Chapter 20

Ithought I was supposed to buy all the food,” I said as I hurried after Cade across the Denny’s parking lot.

“Guess I forgot.” He shrugged. Yeah, right. “You can buy the next meal.”

I highly doubted that. He’d let me buy him a pack of gum that he’d never chew and call it even. Cade rarely let anyone pay—and that only person was Raven when she stole and hid his wallet from him. But from what I gathered, Cade made great money playing baseball but lived a frugal life, minus one obscenely nice sports car. He preferred to spend his money on the people he cared about.

We were on our way back to Cedar Harbor and had left before dawn, sneaking out before anyone could try to convince us to stay. I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t keep dealing with Killian. If that kiss was any indication, I couldn’t hold my own against that man.

That kiss though.

It was seared into my mind and burned onto my lips. Killian had always been passionate and intense—it was the whole reason I picked on him growing up. He was easy to get a rise out of and quick to fight back. Fighting with Killian had been a great way to get rid of my frustrations from things going on at home.

But that kiss? God, he’d never kissed me like that. Ever. It was a soul-shattering, orgasm-teasing kind of kiss. The kind of kiss to make a woman weak in the knees and make her panties drop.

Had it though? Had he kissed other women in the past three years? I’d always found Killian attractive but now? I wasn’t oblivious to how most of the women around us found him attractive with those muscles, tattoos, and bad-boy vibes. And he hadn’t exactly denied it when I’d accused him of sleeping with other women.

A painful knot formed in my stomach. I hated that thought. I hated the thought of any other woman kissing him, touching him, pleasing him. Admittedly, I didn’t have a leg to stand on. I’d kissed Gary twice. Only twice. And then I not-so-politely fell off the face of the planet. Garys theory on kissing involved seeing if he could lick my tonsils in the process.

“Where’d you go?” Cade reached across the console and poked me in the cheek.

“Gary the tonsil-licker,” I said, and he snorted.

“Fuck, I can’t believe you kissed him a second time,” he scoffed. “The first would’ve been enough to send me running for the fucking hills. Shit.”

“I wasn’t sure if it was a fluke!”

“Sweetheart, if a man tries to lick your tonsils, it’s not a fluke!” he exclaimed. “Fuck, did I ever tell you about the guy who came at me open-mouthed and tongue out? If you come at me trying to catch flies, it’s over. Done. I deserve a damn good kisser.”

“Yes, you do.” I chuckled. My phone buzzed loudly in the cupholder, and I grabbed it to see a series of text messages. Nolan. Oh, he probably hated me by now.

NOLAN: Did you know, the best way to wake up people with hangovers is to blast audio porn? Nothing says good morning like dick in the ears.

Oh. My. God.Nolan! My hand flew to my mouth with a gasp as I read the text message and read it once more. Had he really?

“What happened?” Cade asked, but I held up a finger to shut him up so I could read. “Oh, come on! You can’t make a sound like that and not give me the drama.”

You did not!

NOLAN: I did. I was only supposed to be bunking with you-know-who but ended up with Sam and Axel in the room—in wolf form, I might add. At least Sam was. I’m pretty sure Axel used Sam as a pillow.

You-know-who…

Just reading the words hurt. I knew I had to be comfortable with it. They were brothers after all but still.

NOLAN: Roan ended up in you-know-who’s bed. Like a full-on cuddle fest happened underneath me while they slept. This has bi-awakening written all over it—for one or both of them.

NOLAN: Maybe I should write a bi-awakening story…

Honestly, he should’ve. He’d write a beautiful story. Granted, everything Nolan wrote was beautiful in its own way. And that wasn’t just me being his number-one fan.

But I also had a very hard time picturing Roan and Killian cuddling. Killian had never been a heavy sleeper, so he would’ve known if someone dropped into his bed. Or would he? Maybe he was so used to it by now that it didn’t even wake him.

NOLAN: As you can see, it’s been a morning. I’m sad you’re gone, but I understand. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I know we talked, but I still hope you know how sorry I am.

I’m sorry I left early. I just needed to leave.

NOLAN: You are the last person who needs to apologize.

I should’ve at least said something.

NOLAN: Cade’s missing. Is he driving you back? Or did you take a bus?

I’d never get home on a bus. Lol.

Yeah, Cade is driving me home.

NOLAN: Will you be going to the Ironwoods…

I don’t think so. But I’ll see you when you get back.

NOLAN: If I stop in Olympia and pick up boxes upon boxes upon boxes of that pumpkin spice coffee you insist we have at the store, will that help you feel better?

Coffee is the direct line to my heart.

NOLAN: That is incredibly unhealthy.

I love you.

NOLAN: I love you too.

“Nolan played a smut audiobook to wake everyone up this morning, Sam ended up in the clubhouse as a wolf cuddling with Axel on the floor—at least, I’m assuming they were cuddling. He used Sam as a pillow,” I recapped for Cade as I dropped my phone back in the cup holder. “And Roan cuddled with… Killian last night. I’m sure a lot more happened than just that but you know.”

“Waking up to dick sounds like a great way to start the day,” he commented. God, that was a thought I didn’t need in my head. It’d been so long that I wasn’t even sure my lady parts would know what to do if a man went near them. The most action I’d had in over three years was getting a vertical clitoral hood piercing by Bea. How pathetic was I? Cade blew out a slow breath. “So, speaking of… do you want to tell me why you showed up at my door again last night in tears?”

“Thank you for answering in pants this time.”

“You’re deflecting,” he replied. I was. I sighed heavily and stuck my hand out the window. The tug of the cool air was an anchor, something to keep me from drifting off as I tried hard not to fall into thinking about that kiss all over again.

“Killian and I got into a fight,” I whispered.

“Oh, this is drama,” Cade exclaimed.

“He kissed me. And I sort of… kissed him back.”

“This is spicy drama.”

“And then I hit him.”

“Is he into that sort of thing? Or is this some Jerry Springer shit?” he asked, glancing at me. Goodness, it sure as heck felt like some Jerry Springer drama.

“He’s not into it,” I said. “But I don’t know if I’d go as far as to say it’s Jerry Springer drama. It’s just… I don’t think we know how to be around each other, you know? Not after…”

I trailed off.

“Not after what?” Cade prompted quietly.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I told him. Those floodgates never needed to be opened.

“But have you talked about it? To anyone? Therapist? Friend? Family?” he replied. I didn’t say a word. “Whatever it is, Ginny, you can’t just hold it in.”

The pit of my stomach dropped out. I hated those words. I hated this conversation. How many people had said some variation of the same thing to me? They didn’t understand. They couldn’t.

“I still don’t want to talk about it.” Ever. It was just easier to smile. Grin and bear it. Trust God and know at some point I wouldn’t have to keep dealing with this. I wouldn’t feel the way I did. There’d be no more nights of crying myself to sleep or feeling like my heart was about to fall out of my chest.

“Okay.” Cade let the conversation go thankfully. He reached over and turned on the radio. Loud rock music filled the car. He sang off-key and drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, getting into it.

And me?I stared out the window as we left Colorado behind and tried not to cry. All the little knots I’d wrapped around my heart over three years were beginning to fray. One look, one reunion, one kiss. That was all it’d taken for Killian Donovan Byrne to come back into my life and wreck me all over again.