Chapter 24

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Lucas

My entire fucking world is crumbling right before my eyes.

The bonfire lights up Wyn’s face, shadows playing across her delicate features. She looks at me with those wide green eyes—a mixture of disgust and horror—and that, more than anything, guts me.

“Who showed you that video?” I ask, my voice stiff.

Whoever it is, they’re fucking dead. Only a couple of people should’ve had access. The police. My Lawyer. Who could have shown Wyn?

She shakes her head, and glances down for a second, before looking back up, and into my eyes. “Does it matter who showed it to me, Lucas? I can’t unsee what was on that surveillance footage. I wish I could.”

My heart is pounding so hard, I’m afraid it’ll beat right out of my chest. I shift on my feet and reach out for her, but she flinches. She fucking flinches . Fucking-A. How did everything get so twisted?

Tilting my head back, I rake my hands over my face, and scream up into the night sky, which is black, like the yawning abyss that is my fucking life.

When I look back down at her, she’s staring at me. “I can explain, Wyn.”

Can I, though?

Desperation burns in my veins. The thought of losing her has me entertaining some crazy thoughts. Like, if I kidnapped her, how long would it take her to forgive me?

“I don’t think you can.” She shakes her head, and I see it. I see the exact moment I’ve lost her, and it feels like my soul is being sucked right out of my chest. “There are some things you can’t explain away, Lucas.”

I swallow, suddenly lightheaded. I’ve never felt this way before—like my heart may cease to beat when she walks away. It’s like realizing my air supply is about to be cut off abruptly. As the seconds tick down, my mind scrambles to hang on for just a few more seconds of life.

“You asked me why…” I say, shoving my hands into my pockets. “Let me answer that, at least, before you walk away.”

She lifts her hands, like, okay, then.

I glance down at the sand and take a deep breath. “It was you, Wyn. You were the reason.”

There’s a second of silence like she’s trying to process what I just said.

“Me?” she asks, finally. “That doesn’t make any sense, Lucas. You barely talked to me while I was dating Gabriel. Why would you shove him in front of a train because of me ?”

I need to touch her. I need to breathe her in, feel the steady beat of her heart, just to remind me I’m alive. And that terrifies me. Especially with the look in her eyes, like she’s seconds away from running again.

I ball my hands at my sides to keep from reaching out to her. “At your initiation ceremony, when I got that first taste of you…” I shake my head and swallow hard. “I don’t know what happened. You lit a spark inside me that night. It was just this tiny flicker of light, but I wanted more…”

Her gaze flicks over me like she doesn’t know whether or not to believe me. “We’ve been over this,” she says. “If that were true, then why not approach me after the ceremony?”

“Gabriel claimed you, so by rights, you were his.”

“Okayyy,” she says, urging me to continue.

“Watching you with him, though, that was a special kind of torture.” My nails dig into my palms, just remembering the way Gabriel touched her. Having to sit back and watch it. “So I kept myself away from you. But even then, it wasn’t enough. My obsession grew. Every fucking thought was you, Wyn. I couldn’t escape you. Not even while I slept.”

I can see her swallow. “So, what, instead of talking to me, or Gabriel, you just…decided to shove him in front of a train, so you could have me?”

“Yes,” I say simply. “I knew he’d never willingly release you.”

I don’t even try to sugar-coat it. She deserves to know what I am. And what I am is a monster who will cut through anyone to have her. Anyone .

She sucks in a breath and takes a step back. I tighten my muscles to keep from lunging. My instinct is to grab her and draw her back to me. It takes every last drop of self-restraint to keep myself from doing that now.

“ No ,” she says, but it’s just a breath of sound. She shakes her head. “You’re lying.”

I lift my hands in surrender. “Why would I fucking lie about that, Wyn?” I say, my own anger rising. “You saw the video with your own eyes.”

“But you grieved him,” she says, backing up, her voice becoming a little more frantic. “You became fucking unhinged when you thought he died. You blamed me! ”

I step toward her, because she’s raising her voice, and people are starting to notice. They’re far enough away that they can’t hear us if we're talking quietly, but she’s starting to panic.

“Baby, shhh, ” I say. “Let me take you back to your place—and I swear, I’ll tell you everything.”

“No,” she yells, holding her hand out, taking another step back. “You’re going to tell me right-fucking-now. ”

Fuck.

Turning toward the crowd that’s now watching us intently, I lift a hand. “Yo, give us some fucking space!” I yell.

Everyone immediately complies, jolting like they’ve been caught. As a unit, they move farther away.

I turn back to Wyn, and she’s looking at me with those wide moss-green eyes, scared shitless. I get it. It’s a lot to take in.

“I did blame you,” I say. She makes a scoffing sound, but I continue, “If I hadn’t tasted you the night of your initiation…if I’d never known…” I struggle to explain because I have a hard time understanding this shit, myself. “I hated you. No, I fucking despised you for making me want you so damn bad…” I shake my head, searching for adequate words. “And if it weren’t for you, I would have never?—”

“Wait, hold on,” she interrupts. “You told people that I drove Gabriel to suicide, and people believed you, Lucas. My life was fucked because of a lie you told everyone.”

Yeah, I don’t even have a great defense for that. I lied because I wanted to punish her. I wanted to drive her as far away as I could. “Wyn…”

“Did the other Sacred Sons know?”

“No,” I say truthfully. “I never told anyone what really happened.”

“So, okay, Gabriel was dead. What was the plan after that?” she asks. “Just kill every guy I went out with?”

Eventually, I hoped my obsession with her would fade. But after Gabriel’s “death,” it only got worse. That’s when I started stalking her.

Her eyes widen even more in realization. “That was the plan, wasn’t it? You nearly killed Kai…”

“But I didn’t ,” I point out. “And that should count for something.”

“Shut the fuck up!” She marches toward me in the sand, fury replacing fear on her beautiful face. “You killed an innocent person on those train tracks, Lucas! Don’t you realize that?”

I scoff. “ Innocent? The guy was a drug dealer, and a fucking rapist, Wyn.”

She lifts her hands like she can’t believe me. “As usual, you’re missing the entire fucking point. You thought you killed your own cousin. Someone you loved.”

I give into the impulse to grab her, and she squeaks as I pull her against me. “And I’d do it again,” I whisper, squeezing her arms. “In a fucking heartbeat, if it meant I could be with you.”

She sucks in a sharp breath, but she doesn’t attempt to pull away. Maybe she’s too stunned by my confession—and I feel sick telling her this. I prayed she’d never have to know how monstrous I really am, or what a selfish cunt I can be. But when it comes to Wyn, I’ll always be selfish.

I mean, fuck, she’s the air in my lungs. She’s the blood in my veins. How can I not be selfish about that? Without her, I’m a fucking corpse.

Finally, she pushes against my chest, and I release her. She backs up, pointing at me. “I’m going back to my apartment…and you’re not going to follow me.”

“Wyn…”

“No!” she yells. “Whatever you’re going to say… no. ” She starts walking backward, each step taking her further away from me. “I’m putting down a clear boundary, Lucas. Stay the fuck away from me.”

But as I watch her disappear into the darkness, my only thought is that I’ve never been good with boundaries…