Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Summer

I kept on telling myself ‘once you've hit rock bottom, the only way is up.'

And the saying was usually true, until the floors of rock bottom fell through into the pits of hell.

I'd managed to escape seeing Alfie for nearly a whole college week. In fact, I'd only just started attending my classes again.

And then I saw him.

He was there, looking as cool as ever walking out of the canteen with Tom. I immediately grabbed hold of Evie's arm, adopting a brace position to prepare for the metaphorical plane to go down.

"Hey," Tom said to Evie, who gave a wide smile in return.

"Hey, Summer." Alfie directed his words to me, and that attention made my stomach turn with nerves.

"Hi," I replied with my eyes glued to the floor. That was until Evie tugged at my arm and I instinctively looked him in the eyes.

"You look good." Alfie replied, his words as smooth as they ever had been, but his voice seemed different. His whole demeanour did, in fact. Before I could reply with a thank you, Alfie shuffled away, dragging Tom along with him.

What even was that? I thought to myself as Evie intuitively asked me the same question.

"I've got no idea what was with him then," I replied, continuing our path through the canteen.

"Me either. But you've seen him now. The worst is over. The only way is up."

There was that saying again.

Alfie's reaction wasn't what I'd expected. He was different. His voice was not as cheeky and neither was his facial expression. He looked like a shell of himself. He wasn't Alfie at all.

Was that a bad thing?

It wasn't the worst thing in the world.

All I wanted was an apology, but did I really believe I'd get one from Alfie Wilson? Absolutely not. I'd accepted that and was ready to move on from the whole situation and claw my way up from rock bottom. I hoped that in time, Alfie would do the same.

Yet despite all I wanted from Alfie, there was a deeper sadness in my chest. All I truly wanted was for my dad to accept me back into his life. Thankfully, rock bottom seemed to be growing further and further away since I'd received a reply from him agreeing to meet on Saturday morning. Ever since then, I could have mistaken the feeling inside me for super powers.

It was less than twenty four hours until I'd see him and his new family, and I couldn't wait.

Hell, I'd even sacrifice an apology from him if it meant I could be a part of their lives.

I hadn't realised how much seeing Alfie had reduced the heavy weight that had been sitting on my shoulders until I woke up the following day after oversleeping. Exhaustion must have finally caught up with me after not properly sleeping since the party.

I hopped out of bed and began my morning routine. It took half the time it normally took. I placed on a pair of jeans, ripped at the knees, along with a T-shirt and jacket, ready to meet my Dad in the park across town.

Music flowed through my headphones, acting as background to the butterflies that danced in my stomach. Normally I listened to the lyrics but I couldn't think about anything but being face to face with my Dad for the first time in years. The last two of my birthdays, he'd even forgotten to post a birthday card through in the early hours of the morning.

But that was all about to change.

I sat on a swing in the playground, looking around at the families who had taken themselves to the park to enjoy their weekends. Their smiles and laughter were so good for my soul. I even found myself smiling back at the strangers' love that seemed to be so infectious.

Me: I'm at the park on the main swing set. Can't wait to see you all x

After swinging myself for around ten minutes, I sent another quick message, trying to compartmentalise my doubt.

Me: Are you running late? X

Dad: Sorry, something has come up. I'll make it up to you x

That heavy weight on my shoulders reemerged and all the hope I had disappeared. All the good had vanished. The smiles I once wore turned to envy as I looked around at the other families in the park that had everything I didn't.

In a jealous rage, I jumped off the swing, storming out of the park while failing to fight back the tears that poured from my eyes. Through my watery, blurred vision, I began the walk home, numb to everything. A car could have ploughed into me at full speed and I wouldn't have felt a thing because I had nothing else to give.

I had just the right amount of fight left in me to type one final message to my dad before arriving at home. Then I was done.

Me: I hope your new daughter never has to feel how I'm feeling right now. I hope that for her sake.

I walked through the door to be greeted by Mum who was heading right for the door dressed in her uniform.

"Hey," I said, feeling as defeated as the quiet words that left my mouth. "How are you?"

"Good thanks, just off to work. Are you alright to sort your own lunch?" she said with no pleasantries. It was all business. As long as I was eating, I'd still be alive by the time she got home.

"Like I have a choice." Sarcasm rolled off my tongue as effortlessly as my own dad had disappointed me.

"What's wrong?" Mum asked, stopping in her tracks after she pushed the door shut.

"Nothing. Just go to work. It's fine." But it wasn't fine. I wasn't fine.

"You're upset." Mum stepped forward and grazed my cheek. "You've been crying. I'm not going anywhere."

I couldn't remember the last time Mum had given me this much undivided attention. How was it possible to miss someone who lived in your own home?

"Of course I'm upset, Mum. I'm out here on my own. Or that's how it feels."

"I'm here for you." Mum's eyes looked sad, and I hated seeing her sad. She didn't deserve to feel how I did. Nobody did. But I couldn't stop. The agony poured out of me in the form of words, sparing no feelings in their wake.

"You're not. You're never around. Just like Dad. At this point, I feel like I get more love from the boy that broke my damn heart." I slumped to the floor and crossed my legs, placing my head in my hands. The sound of mum's handbag dropping to the floor echoed in the hallway as she lowered herself next to me and I felt her arms shielding me from any more pain. "You're always at work, and I really appreciate that. I appreciate you. But I need more."

"I'm sorry, Summer. I'll try to be better. Starting now. I promise," she whispered as her embrace loosened. I heard her pick up her handbag and was almost convinced I'd heard her leap out the door and start up the car. But she didn't. She was right next to me. I lifted my head to see her tapping on her phone before placing it next to her ear.

"Hey, it's Lisa. I can't come in today. Family emergency. In fact, I might need the whole week."