38. Montana

“Higher,” Andvari urged, and I gazed up at the head of the statue, a shudder sliding down my spine.

A fan of sharp points shot out from the crown she wore, and I pulled myself up the side of her head, a murmur of terror escaping me as Andvari encouraged me toward the huge spikes protruding from the headpiece. I reached out for one of them and my fingers grazed the freezing metal.

“Andvari, stop!” I screamed, my stomach spinning as the drop below gazed back at me, tempting me toward death.

“Up,” he purred and I reached out again, catching hold of the crown and dragging myself onto the flat space atop the spike.

The god didn’t bother to quiet my fears anymore, taking control of my body and leaving me trapped inside it.

Andvari moved me like a puppet, making me stand and I raised my arms to balance myself, terrified of falling.

The wind was battering and I tried to crouch down again to hold on, but Andvari wouldn’t allow it.

He appeared at the very tip of the platform the crown created as it reached out over the endless drop below. The god flexed his index finger to draw me closer and the action was a command, impossible to ignore.

“No, please,” I gasped, shaking my head.

My hands curled up and I managed to clutch them to my chest, trembling all over as I resisted the force of the wind.

“Come, Moon Child,” he whispered and my feet moved at his words, carrying me toward him, right to the edge of the sharp point of the crown’s spire.

Andvari took hold of my arm and I snatched his robes, desperate for something to keep me from falling, my teeth gritting in determination.

“You see them?” Andvari pointed down to the ground below and I spotted the others.

They’d fallen still, their fight seemingly paused. My heart soared with the possibility. They were all alive, even Magnar was on his feet.

I screamed in fright as the whole structure suddenly buckled forward several feet, the world tipping and urging me to fall.

I flailed, gripping onto Andvari but he disappeared into thin air, abandoning me to the pull of gravity.

My stomach soared and my heart turned to ash as I plummeted forward, my hands flying out as I regained control of my body at last.

Impossibly, I caught the edge of the spike, hanging on by the tips of my fingers, my nails biting into the metal in desperation. Fear snaked through me as my legs kicked wildly and I fought to hold on with every ounce of strength I possessed. But it simply wasn’t enough.

Andvari laughed, lending me his power to right myself at the last second. With shaking arms, I hauled myself up onto the tip of the platform, my heart quaking in my chest.

I gasped my relief but then Andvari made me stand once again, my toes feeling welded to the platform as I found my balance.

The god reappeared, standing on nothing but air several feet ahead of me.

Terror clawed at my insides. “Stop this,” I demanded.

“Only you can stop this,” he said with an ominous look that made a crack of thunder split the sky apart. “You would do anything to save your beloved monster, would you not?”

I gazed down at Erik below with Magnar and Callie and fear fractured my heart. He was outnumbered. They’d kill him together.

“Of course,” I stuttered as icy tears slid down my cheeks. “Anything to stop this fight.”

“Then jump,” he breathed and his command dripped through me, encouraging me to obey.

My breath stalled in my lungs.

“You want me to die?” Terror took root in my chest like a tangle of thorns, choking the breaths from my lungs.

Andvari chuckled and the wind blew against my back, forcing me toward the fate he’d decided for me. My heart slammed into my throat as I teetered on the edge, lifting my arms as I managed to stay upright.

“Would you die for him?” Andvari asked, his expression suddenly soft.

I took a breath as more tears rolled down my cheeks, falling to the dark ground below. “If it would save him. If it would end this curse.”

“A debt paid perhaps?” Andvari growled and fear blossomed in my chest.

“This is your debt?” I murmured.

He didn’t answer, but his smile broadened.

“Jump,” he growled, and I felt the ghost of his hand press into my spine.

My stomach rolled. My heart stopped beating.

Fear held me in place, but the god was pushing me, forcing me.

I shut my eyes, stealing a moment of silence and the urge to jump released me.

Death was staring me in the face and it was the cruellest thing. But if this could end the curse, wasn’t this the only path I could take? For Erik. For my sister. For all of them.

I only wished I could have had a second longer in Erik’s arms. We’d been offered so little time. But each moment was precious and wrapped in my heart, unable to be touched by anyone. Not even the gods could steal that from me.

I stole a look up at the stars. The fight had raged on so long that night had fully claimed the sky and the moon was rising to see my downfall. My tears turned to ice against my cheeks and a strange calm fell over me. My dad had told us about the constellations. The stories that clung to them, recounted by humans through all the years they’d watched the heavens. Generation after generation had lived and died under these stars. Were my parents up there somewhere, laying in the sky’s arms and waiting to welcome me home?

A breath of resolution rolled past my lips as I turned my gaze to the dizzying drop beneath me. I spotted Magnar moving toward Erik and panic gripped me.

My heart beat with every second that passed. Every moment of hesitation could lead to his death.

“I love you,” I whispered, wishing he could hear the words. But even if he couldn’t, I needed to say them. I needed the world to lay witness to how deeply, fiercely and immovably I loved him.

I shifted my gaze to Andvari and my upper lip curled back as a hatred coursed through me like nothing I’d ever known. This was his doing. His divine ruling.

“Even in death I’ll love him and my family more profoundly than you could ever love anything. You’ll never know what that’s like and you don’t deserve to know. The people down there will mourn my death, but no one would ever mourn yours.”

Andvari bared his sharpened teeth. He clutched his nails together before me and my heart squeezed hard in response. “I have your heart if I want it.”

“No,” I breathed, a strange sense of peace flooding over me. “You can’t have that. It’s the one thing you can’t control.”

He swung an arm back as if to knock me from the statue, but I refused to let him force this upon me. The choice would be my own. The last choice I ever made.

With a ragged breath, I jumped, throwing myself forward with my arms outstretched, the wind sailing through my hair, pulling my dress out like a white flag.

The momentum caused me to roll and I lost sight of the world below, finding the night sky stretching above me in a million pricks of light.

I have lived a life as a prisoner.

I have escaped that life as I promised my father I would.

I have been one half of a whole to my beloved twin.

I have loved Erik as a monster. And I have loved him as a man.

So I have been free, I have had a place in this world and I have known the deepest kind of love my heart ever had to offer.

What have you done with your eternal existence, Andvari?