11

"Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

Asher

Frost-kissed tombstones, weathered by time, overtook the silent expanse. A graceful blanket of snow adorned them. The branches reached for the sky like skeleton hands, adding shadows of morbidity. The snow broke the heavy air crunching beneath my boots. A quilt of snowflakes layered my body. I tucked my icicled hands in my coat pocket as I stood before the familiar stone.

James Sullivan, a loving son and friend.

A storm of sadness brewed as a trail of crystals traced down the path of my cheeks. The shadows from the trees amplified the melancholy of our tragic reunion. As I exhaled an uneven breath, my heart felt anchored. Bouquets of fresh flowers adorned the grave, and I added my bunch to the array.

"I cannot believe it's been a year."

My words hung in the air. I kneeled beside the gravestone and traced my fingers along the engraved lettering, wiping the white fleece away.

"Not much has changed, but it feels like everything is different."

I paused, as if waiting for him to question me about it.

"Josh made captain." I said. "Just like you said."

I blinked to hold back the emotional storm.

"The band is getting better. Liam isn't afraid to play in front of a crowd anymore."

I spoke each word with a measure to maintain control.

"I wish you were here." My voice quivered. "I've kept this secret for so long, and you'd know just what to say. What to do."

Footsteps approached, resonating through the quietude.

"I thought I'd find you here."

His tone was a mix of confidence and uncertainty.

"What are you doing here?"

"It's the anniversary." Josh said. "I didn't want you to be alone."

With an audible exhale, I stood upright. The tension hung heavy with apparent discomfort.

"I'm fine."

He scoffed.

"We've been hearing that for a year."

My brows furrowed in growing frustration.

"Well, it's the truth."

"Asher-"

"I said I'm fine."

It was a tense interaction. Each word turned the conversation into a battle of strained communication.

"He wouldn't want you to blame yourself."

"Well, it's too bad that changes nothing."

A sharp edge of frustration punctuated my words.

"You don't have to be a jerk about it." He said. "I just wanted to help."

"You're not helping!"

Emotions surged like a turbulent river. The air crackled with tension as his lips curled into a scowl.

"Get over yourself," Joshua said. "You make everything about yourself, and the one time I agree with you, you get defensive."

"I'm sorry that for once, this isn't the Joshua Hart show."

His nostrils flared.

"You think I came all the way here to make this about me?"

"It wouldn't be the first time."

The veins on his forehead pulsed. His set jaw and narrowed eyes simmered in intensity.

"You think it's easy being me?" He asked. "I will gladly trade places with you."

"It must be so hard being the perfect son." I said. "Poor you."

Anger etched lines on his face.

"Maybe if you weren't such a screwup, I wouldn't have to work hard to be the better son."

An unrelenting fire blazed within me. The air crackled with the intensity of our outburst. As if this was some Western movie, we were ready to battle, clutching our hands at our sides.

"Admit it. You love being mommy and daddy's favourite. You've always been a kiss-ass."

"I'm done with this," Joshua said. "Go get wasted with your bandmates like you always do."

With a swift turn, he stormed off. I threaded my fingers through my hair and gripped at my roots. I turned to the gravestone.

"Maybe next year."

??

The frosty night targeted the town. The air was sharp, and the moonlight paraded on the frost-kissed ground. It's only when I approached our front door that yelling pierced the silence. My hand hovered above the handle. I thought about taking another walk. My parents would be too busy arguing to notice I'm gone. A typical weekend.

Gracie.

She would trap herself in her bedroom, clutching Duke to drown out the noise. I knocked on her door and waited for her call before sticking my head through the gap. She was on the bed with her head on Duke's back.

"Grab a coat and Duke." I said. "We don't have time to waste."

She didn't argue. I motioned for her to be silent as I picked up the puppy and descended the stairs.

"Where are we going?" She asked the moment I closed the front door behind us. "Wherever you want, bug."

Her eyes crinkled with genuine joy, warming me up despite the frost.

"Duke wants to build a snowman in the park."

"Did he tell you that?"

She narrowed her eyes. I raised my hands in defeat before motioning for her to keep up with me. I still had my car revoked, but the park wasn't far from our home.

The soft glow of the moonlight illuminated the white landscape. It glistened like diamonds. The crisp air brought a refreshing chill, as opposed to the stuffiness of home.

My back stiffened when a giant snowball lodged into it. Gracie's contagious laughter echoed into the night. I reached down and scooped a handful of snow before ducking behind the leafless oak tree.

She must have figured out what I was planning, because she began running in the opposite direction. She was in clear air. I took the shot.

My stomach ached from laughter as she fell onto a pile of snow. Duke went to check up on her. She got back up and hurled another ball at me but missed. It set us off once again as we battled until we couldn't feel our fingertips anymore. I called a truce when my phone chimed for a text.

Are you with Gracie?

I rolled my eyes, certain Josh was asking to snitch on me.

It depends, who's asking?

His reply was instant.

Mom and Dad are about to send out a search party, so you better get home now.

I rolled my eyes and tucked my phone into my back pocket.

"Hey, bug," I said. "It's getting late."

Disappointment settled on her face like a heavy sigh. She lowered her gaze but didn't argue. She picked up Duke and wordlessly exited the park. I placed my arm around her shoulder. Our footsteps created a rhythmic cadence as neither of us spoke a word the entire journey home. Even Duke picked up on the tension. Josh was sitting on the porch steps with his head in his hands. He bolted upright as if he'd been waiting for us.

"Relax," I said, already knowing he was going to interrogate us. "We went to the park."

"Without telling Mom and Dad?"

"They were a little preoccupied."

He scoffed.

"Things are tense enough as is." He said. "Did you need to add fuel to the fire?"

I took a threatening step closer, ready to tell him what a hypocrite he was, but Gracie's words had us both frozen.

"Are Mom and Dad going to get a divorce?"

All the rage in our faces disappeared. We could deal with our grievances later. Gracie was our priority.

We kneeled to her height as she clutched Duke closer to her. The downturn of her lips was unsettling. Josh and I shared a glance.

"No, they're not."

"They might."

We spoke at the same time. He glared at me, but I kept my gaze on Gracie.

"What Asher is trying to say-"

"What I'm trying to say is that no matter what happens, we're always going to be here for you. You're always going to have us."

Tears glossed her eyes. I reached out to wipe them for her, but she recoiled.

"Until you're both off to college."

Her sharp tone took us aback, but even more by her angered walk into our home. Josh ran his hand down his face.

"Good job, Asher." He said. "What a way to comfort her."

The weight of regret pushed down on my shoulders, leaving me covered in a blanket of remorse. I kicked a lone pebble and listened to it clatter into the darkness. I always messed everything up.

??