1. Xander

Chapter 1

Xander

I stared at the drawing I had just sketched out and frowned. It wasn’t right. Something about the shoulders and the sleeves was a little too reminiscent of the ‘80s shoulder pad days, so I deleted the entire drawing and started over. I loved using my tablet for new designs because it could render 3-D models so easily, but it just wasn’t the same as seeing pencil on paper.

For me, designing dress shirts was the hardest part of my job because every man’s body was so unique that it was tough to get all the chest pads hidden without making the person wearing it look frumpy. I’d been doing this for more than a decade, and I had a pretty good idea of how every line and stitch needed to be. Still, it wasn’t easy work.

And getting the spring designs to my patternmaker this month was critical.

What I loved and hated most about fashion design was that it was never finished. I just sent off the winter line last month, and I was already stressing about spring. It was an ongoing process that both invigorated me and kept me up at night all the same.

“Ryan!”

My assistant/sales manager/store manager/left-hand called back, “Yeah, boss.”

“Can you order in lunch?”

“Sure, what are you in the mood for?” His head appeared in the doorway to my studio as he leaned through the opening. “We have a free sandwich coupon from the deli, but ramen also sounds kinda good.”

“That does sound good, but I’m wearing white.” I looked up at him and grimaced. “You know that never ends well.”

“So, sandwiches?”

I turned back to my tablet. “Yup, you know what I like.”

He smacked the door and backed away. “Number three with onion chips and a sweet tea.”

“You’re the best.” I changed the color for my digital ink tip to see if that might help inspire something.

The men who shopped with me were from all walks of life. From teenagers who were just coming into their milk for the first time to old guys who had been doing it for a while and didn’t waste their time on non-functional clothing, I served them all. Athletic wear, leisure wear, business attire, and sleep garments.

Even though my designs were made with a man’s physique in mind, our customer base had recently expanded into more and more women who were tired of the flowy, flowery maternity and nursing wear constantly shoved down their faces. My performance wear was so damn good at absorbing moisture, whether milk or sweat, and keeping the wearer dry and comfortable. It was also endorsed by athletes across the country, even those who didn’t lactate, and that helped our business explode over the past few years.

As soon as my newest patent was approved, I would be rolling out an even more advanced fabric that not only absorbed liquid but moved it down a channel in the seam that could be discreetly emptied for the more profuse leakers.

I didn’t notice how much time had passed before Ryan’s head was back in my doorway again. “Food’s here. I’ll set it up in the break room. And stop biting your nails.”

“Fuck.” I yanked my hand out of my mouth. It was an unconscious habit I’d had since I was a kid, and it reemerged whenever I was particularly stressed. I hated that it was my body’s go-to response, but what could I say? I had an oral fixation. It had built a successful fashion design company for me, so I couldn’t really complain too much. But the nail-biting was annoying…and ugly. Usually, I just went for my thumbs, but if I felt the slightest nail edge or loose cuticle, all bets were off, and my entire hand was at risk of being torn up. “Yeah, thanks. Remind me to put my gloves on after lunch.”

I saved my work, even though I wasn’t confident it was a keeper, and headed into the break room.

Ryan already had our food laid out at the table and was waiting for me to join him.

“You can get started.” I went to the sink to wash my hands, noting internally that it was a little late for me to worry about them being clean since I’d already had them in my mouth. “And thank you for ordering.”

“Thank you for paying.”

I rolled my eyes. “Feeding you is the least I can do.” I dropped into the chair across from him and unwrapped my sandwich.

Ryan was a good guy. I met him through the brotherhood while doing a demo several years ago. He was new to all things lactation-related and was eager to learn all my tricks for staying dry. He was a guy who poured out several ounces of milk an hour if he didn’t pump every few hours, so it was a struggle for him to function in the world.

I was lucky to have him in my store and had been considering offering him an ownership position to ensure he never considered leaving me. “How was this morning?”

“In the store?” He nodded toward the front room. “Pretty good. Lots of people were in here this morning now that school is starting up again, but online sales have been crazy. That coupon you released is definitely getting some traction.”

“The buy two get one free code? Damn, how’s our inventory looking?”

“Getting low. Blacks and grays are just about out of stock, so I’ll place an order today. But I need to review the full list of SKUs to see what else we’re likely to run out of this month.”

I nodded as I took a bite of my roast beef on rye. Stanley’s Deli was the best.

Ryan reached for his Coke and took a drink. “Don’t forget, I’m off tomorrow.”

Fuck, I had forgotten. “Can Becca come in?”

“Yeah. She’ll open and stay until two, but then she has to leave for school. So you’re on your own from two until closing.”

I swallowed and took a drink of my tea. “Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll survive an afternoon of working the front. It’s good for me to chat with customers, anyway. Maybe I’ll get some inspiration for the spring line.”

Ryan made a face. “Is it not going well?”

“Not as well as usual. I’m gonna need to spend some more time at The Lactin Brotherhood meetings. Maybe host some workshops and focus groups to find out what people need most. I like to think I’m one step ahead of the game, but not having your special gift myself puts me at a slight disadvantage.”

Ryan rolled his eyes as he chewed a bite of his sandwich. “I don’t know why you call it a gift. It’s a pain in my ass. I can’t do anything without scheduling a pumping session in between.”

Poor Ryan just needed to find himself a full-time milk boy. If we had different chemistry together, I would’ve loved to be that for him. At twenty-seven, Ryan was gorgeous, fit, and could supply an entire ice cream factory with his production levels.

But he and I were more like brothers than anything else. “The right guy for you will come along. Hopefully, one with a big appetite.” I winked at him.

Ryan chuckled and glanced down at his chest. “Yeah, you’re not kidding. The difference between a real person emptying me and a pump is night and day. But I can’t exactly bring a real person with me to work every day.” He sighed heavily. “Which means I’ve got to finish this sandwich already so I can hit the pump.”

“Hey, if I set up some workshops, you should come with me. Hanging out at brotherhood events is how you’re gonna meet the right person. The only people coming in here are dealing with the same problem you are.”

He chuckled. “For real. Yesterday, I was measuring some dude, and he asked if I wouldn’t mind taking a bit off the top.”

My jaw dropped at that. Customers could be flirty sometimes, but rarely did they outright proposition us. “You’re kidding?”

“I wish. He was kinda hot, so I’ll be honest, I considered it. But I didn’t think that was the kind of establishment you wanted me to run here.”

“Thanks.” I took another bite and thought about it. “Would you consider being both the milker and the milkee in a relationship?”

Ryan shrugged one shoulder. “Like you said, if the chemistry is right, I guess I’m open to anything.”