Chapter 22
22
What should I do? How do I handle this? Should I even be handling this? The front door opens, startling me so badly that I give a little shriek of surprise.
“Sorry!” Liv says, with a half grimace, half grin.
For a second, I just stand there, staring at her dumbly.
“You okay? Sorry I’m a little bit late. Someone was a grumpy-pants this morning,” she says, turning to Rain and kissing the side of her head. “Weren’t you, sweetiekins?” She looks up at me and frowns. “What’s going on?”
“Mer’s missing.” It’s only when the words are out of my mouth that the reality of them hits me. It’s official. Out in the world. Meredith is missing.
“Oh my god, I know!” Liv cries. She hurries inside and plops Rain in the playpen. “Where’s Sabbie?”
“Napping.”
“Aww. Well, you’ll just have to play on your own while Mommy works, okay?” she says to Rain. When Liv walks away from the playpen, Rain whines and crawls over to the fence, pulling herself up and reaching out for Liv. “Not now, sweetie, Mommy has to work.” Liv sighs, then looks at me. “Any advice on how to handle this?”
“Oh.” I shake myself a little. Focus. One thing at a time. “Uh, maybe give her a snack? I’ve got some veggie melts. Rain can use Sabbie’s high chair.”
“See, Aspen? You make it look so easy,” Liv says.
I grit my teeth and go into the kitchen to fetch the snacks while Liv lifts Rain from the playpen and settles her in the high chair. I pour out a handful of veggie melts onto the tray, and Rain happily shoves one in her mouth. Liv turns to me and says, “So anyway, oh my god, Meredith! That is the craziest thing. You guys were so close! Did she say anything to you before she was—oh my god, I can’t even say it.” She lowers her voice into a scandalized whisper. “Before she was taken?”
God help me. I swear if I don’t control my temper, I’m going to end up shaking Liv so hard that it snaps her skinny little neck. “No. We weren’t really talking by then.”
“Oh yeah. You guys had that fight.”
“Well. I wouldn’t call it a ‘fight.’ It was more like a disagreement.”
“Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.”
Again, I grit my teeth. I almost flinch when Liv reaches out and squeezes my shoulder. “You must be distraught,” she says.
Must I? I don’t know what I must be. If I were distraught, would it come off disingenuous, especially since Meredith and I hadn’t even talked to each other for the last few months? No. Liv is right. I must be distraught. No matter what, Meredith was my best friend. Any normal person would be devastated if their best friend disappeared, even if they weren’t talking at the time. I nod, pressing my lips into a tight line to make it look like I’m trying to hold back tears. “Yeah, I’m a mess.” I turn away and sniffle.
“Oh my god, of course you are. You poor thing!” Liv says. “What are you going to say about it?”
“Say about it?”
Liv waves her phone in my face. “Online? You’re going to post about it, right?”
Fuck. Of course I need to post about it. It’s obvious, now that Liv’s said it. I can’t just keep quiet and continue posting recipes for diabetic-friendly quiches. “Right,” I say quickly. “I don’t even know. I mean, like I said, I’ve just been a mess about it, and the police came over this morning, and—”
“The police came by?” Liv squeaks, not even bothering to cover up her excitement. “What did they say?”
“Not much. They asked if I know of anyone who might have a grudge against Mer, and then they told me if I think of anything, I should call them. And it’s so…it’s just so surreal, you know? I don’t—it hasn’t really sunk in yet.”
Liv nods slowly. Then something dawns on her face, and she turns, stands next to me, and holds up her phone.
“Wha—”
“Come on, we’re going to do a post now. Together.”
“What? No.”
Liv glares at me. “Your best friend is literally missing. Probably kidnapped. You need to say something about it. And you promised that you’d help me gain more followers, so I don’t see why we shouldn’t kill two birds with one stone.”
“Because”—I gesture vaguely, scrambling to try to come up with a legit reason, other than that she’s being a complete psycho— “I don’t even know what to say yet.”
“Aspen, this is exactly what you need to do. No more being fake, remember?” Liv raises her eyebrows and gives me a pointed look. “Say something straight from your heart. No rehearsed lines.”
“I—but—”
“You’re supposed to be hashtag authentic.”
She’s really going to force me to do this. And maybe she’s right. Maybe it’s better if it doesn’t seem rehearsed. But what if I say something wrong? Something that can be used against me? And I don’t want to do it next to Liv. But I can’t think of anything to say to deter Liv, and I also don’t want to make Liv angry, and god, how the hell did I land myself in this mess? Even as I stand here, gaping, Liv holds up her phone again.
“Ready?” she says.
I open my mouth to say no, but then I see us on her phone. I see how shocked I look. Genuinely shocked. Stricken, flustered. Shattered. Like someone who’s just learned that her best friend has gone missing. No matter how hard I try later, how many takes I do, I know that I’m never going to achieve this level of authenticity. So despite everything inside me screaming Nooo! I nod and say, “Okay.”
Liv rumples up her hair and shifts her hold on the phone to find a more flattering angle. Then she taps the red Record button. “Hey guys, I’m here with Aspen from All Day Aspen, and we’ve just heard that Meredith, @MerryMeredith, is missing.”
I take in a shuddery breath. “Hi everyone. Meredith w—is my best friend. Although we haven’t spoken to each other in months, she will forever be my soul twin. And I—I can’t believe—” My whole face feels like it’s just burst into flames. When the tears come, they’re genuine. Genuine tears of fear, that is. Because holy shit, I have never been this close to being found out—to losing everything. My self-preservation instincts are going insane. It is overwhelming.
“Oh, Aspen,” Liv gasps, “you poor thing.” She squeezes my shoulders and I lean into her.
“I just want my best friend back,” I sob, and this I truly mean, with all of my being. I want the old Mer back. The one I spent every day with. The first person I texted when I woke up, and the last person I texted when I went to bed. The person with whom I shared a million inside jokes. With whom I could just sit and do nothing in particular with. Someone I could be quiet with. “I miss her so much. Please, if you have Mer with you, please let her go. Let her come home to us. There are so many people who need her.”
Liv starts sniffling, and to my surprise, she’s actually crying. What the hell? She barely even knew Meredith, and here she is, honest to god crying. “Yes, please let her go. She’s such a beautiful soul.” A beautiful soul? How the fuck would Liv even know what sort of soul Meredith was?
But I make myself nod.
“And Mer,” Liv says, looking straight into the camera, “if you’re watching this, don’t lose hope. We’re looking for you. We’re not going to stop until we find you.” She taps at the screen and ends the recording. “Phew!” Liv says. “That was intense, huh?” She wipes at her face.
“Yeah.” I turn away and find a napkin to dab at my cheeks so I won’t wipe off my makeup. I still feel shaky, like the rug has been pulled out from under me. I’ve just carved out my insides and offered them up to the camera, and I think I should feel empty, but I don’t. I feel exhilarated. Did I really just pull that off?
“I think that was good,” Liv says. “I’ll post it now, yeah? I don’t think we should wait for optimal posting time; what do you think?”
“Yeah.” I want the video to get out there as soon as possible. To join the chorus of voices pleading for Meredith’s return. The sooner we post it, the better. I watch as Liv opens up TikTok and uploads the video.
“What should I say in the caption?”
“How about ‘Please help us find Meredith! Hashtag WhereIsMer’?”
“Perfect.” Liv types it quickly, tags me, and hits Post.
My chest flutters as it is sent into the ether. It’s done. My reaction video is out there now. I have officially plunged into the Find Meredith crowd. Even as Liv uploads the video to Instagram, both of our phones are already exploding. Mine boop s endlessly with Likes and comments. I open TikTok on my phone and scroll through the comments, my belly tight with dread.
FreyaSSS: OMG this is so crazy!!! I hope you guys find her!!!
TaokeY: Aspen! My heart is breaking for you. #whereismer The sick fuck who took her will meet JUSTICE!
CrispyPie: I am literally crying right now. Poor Aspen!!
I can’t read the comments fast enough. They stream in like a river, endless and fast. As I read them, my heart swells to fill my entire chest. They bought it. Everyone is in love with me. Enraptured by my grief. I realize that part of me has been bracing for the troll comments, but maybe, without Meredith to incite the trolls into attacking me, they’ve lost interest and found another target. I have to fight hard to keep myself from grinning. I repost the video from my own accounts, and even more Likes and comments cascade in.
“Oh my god,” Liv says. “I’ve just gained like, a hundred followers in the last ten minutes, holy shit.”
Am I supposed to congratulate her? I settle on giving her a grim smile instead. I click on the #WhereIsMer hashtag, and with a sickening feeling, I see that it’s already got more than two million views on TikTok. Mer has gone viral. I look at her profile. Three million followers. She’s gaining followers like crazy. I shake my head, unable to suppress my snort. I’m torn between laughter and tears. If only this growth had happened sooner. Months and months ago, before Meredith’s jealousy grew so large that our friendship couldn’t support its weight. So many if-onlys. What I wouldn’t give to have my friendship with Meredith back.
The irony is, Meredith would’ve killed to see these kinds of numbers on her page.