1. End of May

ONE

"How is it so easy to make people hate you, but hard as hell to get them to love you?" Candi asked out loud as she stared into her reflection. She was tired in both the physical and mental sense. Life had chewed her up and shitted her out. She was lost, but somehow, still found the strength to search for something she knew wasn't there—love and someone to have for herself.

Broken and angry.

That was how she'd described herself every waking day. Crazily, Candi somehow still woke up, no matter how much toxic shit she'd consumed. Truthfully, she wanted to blame everyone but herself. Then when therapy and rehab kicked in, she was reminded that life was hers to man. She was the captain and crew of her own ship, which meant when shit fucked up, she had to place the blame on herself.

Her road to recovery and redemption was littered with obstacles. Candi often second-guessed her ability to get through it.

The vibration of her phone pulled her eyes away from the mirror. Grabbing it, she checked the notification and her breathing stalled as she clicked on her big sister's profile. Jazze was beautiful. Her tanned, beige skin glowed from being loved properly. With two daughters now, Jazze was living her dream life with her dream man and family. Candi was happy for her sister—still, a twinge of jealousy lingered in her heart and mind. Not enough to have her doing anything flawed, but there was sometimes thought of, What if?

What if, she and Drama had tried to be more than fuck buddies?

What if, Candi didn't permit her sister to fuck with Drama?

So many what-ifs. But the truth was, Drama was with her sister with plans to be married soon. That was the only reason Jazze wasn't pregnant again.

The coin was two-sided. Candi loved that for her sister, but on the flip side, she wanted it for herself. Although she and Drama were no longer involved sexually, he was an important person in her life. He saved her when no one else knew she was drowning. And maybe, just maybe, had they still been fucking around, he wouldn't have noticed her in distress. For that, she would love him until the end and respect his relationship with her big sister, whom she also loved dearly.

Loving all the new pictures on her sister's page, she closed out of the app and dialed up her girl, Merci. The phone didn't ring twice before her girl answered.

"Hey, girl," Merci greeted. It sounded like she was moving around, based on the noise Candi heard in the background.

"What you doing, boo?"

"Girl, washing these boys" clothes. I'm not understanding how they have more dirty clothes than they wore. That shit be pissing me off," Merci fussed.

Tossing her work shirt on, Candi looked at herself in the mirror once again. A deep sigh escaped her lips.

"What's wrong, Candi?" Merci asked. "How's Sapphire City? I don't understand why you had to move away to get your mind together."

"I don't know how I feel right now, but I know I'll be good one day. Merci, I'm just trying to take it one day at a time."

"Why won't you just tell your sister how you feel? Jazze loves you so much, girl. I wish I had siblings. It was just me and my parents." The bond Candi had with her sister, Jazze, and best friend, Navee, was one Merci wished she had. They were so understanding and loved one another through their flaws.

Annoyed, Candi took a seat on her bed that sat on the floor. The move from her hometown of Jade City to Sapphire City wasn't easy on her pockets. Back home, she was a stripper. She made good money, but just as fast as the money was made, she spent it. Designer clothes and shoes ate her pockets up. When it came time for her to change the scenery, she didn't have much—just enough to put the deposit on the apartment and get the necessities like a mattress, dresser, couch, TV, and stand. Her small dining room was bare, but she'd been saving to get a cute little table big enough to fit two.

"What the fuck is that supposed to do? She has kids with him. They are getting married in a few months. And I don't want him. It"s just—"

"Just you have FOMO." Merci cut her off.

With a scrunched-up face, Candi was confused. "The fuck is FOMO? Man, you be showing your white side every other damn day."

Merci snickered. "Fear of missing out. You think if you would've told them you weren't cool with them messing around, you would be the one happily engaged with kids."

"But I don't want him!" Candi raised her voice. "I don't know what's wrong with me, Merci." Her eyes swelled with tears.

"Aww, babe. Have you talked to your therapist about it?"

"So much that I'm sure she's tired of hearing the shit. I feel like a hater. Like, I want to be happy for my big sister, but something dark in my spirit takes over and I get mad and sad. Am I wrong?"

"You're human, Candi. And although I know you don't want Drama for yourself, I think you need to have a conversation with your sister. When's the last time you talked to her, anyway?"

Candi squeezed her eyes together at the question. Conversations with her sister went from every day to maybe once a month. She talked to Drama more than she talked to Jazze and Navee. Navee was the third wheel to their trio and like a sister to them both. When it came to Navee, they didn't talk as much because Navee was always working. Navee went from the strip club to being a dancer in videos and owning her car club. Her girl was booked and busy. Plus, Candi didn't want Navee to feel like she had to pick a side. Therefore, she kept her distance from both Jazze and Navee.

"I talked to Drama. He said everyone was good."

"Bitch! Talk to your sister," Merci fussed. "If you don't talk to your sister by this weekend, I ain't coming to see you."

Kissing her teeth, Candi smiled. "You ain't coming to Sapphire City for me, anyway. You trying to go to the park where I told you all the niggas be. Be for fuckin' real, Merci."

"But I was still going to see you, hoe." Merci laughed. "Anyway, let me get to this laundry because I have to work tonight."

"Yea, I gotta work today too. I'm about to head there in a little while," Candi revealed.

"I know you miss that club money."

"I do, but my peace of mind is much better. Talk to you later, hoe."

"Bye, bitch!"

The call ended, and Candi was back, looking at herself in the mirror. These days, she didn't even recognize herself. For the last few years, she was usually high on pills and decked out in designer from head to toe. Now, she was what she considered plain Jane and starting over. At twenty-four, it seemed too late, but as her therapist, Dr. Joy, told her, it was never too late to get yourself together. You would grow old, regardless. It was up to you to turn sixty and be the same person or turn sixty and love the person you became. Every day was a struggle for Candi, but she woke up, trying to love the person she was becoming.

Looking at the digital clock on her dresser, she assessed she had enough time to make a quick dinner so she could eat now and take to work later.

Candi worked at the Big E, a gas station adjacent to the hood. It wasn't the best job but they paid decent and she didn't feel out of place. When she first got to Sapphire City, she found a job at a call center but quickly decided it wasn't for her. She hated the customers, employees, and managers. It had too much going on and almost pushed her over the edge and had her running back to Jade City. Once she got hired at the Big E, the idea went back to the recesses of her mind.

So far, the change of scenery had been great for her healing journey.

Life back in Jade City used to be fun—toxic, but every day she woke up knowing she was going to end her night lit. It was a never-ending cycle until it wasn't. She couldn't pretend she didn't miss her sister Jazze and best friend Navee, but between the three of them, tensions had bubbled over. She resented her sister for reasons beyond Jazze's control and she felt like Navee had outgrown the teenage shit they did before Navee was sent to prison.

All Candi's partying caught up to her one night when she found herself in the car with a strange man. It was like she knew where she was but didn't know where she was at the same time. That night would forever be etched in her mind because it was the night she realized how badly she had been destroying herself.

Prescription pills were her drug of choice, but from time to time, she'd do a line of coke if she was around a bunch of rich people. As one of the hottest strippers in Jade City, Candi was always in the mix with the ballers and shotcallers. Like her name, they loved them some Candi. In the most vulgar ways possible.

With all of that, Candi had to learn to pivot, feel, and move on. Sitting in shit caused her downfall.

Once she had eaten and packed up the rest for later, Candi cleaned up her mess before walking out the door. As she stepped out of the house, she sighed at the rambunctious neighborhood. The streets were worn as well as the sidewalks and had broken-down cars that took up the good parking spaces. She was used to the hood, but her current surroundings seemed more than just hood. It was ignorant and full of poverty and… all she could afford.

Candi had lived in the area for over six months and hadn't had any issues with anyone. That was the best part of it all. She stayed to herself and so did everyone else, for the most part. The most that happened was domestic violence, with couples arguing and fighting all damn day. Besides that, she felt safe enough to live there. It was temporary. At least that was what Candi told herself on the daily. How she was going to get out of the area and make more money, she wasn't sure.

Her passion and purpose had yet to be discovered. Until then, she was going to make the best of her situation.

"Bitch badder than a muthafucka." One cat whistled as she walked past. He looked to be old enough to be her father with tattered and dingy clothes. The slides he had on his feet showed how bad his toes were. Thick toenails and decades of dried skin almost made Candi throw up when she looked him up and down.

Pushing her eyes forward, she continued her stride to her car. An older model Audi was her most prized possession. She had a brand-new 2023 Audi that she'd sold to a chop shop, then reported it stolen. That was the money she needed to pay cash for the car she had now and to make the move to Sapphire City.

She pressed her key fob to unlock the door and placed her things on the passenger seat before going around to the driver's side to get in the car. Settled in, she started up the vehicle and pulled off while smirking at the old head who couldn't seem to take his eyes off her. A good cursing out was what he needed, but Candi had to tread lightly since she was the new girl in town.

The local radio station played since she hadn't connected her phone to the aux cord, in her thoughts. The further she got down the road, she noticed her car started to shake. Before she could turn the music down to listen, a loud pop scared her. People honked their horns as she tried to control the steering wheel because the car was swerving. Finally, pulling into a parking lot of an abandoned Title company, Candi jumped out to assess the damage.

"Fuck!" she yelled, seeing nothing but the rim. The rubber on her tire was still on the road.

Cars zoomed past her as she thought of her next move. Candi needed to get to work. She also needed to see about her car but didn't have the money to do so. That was the one thing she missed about working at the club—getting paid every day. Now, she had to wait for Friday. Sighing, she pulled up her rideshare app to book a ride to work. She could only pray her car stayed safe for the next three days.