Chapter 1

1

NEIL

October

People always got the idea in their head that I was stuck up when they first saw me. My youngest brother Grayson said I had RBF - resting bitch face. I’d tried time and time again to not look so focused on things when others were around.

It was always worse when I was with my twin brother Vaughn. People flocked to him because of his laidback behavior. He’d been the more popular of us two when we were younger, and even now that we were breaking forty, he couldn’t get people to leave him alone.

Everything changed when I met Xander, a fellow professor at the college. He and I became close, and in turn others realized I wasn’t living in some pretend world in the clouds.

After a few years, I wound up meeting a student by the name of Fisher. It was his first day and he was as lost as could be. I had no idea that talking to him would change my life in so many ways.

I gained a family that was much bigger and eclectic than my two brothers.

“Are you going to Aster’s for Thanksgiving this year? I don’t know if I’m supposed to invite you or not. I remember a conversation about it, but I was distracted.”

Fisher’s comment pulls me from my thoughts. I laugh at how honest and real his words are. He is always distracted by something or other.

“No one mentioned anything to me. It sounds like fun. I’ll be there.”

He claps excitedly as he puts another puzzle piece in place. He convinced Xander to clear off the mini stage area in his assembly hall after the last class of the week so he could build a gigantic puzzle.

The thing is something like two hundred pieces, but each piece is almost as big as a sheet of paper. I was amazed when I walked in only a few minutes ago to see my friend and colleague crawling around trying to build the outer edges of the images.

“This is the first I’ve seen of you since I heard about the invite. Don’t act like I was being rude,” Xander says with a huff as he presses down on a piece that is obviously not a good fit for the space he chose.

“Daddy, that is not at all what he was doing. That’s Neil’s way. You know that.” See, even my friends have to justify my snooty behavior.

“Am I approachable?”

Both men freeze at the thrown out question.

“Please define the word.” Xander rolls his eyes at how Fisher tries to get out of answering. He’s been very creative in avoiding things he doesn’t like lately.

“What my Little Seahorse is trying to ask, is if you mean as a friend or in a relationship manner? I don’t really have a say in the latter, but I do think you are someone that could have someone walk up to greet them as a friend. You’ve made several here at the college.”

His focus goes back to the piece in his hand, a scowl forming as he moves it a few inches over to another spot. I can already tell it won’t fit from here, but his performance is too amusing to stop.

“I meant both when I asked. My friends here are great, and so are the ones I’ve met through you guys. It’s just weird that I don’t have a hobby or something, you know? I work, eat, sleep, check on my brothers, and occasionally get together with you and the others. What kind of life is that?”

Fisher stands and walks over to me where I’m leaning on Xander’s desk. “You’re lonely.”

It’s not a question.

I shrug as if it is.

“He’s right. You’re seeing all the rest of us get all coupled up and you’re wanting the same.” His words are way too close to the truth. I turn my eyes to the side to avoid him seeing the pain I feel imagining how I’ll probably spend the rest of my life alone.

“Daddy! Now you’ve made him all sadsies. Darnit!” Fisher stomps and huffs at Xander.

My friend raises his hands in surrender. “I didn’t mean to be ugly. You know I love you, Neil. You’re a fantastic friend and though we were never romantic, I can admit that you’re a great catch for someone. Maybe you should just put yourself out there more.”

I hesitate to ask the question bouncing around my mind.

The issues I have in relationships don’t stem from me putting myself out there. I’ve done the whole online dating thing. Vaughn even set me up on a blind date once, which in and of itself is odd since he doesn’t like people much.

Each time, each date, has felt lacking. By the time I realized what my problem was, I’d given up entirely on the idea of finding someone.

“There’s a lot about that I can’t really explain,” I give as my response. Turning to look back at the pair before me, I find myself thankful for their kindness. While I don’t plan on blurting out my hang ups to them, it’s nice to know that they care.

“You’ll find your person. Soon I bet.” Fisher taps me on the shoulder then goes back over to the puzzle. “Now, get your hiney over here and help us finish. Daddy promised me ten-piece nuggets with a milkshake if we got this done in one night.”

“That was if you finished it alone!”

Fisher presses a hand to his chest, his expression affronted by the volume of Xander’s voice. “You didn’t say that, Daddy. And what do you always tell me?”

“Use your words,” my friend mutters.

“That’s right. And since you didn’t use your words, then I get my treat as long as the puzzle gets finished.” With a nod, he picks up another piece and steps into the large frame to find its location.

Xander looks over to me. I can’t hold back the laugh that falls from my lips at his dazed expression. It slowly turns to a smile as my body shakes from amusement.

“Keep laughing. I can’t wait until you find someone to put you in your place like this.”

I ignore his ominous words as I step forward to pick up a piece of the puzzle. It’s not going to do me any good to imagine a world that may never exist.

Besides, I doubt it would go the way he’s thinking. In my dreams, I’m never the Daddy.

* * *

On the way home,I decide to check in on my brother Vaughn. It’s been a while since I’ve stopped by his place. He always begs off the call or meets me at my house instead. I’m starting to wonder if he’s hiding something serious from me.

At first, I didn’t think anything about it. But now I’m concerned that he’s gotten himself into something again that he shouldn’t have.

Parking in the designated visitor area, I make my way inside to see the doorman. The older man stands as sentry to the entrance. He smiles politely, though I can sense his curiosity. I look enough like Vaughn for people to assume we are brothers.

“I’m here to see Vaughn Barnes. Tell him Neil is here.”

“Let me buzz him to confirm.” Larry, whose name I only ascertained via his name badge, reaches under the counter for the phone. He dials and waits for the line to connect. “Yes, Mr. Vaughn. I’m calling because there’s a man here wanting to see you. He says his name is Neil.”

My brother says a few words over the line, then Larry hangs up quickly.

“Go right ahead Mr. Neil. I apologize for the delay.”

“No worries. Thanks!” I wave to him as I move to the single elevator that sits in the lobby. This building is one of the older ones in the city. Vaughn was quick to move here when we were old enough to leave our parents’ house all those years ago. He’s been here ever since.

A woman steps from the elevator when the door opens. She has long brown hair, which she has braided over one shoulder. She’s in athletic gear and shows off a smirk when my eyes finally meet hers.

“Hello, decidedly not Vaughn. You are?” She sticks one hand out to me while holding the door open.

“I’m Neil, Vaughn’s brother. And you?” Shaking her hand firmly, I make the most blank expression I can. This woman wouldn’t normally receive my ire, but the way she seemed to demand my name has me flustered.

She motions for me to step on as she exits. When we’ve switched positions, she moves her hand to let the doors close.

“I’m Audlia. No one important. Enjoy visiting your brother, Neil.” The doors close on her ominous words. I try to shake the weird interaction the entire way up the elevator, but I can’t get my expression back in order before I open the door.

Vaughn opens looking a bit harried. I don’t mention it in my normal teasing way, which leads him to freeze before letting me in.

“Who put that look on your face?” His tone is tinged with frustration.

I push past him to step inside his apartment. “It’s nothing. I met someone downstairs who freaked me out.”

He’s not settled by the simple excuse. He closes and locks the door, then moves over to the matching recliner across from mine.

“It’s not nothing. You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Who?”

Rolling my eyes, I tilt my head to watch his response. “Audlia. A brunette runway model who seemed interested in my identity when she guessed I wasn’t you.”

Vaughn winces. “Sorry about that. She’s an … issue that I’m working to deal with.”

“An issue? Is she an ex or something?”

“Or something,” he says, evading my questions. “You need a drink. I’m surprised by your visit. Everything ok?”

I snort a laugh at his retreating figure. “I’m good. Water is fine. I hadn’t heard from you in a while. I wanted to check on you.”

“We talked two days ago.” His voice echoes from his kitchen area. The space is blocked off by a wall from the living room, but the acoustics of the place make his voice echo.

With a roll of my eyes, I lean my head back in exhaustion. It’s been a long few weeks and time doesn’t want to slow down. The holidays are coming, which means we have to figure out what we’re doing.

That reminds me that I have to ask Vaughn if he wants to go to the party with me. I can’t possibly turn down an invite from Aster. His group of friends sound like a blast and I want more of their interesting dynamics.

Plus, Grayson and his new beau are bound to be there.

I jolt at the feeling of something cold against my cheek. A bottle of water hovers near my face. Scowling at Vaughn, I take it from his hands and crack it open.

“Don’t be mad at me. You were staring into space. I’ve called your name three times.” He shrugs as he sits with his own bottle of water. His is pink from the drink mixer I know he’s obsessed with. The strawberry watermelon flavor has been something he’s guzzled by the gallons since our childhood.

“I’m not mad at you.” Taking a sip of the water, I think of how I can possibly word this in a way that will appeal to him.

Vaughn has always preferred being a homebody, much like our other brother Grayson. But where Grayson’s reason was from his need to wear his pull-ups around, Vaughn simply hates being around other people.

It’s the oddest darn thing since he is always the life of the party. People literally flock to him anytime he goes out. Whether he wants them to or not.

But convincing him to be around people for hours at a time for a holiday celebration might be too big an ask.

“Get it over with. I’ll tell you no and then you’ll feel better for having asked.” My twin sounds absolutely bored as he instructs me.

“I don’t know if you’ll want to say that once you have all the details. This scenario is right up your alley.” He waves his hand for me to continue. “I was with Fisher and Xander earlier.”

“How are the lovely couple doing? Still nauseatingly sweet together?”

I nod, a smile crossing my face at how happy I am for both of my friends. “They are. I’d stopped by Xander’s room and found them working a gigantic puzzle. We got to talking and they brought up the holidays.”

“Mmhmm,” he hums.

“Princess Aster, their ringleader of sorts, is hosting it at his place this year. He requested that we be invited as guests.”

“And you thought inviting me was a good idea?”

“Grayson and his boyfriend will most likely be there. Plus a few other friends. It would be good for you to get out of this place to meet someone.”

He scoffs, his fingers picking at the label on the bottle. He tears tiny pieces off one by one.

“It wouldn’t be beneficial for me to go. I would only bring the party down. You should go alone.”

“Or, and hear me out here, you could go, make some friends, and leave with a little more holiday joy.”

“Your pep talk sounds depressing.” He says the words with a grin. I stare at him, my patience kicking in as I wait for him to fold first. We stare into each other’s eyes, our old game coming back to us like second nature.

Vaughn was always the more stubborn child growing up. Everyone in the family made it clear that I was a push over of sorts. What they didn’t know was that my twin and I had a sort of language of our own that usually resulted in me being the more stubborn of the two of us.

“Ugh! Fine. When is it and where?”

“It’s Thanksgiving Day. I know it’s a dinner, but I imagine we’ll all get together early for some drinks and food prep. Aster likes to build traditions from what Xander and Fisher explained to me. I’ll come pick you up.”

“Sure. Great. It’s a plan. Do you feel better about your visit now?”

His question sends up red flags in my mind. Why does he want me to leave so badly?

“Vaughn, are you on drugs?”

My brother stares at me silently for a full minute before he bends in half, shouting out boisterously. He laughs and laughs until his eyes are leaking.

“A simple no would have been good enough,” I grumble.

He wipes his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. “No, it wouldn’t have. I can’t believe you thought I was on drugs.”

“Well what else am I supposed to think? You’ve been caged up for weeks and weeks in this place. Even more so than your normal hermit ways. What gives?”

He sobers at my frazzled tone. I rarely lose my cool, but in this situation, I need to make sure he’s ok. I love my brother, despite all the ways we are opposite.

“There’s nothing bad. I’ve been working on a project that requires me to be stuck to my computer a bit more than usual.”

I can tell that he isn’t lying, so I let it go. “That’s all great and dandy. Still come over or call when you have time, please. I need to know that you’re ok. Grayson has Shiloh now, which means he’s taken care of. You get all my attention now.”

He throws his hands up. “Oh great! So our little brother gets all shacked up and now I’ve become the source of your entertainment. What about you finding someone? Huh? That could be your focus?”

The words are a blow. Even the unintentional prodding at my non-existent love life has me wanting to curl into a ball. I can’t explain to Vaughn the truth of why I’m single. He wouldn’t understand. Most people wouldn’t.

“We’re not here talking about me. I’m fine.”

“Yeah. Fine. But you could be great. Extraordinary. Marvelous.”

I laugh as he stands and waves his arms around dramatically with each new word. “I’d settle for happy and safe,” I admit. “It’s no matter now because I’m not in the market for anyone. Let’s get through the holidays and then you can analyze my love life. Deal?”

His eyes sparkle with challenge. “Deal.”

Why do I feel like I just made a deal with the devil?