11. July

ELEVEN

After three weeks in Alabama, Candi and Jay were back in Sapphire City. She had been floating on clouds and couldn't see her life without meeting Jay. She had yet to return to work nor had she been back to her apartment. Being in Bama had been everything she didn't know she needed. The air felt better, the people were better, her heart even beat differently. She came back refreshed.

It was getting closer to her sister's wedding and she was undecided whether she was going or not. Part of her felt bad for even thinking about not going while her therapist and Jay had confirmed her feelings were valid. Candi had yet to talk to her sister and even slacked off on talking to Drama. It was part of her healing and Jay wasn't feeling how close they were.

Cleo Sol played in the background while she repotted a new plant Jay got for her since it seemed she'd taken a liking to his garden and his weed plants. While in Alabama, she spent a lot of time with Meechie in the greenhouse, mixing up shit and singing to the plants. Meechie swore that was why her brother had the best weed in the South. All thanks to her. Candi agreed because her gummies and edibles were top-tier.

"Ain't you glowing and shit." Jolene walked into the kitchen with a cup of iced coffee. She hadn't seen her young friend since her son stole her from her and decided to pop up on her.

"Hey, girl." Candi hugged her. "Why you ain't get me nothing?" She frowned at the cup in Jolene's hand.

"When you start drinking coffee?"

"Since I turned into a country girl." Candi stuck her tongue out.

Jolene waved her off with a laugh. "Chile, please. You look really good though. I see home did you good."

Mhm," Candi hummed, packing the dirt into the gold pot Jay had spent good money on. She was all for the aesthetics. Plants in the house didn't compare to a whole fifty acres of grass and flowers.

Taking a seat at the table, Jolene sipped her drink. "I love that for you. So, what you and my son got going on?"

Candi cut her eyes at her friend. It didn't feel loaded but they were talking about Jolene's only child. She didn't know whether she was asking as a friend or as his mama. Pretending she didn't hear her, Candi continued with her plant.

"I know you heard me, heffa."

"I don't want us to have issues over Jayshun. I lov—like him a lot." Candi swallowed hard.

"You love him. Got it."

"But?" Candi faced her slowly, waiting for the other side of the conversation.

Jolene crossed her legs at the ankles. "Look, I don't have no problem with you loving my son. I raised him right, so it's easy for women to love him. Hell, he loves easily because he was raised on love. Love makes life enjoyable despite all the bumps in the road. You deserve love, too, but let me leave a bug in your ear. As women, we jump for joy when we find emotionally available and intelligent straight men. The issue is when we're not emotionally intelligent ourselves. What happens then is he won't have an issue with leaving you where you stand. My boy loved that girl but not enough to put up with her emotional unavailability. Jay was hurt behind Luna and as time went on, he didn't hurt anymore because the truth was, he was forcing his heart to love her so hard. I can see how easy it is for him to love you. That night you got your pretty ass in his car, I saw the way he looked at you through the mirror." Jolene took another long sip of her coffee as Candi hung on her every word, waiting for the next set.

"It was love at first sight for my baby. He didn't care about your past or where you came from. One look at you and no one before you held space in his heart or mind anymore. What are you going to do with that? Stand ten toes or will you fold on my baby when shit gets hard? 'Cause love ain't easy. It ain't as hard as some people make it seem, but you always gotta be willing to fight for it. Are you a fighter, Magic?" Jolene smirked when she saw the look of surprise on Candi's face from her calling her the name Jay dubbed her with.

Merci passedthe blunt back to Banks. She had just come into town and the four of them were at a little lounge in the city. Her fingers snapped to the beat as her eyes sat low. "And you grow this shit?" she asked over the music.

"Damn." Jay laughed, hating how loud she was with his business. He knew she didn't mean any harm but he didn't want everyone to know that. He kissed Candi's face, bringing her back from her daze. "You good, ain't it?" he asked, searching her eyes for an issue. His eyes were red and sat low from the smoke session they were in.

Candi had been in her head since Jolene stopped by. Her gut told her that something bad was going to happen. It scared her because she didn't want to lose Jay. Then again, his mama's questions had her second-guessing being with him. That and her sister had been on her mind heavy. That and her twins. So much ran rapidly in her mind at one time. It was so much. "I'm good. Just a little tired," she lied.

Jay eyed her, examining her face. "We can go, if you ain't feeling it. I'm just here 'cause your friend came into town."

"That hoe ain't here for me." Candi finally cracked a smile. She nodded her head to Merci, bent over, dry hunching Banks, who looked to be in heaven with all that ass on him.

Finding the scene funny, Jay shook his head at them. They were one and the same. Their vibe and energy matched one another and they were a good time to be around. "All the more reason we can leave their asses here." Just as the words left his lips, Drew, someone he knew but wasn't fond of, walked up.

"Damn." Drew bit his lip. "Sweet like Candi is here in Sapphire City." His lust-filled eyes undressed her. "What club you working at?" Drew wasn't an ugly man on the outside but he was filthy on the inside. Whenever he came around, he gave off creep vibes and Candi always got goosebumps when he used to stop by the club in Jade City.

"I'm good." She tried to dismiss him.

Drew stepped forward. "I know you're good. That mouth superb. That pussy though… now that pussy be biting."

Possessively, Jay pulled Candi behind him. "Read the fuckin' room, nigga."

"Oh, my bad. I ain't know she was with you. I didn't know you were into paying for pussy, my boy." Drew reached his hand out to slap hands with Jay.

Jay pinched the bridge of his nose. "Move around, nigga."

"What? I know you ain't trippin' 'bout no community pussy. Last I saw you, you were into good girls and shit. Candi ain't never been a good girl." Drew's words were vile.

Jay wanted to be the bigger person but the nigga was forcing his hand. Then Candi was shaking like she was scared of him. That would never fly with him.

Cocking his hand back, Jay rocked Drew in the mouth. He fell to the ground. "Hoe ass nigga, I ain't French. I will have you on a fuckin' missing person's poster. Move the fuck around."

Lying on the ground, Drew looked up like he was shocked. It took him a few minutes before he was able to stand on his feet. He wanted to say something else but decided to catch Candi and Jay another time, in another place.

Jay watched him walk away before he turned to Candi, who had a face full of tears. He saw the progress they had made disappearing. "Magic." His voice was calm and smooth.

Candi shook her head. She was ashamed and embarrassed. Running into one of her old clients and having a sit down with Jolene had to be a sign that she wasn't good enough to have a man like Jay. Her fight or flight was kicking in and she was ready to take flight.

Jay saw it written all over her face. It pissed him off that she seemed to easily walk away from what they were building. It reminded him of the shit with Luna. "Come on." He grabbed her hand to leave. They didn't even tell Merci and Banks bye. They were grown and could figure shit out. They had just witnessed Jay almost rock a nigga to sleep.

In the car, he looked at her. "I will never stop chasing you if you run, Candi. Don't run, Candi."

Her hands went to her face. She didn't say anything the entire ride to his house. The ride was quiet, with both of them in their heads. Jay wanted to chase her but a piece of him was already tired of chasing women. If they wanted a nigga like him, they needed to try too.

Women often looked at love as a one-sided thing. It was up to the man to chase. He had to plan the dates, think for her, pay all her bills, and chase after her nut.

Jay didn't mind doing any of those things but there had to come a time when the woman did something for her man. Especially if she had one that stood on business as Jay prided himself on. With one look at Candi that night he gave her a ride, he knew she was on a healing journey. That was cool with him. He was willing and ready to meet her where she was because his heart told him she was the girl for him. He still believed that, he just needed her to believe it.

Neither of them said a word when they walked off the elevator to his loft. But once they crossed that threshold, Candi started with her shit. Seeing her face covered in tears, he decided to try one more time. However, if she wanted to leave, he wasn't going to stop her.

"I'm just so tired." Candi sobbed, falling to the floor. The little strength she held onto weakened by the millisecond. She was a hoe who thought she could run from her past life. What gave her the idea to do that, she had no clue because she had never been able to outrun her demons. "I don't want to do this anymore. I tried… I tried so hard to fight the ghosts telling me to join them. I was trying, but for what? What was the reason?" Her hands gripped the roots of her hair as she tugged desperately, trying to rip it from her scalp.

With the tears in his eyes, Jay bent down, creasing his sneakers. His large hands gripped the sides of her face and he started to sing. "Know that you are loved. Even if you don't love yourself."

Slowly, she peeled her eyes open to look at him. The song had been on repeat since Meechie played it that day in the garden.

"Know that you are loved." He wiped her face. "Even if you don't love yourself." His lips pressed onto her face, placing a gentle kiss on her cheeks. Then he kissed her eyes before he made his way to her nose. Forehead. Ears. Grabbing her hands, he kissed them too. Each fingertip. Finally, he pressed his full lips into hers, letting it linger. "I love you so much that I don't give a fuck about your past. All I care about is your present and our future. Yours to have, mine to love. Remember? We balance each other out. It's fuck everybody when it comes to you. The day I slid inside of you, I washed away everyone and everything before me. I'm your first. I took your virginity. If I have to rewrite history for you, call me Christopher Columbus."

"You love me?" Candi's voice shook from the cry in her belly bubbling up, ready for release. "You love me like you loved her?"

"I love you more than I've ever loved anybody, including myself." Jay's words didn't waiver. "Free yourself of all the doubt because, as you can see, I'm not letting you go. I don't want to let go. I'll chase you to the end of the world and back with enough energy left to fuck you into submission."

Love bumps prickled her skin. "I love you, too, but I'm scared of loving you. Terrified of losing you."

"You'll never lose me."

"Even when I try to push you away?"

"Even when you try to push me away. I want you forever. I know you're on your journey of self-healing and if I have to wait for you, I promise I will. Just don't run from me. Don't run from my love because it feels like too much. Take it. Take me. In my entirety. If you do, I swear, my hand to God, I'll place the world at your feet."

She heard him.

Received what he said to her.

However, if he was willing to lay the world at her feet, she needed to lay her truths at his. With her head down, she released her skeletons. "I have twins. I put them up for adoption but I've tried to find them just to make sure they are good. My stepdaddy used to fuck on me." The fear of him looking at her differently knotted her throat. Candi forced saliva down her throat so she could proceed. "My mama let him. My baby daddy was my best friend's boyfriend and I kept the secret from her while she was in prison for five years." Tears rushed down her face, no matter how much she tried to keep them at bay. "We used to have threesomes and that's how I ended up pregnant… I love my sister but I resent her for never having to go through what I went through. I used to fuck for money, pills, and just because I thought that was all I was put on this earth to do." A fear of apprehension coursed through her. Candi wanted to stop but needed to keep going. If they were going to move forward, she couldn't run from her past anymore. "I was a stripper too. I've never had a boyfriend; never been loved or been in love until now." She looked up when she thought about loving him and him loving her. "I'm scared of being someone's mother because I think God won't bless me for what I did. I don't know what my passion or purpose is. And last but not least, I love you and hope you still love me after this."

Lightly, he fingered a loose piece of hair in her face and wiped the water that had covered the face he would never get tired of looking at. "I'm your first, your last, your everything. It's the story we will tell our kids. I meant it when I said yours to have, mine to love." There was so much passion in his eyes. And tears. He was just as emotional listening to the short version of what she'd been through. He wanted to line up everyone she named and practice his aim.

Candi melted into his embrace. Finally, she didn't run. "And just to be clear, I'm never running again. You stuck with me."

"In that case, let me go ahead and put some babies in you." Jay tossed her over his shoulder where he took her to the room and fucked her to sleep. He needed to make a move that she didn't need to know about.

When it came to business, he stood on it with his shoulder, back, and chest out. As he said, Drew was about to find himself on a missing person"s flyer.