Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

Mercy removed her ballgown and took the pins from her hair with clumsy swiftness. She tripped over her voluminous skirt, lost a few hair pins beneath the bed, and knocked her shin into the corner of the heavy wardrobe. In her effort to be asleep before Colin returned, she had worked her heart into such a state she found herself lying in bed, the fire banked and candles blown out, her breathing as heavy as if she’d run all the way home from the assembly hall.

Deep breaths, Mercy . She coached herself into calming her pulse as much as possible, closing her eyes and breathing through her nose. Even if she was not asleep when Colin returned, she could pretend.

Then she would not be required to address the discomfort of sharing such a narrow bed with a man whom she hadn’t yet kissed. Not truly . When he had chastely pressed his lips to hers during the marriage ceremony, it had been over before it even began, the touch so light it felt more like a butterfly landing on a petal than a man who found her attractive .

Unless …

Mercy’s eyes shot open. She had believed Colin’s reasons for waiting to have children. It was important to finish the house, replace the roof, and everything it entailed before bringing a babe into the home. To say nothing of the fact that Colin and Mercy’s engagement and marriage had been far faster than typical. Even then…it would take nine months for the baby to grow. Nine months to come to know one another and finish the necessary repairs.

Surely there was something else keeping Colin from even so much as kissing her? She rubbed her eyes, remembering the woman they’d seen at the ball that evening, her dainty nose and perfect honey-colored hair. She was round-eyed and petite, much more beautiful than Mercy. Miss Dearden had youth on her side.

Was Colin unattracted to Mercy because of her age? He had chosen her because he’d needed a wife quickly. Had he assumed she would be willing since she had slid entirely onto the spinster shelf and remained there for the last few years?

It had not been her choice to remain unmarried. She’d been so busy helping her parents with the parish and focusing on her sisters’ happiness, her own had fallen by the wayside.

The bedroom door creaked open, and Mercy shut her eyes immediately. The faint temptation nipped at her to question Colin about his reasons for waiting to have children, but she found she didn’t have the courage. She listened to the thud of his boots hitting the floor and the rustling of his clothes joining them before it was clear, from the sound of him shaking out his things, that he was folding everything neatly. She expected no less from him, but remaining still through his slow process of readying for sleep was a chore.

The feather mattress shifted when Colin climbed onto the other side. He was a tall man and the bed was not much larger than the one Mercy had slept on at the vicarage. She felt his elbow brush her arm before he moved it, then his leg brushed hers.

It was exceedingly difficult to pretend to sleep while being perfectly aware that a man was lying beside her. Mercy hadn’t realized she was holding her breath until it became vital to breathe again, causing her to partake in a coughing fit so long, her throat rasped by the time she was through.

She lay on the pillow, perfectly still, and blinked. The quiet was loud with the absence of her coughing, and both of them were well aware she was not asleep. “I am not becoming ill,” she whispered hoarsely. “My throat was dry.”

“That is a relief,” Colin said, his voice slightly distended in the darkness. Moonlight bled through the window behind the drapes, but Mercy’s eyes were still adjusting to the dimness in the room. “Shall I fetch you something to drink?”

“No, I thank you.” Her body lined the very edge of the mattress, but even then felt as if she ought to move farther over. Never before in Mercy’s life had she been in such close proximity to any man, let alone one she was very attracted to. Her nerves danced with awareness, her heart pounding.

At this rate, it would be hours before she could sleep.

“I feel I owe you an apology for dragging you here,” Colin said, his deep voice soft.

Mercy pulled the blanket higher, hoping to ward off the chill in the room. “I have always enjoyed coming to Bath. It is no great sacrifice, Colin. ”

He shifted on the bed and she felt him looking at her. “I cannot tell if you are in earnest or merely being polite.”

“Earnest. It was frightening to be presented as your wife, but once I understood your mother was not angry at us for being married without her present, the rest of the evening was rather enjoyable.”

He seemed to accept this. “I did not know you liked to dance. I cannot recall the last time I saw you at the Millcombe assemblies.”

Was it too bold of her to tell him she’d grown weary of their village entertainment? The darkness provided a cloak of comfort, giving her a chance to say things she would otherwise be too hesitant to speak aloud. “The entire town pitied my spinsterhood, which has ruined certain events for me. I will always support my sisters, but I ceased attending assemblies when my second sister was married and the sympathetic looks grew unbearable.”

“Did you not consider…” He paused for so long, she wondered if he did not intend to continue.

“Consider what, Colin?”

He sighed. “That you might find a husband if you had attended the assemblies?”

“I am regularly embroiled in Millcombe Society. If a new gentleman had opted to join us, I would have heard about his impending attendance from some scheming woman or my own parents. As it stood?—”

“Perhaps we would have danced, Mercy.”

Silence filled their bed and clogged her throat. She swallowed, her voice small. She knew what it felt like to be guided about the room in his arms, to have his full attention. “Perhaps. But I did not feel there was any sense in subjecting myself to the unwanted words of encouragement from well-meaning matrons.”

“Words of encouragement,” he mused. “I heard what Mrs. Brooks said to you after our wedding. You make it sound like the entire village treated you in that same manner.”

“They did.” She tried not to sound as pathetic as she felt. “I do not blame them. These are women who watched me grow from a young girl to a spinster. They watched two of my younger sisters marry before I received so much as an offer of courtship. I couldn’t…” She whispered. “I could not allow all three of them to marry before me, not if I could help it.”

“I will do my best not to take offense that you only married me to save your pride.”

“Good heavens, Colin. You have stated more often than I that our arrangement is nothing more than a business transaction.”

“It sounds so sterile when you put it like that,” he muttered.

It felt anything but sterile at present, lying beside him in the dark, his deep voice filling the room and her head. Perhaps we would have danced . She drew in a shaky breath. “We each had our reasons for entering into this scheme. I think we will make a good partnership, regardless. I would like for us to be friends.”

“Friends,” he repeated. “I would like that too.”

His arm moved beneath the blanket, the hair on his forearm brushing against her skin and sending a shiver over her body like a wave.

“Are you cold?” Colin asked .

“No—well, yes. A little. This blanket will warm me soon.”

“My mother used to call me her little fireplace as a child. I would crawl into her bed when I had an unhappy dream and heat her far too much. She told me it felt like putting a fire in her bed.”

“I am often far too cold for comfort, so I would welcome it.”

“Hopefully you do not come to regret that,” he muttered. “I suppose you could shove me from the bed if it grows unbearable.”

Mercy laughed. “I would do no such thing.”

“Give me your hand.”

What ? Mercy swallowed, her heart thumping. “Why?”

“So I can show you. It will only take a moment.”

“What of your wound?”

“It is mostly healed.”

Mercy unclenched her fist and slid her hand onto the cool mattress between them. Colin picked it up, wrapping his fingers around hers, his skin warm. She recalled it feeling much the same when she’d wrapped his cut palm, despite having been out in the frigid air for a good length of time.

“Do you see what I mean?” he asked, his tone rough.

Mercy nodded, then recalled he likely couldn’t see her. “Yes.”

“Your hand is freezing,” he said.

“I did tell you I was cold.”

Silence sat between them, thick and heavy. Mercy wondered if Colin could hear her heart beating or feel it through the mattress. She had long been attracted to him—his hazel eyes that seemed to change with the weather, his curious gaze and well-defined jawline. He was tall, broad, and had the muscular physique of a man who helped install a new floor in his own house—as she’d seen him do.

She wanted him to kiss her, but the way he held her hand now was even sweeter and she didn’t want it to end. He wasn’t releasing her fingers, and it was heady, puffing her with warmth and quickening her pulse. It planted a seed of hope in her chest, small and cracked, sprouting the tiniest stalk. If she could feel this way about him, was it possible he felt the same? That he was lying inches from her enjoying the feeling of her hand wrapped within his?

“Colin,” she breathed, turning her head on the pillow to find him looking at her. She couldn’t make out his expression, only the glint in his eyes.

“Yes?”

She swallowed, her chest erupting. “My hand isn’t cold anymore.”

He cracked a smile, his teeth visible against the darkness. “I am happy to help.”

Still he did not release her hand. His thumb rubbed the back of it absently, making her breath catch.

“You’ve surprised me, Mercy.” He spoke as though bewildered by his own words, discovering them as they were released into the darkness. “I did not expect when I took a wife that I would find a friend. It is a refreshing turn of events.”

Her thoughts were clouded by the touch of his skin against hers, and she found it impossible to speak.

Colin’s fingers tightened. She leaned closer, feeling the heat radiating from his body beneath the blanket. Their heads were only inches apart. Could she close the distance? Show him how she was beginning to feel about him? Ignite the fire that burned in her ?

Mercy strained in the darkness to see his face, to read his eyes. Her confidence flagged. He was a man lying beside his wife. If he wanted to kiss her, he would have already. No, there must have been another reason keeping him from her. Lack of interest or attraction, perhaps. She hoped there was not another woman in his mind, but the reality was that Colin had his pick of women. He had chosen her above all of them for a reason, but until she understood what that reason was, she didn’t know if she was brave enough to act without proper encouragement.

She would be mortified if she tried to kiss him and he rejected her. Especially on the heels of his proclamation that he was not ready to start a family.

Mercy closed her eyes and let out a soft breath. “Good night, Colin.”

He released her hand, his voice rough. “Good night, Mercy.”

It took her ages to fall asleep, lying in the dark and listening to the sound of Colin’s deep, steady breathing.