5. Black-Haired Devil

5

Black-Haired Devil

S itting in my car, I scanned God’s chessboard, wondering how He chose who stayed to play on and who got swept off the board. Dreading what was coming, I took a deep breath and braced myself.

Flipping the vizor mirror down, I swiped away the mascara that bruised the skin beneath my eyes. I hated waterproof mascara. Mascara shouldn’t take longer to remove than apply, but it would have come in handy today. Wanting to do Nan proud, I’d applied a heavier hand with the make-up. In some small way, it gave me something to hide behind.

When I pictured this day in my mind, a cold, miserable drizzle fell from a bleak, overcast sky, slicking the tombstones with snakes of black mirroring the streaks of mascara wearing a path down my face as I wept.

In my mind, I stood alone, a solitary figure in the rain at the side of Nan’s grave. Just me and the preacher, a thin, sallow-faced man, his bony skull sparsely covered by thin wisps of grizzled hair, his wire-rimmed glasses sliding down his hawklike nose.

Nothing was going to plan.

The sun chose today of all days to finally come out of hiding. Everything it touched glowed with warmth, the tombstones lining up like beaming supplicants at the gates of Heaven.

Thankfully, Nan had opted for a simple blessing at the funeral parlor, immediately followed by the burial and a small gathering for a catered lunch in the hall of her church.

She organized the whole shebang years in advance. The only thing I had to do was confirm her identity at the funeral home and sign on the dotted line.

Lying on the table, her tiny body diminished further by the absence of her spirit, I barely recognized her.

Two days later, when I walked into the funeral home for the service, I expected to be the first to arrive. Instead, the hallway teemed with people waiting to say their goodbyes.

Stopping short at the sight of the crowd, I spun on my heel and ducked into the bathroom. I crossed to the sink and braced my hands on the counter, closed my eyes, and breathed deep.

Nan’s image filled my mind, “Stop your blattin, pet. Sure, won’t I see you on the other side?” Her smile dropped; her eyes stern. “Not too soon, mind. You’ve a life to live first.”

“Nan,” I whispered. “I can’t do this.”

I wished for her warm, steady, presence at my back, but she’d left me cold.

Squaring my shoulders, I pushed away from the counter and stepped into the hallway as the sexiest man I’d ever seen walked through the front door and hijacked my brain. He looked like an angel, albeit one who had fallen.

My eyes followed him as he stopped to check the directory before making his way to the hallway where I stood gawking. Even after he nodded at me politely, I could not tear my eyes away and found myself following in his wake like he was the Pied Piper of pussy.

By the time I made it through the throng, he was gone.

The next time I saw him, he was stepping out from behind the curtain decked out in priestly robes.

Oh. My. God.

Pied Piper of pussy?

Only then did I remember Nan telling me to call the priest’s wife if I needed help with any last-minute arrangements. One of the many times she forced me to listen as she went over the arrangements, leaving nothing to chance, ensuring she left me nothing to do but show up.

“Aren’t you Catholic, Nan? I thought priests didn’t get married.”

“They can be called to the priesthood after they’re married. It’s a good thing.” She wagged her eyebrows. “That man would be wasted on celibacy.”

I laughed and teased, “Rudolpho will be heartbroken.”

She pursed her lips and slanted me a disapproving look. “You’re Catholic, too, missy.”

I cocked my head to the side. “I don’t think I am, Nan. Dad didn’t believe in baptizing infants.”

She waved my words away. “Ach, didn’t I baptize you over the sink at six weeks old?”

I barked out a laugh.

“It counts!” she protested.

Ignoring the baptism revelation, I followed my curiosity. “Does he have kids?”

“Six of the little blighters.” Her wrinkled face settled into a smile. “I’m surprised it’s not twelve. Gorgeous wee babies.”

I shook my head then and shook it again now at the memory.

When I approached him to introduce myself, blushing like a virgin bride on her wedding night, I could almost hear Nan laughing on the other side.

God, I wished she were with me. I was so tired, and still had so far to go.

Now, sitting alone in my car, I wished I had told my girls. Wren might not have been able to make it, but Harley, Noelle, and Bridge would have done their level best.

They would have been here for me, a buffer between me and the rest. So far, I’d greeted the staff of Ayana’s, the ladies in Nan’s quilting circle, the proprietors of the neighboring businesses sharing Mistlevale’s Christmas mile, and a whole slew of our regular customers.

Grasping the door handle, I swung my legs out of the car. With my chin tipped down, I crossed the grass, the tips of my high heels sinking into the newly thawed earth with every step.

As I neared the gravesite, those who recognized me cleared a path for me to the front. Those who didn’t know me were shooed aside by Mrs. Wemberly who seemingly appeared out of nowhere. She deposited me at the front and retreated just as quickly.

I sucked in a breath and raised my chin. I would make Nan proud. Squinting against the bright light of the sun, I took in a sea of faces, none standing out any more than the next, until my gaze landed on him.

Gabe .

My mask fell away.

Standing directly across from me, his black hair swept back off his forehead, sunglasses perched on top of his head, his somber blue eyes scanned my face. With his hands tucked in the front pockets of his black dress pants, his suit jacket pushed back, he looked exactly how teenage me imagined he would have for prom or our fairytale wedding.

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

Gabe.

How did he know? It had only been two days since Nan had passed and years since I walked away from him, but he came.

Behind him stood Max, Hawkley, and Daire.

The corners of my mouth pulled down ominously. I stepped back but with the crowd behind me and the priest waiting patiently in front of me, there was nowhere to flee.

My lips parted in need of air.

He came alert, his energy reaching me. Catching my eye, he jerked his head to the side.

Instinctively, I looked in the direction he nodded and found Harley, Wren, Bridge, and Noelle making their way toward me.

My jaw dropped. I snapped it shut just as quickly as relief swept through me. Wrapping my arms around my middle, I looked to the sky and battled back my tears.

Soft arms, warm hands, and hints of delicate perfume enveloped me. Harley and Noelle’s sweet little baby bumps pressed in on either side.

Reminding me.

My eyes filled.

I began to pull away when Wren grasped one of my hands in hers. Wren, who with everything she had going on, took time off work to be here with me.

You don’t understand what you’re missing until life hands it over wrapped and topped with a bow. A sob caught in my throat.

I hung on to her hand, fought back the despair of being left, the bittersweet of being found, and sucked in a breath before slowly exhaling, emptying my lungs, calming my galloping heart.

A gentle breeze lifted the tendrils of hair that had escaped my ponytail back from my face.

I drew in another breath.

The heavy fragrance of roses, Nan’s favorite, wrapped around me like a hug.

She was here.

Ach, love, no one ever really leaves .

I filled my lungs once more as I acclimated to the unexpected presence of my girls, their sweet hugs, the love they freely offered me, and gained control over my wayward emotions.

Then Bridge moved in.

“Hey, bitch,” she whispered. The tip of her nose pressed against my cheek. “I love you.”

I lost the fight.

I covered my face to hide behind my hands as my body bowed forward but there was no need. They shielded me, their soft touches and low voices holding me upright and wrapping around me like one of Nan’s quilts.

Exactly like one of Nan’s quilts.

The priest walked over, his low voice for our ears only. “Let me know when you’re ready. There’s no rush.”

Seeing him now, with Gabe in the vicinity, there was no contest.

There was never any contest when it came to Gabe.

Why didn’t you get in touch?

I gave my head a shake and pulled myself together.

With a nod to me, Father Donnelly stepped forward as per Nan’s wishes and laid a cross atop Nan’s casket to ‘scare away the devil.’

“In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit…”

I drew in a shuddering breath.

This was Nan’s world where faith and faeries co-existed harmoniously, and God held every one of us in the palm of His hand.

Nan who would never again tell me to dress for my ‘bosoms.’

I sniffed.

Nan who would never again flirt with Rudolpho.

Silent tears paraded down my face.

Nan who would never again darken the doorway of the restaurant she had somehow run with both love and military precision.

Bridge took off her sunglasses and slipped them onto my face.

Her eyes were red and swollen. For me.

My lip trembled.

She took my hand in hers and held on tight.

When I sent everyone else away for my final goodbye, Bridge waited on the outskirts with Gabe until I finished.

And before I could even think of driving my car, she sent Noelle and Hawkley on without her and climbed into the driver’s seat, Gabe following in his truck.

Throughout the burial and the luncheon, my girls stuck to me like glue. The entirety of Nan’s congregation had seemingly shown up, and every single one of them wanted to talk to me.

Your nan, she loved you so much.

Your nan said you were a beauty, and she did not lie!

Your nan, God love her, was the best friend I ever had.

When I flagged under the strain of conversing with the endless stream of mourners, my girls stepped in.

But when the ladies of the church circled with shot glasses of Irish whiskey signaling my time to say a few words, it was Gabe whose eyes I sought.

Crossing to the front of the room, I stood and waited with my knees knocking. Soon enough, the crowd of mourners turned to face me, glasses in hand.

“I could thank you all for coming, but as Nan used to say, ‘if you want praise, die.’”

A few startled laughs broke out.

“I could share her favorite Bible verses with you, but Nan was a firm believer in closet prayer. Her faith was both private and personal.

“I could tell you how much I’m going to miss her and how positively shattered,” my voice broke, “I am to be here without her, but I’d never reach the end of my speech. Besides, if she was here, she’d say, “Stop your blattin.’ Sure, don’t we all pass eventually?”

Scattered sniffles and soft chuckles sounded throughout the room.

“But I will miss her.

“I’ll miss her telling me a lady puts on lipstick before leaving the house. I wore it especially for her today.

“I’ll miss her pointing out every handsome man within spitting distance. Including Father Donnelly.”

More laughter rang out. I found him in the room, and he grinned at me. Laughing, I shook my head and thought about his wife.

Lucky, lucky woman.

“I’ll miss her berating me for wearing jeans and t-shirts, and I’ll never forget her yelling at me as I walked out the door, ‘Jesus, Mary, and Saint Joseph, Shae, would it kill you to show a bit of leg?”

Stepping away from the podium, I lifted my leg to show that I had indeed worn a skirt that Nan would have considered scandalously short for church.

There you go, Nan.

I looked up to find the entire hall wreathed in smiles.

My face flamed as several people clapped, and I caught Gabe’s naughty wink before ducking back behind the podium to finish.

“Instead of crying, we are going to give Nan the send-off she deserves.

“If you would be so kind as to raise a glass to my Nan.”

My hand shook as I held up my whiskey.

“To my Nan.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,

Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.”

I knocked back a healthy gulp and hugged my glass to my chest.

“ And a ‘wee message’ from my nan, because God knows she always had to have the last word.”

Murmurings of affectionate agreement gave me strength to finish in the spirit of my Nan.

I raised my glass and my voice to offer Nan’s blessing to all of her friends.

“May the road rise to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back,

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

The rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.”

I swallowed the sob that lodged in my throat and smiled through my tears for my Nan, Gabe’s face swimming before me.

Father Donnelly raised his glass. “May you be a full half hour in Heaven before the devil knows you’re dead.”

I didn’t remember making my way back to my girls, but when the walls began closing in, it was Gabe who took my hand. “Let’s go for a drive.”

A drive?

Nothing, at that moment, could have possibly sounded better.

“I can’t just leave,” I protested weakly.

Oh, God. I wasn’t ready for this.

For him.

His brow lowered darkly. “Why the fuck not? You don’t owe anybody anything. You’re the one who’s grieving.”

“We can handle things here, Shae,” Wren promised.

Harley nodded.

Noelle gave me a double thumbs up. “You’ve been here for hours. You’ve done your duty. People are just socializing at this point.”

I looked around, my heart beating like the wings of a hummingbird. “Where’s Bridge?”

Harley jerked her head toward the kitchen. “She’s already in the kitchen lighting a fire under the staff to get on the clean up.”

“I have to pay,” I countered, wavering.

What’s the matter with you? Go with him!

“We’ve got it,” Harley assured me. “You can reimburse us later.”

“Ready?” Gabe challenged, his eyebrows rising expectantly. “You look like you’re about to crack.”

I frowned. “I thought I was killing it.”

He huffed out an impatient snort. “You were but it looks like it’s starting to kill you. Let’s go.”

My brow furrowed, the mix of anxiety and desire igniting the fight in me. “You’re like a, a bull.”

Placing his hands on his hips, his chin jutted out as he locked eyes with me. “You have no idea.”

I drew back. “Maybe you should just go.”

I was looking for a fight, someone to absorb my anger.

And he knew it.

Wrapping a hand around the back of his neck, he tipped his chin down before looking at me from beneath raised brows. “We can do this the hard way or the easy way, Shae-baby. The easy way is you walk out of here with your little hand tucked into my elbow.”

I sucked in a breath as I hazarded a startled glance at my girls. If this was how he acted after one coffee date, what would he be like if we got serious?

Wren froze, staring at him with her mouth hanging open.

Noelle’s fingers covered her smiling mouth as her eyes skittered back and forth between us.

And Harley? Harley fucking beamed at him.

There would be no assistance from that quarter.

Where was their pride?

Their female solidarity?

Their sense of sisterhood?

I shook my head at all of them and turned back to the black-haired devil that stood in place of the Gabe I used to know. “And what’s the hard way?” I demanded.

“I tuck my shoulder into your little belly, and we walk out of here with your ass in the air and my hand wrapped around your thighs.”

I dipped my chin even as a hot ball of desire dropped low in my womb. “You wouldn’t.”

He smiled, and it was devastating. “Try me. Please, try me.”

All kinds of thoughts took flight in my head, none of them becoming to the churchly environment.

Harley laughed.

Noelle tittered and commented. “I need to go home. Like, right now.”

Wren’s face crumpled into concerned lines.

I rushed to intervene before she tangled with the bear I’d inadvertently poked.

“You’re right,” I agreed quickly, giving in to what I so desperately wanted. “Thank you, Gabe.”

“You’re sure, Shae?” Wren reached past Gabe to place her hand over my arm.

He stiffened, hostility rolling off him in waves.

Moving in front of Gabe, I covered Wren’s hand with mine. “I’m more than sure, Wrennie. Gabe and I have history, all of it sweet. I’m good with him.”

Leaning back, I aligned my back with his chest.

How many times had I stood just so?

Calming the beast.

He never faced me when he hurt.

Instead, he tucked his face into my neck, his nose into my hair, arms locked around my waist as I listened to him.

He confessed his failed assignments, railed at the teachers who accused him of being lazy and unfocused, and grieved over his dad’s constant disappointment with his grades.

His arms slowly loosening, his chin dropping to rest on my shoulder as he expelled the damage.

More than twenty years later, his body melted into mine.

Perhaps he hadn’t changed that much after all.

I hadn’t either.

Still looking for the nearest exit.

Perhaps it was time for me to begin a new chapter.

Opening my arms, I embraced my girls. “Please tell Bridge I said thank you.”

They assured me they would as I turned toward Gabe.

His lips twitched and his eyes twinkled as he offered me his elbow.

The barest beginnings of a smile touched my mouth.

Nan would have loved him. She would have put him through an Inquisition that would shame the history of the Spanish, but she would have loved him.

Just then, Bridge came barrelling out of the kitchen toward me. “I have seen the light and he’s six foot two and wears robes. Please tell me Father Donnelly can baptize me naked.”

Wren slapped a hand over her eyes while Harley and Noelle snorted like heathens as my Nan would have said.

And I did something I didn’t think was possible.

I laughed.