Chapter 138

Flats,” I announced loudly over the noise of our reception, “are single-handedly the best thing to ever be created. To flats!”

“To flats!” Raven echoed and downed her flute of champagne. Grunting, she reached under the table and pushed off her heels. “And fuck the man who created heels. God, my feet hurt!”

“Amen to that.” I slid down in the chair, trying to find a more comfortable position for my stomach. The dress hid my little baby bump well, but it was not comfortable. I wanted leggings and a big sweatshirt.

Our reception was in full swing at the community center. We started with the traditional bride and groom dance followed by Killian’s promised dance with Lizzie. Somehow Lizzie managed to get all five Byrnes along with the Ironwoods on the dance floor in a wild dance-off to ‘Shake It Off’. Walker Stone was right in the middle of the action, dancing alongside her like he was having the night of his life.

There was food, dancing, conversation, shenanigans, and one chicken that somehow managed to cluck her way across the entire building. Only in Cedar Harbor. Watching Killian and Roan try to catch the chicken was unpaid entertainment—one we had Declan to thank for.

At some point, I watched Lane follow Gabby into the bathroom. Killian dragged me away before I had the chance to go break it up. Instead, he led me to a back room where he said surprise number one was waiting for me—apparently, the man had planned a number of them throughout the night.

The first was a small tattoo done by Raven. I’d been talking about it for weeks but had been too nervous to do it. As a way to give me a break from the party, I sat with Raven while she did it for me. Three black birds down the right side of my neck to match the ones in Killian’s tattoo. They were perfection. Everything I could’ve wanted and more.

The second was another wedding band to bracket my engagement ring. I tried to argue with him— to tell him that he didn’t have to—but he insisted the ring belonged on my finger. When he gave me that boyish grin of his, I couldn’t argue. Besides, it was a really pretty ring.

“On those feet, you gorgeous fucking hurricane!” Cade slid across the floor in front of our table. Raven and I broke down in a fit of giggles as he nearly toppled over himself. He exclaimed, “So many beers! Let’s go, you gorgeous thing! I want to dance with you.”

“Are you good?” she asked me. I nodded while I tried and failed to guide the straw of my tumbler into my mouth. She laughed and did it for me.

“Go dance for me!” I ordered, waving to the floor. She planted a kiss on my cheek before chasing Cade into the crowd. I exhaled heavily and took several long sips of water. I was worn out. The party was wonderful, but I was so ready for a nap.

“You know, I’ve been thinking,” Killian said as he dropped breathlessly into the chair next to me, showing up out of nowhere. On instinct, his hand fell to my stomach—something he did whenever he was close. I groaned. There were so many directions that statement could go. “What was that for?”

“You have this tendency with ideas…”

“Name one!”

“Nine donuts on your dick,” I whispered.

“You like the fact that nine donuts fit on my dick,” he replied as he leaned in closer. I blushed furiously. He wasn’t wrong. And when he looked at me like he was, hormones made me want to drag him to the bathroom and prove how much I loved his nine donuts. “I think you need a promotion.”

“Oh?” I laughed. “To what?”

“Well, our daughters are automatically my princesses, so I think that officially makes you my queen.”

“Right,” I scoffed. This man. “If I’m the queen, then what does that make you?”

“The luckiest fucking man alive,” he replied with that boyish grin. I melted into him, kissing him. One kiss turned into two and quickly became three and four. I moaned in protest when he leaned back. “How’s my queen doing?”

“So tired,” I admitted.

“I don’t doubt it,” he said. “Declan and Raven are heading to East Havenwood soon, and Lizzie and Walker passed out on the pile of coats. I’m almost positive Sam’s in the woods at this point, Lucas went to bed because he works tomorrow, and Finn and Mom are seeing who lasts longer.”

“My money’s on your mom.”

“Mine too. Why don’t we put together a few containers of food for Nolan, say our goodbyes, and then go see him? I have somewhere I need to get you at midnight but after that… it’s you and me, comfy clothes, and a home vacation for a fucking week. How’s that sound?”

“Yes, please.” I kissed him once more.

“Anything for you, baby girl,” Killian promised.

I pulled Killian’s leather jacket tighter around myself, burrowing into it for warmth. Killian’s hand squeezed mine as he pulled into the back lot for The Treehouse. The store had been closed for weeks, only opening to the care center kids when needed. We couldn’t get Nolan out of his apartment, and none of us knew the best way to handle it. At some point, we’d have to make a decision about his business.

I knew the same would happen with Nolan’s writing. He wasn’t writing anymore. He’d deleted all of his manuscripts in our shared cloud folders. I kept his groups and his social media going, but I couldn’t run it all forever. Not if he didn’t want to write anymore.

“It’s snowing,” Killian commented, his voice pulling me from my thoughts. I leaned forward and glanced out in the dark. Sure enough, tiny snowflakes danced lazily through the air. I couldn’t help the smile. It was late this year, but better late than never. “Go on up. I’ll bring up all the food.”

“Thank you.” I hurried out of the car and up the stairs to Nolan’s apartment. I didn’t bother knocking—he never answered. A round of angry meows greeted me as all five cats converged on me. I crouched, dolling out pets where necessary. “Hello, boys. Are you taking good care of my sweet Nolan?”

Barry yowled his frustration.

“Yeah, I figured,” I whispered. “Killian’s on his way up, and we’ll get you boys fed, get your litter cleaned, and find you some treats. I promise. No one will let anything happen to you.”

Standing, I did my best to step around them. All five of them made it difficult. They were starved for attention. Maybe we should’ve moved them to Maeve’s like we originally considered doing. They needed more.

Nolan needed more.

He deserved more than the shell of a person he’d been left with.

The apartment was dark and cluttered, but at least it was clean. We had tried to give him space at first, but it proved to be too much for him. He didn’t clean, he didn’t cook, he didn’t take care of himself, and he didn’t take care of his cats. Once a day, one of us visited him. We kept a schedule between the group of us.

Most of the time, we never saw Nolan. I hadn’t seen him since the day the hospital released him. Maeve saw him more than the rest of us. Lucas had seen him a handful of times, and Declan had seen him once. The rest of us… not so much.

Heartbreaking didn’t begin to describe the situation. He needed time. At least, I kept telling myself that and hoping he’d be okay. Though, I was beginning to lose hope.

“Nolan?” I called out. Everything was dark like always, and his bedroom door was shut. Locked, too. I rested my head against it and sighed. “Nemo?”

Nothing.

Not that I expected anything.

“We missed you today,” I said. Hiking my skirt up, I made myself comfortable on the floor. I could hear Killian let himself into the apartment and get into an immediate argument with the cats. Closing my eyes, I settled for giving him the blow-by-blow of the night. “Killian said the word fuck in his vows. You probably heard that part. What you didn’t hear was how Maeve chewed him out afterward.”

“Where’s the fucking cat food?” Killian demanded in a hush at the end of the hall. I smiled at the way he carted Maxwell around like it was his job.

“Cabinet above the stove,” I told him.

“How the fuck do I feed cats? Do I just… throw it at them? Just leave it on the ground? What the fuck do I do?” he asked.

“Mix half a can of wet food with a small scoop of dry food. One per cat,” I instructed. He gave me a thumbs-up and disappeared. “Declan convinced Roan that we needed a chicken. I don’t know how he did, but at one point, one of Henry’s chickens ended up in our reception. Raven gave me a tattoo. I think it’ll be my only tattoo, but I love it. Sam did the electric slide—like a full-on electric slide. No one knew he could. And the cake! Oh, the cake, Nolan. I ate so much cake. Actually… I only ate cake. Probably should’ve eaten more than just that. I brought you some though. With extra frosting like you like.”

As always, I waited. I gave him room to say something despite knowing it wouldn’t happen. I wanted him to feel like he could if he was ready.

“Did you know it’s been a year since Declan and Raven met?” I continued after several minutes. “It’s wild to think. I can’t believe what this year has been like. It didn’t turn out how I thought it would. So much has happened. I can’t even begin to describe what I feel.”

More silence.

I sighed. I didn’t know what to say whenever I sat here. I wanted so much to make an impact with him. At this point, I would’ve taken anything from him. Smiling, I listened to Killian argue with cats as he tried to feed them. The man wasn’t a cat person, but he was trying so hard to do right by them.

“You looked beautiful,” Nolan whispered. I froze. Oh, he spoke! My heart lurched into my throat.

“I love you,” I told him while I knew he was listening. “I love you, and I’m here for you. I hope you know that. When you’re ready, I’m here.”

Again… nothing.

I just wanted to take it all away.

I glanced up as Killian joined me. He sat on the floor across from me, his hand resting on my calf, and offered me a sympathetic smile.

“Number?” he asked me softly. I gave him a ghost of a smile. One word was such a simple thing, but it was our thing. We didn’t stick to just the calendar. It was our way of gauging moments. We brought it up in pivotal moments, stressful moments, emotional ones, and more. Somehow, it became our way of communicating when words were complicated.

“Four-point-five,” I whispered. My heart was so very broken for Nolan. I missed him so much. And the guilt. I couldn’t get rid of the guilt. “You?”

“About the same,” Killian said. His grip on my leg tightened for comfort.

“Can we stay? Just a little bit longer?”

“Anything your heart desires, baby girl.”