Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Landon

Listen to Honest

by Song House that I’ll never do anything with my music to change anyone; it makes me fucking terrified. You?”

The raw truth stung like I’d stepped on an angry bee hive. He was probably drunk and wouldn’t remember the conversation tomorrow. We’d hardly spent any time alone together, choosing to always be in a group or avoid one other. But right now, confession was practically a dare to not only meet him, but beat him at his own game.

Or I could walk and leave him with a tad of vulnerability. I’d own the high ground and have a slight edge with his confession.

I was tempted. But the words escaped my lips before I could reign them in. “I wake up in the middle of the night on a regular basis. It’s like I’m having a panic attack—my heart is pounding and my mind gets jacked up and all I can think over and over is that I’ll never be truly happy, because there’s this empty place inside of me no one else knows about. It’s an unending void that needs filling but I don’t know how to do it.” My voice slowly broke. “I keep trying but nothing works. Maybe nothing ever will and I’ll die never knowing what I needed.”

My cheeks grew red under his hot stare. My fingers still gripped his arm, and he leaned in, so I saw the stubble on his jaw, and the lush curve of his lower lip and the intense heat burning in his dark eyes.

The door opened and a group of giggling girls came out of the bar, loudly talking.

I dropped my hand and stepped back.

We didn’t speak, I felt as if I was choking on my regret for admitting something I’d never told another human soul. And I’d told my enemy.

I waited for him to taunt me. Instead, Adam pivoted on his heel and went back inside the bar, leaving me with a spinning head and a nervous stomach. When I went back in, no one said a word and I knew my secret was safe.

We never talked about what had happened. What we’d confessed to the other.

Until right now. Adam sang to me about all the fears that crop up in the dead of night.

I was fixated through each lyric, and when it ended, the audience gave a few hoots and yells.

Adam smiled. “Thanks, appreciate it.”

I blanked out for the next few songs. My heart was slamming hard against my chest, and I kept sneaking glances at Daisy and Noah. Had Adam told them and this was all a joke? A plan to humiliate me in public? But no—Daisy and Noah would never be involved in all this. I began to relax, sensing they had no idea that song was about me.

A guy sat at the piano, and nodded to Adam. “Last song,” he announced. “Victor is gonna help me out on this one.”

The first sad, sweet notes wrapped around me, and then Adam began to sing. It was a love song; about a couple who wasn’t meant to be together but they couldn’t stop trying again. The push and pull of the lyrics, the crescendo of his voice as it reached high pitch, then lowered to a hushed whisper; the painful ending of love lost, all of it created a firestorm of emotion within me. When the last note had disappeared like smoke, I blinked back the sting of tears.

Damn him for his talent. Damn him for betraying me and making my greatest fear a song for the public. It would be so much easier to like him if his swagger was fake, but he backed it up. I knew some day, he’d be discovered. He’d be big in the music industry. I’d never heard anyone like him. The thought bothered me on so many levels. Adam stood up, thanked the audience, and exited the stage.

“Holy crap, that was amazing!” Daisy yelled above the applause. “Noah, did you ever think of putting Elle and Adam together for a song? They’d do a sick duet.”

“I mentioned it before but they both weren’t interested. Elle’s still stubborn about not doing music, and Adam said he’s not a singer. He wants to be behind the scenes.”

I clapped along with them, feeling a bit shredded inside. The music had only stirred up my emotions, which had been raw since seeing my dad and step sister. Last night, I’d shot up out of bed at 2am, almost in tears, scared of unseen things like monsters under the bed. Max hadn’t been there. I’d even sent him a text with shaky fingers but he’d never responded. Which I understood. He’d been asleep at his place.

Right now, I craved Max and his comfort so I sent another text.

Where r u? You missed Adam’s set.

I felt bad that Coop and Max hadn’t shown up. I know we were all busy, but Adam seemed to support anything needed without excuse. Max liked to promise shit, then forget or blow it off. Everyone always forgave him because he apologized with such fervor and regret. But for me, it was only another broken vow easily dismissed. The lack of loyalty bothered me.

I saw three dots and then his text came through. Sorry baby there’s an accident and I’m stuck in traffic. Won’t make it. I’ll text Adam.

I blew out an annoyed breath that he hadn’t communicated sooner. Daisy caught my expression and leaned over. “What’s the matter?”

“Max won’t be here. Stuck in traffic.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Sucks. Hang with us until we have to leave. Oh, I guess Gabriella showed up to support him, too. That’s nice.”

I tamped down a groan as she sidled her way up to Adam, giving him a full body hug as a congratulations. I watched his easy smile as he hugged her back and they chatted. I practically squirmed with frustration. It was so obvious she was using him! Unless he didn’t mind being used. God, they were probably fucking each other already. The image made me want to scream.

GROSS.

“Trust me, Daisy, she’s not nice. She was talking smack about Max today.”

Daisy frowned. “Oh, that’s not good. I know you’re having issues, but maybe you can work it out? Especially if she starts dating Adam. I’d hate to mess up the group with a whole bunch of fighting.”

Noah tugged her hair playfully and smiled. “You’re so sweet, Dais,” he said, a serious glint in his eyes. “Sometimes, I think you’re too good for all of us.”

“Stop!” But she lit up at Noah’s words, going on tiptoes to give him a kiss. “But thank you.”

“Agreed,” I said.

Adam finally made his way over with Gabriella trailing behind. “Hey guys. Thanks for coming.”

His gaze slid past me, deliberately not engaging. I noticed Gabriella did the same thing, being super nice to Noah and Daisy, pressing into Adam’s side as they chatted away and deliberately ignored me.

Whatever. It was probably best not to talk to them. Especially after hearing his song. I hated him using my experiences to entertain. At least, I’d shown up like I said I would.

Suddenly, he was beside me. “Hey.”

I cleared my throat. “Hey. I liked your set.”

Finally, his gaze locked on mine. I ignored the shiver that ran down my spine at the heat in his eyes. “Did you?”

“Are you actually challenging me on a compliment?” I asked grumpily.

His lips curved in a reluctant grin. “Guess not. Appreciate you showing up. Where’s Max?”

“Stuck in Boston with traffic. He said he’d text you.”

Adam nodded. “Yeah, not surprised.”

I shifted my feet, uncomfortable. The same thing had happened a month ago, when Adam got a gig but Max ended up blowing it off, convincing me to go with him to a party that night instead. He swore it was nothing and that Adam didn’t need him, but I could tell later it had bothered Adam. I began to see how it was a pattern with Max. “No, he really did. He was with his family this weekend.”

“It’s okay, Landon. I’m not mad. Max does Max.”

The simple words bothered me even more. “Yeah, I guess. Anyway, I really did like your songs. They were…deep.”

He tilted his head, as if thinking hard about my words. “Did they make you feel anything?”

A blast of heat shot through me. His voice was low and intimate, spinning a web around us separate from the others who were involved in conversation beside us. It was the time to shrug a yes and walk away. Or ignore the question. The way he asked demanded something bigger from me, and I couldn’t say no. It was as if I was pulled into his unconscious demand for the truth. “Yes.”

His eyes glittered. “What did my song make you feel, Landon?”