2. ALWAYS BOSS UP

2

ALWAYS BOSS UP

Summer

"Don't forget the container, Su," my mother says loudly like she is trying to provoke me. I mean, she is.

I sigh before I turn to give her a glare.

"Yes, Susu, don't forget your cookies," my nana says from the other room and I narrow my eyes at my mother as she grins, utterly happy with herself.

I love my grandmother, but even though I've told her a million times that I'm going to college, and I don't need to carry food, she insisted because 'it's what I do for all my babies, and they have all succeeded.'

My plan was to pretend I forgot the cookies, then remember far enough away that I wouldn't have to go back and get them. But, lo and behold, my scheming mother.

"Yes, nana. How could I forget," I lower my voice for that last one.

"Oh, come on, I endured it, so must you." My mother laughs. "Now take the cookies and let's go. Your father will be downstairs in a minute."

Rolling my eyes, I take the tin container that has been in my family for generations. I'm no historian, but I'm pretty sure it was the first thing my ancestors bought when they got their freedom. Probably used it to dodge some of the bullets.

It has dents everywhere and scratches like it's been through wars, but nana treasures it. I would throw it somewhere, but I know she will expect it back from me. It's like the Bailey family's very own traveling pants.

I sigh again before I skip outside.

"We are late!" my father yells, coming down the stairs. The rest of us have been ready for an hour and he wasn't even showered until fifteen minutes ago, too busy working on his car since dawn, but now that he's ready, everyone must be ready. The man believes everybody works on his time.

Men.

I kick my train of thought as it lands on the four men I don't want to think about.

Coming back from Europe with my family, I thought I'd be fine. That being away would maybe heal me, but it hasn't. I keep going back and forth with the motions. Angry at first, then utterly heartbroken, then I'd wish they would tell me it was fake. Then I'd get angry again realizing it really happened, and they all played a part in it.

I feel so angry at myself too. How could I be so stupid? How could I think they would really be happy with just me? I love myself and don't think low of myself, but I did punch a little above my weight dating all of them at once.

But I came home sure of one thing.

I'm done.

I could have accepted a lot of things, but cheating wasn't one of them. I'm not willing to see past that. So as much as I still feel a lot, I'm too hurt.

This new journey isn't about them, anyway. It's about me and my quest for a new life. I worked my ass off to get here on merit. Even though I don't need a scholarship, it felt good securing one. Like this new journey was something I was doing for myself, with my own will and determination. Paying for it with my own sweat.

Something I would always claim as mine.

This is my first step to being who I want to be. I always knew I'd make it, even though I'm still not sure what my passion is. I mean, I like Economics, and it seems like a great major, but I wouldn't say it's what helps me get out of bed in the morning.

Jaden used to say it's because I'm good at so many things. Archer would say it's because I am supposed to be the first female president. Caleb would say it will come to me. And Harvey… no. No. I don't like thinking about him especially.

The shatterer of my heart.

Heat clogs my chest, tears burn the back of my eyes, and I blink as footsteps approach behind me. Opening the car door, I jump in, retrieve a handkerchief, and wipe my eyes away from my parents.

I take the sunglasses I keep close and put them on. I used them a lot when we were abroad. They hid a lot of my tears when my parents and I were sunbathing, as I cried into them. And if that wasn't enough, I'd bury myself in a book and pretend I was reading.

If my parents or nana saw anything, they never said. It was my sister who'd hear me bitch about it sometimes in our hotel room when it got to be too much. Poor kid, she doesn't even know what boys are capable of yet and here I was ruining her first experience.

"Susu!" my grandmother's voice comes from the house, and I remember she isn't coming.

"Are you that desperate to leave that you even forget your grandmother," my father says as he rounds the car.

"You know she's going to pinch my cheeks," I groan.

"And probably give you the lucky dollar," my mother chuckles.

Jumping out, I sprint back to the house.

Wiping more tears as I enter, I lose the glasses, hoping I look fine. You would think she actually hasn't said goodbye to me, but she has been saying goodbye for a week. And this morning, she woke me up for a talk. A talk we've had a million times before. A talk about boys.

My parents haven't told her I dated all the boys. She thinks I only dated Archer. She liked Archer. My mom said she didn't want to deal with her reaction, and she had been right. The sex talks never stopped.

Normally I just laugh inside because if she only knew what her grandbaby used to do…

No. No more.

I find her sitting in front of the TV, watching a rerun of a reality show where there are ass-whoopings every five minutes. A show my parents and I have never understood why she likes. It's ratchet as hell. She got my sister into it and you will often find them huddled together rooting for their favorite wig snatcher.

I can't say I relate, but that's my grandmother. Always surprising you in many ways. A true example of 'don't judge a book by its cover.'

"Were you really leaving without saying goodbye?"

"No, nana. I just went to put the cookies in the car so I didn't forget them. Remember?"

"Don't sass me, little girl. Come here." She opens her arms and I approach. Hugging her as she squeezes me.

I sigh, content. I may say a lot of things about her, but she loves me, a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love. I am blessed to have grown up in a home full of love.

We pull apart, look at each other and she pinches my cheek. I mean, I was expecting it, but I'm always surprised too.

"Nana!" I sit next to her, and she pulls me under her arm.

Her face turns serious, so I collect my face too. Here we go.

"My baby, you are an adult now." This is how it always starts. Jesus, save me. "There is a lot of things that will tempt you and try to steer you away from your goals. Don't let them. Remember who you are and don't get lost in the sauce," she says in utmost seriousness.

I burst out laughing and she joins me.

"Nana!"

She shrugs. My nana is one of the funniest people I've ever met. She likes using modern lingo and somehow, always knows how to use it. She is the one person who can make me laugh no matter how I'm feeling.

"Don't laugh. Many pretty boys and girls there. Remember what I taught you now." She looks at me, expectant.

I sigh. "Always boss up."

She nods. "Always boss up."

Hugging me one last time, she kisses my cheeks and I kiss her back. She folds a dollar in my hand. The lucky dollar . She always gives us a dollar when we go anywhere for some time or when we are about to do something big.

It's tradition. If you're doing something, she gives you a dollar for good luck. I say it annoys me, but I appreciate it. It's like a physical manifestation of her love.

"I love you, nana."

"Yeah, yeah, text me when you arrive." She turns to the fight that just ensued on TV even though she's seen this episode a handful of times.

I roll my eyes before heading to the door, wishing my sister was here to see me off. But she and her friends are at a show in Dallas, supervised by one of the parents who was unlucky enough to babysit four 13-year-olds. She is going to be a freshman in my old high school, and I just hope my reputation doesn't affect her.

I could take a lot of things people said about me, but I don't know how I'm going to handle it happening to her. I did the best I could, tried to be honest. She knew about my relationship with the boys, and I told her everything, even though she's five years my junior. I can't wait for her to be old enough so we can drink together and go on trips, just us.

My parents are laughing about something as I jump in the car. These two, they have been in love for twenty years. Modeling a working, healthy relationship. It's one of the reasons I refuse to accept less. I know faithfulness is possible, a non-negotiable for me.

"Share the joke," I say as I fasten my seatbelt.

"Don't be nosy, Su," my father says.

My mother chuckles.

"Got your dollar?" she asks.

"Yup."

"She tell you to boss up?" My father laughs.

I smile. "You know that too?"

"Yeah. It's her go-to pep talk."

We drive to the airport, my mind slipping involuntarily to them . I wonder if they are on campus yet. I wonder many things I shouldn't.

I do this. I find myself thinking about them at random times, doing, saying random things and I have to punch at myself. Hating myself for not getting over them instantly like I wish I would.

"Su." My mother pulls me out of my thoughts.

"Hm?"

"You will see them."

My heart launches to my throat, and I look out the window. Why is she bringing it up?

"Mom, I don't want to talk about them."

My father is quiet as we slow down to wait in line to the airport parking.

"I know. I know. But I just want you to be fine, honey. It's been three months."

"Mom, I am fine."

I wish she'd just stop talking about it. Dad is visibly tense. This isn't one of his favorite topics either. He was home when I came in that day crying. And he has had to be involved more than he'd like. He found the boys trying to sneak into my room after we broke up and almost lost it.

"Liz, drop it," he says with an annoyance simmering under his words. My father was very disappointed in them. Some would have expected him to feel some kind of way about me dating four boys at the same time, but he didn't give us much grief. Until they broke my heart, then he most definitely wanted to shake them. He even stopped going to golf with their fathers until we came back from holiday. And only then because me and mom had to trick him into it.

The car falls into silence and we get my bags after we park and head for our flight.

We are in Barlem in three and a half hours. It's not too far from home, but it will do. At least here I can prepare to receive my family even when I'm skunk drunk, which I plan to do. We drive to campus with the rental. My parents have planned a little getaway to the beach after they get me settled.

They never miss an opportunity for alone time.