooth block that resembled a bench. Surely, a place for the defenders to rest on occasion.

I glanced out across the horizon, and it took my breath away. The rolling green hills were losing their luster as autumn took over, but they never lost their beauty. Groves of trees sprouted in different directions with patches of wildflowers swaying to the nudge of a soft breeze.

The sun sat on the precipice of the world, threatening to disappear at any moment, but not without leaving behind the most glorious colors one could ask for. Sparks of reds, oranges, and yellows radiated and covered the land. My heart could barely take in any more sensations, then Zach stood before me.

The final piece of my tapestry puzzle felt complete.

In that one moment, I knew without a shadow of doubt, that I was his. Lost irrevocably to him and him alone.

“Evie,” he reached for my hands.

But I placed my finger over his lips to silence him, then placed my hands on both sides of his face and kissed him. Kissed him with all the passion and desire this beautiful setting had already bestowed. And I didn’t stop until every want, wish, and desire emerged in that kiss.

When Zach seemed to recognize my intent, he tightened his arms around me and shared in the moment.

When I finally drew back, I watched as the content in his expression evolved into fear. “Was that goodbye?” His eyes moistened.

“No, definitely not.” I smiled and nuzzled my head against his chest while his arms embraced me warmly. “Never goodbye.”

I felt his soft exhale against my skin.

“I believe I know why you brought me here.”

“You do?” he whispered.

“To see how something terrifying can still be something beautiful.”

“Yes.” He kissed my forehead without letting go. “But also, I wanted you to see that even stone monuments such as this one can face trials, hardship, and even attempted destruction.” He drew me back enough to see my eyes. “But Evie, together we can withstand. Together, we can be strong, overcome, and survive.”

“I didn’t read Frederick’s letter, Zach.”

He closed his eyes and breathed softly before he opened them again.

“But… I did read yours,” I added in a whisper.

His face scrunched in confusion for several seconds.

I pulled the wrinkled foolscap from my pocket. “This one.”

He took the paper from my hands and glanced over it. “I thought I had discarded this.”

“Why would you not want me to read this?”

“I feared the contents might overwhelm you.” He seized a breath. “That you would feel pressured to acquiesce because of my confession.”

I placed a hand on his jaw and smiled. “If you had shared these thoughts with me months ago, we would be married by now.”

“Everything in here is the truth. I did not have a suitable income for a family, and I feared you might think my only desire was for your wealth. Your money is your own, Evie. I can live without it.” He took my hand from his jaw and placed it against his chest. I felt his heart pounding erratically beneath my touch. “But I cannot live without you.” He leaned down and kissed me tenderly.

When I drew back, my expression grew serious. “You are willingly choosing this tumultuous life of mine, Zach?”

He brushed the loose strand off my forehead and rested his thumb on my cheek near my freckle. “I choose you, Evie. And I choose Patrick. My life would be nothing, absolutely nothing, without you both.”

Then he kissed me in a way that substantiated every word he said.