Chapter 59

Ineed your help. Please.” The quiet desperation in Declan’s voice when he called—with what phone, I had no idea—sent me running to his house. I knew Declan. He wouldn’t reach out unless it was absolutely necessary. That alone was more than enough to make me risk it.

I didn’t have a clue what I was walking into, but the sight of Cade passed out in a fitful sleep on the couch, bandaged and beat up was enough to stop me in the doorway.

“What happened?” I asked Declan.

“The hunter took control of her wolf,” Declan told me. Oh no. “He tried to keep her occupied while Killian worked up a plan to stop her.”

There was so much information in that single sentence.

“Where is she?”

“Our room,” he said with a look of defeat. “I can’t get her to open the door. I’m worried about where her head is, but I can’t reach her. I know it’s not fair to you… considering today… but…”

I nodded slowly. Extenuating circumstances. We’d call it extenuating circumstances.

“It’s okay,” I whispered. Reaching out, I squeezed his forearm in reassurance. “Have you stopped to take care of yourself, Declan?”

The way he scrubbed his hand over his face was a loud enough answer than anything else he could say. Taking his shoulders, I gently turned him in the direction of the kitchen.

“Go make something to eat for you, get something to drink, and take a break,” I ordered. “I’ll take care of Raven. I promise.”

“Thank you, Ginny.” He sighed. “I know this isn’t easy—”

“Don’t do that, please,” I interrupted. If we ended up in a back-and-forth about what this was like for me, I’d probably break. I already dreaded what would happen if my father found out. I didn’t want to discuss it either. “Go, take care of you. I’ve got this.”

I didn’t have this. But I plastered a smile on my face anyway. It must’ve given him whatever he needed to feel okay because he padded toward the kitchen without another word. I drew in a deep breath and ignored the sadness ebbing up from inside me. Maybe if I had been present—if I wasn’t so afraid to open up the doors of my past—I could’ve done more than show up in the middle of the night to help.

Nope. I couldn’t focus on that. That path would hurt too much to go down—though, at this point, all the paths seemed to hurt. Passing Cade quietly, I made my way down the hall to the closed bedroom door.

“Raven?” I knocked softly. I could hear her crying on the other side. “Please, open the door.”

Nothing. Not even the slightest movement.

“I hear your fiancé has a multitude of axes I can use to cut through the door,” I tried. “But I’m not good with an ax, so I’m warning you, it’s going to be a mess.”

I was rewarded with the tiniest of wet laughs. I’d take it.

“I’m also good at climbing through windows,” I continued, leaning my head against the wood. “If you don’t open the door, I’ll have to break the window and climb in wearing a skirt. There’s no telling who might see what if I have to do that.”

“Good God,” Raven scoffed.

“Both are really messy options, and I’m not sure Declan is willing to give me an ax.” I glanced down the hall to where he stood watching me and keeping a close eye on Cade. Oh, good. He’d found something to eat, even if it was just a loaf of bread. “Do I have to start singing Frozen? I know all the words to Do You Wanna Build A Snowman. I have no shame in singing them until you open up the door.”

I had no shame in belting out Disney music if the situation called for it, but I had all the shame in the world for going against my father. My stomach ached. I shouldn’t have come—I knew that. I just needed to help, even if it cost me.

“I don’t know the lyrics,” she whispered.

“That’s okay. It’s a solo song anyway.”

“What if I hurt you?”

“You can certainly try,” I admitted. “But you’ll have your work cut out for you. I’m…”

I was what?Already broken beyond repair? All the damage had been done?

“I’m not going anywhere, Raven,” I reiterated instead. “Please, open the door.”

And then I kept my promise and just stood there. I meant what I’d said. I wasn’t going anywhere, even if it meant I stood there all night. The way I figured it, at some point she’d have to come out to use the bathroom.

“You’re not going to leave, are you?” Raven demanded almost thirty minutes later.

“No, but I am starting to consider breaking through your window,” I answered. No reply. I bit back a sigh. The window was starting to look like an option. I’d climbed through Killian’s window more times than I could count when he’d lived at home, but that wasn’t the same thing.

The lock clicked, but the door didn’t open. I still took the invitation and let myself in. Closing the door behind me, I joined her in the middle of the bed. As soon as I was comfortable, her head came to rest on my shoulder.

“Want to talk about it?” I asked her quietly.

“I hate…” her voice hitched in her throat. Her wolf. She hated her wolf. Yeah, I didn’t need to hear her say it out loud. We’d talked a lot about the situation. Even with the little things she was learning to love about her wolf, most of it she hated.

“I know,” I replied when she said nothing more.

Another sniffle tugged at my heart. I shifted enough to wrap my arms around her. There was no good way for me to fix this for her. She turned, burying her face in the curve of my neck.

“Why won’t you let Declan help?” Maybe that conversation would be easier to have.

“I can’t face him,” Raven said. “I can’t face either of them. I just… you saw what I did to Cade… and I almost did that to Declan.”

“It wasn’t you,” I reminded her gently.

“I wasn’t... not there,” she faltered. “I remember all of it, Ginny. I remember... what I did to them. I couldn’t stop… stop myself. I had… I had no control.”

A sob stuck in her chest, and my arms tightened around her.

“You know I was one of the only ones in my generation to have a first-shift incident.” I sighed. I didn’t have a good way to relate other than my pathetic first-shift story.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I didn’t hurt anyone, but… this is so embarrassing. Okay, so, you know how Henry is always panicking on Declan about wolves in his chicken coop?”

“No…”

“The only wolf that ever got in Henry’s chicken coop was me,” I admitted. She let out a tiny gasp. “I… I ate at least one chicken and killed the rest of his chickens.”

“Ginny!” Raven exclaimed.

“I know! It’s horrible,” I said. “But I didn’t have any more control than you did today.”

“That—”

“I know that doesn’t make it any better,” I continued over her. “It doesn’t take away the guilt, but you didn’t grow up a wolf. We’re accustomed to wolf control accidents. Both Declan and Cade are. I can’t speak to Cade’s experiences, but Declan has story after story about ridiculous wolf issues. And even more horror stories. They won’t think less of you because of this.”

“That doesn’t stop me from thinking less of me,” she reiterated.

“It takes time,” I replied. It really did. I still bought an obscene amount of eggs from Henry just because I felt bad about his chickens.

“I don’t feel…” She blew out a frustrated breath. “I don’t know what I feel.”

“How can I help?” I asked. “What can I do?”

“I don’t know,” Raven said. “Can I help you?”

I frowned. I was the last person she should’ve been worrying about.

“I’m okay, Raven,” I lied.

“You’re a bad liar.”

“I know.”

“As long as you know that I know that you’re lying to both of us,” she stated. Leave it to Raven to make me feel guilty about trying to keep the focus off of me. “Are you really going to leave? All of us?”

“Raven… it’s just not that easy.”

She pulled away, sitting upright to stare at me. Even with a red nose and puffy eyes, her expression was severe. I cringed. I didn’t want to be on the other end of that look.

“Tell me one honest thing, Ginny. Tell me one honest thing about what’s going on. Please? Help me understand.”

I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around my knees. Chewing my lower lip, I contemplated the question. What was I willing to give her? What could I even say?

“Killian and I…” I sucked in a sharp breath. Just saying his name hurt. “We have… secrets… painful secrets.”

I blinked back against the burn in my eyes.

“And we let those secrets destroy us,” I whispered honestly. Raven waited expectantly, but I didn’t say anything more. I couldn’t.

I couldn’t put the words to those secrets. Ever. Even just thinking about them threatened to break something deep inside me.