Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

I stopped in my tracks,staring at my desk after coming back from lunch. Sitting in the middle, where anyone could see, was a large bouquet of flowers and a stuffed rabbit. My heart skipped a beat as I saw the note sticking out of the bouquet. Forgetting my worry at who might have seen the gift, I rushed over and pulled the note out to read.

Princess,

I was just thinking about you, and I couldn’t resist buying you a little present. I hope you like your new stuffy! Make sure you have it with you next time we play.

XOXO, Daddy

I giggled and did a little happy dance. Quickly glancing out of my office windows, I made sure no one had noticed, then sat at my desk. I had barely managed to set the flowers and stuffy under my desk and out of sight when my door flew open.

Shit, shit, shit!

“Okay, I’ve tried to be patient, but you and I both know that’s not my strong suit,” Alyssa chittered, stepping in uninvited as I tried desperately to hide the panic threatening to strangle me. She could not find Adam’s note.

“Well, hello to you, too, Alyssa,” I managed, brashly as she flopped into an open chair.

“I don’t like when things are weird between us. So, I’m here to get to the bottom of it,” she said with unwavering confidence. “I get that your one night stand or whatever wasn’t great, but that’s no excuse to bite my head off.”

Her chastisement grated on my nerves.

“I wasn’t trying to bite your head off, Alyssa.”

“Then what were you trying to do, exactly?” That know-it-all expression got under my skin, and I sighed. I had reports to focus on.

“I was trying to maintain a level of professionalism.”

“Professionalism, my ass. We are best friends, Willow. It’s not okay to freak out on your best friend like that,” she snapped with a snide look.

“Alyssa, listen. I’m trying to do the right thing here. I am your boss. Technically, I am your boss’s boss. I’ve worked really hard to get to this place and one of the ways I’ve done that is by maintaining professionalism in the workplace. It’s a huge part of my job. One I need you to respect.” I was trying to be calm and careful with her. I truly was. But Alyssa wasn’t hearing any of it.

“Come off it, Willow. I closed the door. It’s not like I’m hugging you in the middle of a meeting again. I get what you meant the other day. But I also don’t think it’s cool for you to just snap at me like that.”

“If we were just hanging out, sure. But we were at work, Lyss. It’s different. I need you to be professional here at work. We can gossip and hang out outside of work, but when we are here, we need to be more intentional in our interactions. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Well, can we pause that for a bit and talk about whatever bug crawled up your ass and died?” she snarked right back. I looked at her, jaw gaped open in shock. She had not just said that!

“Alyssa—”

“Seriously, Willow. It’s obvious you’ve been seeing someone. I mean, you had that whole walk of shame thing the other day, and all. But with the way you’ve been acting, something tells me that this wasn’t a one night stand.”

“The way I’ve been acting? Are you kidding me?!” I struggled to keep my voice down as her audacity astounded me.

“No, I’m not kidding. And you should be honest for once. What’s been going on with you?”

“What’s been going on with me?” I scoffed sarcastically. “I’ll tell you what’s been going on with me. I have been trying, desperately, to settle into a new job, in a new town, with a new life. It’s called an adjustment, Alyssa. You’ve done nothing but make that harder with your complete lack of professionalism and your refusal to respect me as your superior,” I nearly hissed through clenched teeth.

“Whatever, I’m not even talking about work—”

“That’s the fucking problem, Alyssa. You don’t pay attention to the fact that we’re at work. This is not the time or place, and while I’ve tried to be patient with you, you can’t seem to get it through your thick skull. We were friends, Alyssa. We were best friends. Maybe we could have been friends now. But I’m not sixteen years old, back in high school, needing a cool friend to feel more popular. I am the youngest person — and only woman — to become the Director of Marketingat Medicrest Pharmaceuticals. I have worked my ass off to get here. We’re not teenagers anymore. I am twenty-seven, and I’m a goddamn adult. Grow up. I have work to do. Maybe you should do your work before you get in trouble.” Eyes narrowed, I glared at my former friend, anger surging within me.

“Willow—”

“No, Alyssa. You need to mind your own business for once in your life. I may have spilled my guts to you when we were kids, but that was when we were kids! I am not required to tell you about my love life or anything about my personal life. Because it’s personal. Now please leave my office, before I am forced to take official disciplinary action. I have work to do. I highly suggest you do the same.” Turning back to my computer, I ignored her.

She stood there for a moment before rushing from my office, the door slamming closed behind her.

What had I done?

My stomach turned, and I barely had time to grab the wastepaper basket under my desk before I vomited.

I was a horrible person. I had yelled at Alyssa, because I was too afraid to admit the truth.

Shakily, I called the one person I knew could help me.

“Mama?” I asked, wiping my mouth with a tissue. “Would it be okay if I came by after work?”

“Okay,honey. Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” my mother asked, setting a mug of tea in front of me. Tears welled in my eyes; the desire to spill every ounce of the truth to her was almost impossible to ignore. But telling your mother you’ve been doing kinky shit with your former best friend’s father wasn’t likely to go over well. I had a sneaking suspicion my mother knew I was into some… different things in the bedroom, but there were limits to what I was comfortable telling her. Ignorance was bliss sometimes.

“I don’t even know where to begin,” I admitted, taking a sip of my tea. It burned my tongue.

“The beginning tends to be the best choice in situations like these,” she said with a little wink.

“You always know best, Mama.”

“Is it a work problem, a friend problem, a boy problem, or a you problem?” How was she able to get straight to the point with things like this? Secret mom power, I tell you.

“Is all of the above an option?”

“That bad, huh?” A look of sympathy graced her face as she sipped her tea.

“Let’s just say my life is a mess right now. Or might be, that is.”

“I have a hard time believing that, Willow. You have always been very resourceful.”

“This is different, Mama. It’s a big problem.”

“Big problems are just a group of small problems you haven’t broken down into achievable tasks yet, dear.” My mother’s wisdom was heavy and incredibly true.

“But how do you know where to start when everything feels…” I trailed off, struggling to find the words.

“When everything feels upside down?” she asked with a knowing grin.

“Yes, exactly.”

“You start with the first thing you feel.”

“I feel worried,” I admitted.

“About someone or something?”

“Both?”

“Did someone hurt you?”

“No. But I think I might get hurt. I think I need to call things off with someone I have been seeing.” I sighed heavily.

“Why do you have to call things off?”

“Because it won’t work. There’s no future for this relationship.” My chest tightened, my stomach dropping as despair washed over me.

“How do you know it won’t work?”

“Trust me, Mama. I know it won’t work. There’s no way. ”

“So either something drastic happened or—” she cut herself off, leaving the last part of her statement unsaid. But I knew what she was going to say. I was having both sides of the discussion on my own and trying to make a decision without really talking to the other person.

“I may be jumping the gun, but trust me when I say that it would not have worked out between us. This relationship… I don’t know. It bleeds into every other part of my life. And if I’m not careful, everything will be affected by it.”

“Is the relationship worth it?” It was on the tip of my tongue to say yes. I wanted to so badly. But was it actually worth it?

Was this relationship with Adam worth losing my friendship with Alyssa?

Was it worth years of turmoil at the office until one of us found a different job, just to be away from each other?

Was it worth the ridicule that was sure to face us, if the relationship ever became public?

Or would it have never become public? Would I have had to live my life in a behind-closed-doors relationship, a dirty little secret for him to keep?

“You’re doing it again,” Mama chastised gently.

“Doing what?”

“Having an entire conversation in your head. Do yourself a favor. Talk to this boy. The only way to get through a conversation is to actually have it. You can’t decide for him. That’s not fair.”

She was right. But also, there was no way in hell I was about to admit all of this to Adam. How was I supposed to tell him that the impending doom of Alyssa finding out about us had my stomach in knots, to the point I hadn’t been able to eat or sleep?

What if she did find out? How would I handle work? How could I see her at work every day and pretend like nothing had happened? I wasn’t seeing some random stranger, and I couldn’t just cut Alyssa out of my life. We worked together. We weren’t the closest of friends anymore, but did I want to lose her as a friend entirely?

“Ok, so I’ve been seeing someone. And it’s causing an issue with a friend. Who I happen to work with.”

“So it affects everything.” She nodded in understanding.

“Exactly. I’m not even sure where to begin. Other than to move on with my current plan, that is.”

“Which is?”

“To break things off with him and avoid my friend.”

“That isn’t a plan, Willow. That’s running away. Sweetheart, you are one of the strongest, most driven women I’ve ever known. I am proud to call you my daughter. But you’re also your own worst enemy when it comes to the personal side of your life.”

“Isn’t all of my life personal?” I snorted derisively.

“It is, but where you are focused and driven with your career, you let your love life, and sometimes your friendships, fall apart because—” she cut herself off before finishing her thought.

“Because what, Mama?”

“Because it’s easier to run away and be alone, rather than to actually fix the mess you’re in.” Raising one perfectly sculpted brow, she leveled me with a look. She knew me. Too well, it seemed.

“I am not trying to run away.”

“Aren’t you?”

“No, I—”

“Willow, if I know you at all, you won’t actually end things with this boy. You’ll just run away and … what’s the phrase kids use these days? Spooking? No… ghosting! You’ll end up ghosting this poor boy.” I had half a mind to correct her. Adam was no boy, but I had no desire to divulge that tidbit about my situation.

“You might be right,” I answered shamefully. She was right. That had been my exact plan, in truth. But I needed to be honest with Adam and tell him about my worries with Alyssa. I needed to tell him my concerns about our relationship. Sure, we were still in the early days, but if I wanted to have more than just the early days with Adam, I would need to be honest.

But that didn’t mean I was ready to face Adam, or Alyssa. Not yet.

“It’s time to grow up, sweetheart. And I mean that with all the love in my heart. You need to talk to him. Talk to your friend. Be honest, and fix your relationships. It’s the only way you’ll feel better.” Sliding her hand across the kitchen table, she wrapped her fingers around mine with a gentle squeeze of comfort and compassion.

“Alright, Mama. I will.”

And I would.

Just not yet. I needed some time to think first.