Chapter 4

4

KELLER

The beeping noise of an IV drip wakes me. Every inch of my body feels as if it’s taken a beating.

I try to sit up, but I realize I can’t move. I’m strapped down, a tube in my throat and cords running all over me. Panic starts to overwhelm me as memories of my last moments awake come rushing forward.

The heart rate monitor in the corner of the room begins to screech, the sound in tune with my panic. A nurse rushes in, her eyes widening as she takes in my own confusion and fear.

“Easy there. You need to calm down. I can’t adjust or do anything with you freaking out dear.” Her voice is soothing in a way that reminds me of how my mother was. Relief fills me, though it’s quickly followed by the pain of remembering she’s not here.

No one is.

No one will care that I almost died today.

Or was it another day?

As the emotions try to overwhelm me again, the nurse makes a tutting noise. “Easy does it mister. Let me grab the doctor so he can give you the official info. I’m only the messenger. Your case is too unique. I don’t want to screw it up.”

She pats my shoulder, then turns to the door. At her loss, I lay there wondering what all could be wrong. With the level of pain I’m feeling, I can’t differentiate what is or is not good.

“Ah, our hero is awake. How are you feeling Keller?”

I groan, the tube still in my mouth inhibiting my ability to speak. The doctor chuckles to himself, then waves the nurse further into the room. “Come on, Kelly. Let’s get this out of him now. His levels are already starting to look much better. I knew that he’d feel better after the medicated coma.”

Kelly moves closer to me, a sad expression in her features. “I’m going to be as gentle as I can. This never feels good, sweetie. Try not to speak. It will only make it worse.”

Closing my eyes, I focus on other things while she removes the tube, giving me back my ability to speak and swallow properly.

“Thank you,” I tell her, my voice sounding like gravel. It was a reflex, and now I see why she gave me the warning.

She nods with a sad smile, then moves to let the doctor back in place. “I bet you’re already feeling a little better. I’m Doctor Sheffmoor, the attending physician for the ICU. You came in four days ago with injuries related to your accident. We placed you in a medical coma to allow your body time to heal. Not everyone was excited at you not waking up, but I’m glad you didn’t hold out too long.”

“Who?” I choke out the question as I wonder over who might show up for me.

“Oscar Emerson. Your emergency contact. He’s been the constant one, though there has been a flurry of others that have come through over the last few days.”

“When… see… them?” Struggling to speak is something I’m not used to, nor do I want it to continue. Doctor Sheffmoor gives me a gentle smile.

“There are a few out in the hall now. Let me finish making sure you’re ok, then we can let them in if you’d like.” I nod, my throat too sore to continue. “And we’ll get you some water and ice chips for when you start to feel better.”

A few more tests, then the doctor is heading out to get my visitors. It feels weird knowing they all waited for me.

To know that he waited even when I was being a dick to him.

I don’t know that I can ever be what Oscar needs, but I hope and pray he finds someone that can be. Someone better than me who would love him with their all and pamper him with the love and adoration he deserves.

As if my thoughts conjured him, the man walks through the door to my room. I know it’s him from his size and tattoos. The rest of him is unrecognizable. His eyes are red, as if he’s been crying nonstop. He looks a little thinner and the bags under his eyes make me wonder if he’s slept at all in the last four days.

Behind him trails Shiloh and his partner Grayson. I smile as best I can, though I’m not sure it looks right.

Oscar stands at the end of the bed, his hands clutching the rail near my feet. The other two approach the side of the bed where Grayson takes my hand.

“I’m so glad you woke up. LoLo was very worried, which made me worried. You’re too important to him for anything bad to happen.”

Looking at Shiloh I can see the wear of my hospital stay on him too. He’s happy with Grayson beside him, however, underneath it there are similarities in how Oscar looks.

“Sorry,” I groan out. They all wince at the sound of my voice. Well, all except Oscar. His gaze hasn’t left me since he made it in the room.

I know that we will be having a conversation soon. Just not yet. I can’t answer him in a way that will make sense to him yet. Especially not with Grayson and Shiloh in the room. Those two lovebirds would give anyone hope of a bright, romantic future considering how they’ve apparently overcome their differences. Last I knew, they were only kind of a thing. The way they hold each other at my bedside tells me that this is long gone.

“You gave us a scare, but I’m glad you’re ok. When the hospital called Oscar…” Shiloh trails off, his face transforming to show the worry he’d been burying. Grayson tucks his head into Shiloh’s chest, while still holding my hand.

“It’s a miracle you’re alive, man. And you saved that little boy. They keep calling you a hero everywhere. It even made the news. Some guy caught the footage on his phone.”

My eyes widen at the thought of someone capturing those moments right before my world changed. I don’t think I’d be able to watch it no matter how tempting it is to know the truth of it all.

How close was I to escaping this?

Could I have done anything different?

The questions came one after another, sending doubt through me at whether I even deserve the title of hero. I sure didn’t feel like one, lying in this bed.

Oscar still hasn’t spoken. I don’t know what he’s thinking right now, and that fact alone has me wanting to rip out these machines hooked up to me and high tail it out of the room.

He always kicks in the flight of my fight or flight response. Confronting him is never something I enjoy. Over the years I’ve adapted by leaving and hiding away until I feel it’s all blown over.

But now I have a feeling that I won’t be able to leave like I normally do. No, I can feel it in his stare that Oscar won’t let me get away so easily this time.

“Will you give us some time alone, please?” His voice is firm, the words more a demand than a request. Grayson and Shiloh look from him to me, and then to each other.

No one moves as the tension grows. “Go,” I tell them.

With another squeeze of my hand, Grayson pulls a worried looking Shiloh from the room. Before they make it through the door, I watch him stare at the back of Oscar’s head like he’s waiting for the other man to pounce.

I wonder if I should be concerned. If maybe something else happened in the days that I’ve been unconscious to change the man I knew.

As the door closes, Oscar remains in his spot at the foot of the bed. A minute passes before I hear him take a deep breath. Then his eyes connect with mine.

“I’m so fucking pissed at you right now.” His growled words make me equal parts frustrated and aroused. I fight to not let the arousal show. He’s been wanting to explore our relationship past that kiss for a while now, and I don’t want to give him any more ammunition. It would never last, so there’s no use in trying.

“You aren’t supposed to get hurt like this. You’re Mr. Invincible. In and out. Rescue and retreat. Kill the fire and pack it up back to the station. That’s the motto, right?”

I nod, unable to form words at the pain lacing his voice. He’s upset in a way I’ve never been witness to.

“They called me while I was on a job with Shiloh. When they said it was you, my world shut down. Do you have any idea how fucking terrified I was that this was it? That I was losing you?”

Nothing I say will comfort him at this point. I know that for sure, but still I try.

“I’m sorry if I…”

“Don’t! You don’t need to apologize for doing your job. I’m more pissed that the fire started to begin with. Sure, I’d love it if the man I loved were an accountant or a teacher. It would make my life easier and less worrisome, of course. That’s not who you are. It never has been.”

My heart aches at the mention of him loving me. He shouldn’t. I’m not worth the effort.

But fucking Oscar Emerson decided long ago that I didn’t know what was best for myself. He’s going to feel how he feels no matter what I do or say.

“The doctor told me that you’d need some physical rehab over the next few weeks. I’m going to pick you up and drop you off. You’ll need to decide if we’re going to stay at my place or yours while you heal. There’s a lot that you won’t be able to handle on your own.”

I want to fight him. To go against his words. But the pain I feel in my body lets me know that I am not capable of doing what I’d like.

I’ll need his help if I want to avoid bringing a stranger into my life and home. At least with Oscar I know what I’m getting into. He’ll be stubborn and brash, but he’ll keep challenging me to do better each day.

All would be fine if I weren’t trying to hide the fact that I’m in love with him too. The two of us staying in the same place spells nothing but disaster.