Chapter twenty-two

Theo

We’d talked every day for over a year. I’d seen her naked. I knew what her face looked like when she came. Taking Poppy on a date was nothing to worry about. Or it shouldn’t be. My palms sweated as I waited for her to change, my knee bouncing with the same hurried rhythm as my heart.

“When you’re nervous, your body feels similar to how it feels when you’re excited,”

Rowan said, slipping beside me on the couch. “Telling yourself you’re excited can help reframe your feelings from something negative to something positive.”

I wish it was that easy to get my mind and body under control. It was sweet she wanted to help, but no amount of positivity was going to calm me down. “Thanks, Rowan,”

I said and forced myself to smile at her.

“Oh, you are so faking that smile,”

she said and giggled.

“Distraction sometimes helps,”

I said, my knee slowing.

She nodded. “No wonder you’re friends with Cal. He could talk to a fence post.”

The look on her face when she spoke about Cal put a genuine smile on mine.

“Let’s go before Antonia’s fills up,”

Poppy said, running down the stairs with a pair of black heels in her hand.

She was so beautiful I couldn’t speak. In the span of five minutes, she’d somehow managed to apply makeup that made her green eyes pop and turned her lips a bold red. She’d changed into a black dress that hugged her hips then flowed out in a puff of tulle. It was edgy and feminine. Just like Poppy.

“I usually wear this with combat boots, but would you mind if I borrowed these?”

she asked Rowan.

“Please,”

Rowan said. “My poor heels haven’t been worn since the accident.”

Poppy bent and slipped the shoes on her feet, giving me a flash of her cleavage beneath the pendent I’d made. I no longer felt nervous, but I was at high risk of embarrassing myself when I stood up. Rowan got up first and fussed around with Poppy’s choppy hair while I took a couple breaths to get my body under control. Though they were the same height, the spiky heels made Poppy tower over her sister.

I stood and crossed the room to them. Poppy still only came to my chest, but our height difference had shrunk considerably. “You look incredible,” I said.

She blushed and fidgeted with the tulle on her skirt. “Mind giving me your arm?”

she asked. “I’m not sure I can walk on these toothpicks.”

I took her hand and kissed it before I wove her arm through mine. We headed for the door with Rowan following us like a mom sending the kids off to prom. I half expected her to demand a picture. She pulled out her cell as she closed the door behind us, and I had a feeling Cal was getting a moment-by-moment recap.

“Holy crap, I didn’t think about the weather,”

Poppy said, snuggling up to me. I was roasting in my jacket, so I let go of her long enough to remove it and draped it around her narrow shoulders.

“The truck should still be warm,”

I said and opened the passenger door. Poppy had climbed into my truck many times, but never in shoes like these. Somehow, she managed to hoist herself up, her fine ass level with my hands. It took everything in me not to grab it before she wiggled into the cab.

“Aiden finished the sliding door on Friday,”

I said as I climbed into the driver’s seat. “I have a key for you back at the house. It opens the front door as well.”

“First date and you’re already giving me a key,”

she said with mock surprise.

“Not your typical first date.”

I reached my hand over the center console and laid it on the bare skin where her dress ended in a puff of fabric. She started to squirm as I rubbed lazy circles on her thigh.

“You made your point,”

she said pulling my hand from her leg and locking her fingers with mine. “I’m starving, but if you keep touching me like that, I’m going to need a detour to the air mattress.”

“No more air mattress.”

“Oh,”

she said in a small voice. “OK.”

“Cal and I picked up a real bed earlier today. So, if you wanted to stay over—”

I was a grown man for fuck’s sake. When I was younger, I had no problem telling a woman exactly what I wanted to do with her. With Poppy, I sounded like a high schooler hoping to score for the first time.

“I’d like that,”

she said, giving my hand a squeeze. The trip to the restaurant wasn’t long enough. There was something so peaceful about driving with Poppy beside me, like we were still in the world, but insulated from it. Part of me wanted to blow off dinner and just ride around in the calm. Instead, I pulled into a spot near the pharmacy, just down from the restaurant, and tightened my grip on her hand. “I know you can do it on your own, but I’d like to open your door and help you down.”

“Would you believe you’re the first date I’ve ever had who offered to do that?”

she said with a small smile.

Hopefully, this was the last first date for both of us. The thought popped into my head with such conviction, I almost said it out loud. “Well, there’s a first time for everything,”

I said before climbing out of the truck and hurrying to her side.

After I helped her to the sidewalk, I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her close. “In case there’s ice,” I said.

“And here I thought you just wanted to cop a feel,”

she said as an older couple passed us on the sidewalk. The lady let out a little gasp, but the older gentleman winked at me.

I laughed and gave Poppy a squeeze before opening the door to Antonia’s for her. I honestly hadn’t been on many dates. Most of my hook ups had been the friends-with-benefits variety, though when the benefits ended, the friendships faded one by one. But with Poppy, I wanted more, which meant showing her we were firmly out of the friend zone.

“I feel like I have to whisper in here,”

Poppy said as the hostess led us to a secluded table in the back. I pulled out her chair, and the shocked look on her face almost made me laugh.

“I’m guessing no one did that either,”

I said, taking a seat across from her.

She shook her head. “I always went for the rebel types. Social graces weren’t exactly top of the list.”

“What was?”

I asked, pushing the wine menu across the white tablecloth to her.

She shrugged. “Shocking people, I guess. Which was why I dated them.”

“Well, you’re in luck. I shock people daily. I think it’s the lobe gauging.”

“Pretty sure it’s the overall hotness,”

she said, without taking her eyes from the dinner menu. “It certainly shocks me daily.”

“I know the feeling,”

I said, taking a sip of the ice water the waiter dropped at the table.

She glanced up at me and blushed before looking down at the menu again. “Well, that, and the fact you’re so kind. You’re like a marshmallow wrapped in a bad boy shell. No, not a marshmallow. They’re gross. Maybe peanut butter.”

“I’m not sure this is going to work. Marshmallows are not gross.”

This time she put down the menu and locked eyes with me. “The only acceptable uses for marshmallows are in fondant, Rice Krispies Treats, or s’mores.”

“Well, as long as you’ll eat s’mores.”

I reached across the table, took her hand, and ran my thumb across her knuckles. Her eyes grew dark.

The server chose that moment to approach the table for our orders. Poppy jumped at the sound of his voice but recovered quickly. All my tension evaporated before the appetizers arrived. We talked about the upcoming art exhibit. The pink bridesmaid dresses Rowan selected for the wedding. Their construction plans for the bakery. The portrait class I was designing for next fall and the likelihood of finding models in our small town. All the museums I wanted to visit with her that’d require a long drive and an overnight stay. It was similar to all the conversations we’d ever had, except actual touch replaced the constant tension I’d felt whenever we were together. I scooted my chair close to her and held her hand as much as possible while eating.

“Don’t tell my mom, but that was the best chicken parm I’ve ever eaten,”

Poppy said as we stepped into the cold night.

“Your secret is safe with me.”

As we approached my truck, a car sped down Main Street. A moment later, it slammed on its brakes when it came up on a minivan waiting to make a left turn. The smell of tires burning, followed by the sound of metal crunching, pulled me right back into the nightmarish memory that had plagued me for years.

“I can’t believe Avery dumped me,”

Cal slurred in the passenger seat beside me.

“You’re better off, man,”

Aiden yelled from the back. “Now you can go wild when you get to campus. You’ll forget all about her as soon as you get your dick wet again.”

“And this is why you can never date my sisters,”

Logan said and laughed.

“Dude, I can’t date your sisters because they might as well be my sisters.”

Aiden made a convincing gagging sound, and I glanced in the rearview mirror to make sure he hadn’t hurled all over the back seat of Cal’s car.

My heart felt like it was about to burst from my chest, and I couldn’t catch my breath. The streetlamps faded as my vision tunneled. I bent at the waist and took deep breaths that quickly turned to pants. I felt myself sway and sank to my knees.

“Do you think she’d planned to dump me all summer?”

Cal asked, slamming his head against the headrest.

“Yes,”

I answered. “Which is why you’re better off without her, brother.”

“Thanks, Theo,”

Cal said. “You’re the best.”

“Didn’t I just say that?”

Aiden yelled.

“But Theo stopped drinking so I could get trashed. That’s why he’s the best,”

Cal said, trying to pat my shoulder. He ended up patting the back of my seat before slumping against the door. “Why not just dump me? Why keep pretending she cared about me all summer?”

“Guess she wanted the D until the last minute,”

Aiden said. “Oh, I should text her that.”

“Don’t text her that,”

Logan said. “You’ll only stir her up.”

I glanced in the rearview mirror again. Aiden had pulled out his phone and was jabbing at the screen with his thick fingers. “Done,”

he said. “I can’t wait to see what she writes back.”

“I don’t want to know,” Cal said.

I accelerated as we reached the stretch of country road nicknamed “rollercoaster hill.”

Cal, Aiden, and Logan raised their arms and yelped as the car dipped, then rose quickly, a sensation that always made my stomach flip.

“I’m going to miss that hill when I’m at college,”

Logan said.

“Oh, shit,”

Aiden said, laughing. “Dude, you have to read this.”

“No, I don’t,”

Cal said pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes.

“Yes, you do,”

Aiden said, flinging off his seatbelt and leaning into the front seat with his phone.

“Sit down, asshole,”

I snapped.

“Read it,”

Aiden yelled.

“I don’t want to,”

Cal said, pressing himself against the door.

“Cut it out, Aid,”

Logan said yanking the back of Aiden’s shirt.

Aiden slithered in between the front seats until half his body rested on the center console. “Look, Cal.”

I heard Logan’s seatbelt unlock just before his huge arms wrapped around Aiden and pulled him back to his seat. I entered a blind turn. A seatbelt clicked.

“You can show him tomorrow,”

I heard Logan say just as a deer darted into the road.

“Shit,”

I yelled, slamming on the brakes and swerving toward the edge of the road. The car skidded, the acrid smell of rubber pouring into the interior. It happened so fast. The deer. The slide. The sickening crunch as the car wrapped around a tree on the passenger side.

The air bags deployed, saving my head from the steering wheel, pillow-like clouds exploding all around the front seat. I looked over at Cal, my heart hammering. He was limp against the side of the car, the air bag deflating fast, too fast. I flung off my seatbelt and crawled over the console to him.

“Cal,”

I yelled. Blood covered the side of his face. His arm bent at an odd angle. I couldn’t even see his legs through the wreckage. “Brother,”

I yelled. He still didn’t answer me, but his chest moved up and down.

I turned to look in the back seat. Aiden was slumped against the crumbled door, just as bloodied and broken as Cal. I reached into the back seat and grabbed his left wrist. A surge of relief crashed through me when I felt his steady pulse. Then I realized, he was alone.

The seat where Logan had been moments before was empty. My heart rate accelerated when I saw the broken glass littered across the back seat. Had I passed out? Did he climb out already and call 911? Logan would know we needed help, but why didn’t he check on everyone first? He had to have climbed out.

I pushed down the air bag and opened my door, which was surprisingly undamaged. I rolled out of the car and smacked my knee on the asphalt, the pain soothing some of the panic filling my chest.

“Logan,”

I yelled, rising to my feet. I looked up and down the deserted road. Nothing. “Logan,”

I yelled again, my voice raw with fear. The moon was covered in clouds and without streetlights, the night lay dark and thick. I fumbled in my pocket for my cell and turned on the flashlight. I crossed the road and scanned the field. The reflective decal on Logan’s shoes flashed back at me from a sweep of long grass. I ran and dropped to my knees beside him.

I knew he was gone the moment I saw him. His neck twisted in a way no one could survive. I rolled away from him and gagged; the beer I drank earlier made sour puddles on the grass. Then with shaking hands, I grabbed his wrist, hoping I was wrong. I wasn’t.

A sound like a hurt animal filled the quiet night. It took me a moment to realize the animal was me.

A gentle hand touched my chest, and I was surrounded by Poppy’s lavender scent.

“Look at me, Theo.”

I raised my eyes to Poppy’s soft green ones.

“Here,”

another voice said, and something cold and wet pressed against my neck.

“Let’s sit,”

Poppy said, grabbing my hands and sinking onto the freezing sidewalk. I flopped onto my ass beside her, and she ran her fingers through my hair in soothing strokes. I leaned against her, filling my lungs with the sweetest air.

My vision sharpened, and I took in the spectacle I’d created. Poppy beside me with her dress spread across the filthy concrete. Mr. Wilson hovering nearby with a water bottle. A small crowd gathering around us.

“Drink,”

Mr. Wilson said, handing me the bottle. “Small sips.”

Poppy glared at the crowd. “He’s fine. You can move along now.”

No one moved.

“We’ve got it under control,”

she yelled. “Get the hell out of here.”

Everyone listened except Mr. Wilson. “Where are you parked?” he asked.

“Thanks for your help, Wilson, but Theo and I can manage.”

“I’m sure you can,”

he said. “But I’ve been where he’s sitting, and I want to help.”

Poppy nodded and Wilson crouched down, his knees popping as he lowered himself until he could look me in the eyes. “All right, Theo, let’s get you up, if you’re ready.”

I raised my arms, and he lifted me to my feet with surprising strength. “I’m fine,”

I said, though my legs shook.

“That’s right,”

Mr. Wilson said. “We’re going to take a few steps. Then rest a minute.”

He gripped my elbow on one side, and Poppy held the other. It felt like it took half an hour to reach my truck, even though it was right there.

“Keys,”

Poppy said.

“Jacket,”

I answered.

She’d slipped into my leather coat when we left the restaurant. I remember hoping it would smell like her when she gave it back. She dug in my pockets until she found the keys. After unlocking the door, she reached for me, but Mr. Wilson waved her off.

“I’ll get him settled, Poppy. Just get in and warm up the engine.”

“Thank you,”

I said as he guided me into the passenger seat.

He gripped my shoulder after I’d buckled my seatbelt. “Panic attacks are the worst, ain’t they?”

I nodded and rested my head against the seat. Poppy took one of my sweaty hands.

“Thanks, Wilson,”

Poppy said, her eyes still wide.

“Glad to help. Call if you need anything, sweetie. You too, Theo. I’ve had more than my share of those, and I’m here to talk anytime you want.”

I nodded and closed my eyes. I kept them closed while Poppy drove us back to my house. The better my body felt, the more my embarrassment grew. The truck slowed to a stop, and I heard her set the parking brake.

“Do you want to sit here a minute or are you good to go inside?”

she asked.

“Are you coming with me?”

“Of course, I’m coming with you,”

she snapped. “I’m going to help you onto that new mattress and then I’m going to take off this dress because this tulle is itchy as fuck and then I’m going to cuddle the shit out of you.”

I nodded and this time, she escorted me inside.