59. Chapter 59
Chapter 59
Willow
The patio isn't meant for December, but I don't care. I brush the snow off the furniture, light the fireplace, and grab all the blankets.
I'm bundled up in cold-weather gear like I'm going to play outside, how you do when you're a kid. In reality, I'm preparing to sulk; catalog the broken pieces.
I silently cried the whole way home. Seth didn't ask me a single question and I didn't divulge anything. I texted Emilie and let her know I wanted to be alone tonight; she has a key for the SoHo apartment and will stay there instead.
As I sit on the patio, snowflakes fall, heavy and wet. The cold seeps through my layers but it's almost like I need it. The external match for my internal turmoil. I pull my knees to my chest and sit. Staring at the flames.
The crackling of the fire offers a comforting backdrop to my thoughts, but it's not enough to quiet the questions swirling in my mind. Why does Tripp think I would betray his trust? Why would he believe I would reveal something so personal and sensitive?
Doubt creeps in. Maybe I said something without realizing it? Maybe my words were misconstrued? No, that can't be it. I know I didn't say anything. I didn't utter a single word of that conversation to Tripp, let alone anyone else. I know he said those things coming from a place of fear and I'd never share that with anyone. My heart cracks because he thinks I did. He sees me as a person capable of doing something so awful.
No matter how I look at it, I can't figure it out. Maybe Tripp told someone else? Ugh. I don't buy it. He didn't even tell his mom, the person who has been by his side through it all.
How could he think I would do that to him? That's what cuts me. The sharpest knife. This whole time I was worried about trusting Tripp but I never thought about if he trusted me.
The way he looked at me. The way he spoke. Gone was the sweet version of Tripp and replaced with someone who thought I did something terrible.
Everything hurts.
I gave him all I had. It still wasn't enough.
When will it be enough?
I glance at my phone. The screen is covered in notifications. They don't stop coming in. I text my parents, letting them know I'll call them tomorrow and everything is fine. They might know it's a lie, but I need some space to think through this.
I turn my phone off.
And then I think about Wendy. What do I do about Wendy? I feel empty. The severity of the situation reaches my bones and everything aches.
The flames dance before me, casting flickering shadows on the snow-covered ground. I wish they could show the truth as easily as they light up the patio.
And then it clicks: I was so concerned about trusting Tripp and I didn't consider if he trusted me.
As the night wears on, I find myself lost in a maze of what-ifs, unable to find a way out. I wrap the blankets around me, tight, trying to block the chill from both the wind and recent events.