Chapter 14

T alia waited in the dining room the next morning to see Xavier. When there was no sign of him at breakfast time, she got worried. She sent him a quick text and asked if he was okay. He sent back a thumbs-up but nothing else. She wasn't exactly sure what that was all about, but, after last night, she could only hope that maybe Shane had squeezed in Xavier first thing this morning. She really wanted to talk to Shane but also knew that she needed to stay out of it.

Sometimes being caring was good, and other times it really wouldn't help anybody. Also she could easily be perceived as interfering, and that wasn't where she wanted to go with this. She had to trust Xavier.

She smiled as she thought about that because that's exactly what this was all about. Trust . Xavier would fill her in whenever he could. She could trust Xavier that he cared enough to tell her what was going on. She also believed him to be perfectly capable of making this happen. Whatever it was that he needed to make happen, he could do it. She knew that. This guy was magical in so many ways. He just had to believe a little bit more in himself.

And she was nobody to criticize that because she understood. Life in just so many ways could mess you up, and weren't we all living proof in so many ways? So she moved through her day, waiting for any word from him. Her workday got super busy around lunch, so she ended up late to the dining room. By the time she got there, the crowd had already dispersed.

Dennis smiled at her. "Hey, I wondered if you would make it."

"The more I tried to get here," she shared, "the more things were blowing up."

"I get that," Dennis noted. "It's good that you made it at all."

"Some days, just even getting here is the accomplishment of the day," she stated, with a laugh. She looked around. "And everybody's gone already, haven't they?"

"Yep, you missed it."

"What did I miss?"

"I don't know exactly. Everybody came, and Xavier was with a group of people, including the therapist. They seemed to be having some heavy talks."

She nodded slowly. "Okay."

"And other than that, I have no idea."

"Did you get any update?" she asked Dennis.

"We'll find out when he's good and ready," Dennis replied.

And she agreed, but waiting was difficult. She grabbed a quick lunch and headed back to her office. When she lifted her head hours later, Dani was quietly staring at her. "What?" Talia asked, putting down her pen and rubbing her eyes.

"You're working hard."

"Believe it or not, Dani," she teased, "I always work hard."

"I know, and it's hard sometimes when you are affected by what's going on."

"Do we have a solution to what's going on though? That's the real issue."

"I think so," Dani replied cheerfully. "I think they're working it out."

"That would be nice, but it would also be nice if somebody filled me in on it."

At that, Dani laughed. "No can do, but I'm sure he will soon."

She nodded. "I'm trusting in that. And that's what it's all about, isn't it?"

Dani nodded. "Trust is huge," she admitted. "And it's not just being told what's going on but being let into the inner circle so that you can understand the nuances of how it all went down."

"Xavier did tell me that Shane was taking him back, but his progress had slid in the interim."

"Again, that's okay too."

Talia waited to hear more throughout the rest of the day. When it came time to call it quits at work, she still hadn't heard from him. As she got up and shut down her computer, Shane popped in.

"Hey. Oh, you just shut off your computers."

"Yeah, what do you need?"

He said, "I was looking for some more information on this one patient file. My computer just keeps crashing."

She groaned at that. "We need more IT staff in here."

"Or you guys need to stop messing with the system," Dani called out.

Shane grinned at that. "That might help too. But Talia's right, more in-house IT people would be helpful."

"Yeah," Dani added, joining them at the doorway, "but do we need a full-time IT person, just to be here on the off-chance that we run into a glitch? They are kinda high-end personnel."

"Don't you have a former patient who's computer savvy or something?" Talia asked. "Somebody who would be happy to come back to work and just work as a full-time IT?"

"We've tried a couple IT personnel in the past," Shane noted. "They were part-time hires back then. That didn't work out so well."

Dani looked over at Talia and shared, "Maybe once I get through the next budget meeting, I'll try to figure out something. The worklist for IT is never-ending."

"It is here, especially because of patient records, and the volume of things that we send back and forth."

Dani nodded. "I know. Let me think about it."

"Yvonne. What about Yvonne Britman?" Shane asked.

Dani frowned at him. "What about her?"

"She just moved back to town. She's in IT. She would love a chance to work here. She was also interested in attending one of the adaptation rehab programs that I'm putting together, for those who have already been through the program."

"Why would she come back to rehab?" Dani asked.

"Because she had a car accident," Shane shared. Dani gasped. "I know, right? As if that poor woman hasn't had enough."

"Was she driving?" Dani asked.

"No, and, not only that, she was hit by a car in a pedestrian crosswalk. So she's been through some therapy, and she's had a lot of work done. Overall she's doing really well, but she knows that she now needs to tweak some of the exercises that she had been doing that just aren't quite right to handle this latest injury."

"So are you are doing some personal PT work with her?" Dani asked.

"I suggested she sign up for the weekend workshops," Shane replied. "We just need more people to sign up to justify running them."

"Right," Dani agreed. "Do you have a contact number for her?" she asked him.

"Yeah, I do," Shane searched his tablet and found her number and handed it over.

"Who is this Yvonne woman?" Talia asked.

"She was a patient here for a long time," Shane explained, with a smile. "She and Dennis really hit it off, but it obviously wasn't the right timing for them. However, she's back in Dallas now, and she's dealing with a whole new set of problems."

"Well, that can be really tough in itself," Talia murmured. "I mean, it's one thing to go through everything that she probably went through already and another thing entirely to sit here and figure out how to make all her old injuries now sit up and work with the new injuries."

"Thankfully she's not that badly injured," he said. "Still, it was a huge setback for her. She'd been doing so well too."

And before Talia realized it, Dani was already on the phone, calling Yvonne.

Shane looked over at Talia. "That's Dani for you. Give her an inch, and that girl will take a running mile."

"Don't have much choice, with you guys around here," Dani noted, holding a hand over the speaker on her cell phone. With a wave to them, Dani returned to her own office.

Meanwhile, Talia returned to Shane's request. "Fingers crossed that my computer is glitch-free." She found what Shane was looking for and printed him a hard copy. "Now, get lost."

With a big grin, he did just that.

It left her sitting alone in her office, as she thought about what she wanted to do next. She really wanted to talk to Xavier but wanted to give him some space too. And yet her phone buzzed around the same time with a text from him. She smiled as she read it, then sent back a text. Hey. How're you doing?

He sent her a happy face.

How about coffee on the deck? she asked.

Immediately his answer came back. Too hot. Then he phoned her. "I'm down at Stan's," he greeted her, his voice soft. "I'm cuddling a bunch of kittens."

"I'll be there in a minute." Talia pocketed her phone and headed to the veterinary. She loved being with the animals and yet didn't spend anywhere near enough time here. As she walked in, Robin was on duty.

Robin smiled at Talia. "Hey, so I heard Xavier call you and tell you to get your butt down here."

"I think about coming down here all the time, but life's just been so crazy busy upstairs," Talia explained. "It seems as if it's been weeks since I've even had a chance to visit."

"Oh, I get it," Robin agreed. "We're in the same boat here. Days can go by, and everything's fine, and then the next thing you know, it just all blows up, and you're scrambling to stay above water."

"For you too, huh ?"

"Oh, yeah," she said, with a sigh. "Even though we try hard to keep sanity in place, it doesn't always work." Robin waved Talia to come join her.

So she came around the front counter, where one of the women was on the phone. Talia smiled and gave her a thumbs-up and followed Robin into the back. There, Talia found Xavier sitting on a chair, with a great big armful of kittens.

Robin hung around, watching the kittens too.

Talia stared at him and the beautiful kittens. "Good Lord, how precious."

He beamed at her. "I needed some animal influence."

"Ya think?" she teased. "I'm kinda jealous."

"You can take a couple, but you can't disturb them."

She snickered. "So how am I supposed to take a couple and not disturb them?" She did try, but it just didn't work out so well. Finally she just sat down beside Xavier with one kitten in her arms. The little one looked up at her trustingly and made a tiny little blip with his tongue and then curled up against her chest. She sighed happily. "What is it about that wonderful trust an animal gives you," she shared, "that just makes you feel on top of the world?"

It was Robin who answered. "That's what it is. It's trust. It's that innocence of Mother Nature who believes in you, believes in what you can do for her. And that you'll be there to hold her, even when she falls asleep." Which, as they looked down on the kitten in Talia's arms, appeared to be completely out.

"They're really beautiful," Talia murmured. "Didn't you have kittens the last time I was here?"

"Puppies, kittens, we always have pretty well some of each," Robin replied, with a smile. "And thankfully the girls at the front desk handle a lot of the adoptions, so we can move some of them to good, healthy homes."

"Some?" Talia repeated.

"Actually we do really well placing them. Plus, we work with a couple rescues in town. So, when those rescues come through our clinic, we have to give the animals the full once-over, wellness checks, usually spaying or neutering as required," Robin explained. "Often they have eye infections and just general respiratory issues. Things can come, and things can go, but almost always a couple rescues will need something."

"And do you do that free of charge?" Talia asked.

"Yes," Robin shared, "and, before you ask, there's never enough donation money."

Talia looked over at Xavier, who was nodding, as if that confirmed something in his head. She just smiled at him.

Xavier said, "A need is everywhere, isn't there?"

"Isn't that the truth," Robin murmured. "It's sad in a way, but, in another, it's just the cycle of life. We do what we can with who and with what we can."

"I guess donations come your way in dribs and drabs," Talia noted.

"And we're blessed to have a bunch of people who donate on a regular basis. Dani's always really good at getting donors, but Stan donates much of his time. I tend to donate a lot of my time. At some point, you wonder if it'll ever slow down. The answer is, it really won't. This is what we have to deal with. Lots of it is good, lots of it is rough. But we do the best we can to give everybody a fair shot.… And these guys need to go into the back and get their food."

"Is it feeding time?" he asked.

"It is, indeed. I've been waiting Stan to get clear of the one room that I prefer to take them into. If you guys have five minutes and can hold a couple each," she said, "I'll take a couple to bottle-feed them."

"Or," Xavier suggested hopefully, "you could bring us a couple bottles each, and we could give you a hand."

Robin nodded. "I won't say no to that offer." And she disappeared.

*

Xavier smiled when Robin handed him two bottles. He relinquished two kittens to Robin, plus one more to Talia, so that he now held two kittens. He gently fed them, feeling something paternal inside him that he hadn't felt in a very long time, not since he was a kid with a puppy of his own. "Maybe I need to look into a shelter or a nonprofit who donates to a shelter or getting volunteers to work in shelters or something like that," he muttered.

"Obviously you love animals," Talia noted beside him.

He nodded. "What's not to love?"

"But loving and love-ing ," she pointed out, "are two very different things."

"I know what you mean." He smiled. "It's been one of those days.… It's been one of those weeks."

"You want to tell me about it?"

"Yeah, I would love to. Maybe over dinner? I haven't even had dinner yet."

"Well, it's still early for dinner," she murmured. "We can go later, or we can just pick up something and bring it down here."

He nodded. "I'm really not that hungry yet. I had a really big but late lunch. After a very long talk with my psychiatrist, I went in and had lunch with her. I was quite surprised, but she was more than happy to continue the conversation."

"And it must have been intense if it had to go past your session and into lunch," she murmured.

"I guess so," he replied. "It's weird how something happens, and only then do you realize just how much you need to get it off your chest."

"I'm glad she's a help."

"She's a huge help, and I would be the first to say that I've never looked forward to any of those sessions, and I never thought that I ever would. Yet now I see how a lot can be said for it."

She smiled. "Good. In that case, it sounds as if everything is happening as it's meant to."

"I hope so." He looked over at her. "How was your day?'

"Not bad, crazy busy though."

"That just never seems to end though, does it?"

"No, it doesn't," she murmured. "Even though we try hard."

He laughed. "I know. It's just something that we have to consider all the time."

"How did your meeting with Shane go?" she asked point-blank.

He glanced at her, and his lips quirked. "Shane is a bigger man than I am. You told me that he would take me back but not the details."

She raised her eyebrows at that. "Meaning?"

"Meaning, he wasn't looking for an apology. He wasn't looking for anything along that line. He was just looking for me to say that I wanted him to go to work again on my team. That I would work with him, not against him."

"And, of course, it's never quite that easy," she murmured.

"Not only is it not easy, but he's very busy. So I think we worked it out, and I think he'll be back on my team, at least that was my request, and he's agreed to it. He has to shuffle some things and some people around though."

"Right," she noted, "so it might be a little crazy until the next couple of patients leave."

He frowned. "I wondered about that. I feel bad because of Mandy, but I don't feel bad because of Mandy."

She laughed. "Although that was clear as mud, I still understood."

"You see? That's the nice thing about you," Xavier shared. "Even when things are as clear as mud, and I'm kidding, you still get it."

"Oh, I don't know that I always get it," she clarified, "but, as long as you're happy, that's what matters."

He smiled, gave her that grin, and replied, "Let's just say that I feel as if a huge weight's off my shoulder. I feel as if I have finally retraced some steps, and maybe, just maybe, I'll have a chance to…" He waited, trying to gather his thoughts and then shrugged. "I've brought up all kinds of stuff, about deserving the good stuff and putting in a lot of the military training and putting your friends and your buddies first and making sure that nobody gets left behind," he shared. "I hadn't realized how much of that I'd internalized and had taken to heart."

"It sounds as if it was not necessarily the wrong thing to take to heart."

"No, maybe not," he admitted, "but it doesn't mean it was the right thing either. Or that in different circumstances the meanings are different."

She nodded slowly. "I can see that. Obviously a lot of relationship stuff exists between you and Zander."

"Yes, and Zander has had yet another setback, and he can't come here until he's stabilized."

"No, of course not." She winced. "I'm sorry. It's hard to move away, hard to move forward, hard to take that step that you need to do when other people who are important to you can't do it with you. But you still need to do it anyway."

"Exactly," he conceded, with that sad smile. "I've had lots of talks with Zander, lots of talks with the shrinks, and essentially nothing's changed. I feel better now that I've sorted out Shane, and I feel better now that I can eat again," he explained. "My stomach is obviously very stress-oriented, and it's been giving me fits and starts this last little bit."

"And maybe that's a good thing," she suggested. "Maybe all of that's a good thing."

"Oh, it's a good thing in one way," he agreed, "but it's not such a good thing in another way. It's adjustments, right? But Shane has forgiven me. I am working on forgiving myself. That was partly what my shrink session was all about. Zander says there was never anything to forgive," Xavier stated, with a smile. "And to keep his place warm because he's coming here. He just has to get past an infection he's working on right now."

"He sounds like a fighter."

"That's Zander all the way. He'll go down fighting each and every time, but he'll also get back up when you think that there is absolutely no more getting back up."

"Well, he sounds like somebody we could certainly help here then."

"Absolutely. I just have to get him here."

"No, you don't."

He frowned at her and then slowly nodded. "Right. I don't have to get him here. There's a place for him here, if and when he's well enough to travel."

"Exactly, so that's not your fault."

"No." He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "It's hard letting go of taking care of the world."

"Try working here, watching the patients come and go, only to realize that some will do well, and some won't. Still, it doesn't matter because, once they leave Hathaway House, they're pretty well out of your life."

"I don't know that I could do your job," Xavier noted. He looked down at the kittens in his arms. "And I couldn't do Stan's."

"But yet there are people, like Stan and me, who enjoy our jobs. So, I couldn't do the job that you did, and now that you're rehabbing to be free and clear to do whatever you want again," she suggested, "you should find something that makes you totally happy."

He laughed. " Happy . I thought that was pushing Zander to do his best and to ensure that he was coming here."

"And what about before that?"

"Before that I was working on getting my life together again," he said, with a laugh.

"And have you? Got it together?"

"No, obviously not. Am I partway there? Yes."

"I'm sure Hathaway wants you to spend some time working on that and not worrying about all the rest that seems so overwhelmingly necessary at times."

"If only."

She nodded. "It's not a case of if only . It's a case of just make it happen ."

He smiled at her. "Not a bad goal."

"It's a good goal," she murmured. "And one that you would do well to put as a priority."

He nodded. "Maybe I can make that happen too.… Just a lot going on in my world."

"True. Just don't rush to solve any of it."

"It would be nice to think so," he replied, relaxing back and smiling up at her. "As long as you're not in any rush."

"I'm not in any rush," she said. "I'm not going anywhere."

He stared at her shrewdly. "You really will be here for the long term?"

"Yes. This is where my heart is. This is where my work is. This is where I feel as if I can contribute."

He stared off in the distance and nodded. "That makes something easier."

"What?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I'm not quite ready to go there yet. Soon, but just not yet."

"Why don't you try not going anywhere right now?" she suggested. "Just be you. Find a way to be happy."

"That's what I'm doing," he confirmed. "I'll spend the next weeks just focusing on having Shane's help and not being a jerk about it and trying to get as good as I can get," he shared. "At the same time I'm tossing around some ideas, things that make me happy."

He reached out a hand, gently disentangling it from the kitten in his arms. She took it easily. He continued. "Just want to let you know that you're one of those things that makes me very happy."

She smiled. "I'm glad to hear that because you make me very happy too."

He chuckled. "I'm really glad to hear that, especially when I've been such a jerk."

"You haven't been a jerk," she corrected. "That's the thing for you to remember. You've just been dealing with things."

" Great ." He gave her an eye roll, and then he burst out laughing. "Nope, it has been me, but I have come a long way in a very short time." He sighed. "I won't say it's been easy or it's been simple, but I'm feeling a lot more like the old me."

"And maybe the old me is pretty perfect too," she noted.

Just then Robin came back and held out her hands for the kittens. Talia returned her two, and Xavier handed his over gently.

Robin added, "You know you can always come back to offer a helping hand, right?"

He nodded. "I know, but it's now a time issue."

"For all of us." Robin laughed and watched as the two of them left.