9. Callie

Ireached out and my hand swept over silky sheets, the material slipping through my fingers like a spill of oil. I frowned as I pushed myself upright, knowing this wasn’t where I had fallen asleep.

I squinted around in confusion at the room I found myself in which was lit with a deep red light. I was sitting on a black four poster bed and all sorts of strange things were hanging from the walls. There were shackles and whips, gags and ropes.

What the fuck is this?

I glanced down at myself and found my clothes replaced with some kind of weird leather underwear complete with elbow-length gloves.

I was still wondering whose dream I was in as footsteps sounded beyond the door, making my pulse spike in alarm.

I gritted my teeth and used my power over the dream to replace my clothes with black leggings and a blue sweater, covering every inch of exposed flesh.

The door opened before I could think about getting out of the bed and Fabian stepped in. Horror clutched at me as I realised whose fantasy I’d stumbled into, the emotion quickly replaced by anger.

Fabian was wearing a pair of blue jeans slung low on his hips, but his chest was bare, his sculpted muscles drawing my attention for a moment before I forced myself to stop looking at them. His eyes lit with surprise and his mouth fell open as he drank in the sight of me, but he didn’t say a word.

My mind spun as I tried to figure out how I’d done this. The only other people I’d dream walked with before had been right beside me in the real world. Had he found us in the ruins? But then how could he have been sleeping? No, he wasn’t near my physical body yet I’d still managed to dream walk across the city and slip into the machinations of his mind.

“Callie. You look…different,” Fabian said slowly, taking a step towards me.

I pushed myself out of the bed, feeling vulnerable in this strange place conjured by his mind. He closed in on me, and though I was fairly certain that nothing that happened to me in a dream could affect my real body, if there was a creature on this earth which might be able to bend the rules of that logic, then it would be a Belvedere.

I wished I had my blade. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, Fury materialised in my palm. The illusion didn’t give off any of the energy the true blade had held though and the sight of it only made me miss it more.

“I shouldn’t be here,” I said as I tried to ignore the urge to stay. Those weren’t my feelings. I knew it. And yet, as I looked at the monster before me, I couldn’t completely stifle the desire to move closer instead of backing away.

I glanced around as if I might find a door or something which could lead me back out of his dream, but there was nothing. I had no idea how to control this new power and no way to get myself out. Not that I was entirely convinced I would have left even if I knew how to.

Fabian tilted his head and his eyes rounded in realisation.

“Valentina told me that some of your kind could walk between dreams. Is that what this is? Have you come to seek me out?” he asked, his eyes brightening with hope.

He began to close the distance between us and I backed up, holding Fury out to ward him off. But my traitorous heart was pounding to a rhythm that had nothing to do with fear and my gaze fell to his bare chest again for a moment before I snapped it back to his face.

“Not intentionally,” I growled. “I don’t know how to control all of my gifts yet.”

“So your heart brought you here?” he asked, cocking his head as he inspected me.

He ignored the blade I held between us and moved so close that it was pressed to his throat.

I glared at him, or at least I thought I did but my mouth seemed to be hooking up at the corners as if we were playing some game.

“Not my heart. Just this curse that links me to you,” I replied firmly.

Fabian caught my hand in his and pulled Fury from my grasp. I wanted to resist but I couldn’t bring myself to. We both knew I wasn’t going to hurt him anyway, and the thought made a part of me sick while another part sang with joy.

My breaths came quickly as he moved my hand so my palm was pressed against his chest.

“My heart has been trying to lead me back to you,” he said, his voice rough with desire.

My gaze slid over his broad chest and I had to force myself not to move any closer to him.

“I can almost feel it stirring when I think of you. Like it wants to beat once more,” Fabian went on.

His words were a sharp reminder of what he was and I gritted my teeth as I threw my strength into my arm, shoving him away from me.

“Stop it,” I growled. “You have to know this isn’t real. Whatever it is you think you feel for me wasn’t there before the wedding. It’s some trick Idun is playing on us.”

“Why would my love for you be a trick? She has given me back something I thought I lost over a thousand years ago. I haven’t known love like this before, but it fills every empty corner of my haunted soul. I didn’t even realise how alone I had been until this gift was bestowed upon us. I know we’re meant to be together-”

Heat rose in my blood at his words and I was struck with the strongest desire to press him back onto the bed and-

“Shut up! You don’t even know me. How could you love me?” I moved to the wall and grabbed a black leather whip with long tassels hanging from it, brandishing it at him with a sneer on my face as I fought against the unwelcome feelings which had invaded my body.

“This isn’t love, it’s lust. And I have no interest in your perverted dreams.” I slashed the whip across his chest then tossed it at his feet.

A frown gripped Fabian’s features as red lines appeared on his skin before slowly fading away.

“You’re right,” he muttered, and I took a steadying breath as he finally seemed to accept what I was saying. “I wouldn’t want to bring you here. You mean so much more to me than this.”

“What?”

The red-lit room began to dissolve around us, the bed and assortment of sex toys disappearing as a faint breeze picked up.

I looked around, curious despite myself as a burbling stream appeared beside me. Tall trees sprouted from the ground, growing higher and higher until they towered overhead. In the distance, I could see a village, though the buildings were all wooden instead of the concrete jungle I was used to.

There was something utterly foreign about the landscape and I frowned as birdsong erupted around us and a cool wind tugged at my hair.

“Where are we?” I asked.

“This was my homeland. Across the great ocean. I lived here before I was cursed,” he explained, his voice rough with emotion.

I turned to look at Fabian again and my breath caught in my throat. His appearance wasn’t that of a monster anymore; his skin was flush with life and coloured by the sun. His beauty was diminished, but if anything, he seemed more attractive with his features more rugged and a faint scar lining his jaw. He wore fighting leathers similar to those Julius and Magnar favoured and a long sword was belted at his hip.

“You look like... like one of us. Like a slayer.” I couldn’t stop staring at him, at this version of him who was yet to be cursed. It was harder to think of him as a monster when he stood before me as a man, and that was dangerous in its own right.

Fabian gave me a faint smile. “No. Not a slayer. But we were all Vikings once.”

I stepped towards him, utterly thrown off by seeing him this way. His hair was shaved on one side of his scalp and a tattoo swirled over the exposed skin there. He noticed my gaze on it and raised a hand to it with a smirk.

“Your kind always were fond of tattoos. My immortal form pushes the ink from my skin now, so I no longer have any...”

“Magnar’s tattoos are a mark of his gifts, not a fashion choice,” I replied lightly.

Fabian released a growl at the sound of his name. “I’d prefer it if you didn’t mention him here.”

I considered conjuring an image of the warrior to spite him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I felt like Fabian bringing me to this place was about so much more than reminding me he’d been human once. It was the most personal piece of him. Something that he could only visit in his dreams. There was no way he could have shown it to anyone else before me and despite how deluded he might have been when it came to me, him and this curse Idun had given us, I couldn’t deny the honesty of this moment. He was offering the truth of himself up to me and despite all the animosity I felt for him, I couldn’t ignore this nor spit on it with petty defiance.

“You just don’t want me mentioning him because you know I’m with him,” I said, trying to keep hold of my own feelings of hatred while my heart was tempted to soften. My eyes were drawn to the village in the distance again and I found it easier to remember myself when I wasn’t caught in his gaze.

“You’re only with him because you’re afraid of what we are,” Fabian hissed.

“I’m with him because I belong with him,” I replied defiantly. “And because I love-”

“Don’t,” Fabian interrupted, silencing me. “I can’t hear you say that.”

I turned back to look at him and found him right beside me. Haunting pain flashed in his eyes and guilt stirred in my gut. I didn’t want to hurt him. But I didn’t want to lie either. Not to him. And not to myself. I had to keep the truth present in my mind or I knew I could so easily be lost to my false feelings for him.

I wanted to step back but the strangest sound caught my ear and my eyes widened as I realised what it was. I reached into the space between us, my hand trembling uncertainly as I laid my palm above Fabian’s heart.

I inhaled sharply as I felt it thundering against my skin. I knew it wasn’t real, but the intensity in his gaze made me feel like it was. Like if we’d met a thousand years ago he would have fought wars to claim me as his own and his heart would have beat only for me.

“Did it hurt?” I asked softly. “When it stopped beating?”

A dark shadow crossed behind his eyes and for a moment we weren’t standing by the river anymore. We were in the centre of the village and everything ran red with blood. He was covered from head to toe in gore, and dead bodies lay all around. The other Belvederes stood beside us, their faces written with the horror of what they’d done while Andvari’s laughter filled the air.

“More than you could ever know,” Fabian breathed.

I stared around in disgust at what the god had forced him to do, but the scene before my eyes slipped away as if Fabian could hardly bear to look at it.

When it settled again, we were standing at the top of a tall cliff, looking out over a stormy sea. The sun slowly broke through the clouds and Fabian stilled as if he were afraid of it. But when it finally fell on his skin, he didn’t recoil, and the golden rays lit a warmth in his eyes which I’d never seen before.

“I never chose to be what I am,” he said slowly.

I felt my hatred towards him melting a little as pity pulled at me.

“This isn’t fair,” I breathed as I looked up at him. “You know I don’t want this.”

“You wouldn’t be here if that was true.”

I opened my mouth to object, but the look in his eyes made me pause. He seemed so different from the monster I’d built up in my head. There was something desperately vulnerable about him and he looked at me as if I could be the answer to all of his fears.

He seemed to take my silence as agreement and caught my hand in his, pressing our marks together. I gasped as the power which bound us to each other flared intensely, every piece of my flesh coming alive with the ferocity of it.

Fabian moved towards me before I could react, his mouth pressing down on mine as he tried to force me to admit to feelings I refused to have.

Desire pooled in my flesh, the power of the mark immobilising me as it screamed for me to accept this while another part of me rioted for release. I almost gave in, almost let him call me to ruin and have whatever pieces of me he needed so very badly, but I managed to pull back instead.

“Stop,” I begged him, my breathing ragged as my hand on his chest pushed him away, forcing an inch of space between us. “I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t want it.”

“Neither did I,” he replied, his hands on my waist, refusing to let go as his brown eyes shone with need. “But I should have. We’re fated, Callie. It’s written in the very fabric of the stars. The gods chose us for each other-”

But he’d definitely chosen the wrong argument there, my hatred for the gods and their flippant use of their power over us a potent thing which made it all the easier for me to remember myself.

I forced my way out of his arms and stepped back, shaking my head.

“I don’t care,” I growled, hunting deep in my heart for the part of me which I knew was my own.

I’d grown up smothered by the rule of his kind. I hated him and everything he represented. I could never love him. And dressing himself up as a human didn’t make him a man. He was still the monster I’d always feared. Still the enemy I’d sworn to destroy. Still the demon who’d hunted me and forced me into marriage. Nothing he could ever say would change that.

“Whatever the gods might have planned doesn’t interest me. My life is my own. And I refuse to bow to the pressure of some long-forgotten deity. Idun may want us to be together but I don’t,and nothing you can say or do will ever change that. I am your enemy. And you shouldn’t forget it.” I backed away from him as my words hit home.

His expression shifted, hardening with every cruel word I tossed his way.

“What can I do to make you see that I’m not the monster you think I am?” he demanded, the authority in his tone only making it easier to remember what he was.

I let out a humourless laugh. “Go back in time and don’t take my mother to the blood bank because she was ill. Don’t let that murderer Wolfe come for my father. Or your twisted brother kidnap my sister. Or go further back than that and don’t imprison every human who managed to survive the Final War. Don’t treat us like animals only valued for our blood,” I spat. “The list is endless Prince Fabian. You placed a crown upon your head and your foot upon our backs, leaving an imprint upon every single one of my kind. How could you ever think I could love you?”

He tried to follow me as I continued to back away from him and I swiped my hand at the ground savagely. The earth rumbled as a huge split formed in the dirt, carving the soil apart until a giant fissure separated us.

“I can fix it,” Fabian pleaded. “Let me show you how much I love you. I can prove it to you, just let me prove it!”

“How? How could you ever make all of that right?” I scoffed, growing a cage of steel around my heart and refusing to let him breach it again.

I would close myself off to him no matter how much it took from me to do so. Idun would not make this choice for me. I would never bow to her will in this. And I would break through every piece of her power over me even if it cost me my life.

“I’ll fix it. I’ll improve the Realms, I can provide schools and hospitals and...and nicer food…anything. I’ll give them anything you want. Everything you want-”

“Freedom?” I asked, arching an eyebrow in disbelief.

“I... If I could, I would. But without a constant supply of blood, the vampires can’t control themselves. It wouldn’t help the humans, it would only make them targets. When we feed from the vein, accidents happen. Especially if we are particularly thirsty-”

“So you claim to love me. But the truth is you love my blood more.” I sneered at him and his face fell.

“I wouldn’t bite you. I would never bite you. I swear it-”

“I don’t believe you,” I hissed, and the flinch which passed across his features told me he didn’t believe it either because he knew just as well as I did that he was a monster first and foremost. No promises, pretty declarations or even good intentions, let alone his supposed love for me would ever be enough to change the truth of that.

I walked towards him, crossing the air above the fissure I’d created as if it were solid ground. My clothes shifted around me and my wedding dress returned.

Fabian’s eyes widened hopefully as I moved to stand before him. I snapped my fingers and his human body transformed so he was a vampire again, wearing the charcoal suit he’d married me in.

I pushed my will against his, convincing him he hadn’t tasted blood in a hundred years, my power of this place and everything in it utterly complete.

Fabian clutched at his throat, his eyes widening in horror as I pulled my hair behind my shoulder and tilted my chin so he could see my pulse pounding in my neck.

I held his eye, waiting as he tried to fight the demon within him which craved my blood above all else.

His upper lip pulled back, revealing his fangs and he moved towards me. He snarled as he fought against the need which drove him forward and his hand moved to fist in my hair.

His eyes bored into mine and I felt like I could see his heart breaking as the thirst began to win. That shouldn’t have hurt, but it did, the fracturing of this thing he wanted so desperately spearing through me despite my resolve not to feel it.

But none of that was real. This was.

An endless second hung between us painted with the truth of what we were, even though he fought it with all he had.

Fabian yanked on my hair and his fangs slid into my flesh as the beast within him won the battle just as I had always known it would. He clutched me against him and groaned desperately as my blood flowed over his lips and pain flared through my skin.

I gripped his biceps, pushing with what strength I had, but it was nothing compared to the might of his savagery.

Fabian drank and drank, utterly lost to his need for my blood and my knees buckled so the only thing holding me upright was him.

He groaned, a pained and desperate sound escaping him, but didn’t stop. He didn’t stop until there was nothing left to drink and I sagged in his arms. The truth of that death wrapped around us both because I had no doubt that it was the future that would await us. It was what would become of us were we to ever pretend to be what he wanted.

Fabian’s arms shook as he held me, murmured apologies and denials racing from his lips, but none of them mattered because this was what we were and there was nothing that could change that. I would die before becoming a vampire, and he seemed to understand that truth in me if nothing else.

“See?” I breathed, my eyes meeting his for an endless moment, and I fought against the pain which drove into me at the look of pure anguish in his eyes.

I yanked my consciousness away from him with a wrench of effort and everything around me disappeared. Fabian Belvedere was left alone in his dreams, with nothing but the knowledge of our impossibility to soothe the ragged pain in his immortal soul.

I sat bolt upright, panting in the darkness as I touched a hand to my neck where the memory of Fabian’s bite still haunted my flesh.

“Callie? What is it?” Montana asked sleepily beside me.

I glanced at Magnar but he still slept soundly. Julius was on watch outside somewhere and I resisted the urge to dismiss what had just happened as insanity, needing to tell her the truth.

I took a deep breath as my heart rate slowed and the dream faded away. It had been so real, every thought, feeling and sensation had seemed just like this, yet none of it had actually happened.

“Just the answer to a question that never needed asking,” I said.

“What do you mean?” Montana pushed herself upright and scooted closer to me, reminding me of the many times we’d climbed into each other’s beds after a nightmare back in the Realm.

“I visited Fabian’s dream,” I admitted uncomfortably, glancing at Magnar again to make sure he was still sleeping. After joining him in his dream in the past and what we’d done while I was there, I was sure he wouldn’t be happy to know I’d ended up with Fabian instead of him tonight.

“Oh… I’m guessing that wasn’t intentional?” she asked gently.

“No.” I rubbed a hand over my face. “I don’t know how to control my power and this stupid mark obviously led me to him.”

I lay down again and Montana followed suit so we could whisper to each other from beneath our blankets like we used to.

“And what kind of dream was he having exactly?” she asked innocently, but I knew what she was driving at.

My mind fell on the bed and whips that I’d first found when I arrived and warmth filled my cheeks. “Well…”

“Oh shit,” she exclaimed, correctly interpreting my awkward pause. “So did you-”

“Fuck no. I put a stop to it as soon as I arrived. He had some whole weird sex dungeon dreamed up but I dissolved that shit and covered my body from neck to ankle before he could even catch a glimpse of me.”

She laughed and I couldn’t help but join in. It hadn’t seemed that funny at the time, but in hindsight, it was kind of hilarious.

“Okay so what did you do then?” Montana asked.

“He showed me some other parts of himself,” I admitted slowly, not liking the way my opinion had been altered by what I’d just seen. It was far easier to think of them as nothing but my enemies when I wasn’t forced to see them as anything else. “I saw him before he was turned-”

“He showed you himself as a human?” Montana asked in surprise. “Why?”

“I think he wanted me to remember that he hasn’t always been a monster.” I shrugged, wanting to dismiss everything I’d seen, refusing to face the seed of pity he’d sown in my heart.

“Really?” she asked. “And did it change anything for you? Do you see them any differently?”

I shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to consider that as a possibility and certainly not wanting to admit it to her after she’d just spent weeks as their captive, subject to countless horrors and manipulations at their hands. It wasn’t fair to think of them as anything other than the beasts I knew them to be. They were the reason our parents were dead, the reason we had grown up without freedom. One brief look at the man Fabian Belvedere had been a thousand years ago shouldn’t have changed anything about that.

I shook my head, not wanting to let the dream affect the way I viewed the vampires but despite myself, unwanted thoughts were creeping in. “I guess…I felt bad for them in a way. I saw what Andvari forced them to do to their families, their entire village. I saw the horror they felt at killing everyone they’d ever loved. But it doesn’t excuse what they’ve done since, does it? It doesn’t mean it’s okay for them to have created thousands of their kind. Or to have set themselves up as monarchs above all of us and ruin the lives of every human unlucky enough to have survived the Final War.”

“No, I guess not,” Montana replied, and it almost sounded like she was disappointed.

We fell into silence and my mind wandered as she slowly fell asleep once more.

I rolled over and my gaze drifted to Magnar. I wondered what he was dreaming about and whether he wanted me to visit him or not, whether it would be easier to face him there where I wasn’t restricted by the vow I’d made and wasn’t bound to his word.

I found myself not wanting to visit him though; it was bad enough that my own thoughts and feelings were a whirlpool of confusion without dragging him into them too. And my anger hadn’t faded, the sense of injustice and helplessness clinging to me like oil which wouldn’t wash off of my soul.

I realised that I was staring at him while sorting through the chaotic mess of my own feelings and closed my eyes abruptly, feigning sleep. I doubted I’d be drifting off again though. I’d had enough of other people’s dreams for one night.