Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

Summer

I spent right up until Monday morning catastrophizing about how bad my day would be, knowing that everyone at Sandford would know my business. But what I didn't yet know was that it was going to be my worst nightmare.

Me: I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going.

I typed the text message out quickly and sent it to Evie. She was about the only person who seemed to care, aside from her friend Lola checking in on me at the party, niceties I really didn't expect.

They didn't have to care. In fact, they could have just gone about their business and left me alone, a choice many people took up on a regular basis, including my dad.

My phone buzzed with a reply.

Evie: Yes you are. I won't allow you to hide away from Alfie at home.

Me: Try and stop me.

Evie: Fine, I will.

With that, I slumped back in my bed and began scrolling through the Sandy Crew group chat, unable to resist the torture. My stomach flipped at some of the messages, reaffirming why I definitely did not want to face anyone, especially Alfie. My phone buzzed, a photo of Evie flashing up as she video called me.

"I'm not going," I said before I could even see her face. The signal was poor. I could just about make out her features through the low resolution and blurred background.

"Yeah, you are. Your carriage awaits. We're outside. Get dressed and get in."

"You can't be serious," I said, jumping up off my bed. I looked outside to see Evie looking up at my bedroom window and waving from the front passenger seat of a car.

"I'm deadly serious. Hold your head high. You've done nothing wrong, Summer."

I rolled my eyes at the lengths Evie had gone to in order to make sure I didn't miss a day of sixth form on Alfie's account. An unfamiliar smile creased my face at her determination and on that Monday morning, Evie and her caring nature were the only reasons I got dressed and headed to Sandford.

I normally loved the turned heads and attention each day as I stepped through the gates at college. The turning heads had become a ritual, but that morning as I walked onto Sandford grounds, I knew immediately that the kinds of looks I was receiving were a whole lot different to normal.

I was met with sympathetic looks in place of winks.

Crowds muttered and murmured around me out of concern, replacing the usual wolf whistles.

What's going on?

The closer I got to the buildings, the clearer it became as students around me sported pink or blue badges on top of their clothes.

Everyone was staring.

Everything became a blur.

I could barely make sense of Evie and her reassuring words. It took everything I had to focus on what I was seeing, which was a huge mistake.

"Why are you wearing a blue badge, Ste?"

"Umm, because I don't blame Alfie for wanting a good go on those juicy melons," I heard as I tuned in to a crowd of lads gathered just outside reception.

"You don't need Alfie," another lad yelled from the group, sporting a pink badge. I almost let out a smile before he opened his mouth again. "I'd have kissed you. I wouldn't stop kissing you if I had a chance to get into your knickers."

I felt panic rising in my chest and tears threatened to pool under my eyes. "In your dreams," I responded, trying my best to mask how I was really feeling, but it was no use. They saw right through it, and their laughs were proof.

Before I could make my escape, a group of girls a few years younger than me approached me and Evie, all wearing pink badges that had Team Summer plastered across them.

"I'm sorry Alfie was so horrid to you," one of the girls said sympathetically.

"Yeah, you don't deserve that," another chimed in.

I smiled, because I couldn't form any words without risking the chance of my voice cracking with the amount of emotion I was keeping bottled up.

"See. Hold your head up high. Don't let Alfie win." The girls disappeared as Evie spoke reassuringly to me, holding onto my hand hard enough to leave marks behind, either because she cared or she thought I was a flight risk. "Look around you. I know the badges are shitty and it's not nice that your business is being spread across the school, but I've definitely seen more pink than blue badges. You're effectively the Rihanna of Sandford right now, and Alfie is Chris Brown. Now, let's get to class."

I nodded in response as we skipped a visit to the common room and headed straight to Health and Social Care. As we walked through the corridors, the coloured badges seemed to be the only thing I could focus on as I created a mental tally of the blue to pink ratio.

It wasn't until I was in the confines of Health and Social Care's four walls that I allowed an intense, overwhelming feeling to course through me, refusing to leave as people pointed, stared and even laughed.

I was living my worst nightmare and it wasn't in my head. It was out in the real world, thriving on my pain.

Boiling point had been hit long ago even though I had been trying to contain it, but when a girl I'd barely spoken a word to over the past five years muttered under her breath that I'd have been lucky to bag a guy like Alfie, well, every emotion poured out of me uncontrollably.

"Leave me the hell alone! I didn't want this. I didn't ask for this!" I yelled, but the more my voice rose, the more it cracked as tears fell from my eyes.

"Summer." Evie jumped up behind me, but before she or anyone else could stop me, I was out of the classroom and running down the corridor like my life depended on it.

I finally knew the true meaning of fight or flight, and I didn't have the energy or resilience to fight anymore.

Subconsciously, I ended up at Inclusion, the only place I could escape from the majority of my peers without a call home being made.

Mrs Lloyd knew exactly what I needed. I needed a distraction, so I spent most of the day redesigning the display board instead of going to class. I even got to staple new patterned borders up, the most satisfying of tasks.

During lunch, I remained hidden away despite getting messages from Evie confirming that Alfie had walked out of class and hadn't come back. That would have been all well and good, but the problem was no longer just Alfie. It was the entire student body and their prying ways.

I tried to stomach a ham sandwich that Mrs Lloyd forced into my hands, telling me I needed to eat something. I chewed each bite for a prolonged amount of time, wishing away the food in front of me along with the rest of the day as the four walls of Inclusion consumed me and my thoughts.

I felt lonelier than I'd ever felt before.

I barely saw anything of my own mother.

All my friends were out there doing great without the school parading their love lives across the school.

I had no one but myself and I hated it.

I just wanted to put the whole thing behind me, and to do that, I needed to let go of all the pent up emotion I had. Any power I let Alfie hold over me needed to disappear. I had to forgive him.

In an act of despair, I typed a message to my Dad, wanting desperately to see him. He had his new life, and I had to forgive him for wanting to focus on that. I closed my eyes and pressed send.

Me: Hey Dad, I hope you and everyone are doing okay? I know it's been a while since I messaged but now that little Freya is getting older, I'd love to finally meet my step-sister. I don't suppose you're all free soon? X

He deserved forgiveness for wanting the best for his new family, but as I held my phone to my chest, I hoped with all of my power that his old family still had a place in his heart.