62. Chapter 62

Chapter 62

Tripp

I'm back at the practice facility and it feels so good. I've been medically cleared, from my concussion, to resume normal activity, both from an independent and our team doctor. I'm thankful the team doesn't mess around with concussion protocol.

I do feel pretty good. My shoulder has even started improving quite a bit. Amazing what rest will do to your body. I'm not going to be able to play this week but it's noticeably better.

Being around the guys immediately lifts my mood, well, almost all the guys.

"You look like shit," Zack says, his eyes checking me over.

"It's good to see you too," I respond, shaking his shoulder with my good hand. His dark blonde hair flops back and forth.

"Your skin, it's like, not the right color. Do you have a fever?" Zack uses the back of his hand to touch my forehead and I don't pull away. Instead, I roll my eyes.

"No. It's just been a rough… however long it's been." I try to reassure him with a small smile.

"I thought Willow would do a better job taking care of you." The sound of her name has me go rigid. It's like lemon juice in an open cut you forgot about.

"Ah, fuck. What happened?!" Zack's shoulders slump when he reads my face .

Before I can say something, or nothing, a coordinator lets me know that my head coach wants to see me. I give Zack a look that says we'll talk about it later, even though I don't mean it.

"Coach, you wanted to see me?" I pop my head into Coach's office. He's watching film. I swear, this man is always watching film.

"Tripp Owens. Always great to have ya at the facility. Close the door. Have a seat."

Why do I feel like I'm about to be in trouble?

"I'm medically cleared from the concussion, but the shoulder isn't ready," I say.

"No. How are you feeling?" He leans forward.

I slowly take in a breath. "I'm feeling much better. Being back here helps." When he doesn't say anything, I have a feeling he wants me to keep going. "I'm hoping to play this season. If we can hold the playoff spot, for sure. I know you want to know about the retirement rumor, but in all transparency, I haven't decided. The thing I'm focusing on now is coming back, this season, and seeing how that goes."

"You don't owe me anything when it comes to that decision. I'm here if you ever want to talk, just you and me. I was a player who once had to make the same decision and it's one of the hardest ones."

"How did you know?"

"Well, unlike you, I had an injury-riddled career. I was successful but my body was banged up from what felt like the very start. One day, it was harder and harder to make it to the facility. My body was taking longer to recover. I felt the itch to do something else, even if I didn't know what it was. And ultimately, I wanted to go out on my own. This next part sounds like complete bullshit, but it's not. You'll just know."

"Really?"

"Really. There's a difference between knowing and following through. Lots of guys know they should hang up the cleats but keep playing because they can. I could've kept playing but the risk was too great."

"That's helpful. I appreciate you checking on me. This is obviously a setback, but it currently feels good to try and get back this year. I'm still seeing my sports psychologist and we've had quite a bit to talk about."

"You're a smart guy, Tripp. You'll figure it out. There's lots of good things after playing. Families. Time for other activities. I promise it's not all bad."

"Thanks, Coach."

"I'll want to sit in on your shoulder examination before game day. I know you won't play but I'd like to see where you're at. "

I nod in agreement and stand to leave.

Families .

I don't have one of those. I mean, I have my mom, but lots of guys retire to spend more time with their wives and kids. I don't have either. I never seriously thought about kids. My lack of dating history always made it feel more of a hypothetical than anything possible.

Focusing on my shoulder and getting back to the team has been keeping my mind busy. I try not to spend every moment thinking about Willow. I'm still upset, more disappointed than angry, but it's a lot to sort through. My mood ebbs and flows throughout the day and I spend more time staring at my phone than I'd admit.

Thinking about calling her. Not calling her. How she hasn't called me. Wondering if she's staring at her phone the same way.

There have been times I have almost given in.

But I know I won't.