Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Xavier

Planning a trip to a different state would’ve looked a lot different if I wasn’t also simultaneously trying to do it behind my ex’s back.

Was it fucked of me to be doing this without Kate knowing?

Probably. But this was the first time since reconnecting with Dexter that he was allowing me in on something she wasn’t a part of. Throwing my precautions to the wind was going to be my only solution to this.

I couldn’t let this golden opportunity be flushed down the proverbial toilet the second it’d been presented to me. I had to make this perfect, to show Dexter that he could trust me and that I could handle his shit.

Our conversation about him dealing with whatever demons he had in him still rung through my head to this day. I wondered every night before I went to bed what kind of shit my kid had been put through to create that destroyed look on his face when he’d admitted he couldn’t deal with my shit on top of his.

My desperation to know was only in an effort to fix it for him. To create the safe space he needed in order to talk to him about what happened. I wasn’t willing to jump to any conclusions just yet, but damn if my mind didn’t race every time I thought about it.

Hopefully, this trip would change things.

My phone lit up from where I’d tossed it onto my desk, Gage’s name scrolling on it. Smiling, I put him on speaker and continued to click through flights.

“Hey, baby.”

He let out that familiar soft chuckle of his. “Hey. Got your message. That’s exciting about Dexter.”

“You okay with us crashing at your place? I can grab a hotel if not. No worries.”

He groaned into the speaker. “I swear to god if one more person ditches me, I’m going to scream. No, you’re coming here and staying with me. This house is so fucking empty.”

Frowning, I leaned back from my keyboard and swiped the phone off of the desk. “What’s going on?”

It wasn’t like Gage to sound that torn up about something. He’d been fine texting me throughout the day.

So what changed to put him in such a sour mood?

“The fucking twins aren’t sure if they want to come home for the holidays.” The tone in Gage’s voice, while sounding annoyed, was laced with despair.

My man was in the middle of a full-blown meltdown. Or, well, as much of a meltdown as Gage could possibly be spiraling into. That man was the most stable person I’d ever met.

“Hey, I’m sure they didn’t mean it like that.” Hopefully, my voice was soothing. “They’re just being teenagers. Trust me, I have one of my own.”

“You know what Grey said to me? That his boss isn’t going to give him the vacation days. And then Asher said that he might be tied up with taking another specialized course to get certified for who fucking knows what.”

Not being able to help it, I smiled a little. As sad as it was to hear how cut up about this Gage was, he had a very unique way of ranting about things. He was a charming man who was constantly keeping me on my toes, no matter what we talked about.

Even during sex, I was always tuned in to what that mouth of his was doing.

“Too bad I can’t call them to scold them,” I teased.

“Would you?”

Rolling my eyes, I said, “No, Gage. They don’t even know me.”

“So?”

Poor thing. He sounded desperate. I honestly doubted that the boys would actually ditch him for the holidays. More likely than not, they were planning something and trying to throw Gage off their trail. From the stories that I’d heard about them from Gage, that’s how they seemed to act.

I could be wrong, obviously, but then again I was more willing to believe that then I would about them being cruel and simply ditching their brother over a holiday meant to bring families together.

Gage had raised those boys better than that, and if the day came that they weren’t showing up on my boyfriend’s door with fucking bows on top of their heads claiming to be Gage’s Christmas present, I really would call them up and rip them a new one.

My kid had an excuse to put some distance between us. Gage’s did not.

“Baby.”

He grunted at me in response.

“It’ll work out. I’m going to come keep you company soon.”

That seemed to perk him right up. “Oh yeah? What kind of company?”

Oh, that familiar husky tone sent shivers racing up my spine. I loved when he slipped into that.

Leaning back in my chair, the thing creaking under me as I did so, I quickly worked the button above my fly apart and slipped my hand under the waistband. My dick was already half hard, perking right up the moment Gage had called.

My body was so attuned to him that it could predict the man’s phone calls. Like a damn satellite radar type shit. I probably needed to be way more concerned about that than I was, but honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to care.

“The kind where I wrap my lips around that hard cock of yours,” I said.

He groaned instantly. “Oh fuck.”

I stroked my cock lazily while I pulled it out of my pants. The tip was already wet with precum, glistening slightly in the dim lighting of my office. Curling a hand over the already swollen knob, I smeared the slick fluid down along my shaft, working myself nice and good while Gage’s breathing turned heavy on the other end of the phone.

“Fuck, baby,” he said, his voice getting chopped up for a second while he was readjusting himself. “I want you so damn bad.”

“Want to know what else I’m going to do to you once I get my hands on you?”

“Yes,” he groaned again.

“I’m going to lick the tight little hole of yours until you’re screaming at me to let you come. You’ll be squirming and begging me while I tease you until you can’t take it anymore.”

His breathing became labored, the telltale sign of him already touching himself. “Mmmm.”

“I’m going to fuck you with my tongue and make you come all over your stomach. Then I’m going to lick you clean until you’re hard again.” Squeezing my own cock was painful, my own dirty talk and imagining Gage under me was already getting me going.

Spreading my legs more, I gave myself room to reach down into my pants and cup my balls, already swollen and tight with my need to come. I couldn’t just yet, not until I had Gage right where I wanted him.

“Baby…” He whimpered.

“My cock is going to fit perfectly in that tight hole of yours, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” came his quick reply. “Yes. It will.”

“I’m going to fuck you so deep that you feel it in your belly. I’ll fill you with so much cum that you’ll explode once I pull out.” My hand moved back up to my shaft, rubbing around the sensitive head again as it leaked more precum. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

His only response was to whimper again.

Perfect.

“Once I get you nice and full, I’m going to make you come. Just by telling you to. You’ll behave and come for me, won’t you, Gage?”

“Ohhh fuck. Yes, I will.”

“I want to see it.”

The other end of the phone dropped instantly, causing me to blink and pull it back from my ear in disbelief. Before I could even move my thumb over to hit the ‘call back’ button, a video call appeared on my screen.

Oh, that dirty dog.

Grinning, I answered it. “Show me.”

He already had his camera flipped to his crotch where he had his hand gripped tightly around his cock. Fuck, I missed having that thing in my mouth. It was the perfect size and length to suck on. Teasing Gage with it was even more fun.

He’d accused me of having an oral fixation at one point, and honestly, he wasn’t wrong.

“Look what you do to me,” he growled.

His cock spurted out some precum, drawing a gasp out of him. The camera shook while he tried to keep it steady with the pleasure that was clearly overwhelming his system.

“Keep going, baby. Let me see.” My gaze was glued to the screen, my mind no longer focused on getting myself off.

He pumped himself a few times, rolling his palm over his tip with each one and smearing whatever drooled out the tip with each stroke. He was naked on his bed, his legs spread out widely with his feet planted on the mattress while he touched himself.

I wished I was there in the room with him. I’d love to reach out and grab his thigh while he continued to touch himself. Or stroke his hair while watching him come.

My cock ached at the thought.

“Oh, I’m gonna come…” he moaned.

“Come for me, Gage.”

His hand sped up, blurring in the camera. His hips bounced while he fucked up into his hand, coming completely undone with just my simple instructions.

“Oh fuck… oh fuck!” He gasped right before cum began spurting out of him like lava, spreading all over his hand and onto his belly. The camera shook along with him.

Setting my phone down for a second while he recovered, I tightened the hold on my own dick and began to move it again. With quick flicks of my wrist, the sounds of Gage’s labored breathing sending me right over the edge, I came hard and fast in my own hand, doubling over as the pleasure raced up my spine.

“ Fuck ,” I ground out.

“Mmm,” Gage let out a slow breath. “Damn, that was good.”

I grabbed my phone again just in time to see him lean up and snag a tissue off of the nightstand table next to his bed. While he cleaned himself up, I couldn’t help the undying want in my heart that screamed I should be doing that.

I should be the one to clean up my lover after us getting down and dirty. Instead, I was across the damn country with my own rapidly deflating dick in my hand and no one to cuddle up next to and fall asleep with.

Where was the justice in that?

Going into this, I knew long distance wasn’t going to be fun. I’d heard horror stories throughout the years of gay guys my own age trying to find love online and the trials and tribulations that went with it.

Did some of those love stories work out in the end?

Of course.

I wanted Gage and I to be a success story, too. But damn if this whole thing wasn’t weighing on me.

Our trip out to him was going to be nice, but for the majority of it, I was going to be spending it with my son—rightfully so. Flying us out only for me to get wrapped up in my boyfriend was a ticket to Dexter never trusting me again with something that he clearly held so close to his heart.

Something that he’d trusted me with and not his mom. That shit mattered.

Regardless of what my own feelings were with the situation between Gage and I, I wasn’t going to fuck this up. For the sake of my son, I couldn’t.

“Xavier?”

Snapping out of my thoughts, I righted my phone to see that Gage had flipped his camera around. He was so beautiful, even with him looking like his brains had just been fucked out.

“Yes?”

“You okay?” he asked. “You got kind of quiet.”

“Just missing you.”

He smiled sweetly. “Awww, he misses me.”

“See what you do to me? ”

“I kind of like that lovesick face you’ve got on,” he teased.

“It’s only for you.”

“Wow, I’m special, huh.”

You sure as fuck are .

“You really okay with me and Dex coming to stay with you?”

“Yes. Please. I need the company. I swear, I’ll try and keep my hands to myself when your kid’s around.”

“I like that you said ‘try’ and not ‘will do’.”

“Hey, I’m just being honest!”

Shaking my head, I grabbed my own tissue and cleaned myself up before tossing it in the trash and pushing back from my desk. Today had been a long day, and not just from my conversation with Dexter or my AA meeting.

In general, I was exhausted. And why that was, I still wasn’t really sure. At this point, I was chalking it up to getting old, or missing Gage—both of which were most likely simultaneously true.

He was a beacon of light that I sought after in the darkness. He breathed life into me when I otherwise couldn’t possibly go on. There were things that he’d done to me that he’d never know, ways he’d changed me and molded me into a better person that I’d never ever forget.

I was so glad that I didn’t recognize the man in the mirror anymore. This version of me was different from my old one. A new shell having been born that I was excited to get to know.

“I love you,” I sighed into the phone, flopping down onto my bed as soon as I reached it.

He laughed. “I love you, too, Xavier. You should probably get some sleep. Let me know about those flights and I’ll rearrange my schedule.”

“Will do.”