Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

I stare out over London and enjoy the cool wind playing with my hair. It's much more peaceful than it was on the Day of Choosing, but there are still plenty of people around, all of them preoccupied by their own troubles and not caring about mine. Which is just the way I like it.

Kema swoops through the air, not seeming to care that it's night and she can't see her prey. Or maybe she likes it. I'm not sure, especially considering that black kites are diurnal so usually sleep at night.

Maybe she can sense I'm on edge.

The sound of footsteps against the metal ladder leading up to the roof makes my heart skip a beat. There's a chance it could be Ben, but as far as I know, he's already headed back to the Temple of Seth.

And he wasn't the one I asked to meet me here.

I turn around, my gaze locking with Mesu's as he finishes climbing onto the roof.

"You got my hint, then," I say.

Mesu chuckles. "It wasn't very subtle, you looked me right in the eye while talking about how much you liked looking over London after the Day of Choosing."

"I wasn't going for subtle." I gesture for the two of us to sit down on the ledge.

I make myself comfortable, swinging my legs back and forth while thinking of all the things I want to say, even if I'm not entirely sure what they are.

Kema finishes her fake hunt and glides back towards me, the elegance of her wings mesmerising me for a moment.

"She's very beautiful," Mesu says.

"She is." I hold out my arm and she glides down to perch on the leather wrist bracer. I'm glad Tressie gave me a good recommendation on where to get one because carrying a glove around gets tiring.

I hold her out to the small perch I've taken to carrying in my bag.

"Huh, I've never thought about what you do with her when a room doesn't have a built-in perch," Mesu says.

"Sometimes she sits on my shoulder."

Kema makes herself comfortable and starts to preen her feathers, which I take as a sign she's content. Luckily for me, she doesn't seem to be a hugely demanding bird when it comes to my attention, and that makes it easy to make her comfortable.

Or perhaps our bond is stronger than I think it is.

"It must be strange to have a constant reminder that you're Blessed," Mesu says softly.

"It is," I agree. "But it's also nice. I always have someone to talk to, even if she can't say anything back."

"You don't know that. Maybe she's talking to you all the time and you don't realise it."

"If she is, I don't know what she's saying yet. But I guess it's something I'll learn in time." I certainly hope as much. I want to have a good bond with my kite.

"There seems to be a lot left to learn about being Blessed."

I let out a surprisingly loud laugh. "You didn't think we could learn it all in a couple of months, did you?"

"I honestly don't know what I thought. I didn't expect to be Blessed. I thought I'd take a position in whichever priesthood wanted me and I'd forge my own path," he says.

"That must be nice." I stare straight ahead, not letting myself look at him. "To be able to pick your own path and not just have to go down the one everyone else wants for you."

"You can still do that, Shan." He reaches out to take my hand in his.

A small part of me says that I should pull back from the affectionate touch, but the rest likes it far too much for me to go through with that. "Hardly," I whisper. "I'm on the path my parents want for me, there's nothing I can do about that."

"Nonsense."

The forcefulness of the word finally makes me look up.

"This isn't you, Shan."

I frown. "I'm not following, of course I'm me."

"No, you're not being you at all. The Shan I know is smart and fierce and doesn't let other people tell her what to do even if she's an anxious mess sometimes." The way he says it almost makes me believe it. Or at least, believe that he believes it.

"I feel like I'm just doing what my parents want now. And I know that Nephthys wouldn't have chosen me for her Blessing if she didn't think I was worthy of it, but still, it feels like I'm playing some kind of part in their game."

He nods and looks back out over the city below. A cat screeches somewhere close by, rattling Kema for a mere moment before she allows herself to settle back into her grooming routine.

"I don't know how to do this," I whisper.

"Do what?"

I throw my hands up, instantly regretting it when I realise it means letting go of our shared touch. "Any of it. I don't know how to be Nephthys Blessed and true to myself, or how to be what my parents want me to be, or to know how to talk to you."

"You're talking to me now."

"That's not what I meant." I sigh and run my hand over my face. "It's been hard not to think about you. I've wanted to message you several times, but I don't know how to act around you."

"You seem to be doing just fine right now."

"Except that I'm conflicted. There's a part of me that does want to kiss you again..."

"I'd like to talk to that part," he jokes.

I laugh despite my confusion. "All right, but you have to get past the part that thinks that's just about pleasing my parents."

"I can assure you, kissing me has nothing to do with pleasing your parents. I don't like you because you're Nephthys Blessed. Or because you've apparently been wearing a scarab we won together for years..."

"I didn't even think about that until today." I reach up to touch it.

"I have something to show you," he says.

I frown, until he's pulling aside part of his shirt and showing me the matching scarab.

"I was going to say something inside, but then Ben appeared," he says.

"You wear yours too?"

"Sometimes. Not all the time. Just on big occasions. For luck."

"And was tonight a big occasion?"

"Tonight, I knew I was going to be around your parents, and I guess I hoped that meant you'd be here."

"Oh." My heart flutters and all reasonable thoughts leave my head.

"You mean a lot to me, Shan. You always will. No matter what happens between us."

"I want something to happen," I whisper. "I'm just scared about what it will mean."

"It'll mean nothing more than we want it to," he assures me, shuffling closer. "And we don't have to tell anyone. Not until we're sure of what we are."

I don't have the words to tell him what I'm feeling. But I suppose I do still have a way to communicate it with him.

I reach out and cup his cheek in my hand. My heart races as I lean in and brush my lips against his. There's something tentative about the kiss, almost nervous.

We break apart and I meet his gaze.

"I'd like to go on a date," I whisper. "If that's still on the table."

"It is."

"But I'm still nervous. About what my family will say. And about Ben. But mostly about the pressure Mum and Dad will put on us."

"I know." He takes his hand in mine. "And I also know that it might not just be your parents we have to contend with. The temples will probably also want us to pair together constantly too."

"Except that I don't think I want to be doing all the tableaux. It doesn't feel like me."

"Then you should find the thing you want to do," he says.

"As simple as that?"

"Of course. You're Blessed, Shan. We both are. That gives us a certain amount of agency to ask for what we want when it comes to our careers in the temple. Is there another part of your duties that you do like?"

"I'm not sure. I'm going to the Temple Of Anubis with one of the Blessed assistants next week. I think that side of things interests me. You know, helping people mourn their loved ones who have passed on to the afterlife."

"I can see you being good at that," he agrees.

"What about you? Is there a part of Seth's Temple you want to explore more?"

"I want to work as an ambassador," he admits. "Not one who travels around lots, but one of the ones who helps entertain visiting dignitaries. I know that's maybe not the flashiest of jobs..."

"I think you'd be really good at it," I respond in earnest. "You're always good with people."

"I'm glad you think so."

"Though I doubt it'll mean we work together very much."

"Other than when people come for funerals," he points out.

"Mmm true." I sigh and lean my head against his shoulder. "Do you think we can really make this work?"

"Yes." The certainty in his voice is almost enough to convince me. "If the only thing you're worrying about is how everyone is going to push us to be the perfect Nephthys-Seth Blessed couple, then we're already halfway there."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Well, you're not worried that we're going to ruin our friendship. Or that things will be weird when Ben finds out. Or even that we're going to discover we're not compatible."

I frown, realising he's right about that, and how strange it is to not worry about something as big as this. "I suppose not, no."

"So you're worried about what people will think when they find out we're together. So just how into me are you?" he teases.

I bump into his shoulder. "I can try and worry about all of those things too if you truly want."

"No, I'd much rather it this way."

I let out an amused laugh. "Very well." I turn so I can lean in and kiss him again.

It's going to take me some time to get used to the idea that the two of us can be whatever we want to be, and even more for me to fully accept that I can forge my own path through the priesthood.

But I guess I'm in a better position than I have been for that, and I'm determined not to lose my chance just because I worry about what my parents might think.