Chapter One

Chapter One

Romeo

" D o I have to come with you? Can't I just stay here? It's not like I'm gonna do anything."

"Yes, you do. I know you wouldn't do anything, but that's the point. You need to get out, get some fresh air. Sitting in your room isn't going to change anything. I wish it could. I wish I could make it right, but we have to make the best of it. Downstairs in ten minutes, okay?"

She means well, but I'm starting to find my aunt's concern suffocating. Two months of living here and she is constantly checking up on me. I'm not sure how she expects me to act most of the time. I miss my mum, but I've had plenty of time to get used to what was going to happen before it did.

I was fourteen when she found the lump. I mean, she didn't tell me about it for ages, until she had to because she was having surgery. My aunt came down to stay with us then. She doesn't have kids of her own; she says by choice, but my mum always said she thinks there was more to it. My aunt Georgia is cool most of the time. I know she misses my mum. They were close. Everyone said they looked like twins even though there were five years between them. Me and my aunt shaved our heads when my mum lost her hair through chemo. They both cried, me? I put it on FB then when I went to school on the Monday morning, my best mates had all shaved their heads to.

When my mum died, I moved here to rainy Yorkshire. Ninety per cent of the time, it is grey and miserable. It's so much quieter here. I miss the bustle of living in a city, and I miss my mates most. I get to video chat with them but already I feel my place in my friend group slipping away. There are new people they talk about that I've never met, days out I'm not there for. The worst bit it I have nothing to tell them in response, ‘what did you do today? I sat in my room.' Hardly exciting conversation.

I can hear my aunt banging about downstairs. My uncle is working away this week. Dan is a barrister. When he has a case on, he tends to go stay in a hotel near the court. I thought at first it was because I was here, but my aunt insists he has always done it. She doesn't care. It pays for her main pleasure, her horse Diamond.

I grab my coat and my phone. At least I can still get 4G at the stables to play on my game while she messes about doing whatever it is she does, shovelling shit mainly. My aunt smiles as I come down the stairs. I try to be grateful. It's a big change for everyone and we never asked for this. Even when I get angry, and want to smash everything, I swallow it down, #fuckcancer is my most used hashtag on TikTok.

I climb into the range rover and put my headphones in. My aunt always plays lame eighties music, which is bad enough, but she insists on singing along as she bounces about in her seat. The drive to the stable is only short thankfully, fifteen minutes see us out of the estate her house is on and into the middle of nowhere.

When we pull up, there are only a few cars here. On a weekend, the place is full of cars. They do riding lessons here, as well as babysitting other people's horses. My aunt is on something she calls ‘DIY livery?' which seems to mean she comes twice a day, morning and night. My mum used to say she was jealous that my aunt spent all day messing about with horses. When they were younger, my mum used to ride too, but then she met my dad, got pregnant and had me. She was only eighteen when I was born. I'm sixteen now and I can't imagine having a kid, let alone bring it up by myself.

My dad stuck around until I was a few months old, then decided being a day wasn't for him. My mum tried to track him down when she knew she wasn't gonna make it, but he didn't was to know. He has a wife and two young kids. He didn't want to upset them with a mistake from his past. And yes, that was how he described me: A FUCKING MISTAKE! My aunt keeps telling me it's his loss, but it hurts even more than losing my mum in some ways. My mum didn't have a choice to leave me. She fought with every ounce of strength she had to stay with me. He just walked away without a care. And I have siblings, well, half-siblings, that I could walk past in the street and never know. That's messed up.

My aunt let me stay in the car the first few times I was here, but she has this thing about me needing fresh air, so I find places to hide. A lot of the time there is a canteen I go sit in, hardly anyone uses it unless they need the toilets, but days when there are lessons on, there is a food van they all use. Today, two women are sitting in there, so I head to the tack room instead. I put my earphones in and pull up a game on my phone. My aunt says she is only going to be an hour, but the weather is good, so I expect it will be closer to two before she comes to find me.