32. Big Daddy

32

Big Daddy

D ylan fairly swung between us. With Gabe’s massive hand encasing her little one, and my hand curled around the other, she bounced and swung her way up the flower-lined path to her grammy’s front door.

She looked up at me, verifying today’s festivities for perhaps the nineteenth time. “Today my party?”

“Yes, pet,” I answered, smiling down at her. “Today is your birthday party.”

Her big blue eyes blinked up at me. “I four.”

“I know!” I replied excitedly.

Gabe’s chuckle warmed me from the inside out.

I looked up to find him smiling at me softly. Meeting my eyes, he smiled slow and lazy. “Brace yourself for later.”

My eyebrows shot up.

He laughed out loud and winced. “I wish! I meant brace yourself for the sugar crash.”

“Oh,” I huffed. “I think we should just stay late until she burns herself out.”

He grinned. “It’s a plan.”

Maeve opened the door, drying her hands on a dish towel. “Hey there, Dilly-bar! How’s my birthday girl?”

“Well, hey there Grammy!” Tugging her hands free, she leapt toward Maeve who swept her up in a hug.

Almost immediately, she wiggled to get down. Bracing her little legs on the front porch, she pointed at me. “That Shibaby.”

“I know!” Maeve answered with a laugh.

“Her mine big, big mommy.”

Maeve’s eyebrows shot up, her shrewd gaze immediately catching mine. “Is she now?”

I smiled weakly.

“Yep,” Dylan nodded. “Her is.”

Maeve didn’t miss a beat. Pointing to Gabe, she said, “That my tiny, tiny baby.”

Dylan’s brow lowered as her hands came to her tiny hips. “That mine big daddy.”

“Can I call you ‘Big Daddy’?” I murmured out of the side of my mouth.

“You can call my cock ‘Big Daddy’.”

Maeve’s eyes snapped to Gabe’s. “I heard that, Gabe Kenny, and I’ll have you know I remember when it was an itty-bitty thing no bigger than my baby toe.”

I slapped a hand over my face.

He grinned. “You’re right. We can talk about Dad’s meat instead.”

“Get in here, brat, before I box your ears.”

He ducked to get in the house, dipping down as his mother cupped the back of his neck and pulled him close. “Happy for you, baby.”

His eyes crinkled.

My heart expanded as if infused with joy-spiked helium. This was happening. It was really happening.

As if he could read my mind, Gabe reached back and squeezed my hand as we stepped inside, Dylan trotting ahead of us to greet her guests.

Birthday streamers and balloons covered the walls.

A flash of memory, one I’d believed lost, played in my mind. My mother smiling, hanging streamers just like those ones.

I froze in place. There was a Barbie cake .

My breath caught in my throat.

My dad laughed and danced my mom around the kitchen.

I struggled to hang onto it, closing my eyes to focus and bring it closer, but it evaporated like the morning dew.

But I felt it.

The happiness that was in my heart on that day, I felt it anew.

I swallowed hard and beat back the tears.

He was here last night, him and your mum.

I want you to know, I won’t be alone when the time comes.

Gabe’s low voice pulled me back to the present. “Shae? You okay?”

“I had a Barbie birthday cake,” I breathed.

Face dark with compassion, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in tight. “Of course, you did.”

I clung to him, smiling though my eyes stung. It was the last birthday I remembered having.

Stepping back, I wiped my eyes and gave a strangled laugh. “I had a Barbie birthday cake.”

He cupped his hands around my jaw and pulled my face to his. “You’re going to have all the cakes, baby.”

The noise from the family room brought me back to the present. I took a breath and offered him a watery smile. “I’m good.”

“You sure?”

I nodded shortly. “Positive.”

I needed to switch gears and focus on the here and now and the multitude of voices coming from the family room. I raised my eyebrows at Gabe. “Who’s here?”

“The fuck if I know.”

I huffed. “Gabe, really?”

He grinned and slung his arm around my shoulders then cleared his throat. A smirk curved that sinful mouth. “I told you, Big Mama, I don’t do any of the planning for the birthday parties.”

“Gabe, no!” I stabbed his chest with my pointer finger.

“Ow!” He laughed, rubbing the spot on his chest where I poked.

In the living room, Dylan held court with her guests.

A few friends of Maeve and Brian’s, including Harley’s parents, Dan and Lou Bennett, sat around the table.

I straightened with delight at the sight of Wren and Max, Daire with a very pregnant Harley tucked close, Julian, Aaron and Nadine who at five months was beginning to show, and Aaron’s little brother, Isaiah.

Kian was not in attendance.

Neither was Bridge.

Next year, when I organized Dylan’s birthday, a thrill danced through me at the thought, Bridge would be there, too.

Maybe Kian would be with her.

Nadine, since the shower, had finally taken on that pregnancy glow.

We had admittedly thrown it far too early, but with all the hostility and anxiety floating around her, it was important to give her a circle of support.

By the looks of her, it worked.

Seeing both Harley and Nadine swelling with life triggered the empty feeling in my womb. It hurt. Perhaps it always would. But it was no longer bad enough to send me running.

My eyes found Dylan chatting with Daire.

He leaned toward her, a look of delight on his handsome face. Fully invested in his conversation with Dylan, it was the first time I’d seen him out with Harley that he didn’t have a hand on her leg or playing in her hair.

Maeve came up behind us and linked her arm through Gabe’s. “I invited her new teacher. When I found out he’s good friends with Max, it seemed like a great opportunity.”

The heavy frown on Gabe’s face shocked me. “She’s not an exhibit, Ma.”

“No,” she answered sharply. “She’s not. She’s the most perfect of little girls and we’re going to make sure she’s surrounded by people who think the same.”

His frown faded as he gazed down at his mother. “What are you going to do? Beat anyone who thinks otherwise with a stick?”

“That plan has merit,” she huffed and walked away to the sound of Gabe’s laughter.

I nudged him with my elbow, then jerked my chin in Dylan’s direction.

She had climbed up onto Daire’s lap and had her hands in his hair. “You gots long hair like mine big mommy.”

“Yeah?” He smiled. “You have long hair, too!”

“I dooz,” she agreed. “But mine big mommy has long, long hair.” She stopped and looked around. Pointing at me, she turned back to him. “That mine big mommy.”

Harley followed the line of her finger and smiled widely.

“Hey, Big Mama,” she teased.

Gabe guffawed. “I told you it was catchy.”

At every opportunity, Dylan introduced me as her mommy, sometimes as her big, big, mommy.

I could see Big Mama catching on and if that was the cost of having her? I’d pay it over and over.

Brian, with a moral support from Dan Bennett, manned the grill. Along with the dishes coming from Maeve’s kitchen, they delivered a spread worthy of the ancient Romans.

“See how they move with each other?” he murmured in my ear, nodding at his parents. “That’s going to be us.”

Brian and Maeve, fully attuned to one another, seemed to know where the other was at all times. One didn’t pass the other without a smile, a word, or an absent-minded, tender touch.

She handed him a spoon.

Gabe chuckled. “He’s going to make a toast now.”

Brian stood beside the heavy butcher-block table overladen with food and tapped his beer stein with his spoon until he had everyone’s attention.

He cleared his throat. “I’d like to make a toast.”

Gabe sprawled on the new brown couch that was the same as the old brown couch, with me tucked tightly against his side. A small, indulgent smile graced his face as he watched his parents dance around each other in a well-rehearsed choreography.

Brian lifted his glass. “To friends. Thank you for being with us today. To Maeve. Thank you for being with me always. To Dylan, the prettiest birthday girl I’ve ever seen. Happy Birthday Dilly-Bar. To Shae and the sweetest of new beginnings. And to my son, Gabe.”

Gabe’s body turned to marble.

Brian stopped, dropping his eyes to the floor as he cleared his throat.

Maeve sidled up to his side, leaning into him ever so slightly.

He nodded at the floor, lifted his head, and found Gabe’s eyes. “To my son, Gabe. You have made me proud, over and over again. You are already twice the father I ever was.” His voice hitched.

Gabe fairly vibrated beside me.

Brian rubbed a hand over his belly and continued, “But hopefully you’ll keep your girlish figure and ever be half the man.”

Gabe laughed along with everyone else but fooled no one when he leaned forward and swiped a finger under his eyes.

After dinner, Maeve came up behind me and touched my elbow to get my attention. “You want to help me with the cake?”

“Of course.” I followed her into the kitchen, knowing in my gut there was more than cake on her mind.

“I expect you’ll be taking over the party planning for next year?”

“I hope so. Is that okay with you?”

She cupped her hand around my cheek. “Darlin’, it would make me the happiest.” She dipped her chin and smiled into my eyes before repeating, “The happiest.”

“I wasn’t sure what you were thinking when Dylan called me Mommy.”

She tilted her head to the side and hummed. “I’ll be honest. Last time I saw you, I didn’t think you were ready to take them on.”

I nodded slowly. “That’s fair.”

“Are you ready now?”

I wanted it.

I wanted it as much as I’d ever wanted anything in my life, but a monstrous fear lived inside me, constantly whispering of everything I’d lost, and how much more I had to lose.

Still, I wanted it.

Every love story ends with a broken heart .

“I think so, Maeve.”

She looked down at the floor and nodded her head a few times before answering slowly. “I know I’m overstepping. I know it, but I’m still going to speak my piece.” She met my eyes. “Thinking’s fine but not with that little girl’s heart on the line, not to mention my son’s. You’ve gotta be sure, darlin’. You ever need to talk it out with someone, I can be that someone for you.”

“Thank you.”

“I can’t guard their hearts if you don’t. If you’re not sure you can be her mommy, you need to correct this now.”

I swallowed hard. “Maeve.” My voice broke. I took a breath and tried again. “I can tell you honestly, there is nothing else in the whole world I want more.”

Her eyes welled. “I’ve never seen my Gabe so happy.” She huffed out a laugh. “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him happy, period.” She waved away my protest. “He’s full of life, chaotic, energetic, but never has he been happy and content. Until now.”

I nodded, my throat tight.

I could do this.

“Thank you.”