17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

Myles

T he book was finished.

Done. Jettisoned into the abyss known as finished projects.

Which meant I'd be cracking the manuscript open again and retooling it until my eyes bled, but for now, I could put a pin on the dogged "get to the end" possession that gripped me when I reached this stage of a story. And tonight I'd be going out with Avery, and then hopefully, we'd be fucking until my legs were jelly. I wasn't feeling a sway either way—giving or taking, so whatever he wanted, I was down with.

My phone buzzed with a text.

Still on for dinner?

I stared at it and stared at it some more. Avery was downstairs, so why would he be texting me? Then I read who sent the message.

Oh. Whoops.

A few weeks ago, I'd promised my folks dinner at their place, and I'd been shit about communication while I was in the throes of finishing this book. I scrubbed my face, panic making my skin riot. Ditching them wasn't an option—I already wasn't the best son when it came to reliability and communication. Disappointment settled over me like a damp blanket. There went my night plans with Avery.

I slipped my phone into my pocket and headed down the stairs, each creak sounding loud. My stomach grumbled because I had been feeding my manuscript and not myself.

Avery poked his head out of the kitchen. "You finished?"

I nodded, my nerves on simmer.

"Hell yes! Congratulations!" The genuine sweetness in his eyes, the light, buoyant joy in his voice, was addictive. I'd never found anyone else who looked at me that way—who made me feel worthy simply by existing. It was too easy to slip into a daydream that this was our lives—that we were dating.

And waking up this morning to Avery's arms wrapped around me? Fuck, I couldn't imagine sleeping alone now.

Avery's brows drew together. "Is it not congratulations? You're just kind of frozen on the steps."

I blinked. "Ah, fuck. So I forgot about my parents. I'd promised to go to their place for dinner. I mean, they're not far, and if you wanted to join…"

The second those words slipped out, panic jumped in. Was that too boyfriendy? What if Avery didn't see me that way, and this was just an easy hookup situation? Granted, that didn't feel in line with the whole exclusive thing and charged looks we'd been swapping lately, but we hadn't talked about it, and I didn't want to assume.

"You don't have to join me," I babbled out as I reached the bottom of the steps.

"Well, what if I want to?" Avery asked, his eyes crinkling with amusement. "Is the invitation rescinded now?"

I chewed on my lower lip. Avery had already met my parents, but if I brought him to dinner, guaranteed that'd mean something.

Except I wanted it to mean something. I wanted that a whole hell of a lot.

"Come with me, then," I said, feeling the step deep in my bones. If I could muster the courage, maybe I'd tell him tonight. Maybe I could keep riding the high from finishing the book and pour out every last thought I'd been holding on to.

Over how fucking pretty he looked when he rambled about acupuncture clients or interspersed French phrases into his regular rants. Or the way I craved his touch like the starlight and lonely nights. Or how he sometimes paused and stared at me with this warmth in his eyes and would then shake his head. I didn't think he even realized he did it, but his soft looks were happening more and more, and my heart was close to exploding.

Now that I didn't have the end of a manuscript coming between us, we'd either be fucking like bunnies or fall head over heels in love. Or both.

Truth be told, I'd already fallen.

"Do I need to change?" He gestured at his attire. He'd popped on a leopard print shirt that looked cute on him and some black jeans.

"For my parents? Fuck no. Let's go." I reached down to slip my hand in his and headed toward the door. He squeezed my hand back and let me sweep him toward the front door, where he'd put up a key rack after the first ten times I'd mentioned losing my keys. My life had changed in so many small but monumental ways since he'd moved in, and it felt so weird to think that a few months ago he was just the hot club kid at the diner I used to lust over.

We tugged on our shoes and walked out. Avery reminded me to lock the door because whoops, forgetful.

"They're just out in the suburbs, so it won't be a long trip," I said as we got into my car.

Avery settled into the passenger's seat. "Still enough time to pick your brain about the fair?"

"Please." I loved when they got passionate about acupuncture and wellness, and even the way they'd started to fuss over me had my heart tumbling headfirst.

As I zoomed through familiar roads, Avery launched in, and the logistics puzzles he presented were fun as fuck, even though he vented about stressful situations with this upcoming show. My nerves simmered a little hotter as I turned off the highway and onto the streets leading to my parents' house. While Avery had already met them, that was before these feelings had developed. It was before my mind soared ahead to future meetups with my folks with Avery by my side as my partner rather than just a roommate.

Once I pulled to a stop, sweat prickled on my palms. "You know, we could always make a break for it and grab a pizza for dinner. Turn right around."

"Psh, Mr. and Mrs. Nelson already love me," Avery teased. Even though he acted light and his eyes sparkled, I couldn't help but remember how upset he'd been on his birthday. How the open affection and attention my parents gave me wasn't always a given in every situation.

"They'll probably be trying to file adoption papers next week." I pulled the key out of the ignition.

"Ew, no adoption. I like fucking you and don't have any plans on stopping." Avery got out of the car first, leaving me sitting in the driver's seat and circling over those words. No plans on stopping sounded a whole lot more than just fuck buddies.

We made our way up the bricked pathway, the cranberry shutters and chipped awning all little familiarities. My parents weren't the change things up sort. In fact, they continued to do the same Manchester-by-the-Sea vacation every year we'd done my entire childhood—and their house reflected that perfectly.

"This isn't the only way we're going to celebrate tonight." Avery leaned in close so his lips brushed against my ear. "I've got plans."

I tilted my head back, my core throbbing. God, I was so fucking horny. This was going to be hell. "Don't tempt me. My car's right there. We can make a perfect getaway."

The front door creaked open, and my mother stood in the entryway, leaning against the side like a Bond villain.

"So, stuck in another project this week?" Mom called over, her eagle eyes zeroing in on me. With her sharp features and movements, she'd always reminded me of a sparrow—curiosity incarnate.

I ignored Avery's gaze burning into my side. My stomach roiled at the idea of telling my folks another lie and dodging around my work again. Eventually, the facade would crumble, I knew that, but I wanted to push that day off as far as possible. "Yeah, intense deadline."

"Mmm." Mom spun around and walked into the house.

"She's onto you," Avery stage-whispered, and I shot him a dirty look. After the way he'd teased me just a second before, my body was on edge. Tonight would be torture.

"Dad cooking?" I wrinkled my nose. Both of my parents had their specialties, but neither of them excelled at cooking, a trait I'd inherited.

"Don't worry," Mom said. "He's just making burgers."

"Oh, thank god." I clutched my chest.

"Is there an issue otherwise?" Avery asked as we rounded the living room and walked into the kitchen.

"Not if you like overly peppered steak or potatoes that aren't fully cooked," Mom said, casting a glance to Avery. "I'm glad you decided to join Myles today."

Avery straightened up a little, and gratitude rushed through me at the easy way my parents welcomed him in. He deserved the attention, and I hated that he'd needed to fight for it in areas where he should've been given it automatically.

"So, is family dinner a normal thing?" He strode past me with the effortless grace I envied.

My shin met the corner of the wall, and pain ricocheted up my leg. Clearly, I was the opposite.

"Normal in the sense that every other month we drag Myles out of his house to visit his poor, beleaguered parents." Mom filled the tea kettle. "Mint tea?"

"It's like you're trying to poison me with caffeine-free," I teased back, heading over to the cabinet to grab the English Breakfast I liked. "What can I get you, swe—Avery?" My cheeks flushed at the endearment that almost escaped. Fuck, this would give my parents endless fodder to tease me with. Mostly because Mom would tell Dad the second she could. Her laser gaze already locked in on me.

When I glanced to Avery, he stared at me with unvarnished affection in those soft blue eyes, and my heart skipped a beat.

"I'll take anything caffeinated, though if there's green tea, I'm partial to that," Avery said.

"Of course you are," I said. While he wouldn't hesitate to indulge with food, the meals he normally ate were more balanced, like actually had vegetables, and he paid more attention to his diet than I did. Granted, a gerbil paid more attention to their diet than I did, so I wasn't the best metric. "At least you're choosing something with more kick than mint tea."

I gave Mom the extra eye roll because it was tradition.

"Where did I go wrong as a mother that you feel the need to mainline caffeine every second of the day? It's like you were destined to be an author."

The tea container slipped from my grasp and clattered onto the counter—thankfully plastic. When I met Mom's eyes, she stared at me with an intense-as-fuck look again, the one that signaled she knew.

She knew everything. She had to.

My veins iced over. All the good feels from being here, from finishing my book, faded away. Fuck.

I opened my mouth and shut it again. What could I say?

Mom slumped her shoulders as she stared at me. "Sorry to let that slip, Myles. I thought the journalism work seemed suspicious, since you never published any pieces, and I did some digging…"

I should've expected as much, especially after the last visit when Mom had asked more pointed questions, and I'd given vague answers in return. Panic fluttered through my veins at the sad expression in her eyes.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. This was everything I'd been dodging around since I first started writing full time. The betrayal in her eyes that was sure to come, the disappointment that would slay me. Adrenaline rocketed through me, and I already made my way toward the door before I realized I'd started moving.

My throat was dry, and my body refused to listen to logic, the voices fading into the background as I stepped outside. The sun that had been pleasant a moment earlier now wasn't seeping in through my skin, and numbness tingled in my extremities.

Anxiety attacks weren't a new thing for me, but fuck, they sucked.

My keys jangled as I fumbled to get into the car, and it wasn't until I sank down in the driver's seat that I realized I couldn't pull in a deep breath. I stared at my white knuckles on the steering wheel, though I wasn't sure when that had happened. The smell of my car interior, like stale napkins. The sound of my breaths, all shaky and weird.

My adrenaline started to drop, and embarrassment swept in for having such an extreme reaction to Mom's discovery. Fuck, I was such an asshole son. Not just a disappointment but also a coward. I'd bolted. Except my parents had dealt with my anxiety attacks for years—hard not to when I was the only trans kid in my high school.

The passenger's door clicked, and Avery settled in beside me.

More mortification rushed through my veins. "Oh god."

I'd left him behind at my parents' house without a thought of what getting ditched would feel like.

"Hey." He extended his hand, palm open. "It's okay, gorgeous."

I peered at him, at those earnest eyes, my body trembling in the aftermath, and I reached over to rest my palm in his.

He squeezed mine tight, and that gesture stitched the pieces of me back together. My headspace was still in the "don't fucking touch me" mode, but my breathing evened, and I kept my focus there. Not on the fact that we were in my parked car in front of my parents' house. Not on the fact that I'd disappointed my folks.

Just on Avery and his presence next to me.

And honestly? That was all I needed.

"Do you want me to drive us home?" Avery asked.

I shook my head. "Another few minutes, and I should be good to go. I'm—"

"Before you try to apologize, stop. You got blindsided, and I'm aware of how worried you were about your parents knowing what you did. Your mom asked me to check in once we got home. She said you'd probably need space right now."

My throat squeezed tight. Fuck, I didn't deserve her or Dad.

That was the right strategy though. Tomorrow morning I could deal with my relationship with my parents imploding.

Tonight, I just wanted to be with Avery.

My feelings were an open page when inspiration struck, and I could no longer stop them more than I could my words.

Tonight, I just needed to tell him.