Chapter 30

30

Liv’s face is a picture when she opens her door to find me and the girls standing on her front porch. “Oh my—” she squeaks. Then she lowers her voice. “What are you doing here?”

“We didn’t have anywhere else to go,” I whisper back with just the right amount of fear and vulnerability in my voice to incite pity.

Liv stands back, chewing her lip. I bend down and say to the twins, “Go on inside, sweethearts.”

Elea and Noemie grin and say, “Hi, Liv!” as they slip past her into the house.

“Wait—” Liv sighs and gives me a look before stepping aside. “Come on in. Hi, Sabbie. Rain will be so happy to see you.”

Liv’s house is a lot smaller than mine, but it’s well on its way to being Pinterest worthy. The decor is simple but pretty with plenty of houseplants, which gives the space some color and life. One corner of the living room is enclosed into a playpen, like mine. Rain is toddling around inside, playing with various toys. I head straight for the playpen and plop Sabine in it. The two babies look at each other and laugh.

Liv is standing with her arms crossed in front of her when I straighten up, wincing. “You really shouldn’t be here,” she says.

“Can we talk in private? Please?” I look at the twins pointedly. They’ve made themselves at home on Liv’s sofa, and Elea has located the TV remote control.

Liv breathes in deeply. “Come on into the kitchen.”

Unlike my house, Liv’s house is an old build and therefore doesn’t have an open-plan kitchen. Which, as it turns out, has its good points. Privacy, for one. Once we’re in the kitchen, I turn to Liv and say, “Liv, I need to tell you something really big. I don’t know what to do about it, and I don’t know who else to tell. You’re my closest friend, the only person I can trust.”

“Wh—wait—what?”

“Please, Liv. I have no one else.” I grasp her hand tightly, my chin trembling.

“Okay. Yes, of course. What is it?” She leans closer to me, and she’s so eager to hear what my awful secret is that she seems to have forgotten how to blink.

“I—” I glance around to make sure no one is listening, then whisper, “I think Ben killed Meredith.”

“What?” Liv leaps back like I’ve just hit her.

“Shh!” I hiss, putting a finger to my lips. “I don’t want the twins to hear.”

“Sorry!” Liv whispers back. “I just—no, that’s not possible. Everyone says you—” She licks her lips and falters.

I utter a soft sob. “Yes, I know. Everyone thinks I did it. But you know I didn’t, Liv. You know I couldn’t possibly have done anything like that. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have let me into your house. Trust your instincts. What are they telling you? The last few weeks, we were so close. We were best friends. You know me better than anyone. Do you really think I could’ve killed someone?”

Liv hesitates, uncertainty wrinkling her forehead. “But—”

I turn around and lift my shirt.

“What are you do—oh my god.” Liv’s protest ends in a horrified hiss. “Aspen, what happened?”

I know what she’s seeing. The bruise in the middle of my lower back, an obscene-looking blob, the color of an eggplant, spread across my skin like an ugly continent. It looks all the more grotesque because, ever since killing Meredith, I haven’t had much of an appetite. I’ve lost weight, and my spine sticks out of my back, each knob visible under the skin, and the outline of my rib cage can be seen clearly too. To put it plainly, my back looks terrible. When I’m confident that Liv has fully absorbed the true horror of my situation, I lower my shirt back down and turn to face her. Then, I roll up my sleeves and show her the bruises around my arms where Ben had grabbed me. Liv covers her mouth with both hands, blinking rapidly.

“Ben happened,” I say softly.

“No,” Liv moans.

I lower my sleeves, taking my time. “He did. I know you like him. I know…you and Ben had a thing. I don’t blame you,” I say quickly. “Trust me, I really don’t. Our marriage has been over for a long time. I only stayed with him because—well, I thought the girls needed their father, and stability. But now I have to be honest with myself. I feel safer when Ben isn’t around. I’m actually relieved whenever I sense that he’s found someone else to sleep around with, because it means at least he’s not at home with me.”

Liv is gaping at me, and I can’t tell what she’s thinking. “But—why?” she squeaks after a while.

“Why did he beat me?” I swallow and step closer to her. “That’s the thing. The past few weeks, he’s been acting so strange. You know how you have these instincts as a woman? Like, a survival instinct or something. Mine was going off, telling me something was wrong, but I kept ignoring it because Ben’s—well, it’s Ben! My husband. The father of my kids.” I shake my head, grimacing. “But I can’t deny it anymore. And when Meredith’s body was found—oh god, Liv—the look on Ben’s face…” I utter a sob. “I knew then that he had something to do with it. I couldn’t—I didn’t know what to do. I’ve been so scared this whole time. When that couple came out and said they saw Meredith at Ben’s open house, I couldn’t hide my suspicions anymore. I asked Ben if he killed Mer.” I cover my mouth right after I say this, horrified at the awful words I’m saying.

Liv gasps, her expression aghast.

“I never expected him to do this to me. I thought he’d laugh and tell me I was being ridiculous. But he…” I shake my head, lost in the memory of that horrific night. “I thought he was going to kill me. If the kids hadn’t been in the house, I think he would’ve.”

“You should go to the police!” Liv says. “Why did you come here?”

“I’m scared,” I cry. “I didn’t know where else to go, and would the police even believe me? All the things that people are saying about me online—I’m scared, Liv. What if they think I’m making it up? There are so many lies about me on social media. I didn’t have anyone else to turn to other than you. You’re the only person I trust.”

Despite everything, I can see that Liv wants to believe me. She wants to see herself as the heroine of my story.

She nods slowly and murmurs, “You’re right to trust me.”

I smile at her. “I know. You of all people understand—truly understand—what it’s like to be me.”

“I’ll help you,” Liv says. “Do you want me to come with you to the police station?”

“Yes. But before that, there’s something else you can do for me.”

“What is it?”

I lick my lips. “Well, um, my lawyer says it’s really important that everyone online knows the truth.”

“What are you saying?”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before opening them. “I think we need to make another video.”

···

Liv’s hand is so shaky that, in the end, we have to prop my phone up on a stand. “I don’t know—” she says in a wobbly voice.

I pat her arm. “You’re doing the right thing. Think of all the women you’ll be saving from Ben. I doubt Mer was his only victim. She’s the only one that was found.”

Liv’s chin trembles, then her jaw moves and tightens. “Okay.” She flips her hair behind her back and squares her shoulders. This time, we’re doing a live video. Something I haven’t run past Helena, but I know in my gut that I need to do it this way. The kids are all playing quietly outside the bedroom. It’s now or never. I open up my TikTok account.

“Ready?” I say.

Liv nods.

I hit the Live button. The screen counts down, and I swallow the lump in my throat. Three, two, one. And we’re streaming. At first, only twenty-four people are viewing. But within seconds, the view count goes up. And up.

Liv looks at the camera and swallows. “Ah…hi, everyone. I have to make a confession. I think I owe you all an explanation and an apology.” Her tongue darts out and licks her lips. For a second, she seems frozen.

“It’s okay,” I whisper. “It’ll be okay.” Six hundred viewers.

“I had a thing with Ben!” Liv blurts out. “Um. I’m so sorry, everyone, but especially Aspen. I’m so, so sorry.”

I shake my head. “No, don’t be sorry. I’m sorry. Because I sort of knew—I could tell there was something between the two of you. Some vibes. But I never said anything because…I didn’t care about that. Ben has slept around the whole time we’ve been married. I never blamed it on any of the women he slept with. Not Meredith, and not you. Of course not. I care about you. I cared about Meredith. I would never have held it against her. But Ben…” I brace myself. “I’m scared of Ben.” I turn from Liv to face the camera. We’re at over three thousand live viewers already.

“I also have something really hard to tell all of you. It’s something I’ve been suspecting ever since Meredith was found. I…” I take a deep inhale, bracing myself. “I think my husband killed her.”

I have to bite my lip then to keep from crying. The comments section is a furious blur now, too many of them coming in at once for me to read. Twelve thousand viewers. “Um—sorry. I just need a second.” Next to me, Liv puts her arm around my shoulders, and I wince, clearly in pain.

“Oh, sorry!” Liv says. Sixteen thousand viewers.

I shake my head. “It’s not your fault.” I train my gaze at the camera once again. “Ben did this to me.” I roll up my sleeves and show the camera the bruises around my upper arms. Twenty-one thousand viewers. Slowly, I stand and turn around so my back is now facing the camera. I lift up my shirt and resist looking over my shoulder to check if they can see the awful bruise on my back. I just have to trust that there is no way anyone would miss it. I count to three under my breath, then lower my shirt and sink back gingerly onto the side of the bed. We are at over forty thousand viewers now. “This is what Ben is capable of. I’ve known for a long time that my husband has a dark streak in him. That he’s able to hurt people. But for the longest time, I tried to convince myself that everything’s okay. I’m just so scared of him.”

Liv rubs my arms gently. “You’re so brave.”

I nod at her, pressing my lips into a tight line to keep from crying. “I thought that if I were better—if I cooked better food, cleaned better, was the perfect mom, and made sure the kids never misbehaved around him—that it would all be okay. And after a long time of this, I no longer trusted my own instincts. I believed everything Ben said about me.” A choked sob escapes me. Seventy thousand viewers. “I’m so scared,” I whisper.

“Oh, Aspen,” Liv gasps. “I can’t believe how hard this must be for you. But you’re okay. You’re safe now.”

“I owe everyone the truth. I’m not staying silent anymore. So here it is. The thing is, sometimes, everything gets too much, and I just have to leave the house. Some nights, when everyone’s asleep, I go in my car and I drive around aimlessly, wishing I could disappear. About five weeks ago, I did that. I went for a drive and sang sad songs and cried. The usual. But this time, when I came home, Ben wasn’t there.” A tear slips down my cheek. “It was around the time that Meredith went missing.” One hundred thousand viewers.

Liv moans. “I can’t believe it. He was always so nice to me. I can’t believe I fell under his spell.”

“It’s what he does. He’s so charming. He has a way about him that makes everyone fall in love with him. That’s why I never said anything this whole time. I didn’t think anyone would believe me. But I can’t keep it to myself anymore. I have to protect my children. I have to tell the truth, get Meredith some justice. Even though it means my kids will grow up without a father.”

Liv hugs me. “You are so brave. Meredith would be so proud of you if she were here.”

I nod through my tears. We say a few other things and end the live stream. I squeeze Liv’s hand. “Thank you for doing that. That was amazing.”

Before Liv can answer, there’s a small voice at the door. “Mommy?” My heart stops.

Noemie is standing at the door. The door that I had left cracked open so I could hear if any of the kids needed me. I jump up and plaster on a smile. “Hi, honey, is everything o—”

“Was that pretending?” she says, her eyes wide and scared.

I kneel down in front of her. This is the part I dreaded the most. But it’s inevitable, and it’s better if it comes from me than their friends at school. While I think of the right words to say, words that could soften the blow, Noemie says, “Is it because you’re mad at me?”

“What? No, Mommy isn’t mad at you. Why would I be mad at you?” Noemie’s little face scrunches up, and she begins bawling. I gather her in my arms. “Oh my gosh, sweetie, I promise, I’m not mad at you. I can never be mad at you. You are my perfect little angel.”

“I’m not!” she cries. “I did something bad.”

“Oh, honey. I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

“I messed up your calendar.”

I freeze. “What?”

“You were going to meet with that Netflix person and have a reality show about us, and I didn’t want to be on a reality show, Mommy. I don’t want people to see me getting my shots every day,” Noemie says through her sobs.

“Oh god.” I swear my soul is tearing itself apart like tissue paper.

“I heard you tell Daddy that your calendar got all messed up somehow, so that gave me the idea to do it. I went onto the family calendar, but I didn’t know which one was the Netflix person, so I…”

“Changed the dates on all my meetings,” I say.

“And when I told Elea, she said we should do more.”

The pit in my stomach goes even deeper. “You sent a text to them telling them I wasn’t interested in working together?”

Noemie nods.

“How did you even—how?”

“When we tapped on each appointment, it showed us their phone numbers and email addresses and we just…” Her voice trails off.

You’re not even seven years old , I want to shout. You’re not supposed to be doing shit like this already! But at the end of the day, the fault is all mine. I was the one who pushed them in front of the camera. Sure, it may have been necessary, but I should’ve seen this coming.

Noemie’s face crumples up again. “I’m sorry, Mommy!” she wails.

“It’s okay, it’s fine,” I manage to say.

“But it’s not! You’re punishing me now. You’re taking Daddy away.”

“No!” I say quickly, stroking her little back. Oh god, they can’t think that. They can’t. “Listen to me, Noemie, I am not doing this to punish you. Your daddy has done something really, really bad, and I had to tell the truth about it.”

“But what’s going to happen to him?”

I brace myself. “It’s out of my hands now. He did something terrible, and he has to pay for it.”

Noemie wails, “Is he going to prison?”

I nod. “Yes. But we’ll be okay. Because I’m not going anywhere. I will always be here for you girls. Mommy will take care of everything.” I hug her tight and feel her breaking in my arms, and I make a promise to myself that despite this moment, despite the hurricane that is about to sweep us all up, my kids are going to come out the other end okay. They will be scarred, there’s no avoiding that, but they will end up stronger for it.