Chapter Ten

Heath lay in bed next to Tristan, willing him to wake up. Tristan was half-dozing, but smiled when Heath threaded his fingers in his hair and gently tugged.

“Wake up. I’ve got an important question.”

Tristan opened his lovely grey eyes. “What?”

The flare of panic in Tristan’s face tightened Heath’s throat. What did Tristan think he was going to ask?

Heath took a deep breath. “What day is it? Because I’m worrying we’ve missed Christmas. Oh God. We have, haven’t we? Santa won’t have come because we didn’t put out a mince pie or sherry, let alone anything for the reindeer. We’re such bad people. We forgot there was anyone else in the world but us.” Please smile.

He did. “Twenty-third today.”

“Of December?”

Tristan laughed. “Yes.”

“Phew! So we’re fine. I was going to buy fairy lights and a tree but I got distracted. Your fault. We could get a tree. Decorate it. Buy something special to eat on Christmas Day. What do you usually do? No, forget I asked that. We have to do something different. Something for us. So…get a tree, decorate it with condoms because the packets are shiny and we have plenty of them. We can put a hole in the seam part because we don’t want to risk making a hole in the condom. Then buy stuff to make Christmas dinner, or we could go with beans on toast? What do you say?” Why am I waffling?

Tristan kissed Heath’s shoulder. “What do you think about spending Christmas at my place?”

“As long as I keep my mouth shut?”

“Well, that won’t be any fun.”

Now Heath was the one who smiled. “No, to beans on toast?”

“I think we can do better than that. What do you say?”

“Okay.”

“Is okay the same as yes?”

“Yes.”

“Try for more enthusiasm.”

Heath clapped his hands to his cheeks. “Oh my God, yes! You’re inviting me to your place? That is so amazing. Is it amazing? Though it doesn’t matter whether it’s amazing or not as long as you’re there. That will make it amazing. Yes, going to your place sounds totally…amazing! I can’t think of anything more amazing I’d rather do. Yes, yes, yes! Is that better?”

“Marginally. Let’s pack up and go.”

“What? Now?”

“Yes.”

“Where do you live?”

“Near Worcester.”

How am I going to get back? Though back to what? Heath gulped. “How are we going to get there?”

“By car.”

“You have a car?”

“It’s in Fabian’s garage.”

“Right.” Heath was still trying to get his head around the change in direction. “Should we call in somewhere on the way and buy food? I don’t want to arrive at some isolated cottage to find the fridge is empty and you’re thinking about cooking me on the grill. What are you looking at me like that for? I like to be prepared for all eventualities. That’s where my yeses come from.”

“We can take the food we already bought.”

“Yes, but that’s not Christmas Day food.”

“Okay, we’ll call in somewhere and buy beans. Get packing.”

When they had everything gathered together, including the contents of the fridge, they carted it all downstairs and Tristan went to get the car. He came back in a black Land Rover Discovery. It didn’t take long to transfer everything and they set off with Heath’s Christmas playlist turned up on his phone. He’d stopped worrying about how he’d get back, ignoring the get back to where? that was still echoing in his head. He was going with the flow and he wasn’t freaking out. It was quite an achievement.

“Do you feel Christmassy yet?” Heath asked.

“If we weren’t sitting in a traffic jam, possibly.”

“The challenge is to sing along to a Christmas song and change the lyrics. I’ll go first. Whatever the next one is.” Though it was his playlist, so he knew. The Pogues. Heath cleared his throat.

“It’s nearly Christmas, babe

And we’re in your car

You said to me, we’ll have fun we two

You sang a song to me

About my eyes so blue

I turned to kiss you then

Because I knew the truth

I’m the lucky one

To be here with you

I’ve got a feeling

This year’s for me and you

So happy Christmas

No regrets at all

I can see the future

Where we’ll watch our dreams come true

You’re handsome

You’re gorgeous

You’re bright as a star

We’ll never stop touching

We’ll both shout for more

Loudly I’m singing

And your ears are ringing

We kissed in a bathtub

Then kissed through the night

You’re sexy

You’re funny

You’re all kinds of smart

We’ll have fun together

But don’t break my heart

The words might be sappy

But I feel so happy

We kissed in a bathtub

Then kissed through the night

The world is spinning fast and free

As we kiss the night away

And our lives will turn brighter still

On Christmas Day.”

“Bloody hell.” Tristan glanced at him. “Did you just make that up as you went along?”

“Yes. I know it was crap. Now it’s your turn.”

“It wasn’t crap and you’ll be lucky to get anything coherent out of me.”

But he tried and they laughed at the weird incomprehensible rhymes, laughed even harder when they attempted a not-safe- for-work version of All I Want for Christmas is You, and the journey passed far more quickly than it might have done.

They came off the motorway at Worcester and called in at a supermarket. Tristan announced that Christmas dinner would be steak and chips. Heath had no problem with that. He tried to pay for all of it, then part of it, but Tristan wouldn’t let him.

“You can treat us to dinner in the village pub. All right?”

“Okay. How much further to your place?” Heath asked as they headed back to the car with the shopping trolley.

“In this weather, about another thirty minutes.”

A blast of wind rocked the signs in the car park and Heath shivered. “It feels cold enough to snow.”

Thick flakes suddenly began to fall and they both gaped at each other.

“How did you manage that?” Tristan asked.

“I’m on first name terms with Santa Claus.”

“Now stop it snowing.”

“Er… He calls me Pest, so not sure he’s going to listen.”

Tristan chuckled.

As they packed everything into the back of the car, the snow came down more thickly, the wind picked up, and in moments, they were both plastered with white flecks. Tristan closed the boot.

Heath called out, “Fine, you made your point, Santa!” Then tipped back his head and stuck out his tongue to eat snow, only for Tristan to kiss him. Heath smiled against his mouth. His heart had never jumped like this before when he’d kissed. It made him worry a little because he was never this lucky. Oh fuck off, Mr Negative!

It was Tristan who finally pulled away. “You’re too tempting. We’ll be snowmen in a minute. We need to get going before the conditions get any worse.”

“They can get worse?”

“Don’t tempt your pal!”

Tristan pulled back onto the road, and hadn’t gone more than a couple of hundred metres before Heath gasped. “Oh look! Stop! Pull over!”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“There are Christmas trees for sale over there. There’s a sign, see? Oooh. It’s a sign from Santa. We have to buy one.”

Tristan groaned but turned into the empty parking area. “There don’t seem to be any trees. Though I already have…”

Heath didn’t wait for him to finish. He jumped out of the car and hurried over to a portacabin where a guy was just locking up.

“Hi. Are we too late? Any trees left?”

The guy turned and Heath bit his lip when he saw the fluffy white beard and twinkling blue eyes. “Oh, you…”

“Don’t say it.” The man smiled. “I look like Santa, right?”

Heath whined. “Now I really want to say it.” He was even wearing a hooded red anorak.

Tristan came up at Heath’s side.

Not-Santa looked between the two of them. “You’ve left it late.”

“Or just in time, assuming you still have a tree for sale,” Heath said.

“Come round the back. There’s one left.”

Heath clapped his hands when he saw it. “Oh, it has a root ball. We can plant it after Christmas.”

Tristan frowned. “Er… I’m not sure that’s the tree for us.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Heath asked. “It’s perfect!”

“Well…”

“Okay, it’s a bit…straggly, but if you’d been bypassed and watched all your friends carted off to lovely new…” Heath swallowed hard. That had hit a bit close to home.

“Is this one all you have left?” Tristan asked.

Not-Santa nodded. “It just needs a bit of love.”

“We’ll take it,” Heath said. “I love it.”

“You haven’t even asked how much it is,” Tristan hissed.

“It’s the runt of the lot. It needs a home. With a few lights, we can make its future bright.” It reminded Heath of his life after his parents had died. He’d been rejected but he’d not let that crush his spirits. He’d made his future shine and even though Diego had turned out to be a bastard, he had hopes that Tristan wouldn’t.

“I really like it,” Heath whispered to him.

“Then it’s perfect.” Tristan turned to Not-Santa. “Do you have any rope so we can tie it to the roof?”

The answer was yes but it was a struggle. The tree was big and they had to thread the rope through the rear passenger windows, then wind the windows up as tightly as they could. The root ball hung off the back of the car. Possibly not legal without a sign but…

Not-Santa waved them off and Tristan groaned as they drove away. “Twenty-five pounds! I can’t believe it.”

“I know! What a bargain!”

Tristan glanced at him and Heath didn’t hold in his laugh for long. “It’s a real tree, remember?” He put twenty-five pounds in the place where Tristan stored his keys.

“You don’t have to pay for it,” Tristan said.

“It was free. He gave me the money back. Told me to choose a charity. And he gave us a set of lights. He said he was glad we were giving the tree a home and he promised it would be an asset to any garden.”

“That was kind of him.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t grow into a giant sequoia overnight because I might not be able to resist climbing up in case there’s a goose with a golden egg at the top. Assuming I can get past the angry giant.”

“Yes, let’s hope.”

“It’s big. It didn’t look that big leaning up against the portacabin.”

“You’re right. It didn’t.”

“Unless you have a room with a freakishly high ceiling, I’m not sure it’s going to fit. We could plant it in your garden now, not after Christmas. The lights are indoor or outdoor.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

Heath leaned over and rested his head on Tristan’s shoulder. “Think we’re going to get snowed in?”

“It’s possible.”

Heath gave a quiet groan. “I’ll have to trek miles to reach civilisation and I don’t have anything suitable to wear. Though if you’re going to tie me to the bed, I suppose it won’t matter.”

“Would you like to be tied to the bed?”

“Maybe. We can see. We have free rope. Thank you, Santa!”

Tristan chuckled. “I’ll make a note. As for winter gear, I have plenty. Your feet are smaller than mine but you can wear an extra pair of socks inside my boots.”

“Thank you. I love snow. I’ve never seen this amount before.”

“It’s pretty, but I don’t like driving in it.”

“I could drive. Though I’ve never owned a car, nor have I ever driven in snow, but I do have a clean licence.”

Tristan laughed. “I’m fine, but thanks. My dad drilled into me the importance of taking it slow and steady in conditions like these. It’s almost more dangerous when the road is lightly covered than it is when the snow is inches deep because people don’t think they need to slow down.”

“Did your father teach you to drive?”

“Yes. It took me three goes to pass the test. Fabian passed the first time. I was always playing catch-up with him.” He paused. “You’ve not mentioned brothers or sisters.”

“I don’t have any. Nor parents. Well, I mean…obviously…I did have parents. I wasn’t flown in by a stork, but…”

Tristan glanced at him. “They’re not around anymore?”

“Head-on car crash. I was in the car. They were killed and I was injured.”

“Oh my God, Heath. That’s awful. How old were you?”

“Eight. I don’t remember the accident. Perhaps that’s just as well.”

“Who brought you up?”

“The local authority. I had one relative—well, I still have her, an aunt, my mother’s much older sister, but she didn’t want to look after an eight-year-old. I don’t think it was a matter of money. I mean, I wouldn’t have brought much with me. My parents had enough for us to be comfortable but they rented the house so there was no massive inheritance for me. My aunt’s never married or had children and she had some important, well-paid job in the city, so I do get why she’d say no to a child being dumped on her. Well, now I do. I didn’t then. I just felt as if no one wanted me.”

“No one wanted to adopt or foster you?”

“I was a little shit. Well, I didn’t start out as a little shit. I was a good boy. Maybe a bit quiet. I liked to read but I didn’t like sports. I was fostered a few times, but…maybe I was just unlucky because there was always some reason for me to be sent back. Not getting on with the child or children already in the house. Drawing all over the wall in my room in one children’s home. They were really angry but they’d said I could do what I liked to my room, so I was disappointed when I was told off. Generally, I wasn’t very communicative. Going out in the car was a big thing for me. I kept refusing.” He huffed. “It took a while for me to get over that phobia. I used to freak out if they made me. I had to be given sedatives if I had to go anywhere in a vehicle. It was a lot for people to deal with. I think much of my negativity stems from that time.”

“But you were a kid. You should have had help.”

Heath shrugged. “I did. Chats with a psychologist that did nothing. I didn’t want to talk about it. Some people wanted to help too much. I know that sounds weird but I didn’t want to be coddled and comforted and told everything would be all right when it would never be all right again. I just wanted my mum and dad back and that wasn’t going to happen. I wanted to get dressed up as a sperm whale and not moan about it. I wanted my childhood all over again because I thought I could have stopped us going on that journey and they’d still be alive. Only I know that isn’t possible. It took a long while for me to accept that.”

Tristan reached out and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry your life was like that.”

“When I was ten, I decided I’d had enough of rejection. I was going to be the one who said no. Probably stupid. There could have been the perfect family for me somewhere out there, but in putting a stop to hoping, it meant I settled down and accepted the life I had. I left care when I was sixteen. They found me a place to live and I carried on at school. There’s a lot of help available and grants for orphaned children. And free driving lessons. I passed first time.” He chuckled. “I did okay. Worked for an accountant, trained on the job, and got my qualifications.”

“Were you lonely?”

The question brought him up short. How had Tristan seen that? “Sometimes. But everyone gets lonely on occasion. And I’m not lonely now.” He squeezed Tristan’s hand, then returned it to the wheel. “I feel better that we’re both on the rebound, that we’re coming from the same place. Sort of. You know what I mean?”

“I do. I feel lucky and I wasn’t feeling lucky. I was too drunk to feel much of anything, which was the point. I’d have stopped drinking eventually, but I’m glad you came to Fabian’s flat. Rescued by a hideous swamp monster. How many people can say that?”

“I’m not sure it’s something we’re going to be able to tell the kids. Not without freaking them out.” Oh God, was that too much? “And less of the hideous , thank you very much.”

Tristan laughed. “It’s not a story for my brother or my parents. We’ll have to think of something more acceptable. So how did you meet Stef?”

“She was being hassled by a drunk in a bar and I stepped in. Before you think I’m some sort of hero, I’m not. First sign of trouble and I move in the opposite direction, but I don’t like to see anyone being abused. I ended up with a bloody nose and broken ribs courtesy of a collision with a bar stool. Stef went with me to the hospital. When I got home, Diego railed at me because I’d not bought dinner as I was supposed to. He calmed down when I explained, but one look at me should have told him everything. I should have seen through the selfish arsehole a lot sooner. I wished I’d said no when he first asked me out.”

“But then we wouldn’t have met.”

“That’s true. You’re right. We wouldn’t have met.”

The snow kept falling in a thick, almost impenetrable curtain and the windscreen wipers were struggling to cope. Heath was really glad he wasn’t driving. A blanket of snow lay over everything, weighing down trees, covering roofs and lining walls and hedges. He’d stayed quiet for the last few miles because he could tell by the way Tristan sat slightly hunched over the wheel how hard he was concentrating. The last thing they needed was to slide into a hedge or a wall or another vehicle. Heath was over his fear of cars but this tricky journey was reigniting his worries.

“We’re turning off the main road now,” Tristan said.

“We’ve been on a main road?” Heath squeaked when he spoke.

It made Tristan chuckle. “We’re nearly there.”

Maybe, but when they were heading down a narrow country lane with no tyre tracks to follow and doing little more than creeping along, Heath’s anxiety finally beat its way out of his throat. “What if we meet something coming the other way?”

“Such as?”

“What you usually see on country roads. A tractor, a car, a cow…”

“Unlikely.”

Unlikely didn’t mean it wasn’t going to happen. “Are there any passing places?”

“A few gateways into fields that can be used.”

Fuck.

“It’s not far.” Tristan reached across and patted his leg. “We’ll be fine.”

Heath could see lights in the distance. “Is that the village where you live?”

“Yes. It’s on a milk run so farmers keep the route open until the council snowploughs get here.”

“I hope we don’t meet a snowplough. I should have put that before cow.”

Heath clung to the sides of his seat, his fingers whitening as the lane twisted and turned. But they didn’t meet any other vehicles or a cow, and finally Tristan pulled into a drive and came to a halt by the door of a modern looking house.

“Do you think Grant has left any surprises?” Heath asked.

“What sort of surprises?”

“Back door open, family of foxes in residence, prawns pushed into curtain poles, taps left on, your clothes cut up?”

Tristan groaned. “Well, I hadn’t thought of any of that until now.”

“Sorry.”