3. Callie

The remains of the crumbling, concrete balcony jutted out before me. Its left side had been blasted away in the Final War, but the right side remained intact, though the railing that had once ringed it had broken away almost entirely.

The rain had finally stopped, and a cool breeze blew in with the dawn. The sun was just about to rise and though it hadn’t crested the horizon yet, the sky was beginning to lighten to a pale blue in the distance. Above my head, I could still see the last stars glimmering. I wondered if Valentina planned on letting the sun shine over the city today or if she’d draw in the clouds again once it came up.

The mere thought of her sent a spike of furious anger through me. She’d betrayed her people, sold me out to Fabian, and now it seemed as though she’d betrayed the royals too. What was she planning? What was her motivation? Surely it was all driving her towards something, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what.

In the distance, beyond the sprawling ruins, I could just make out the river which led on to the sea. My lips parted as yet another of my dad’s stories finally came to life before my eyes. I wished he could see me now, looking out at the water he’d always promised to show me. I hoped that wherever he was, he knew that I’d finally begun to see the world, just like he’d wanted me to. Though I doubted this tangled mess I found myself in was the dream he’d had in mind.

I lowered myself to sit on the cold floor and hung my legs between the last of the rusted railings, looking down at the drop below my high heels. My right shoe was covered in blood and mud, the white lace ruined beyond all chance of recovery. But strangely, my left shoe was still fairly clean. A few spots of blood stood out across the toe, but that was it. It reminded me of one of Dad’s stories about the girl who’d lost her shoe and found a prince.

I had a royal looking for me too, promising me the world and happily ever after. Literally. Seeing as he planned on killing me and bringing me back from the dead so I could stay by his side for the rest of time. In reality, it was less of a fairy tale and more of a nightmare.

I touched the crown which still sat upon my head and wondered if Cinderella had ever felt that its weight was too much. I pulled it off and twisted it between my fingers, frowning at the diamonds which shone dimly in the light. What a strange thing to give me. I’d been nothing more than a bug beneath their shoe my whole life, but now they wanted to pretend I was something special. Place a crown on my head and call me a princess just to disguise the ugliness of their true intentions.

I dropped the crown beside me, turning away from it so I didn’t have to keep thinking about it.

Leaning forward, I gazed down at the drop below my feet. We were four floors up but I wasn’t afraid; my gifts would allow me to survive that fall. It was strange to think that making a single promise had granted me such power. I’d gone from a helpless girl, destined to live my life under the vampires’ rule, to a warrior capable of ending them. If only it really were so simple.

The breeze swept around me again, pulling at my hair and raising goosebumps along my bare arms. Despite my gifts helping me resist the cold, the sodden dress and low temperature were beginning to take their toll on me and I shivered a little. The dress was ruined but I had nothing to replace it. It was torn and filthy. A beautiful thing destroyed.

I held my left hand in front of me and traced the star on the back of it with my fingertips. One half of my soul was bound to Magnar. I turned my hand over and traced the cross on my palm. The other half was bound to Fabian. So where did that leave me?

Stuck between two mortal enemies while waiting for them to destroy me.

I was tied to so many rules and commands that I could barely count them anymore. This form of freedom wasn’t very liberating and I was starting to think that my escape from the Realm had only locked me in a different kind of cage. Were we destined to dance to the tune of the gods forever? Were our souls ours to own, or our lives ours to live?

I was unable to be with the man I knew I wanted in the depths of my soul, unable to so much as speak his name aloud. And even if we could have been together, he could control me with a single command. I was powerless with him. Ever the underdog in a game which should have been played from equal positions.

My thoughts drifted to Fabian and a surge of longing raced through me which I knew wasn’t truly my own. But that didn’t stop the ache I felt, the desire which stirred my blood, the memory of his mouth against mine. I gritted my teeth as I rejected it. I hated his dark eyes which were so deep that I could get lost in them... right before I cut them out of his face. The thought of his stupid, perfect smile made me ache for Fury with a desperate need. I had no idea where my blade was now and I missed it like a lost limb, certain it would have helped remind me of my own mind. Without it, I was caught between wanting to kiss Fabian and kill him while unsure if I really wanted either.

This was all Idun’s fault. What had I done to deserve such a curse from her?

Malicious bitch.

If there was a way to kill a goddess, then I’d be sorely tempted to find out how.

I wanted to scream my rage at the ruins before me, but as we were on the run and trying to evade the notice of the Familiars that hunted us, I guessed that wasn’t the best idea. I settled for grabbing a lump of broken masonry from the wall beside me and hurling it out into the ruins instead. I threw it with all my strength and watched as it soared away from me, much further than I would have been able to send it before taking my vow. It clattered into the rubble and I reached for another, launching it after the first to see if it would go any further.

The third brick I grabbed had a sharp edge which jabbed into my finger. I hissed in pain as blood bloomed and I dropped it beside me, quickly sucking on my finger, scowling at the jagged rock before wondering if it could be exactly what I needed.

I picked it up again and held it above my left palm as I glared at the cross which bound me to Fabian. If I couldn’t fight off the desire to be with him while it marked my flesh, then maybe I could cut it clean out of me instead.

I took a deep breath as I touched the sharp edge to my skin and psyched myself up for what I was about to do. It was going to hurt like hell, but if I was lucky, it’d pay off.

I can’t do it. I can’t do it. Maybe I should just go back and find Fabian? If I hurry I could be kissing him within a matter of - just fucking do it!

I pressed down and pain flared through my palm just as a hand landed over mine, dragging the brick out of my grasp. I blinked up at Magnar in surprise as he sat beside me, turning the piece of jagged masonry over in his hands.

“That won’t work,” he said quietly, his dark presence settling around me like a wave of shadows had followed him to my side.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, that could make this better but I was at a loss for words. I knew the sacrifices he’d made to end the Belvederes and I’d thrown myself in the way of him fulfilling that destiny, ruining the chance he’d been waiting on for a thousand years. How could he even look at me after that? How could he bear to sit down beside me after I’d sabotaged his shot at vengeance after he’d given so much in pursuit of it?

The inch of space between us was like an uncrossable abyss. It was filled with pain, and loss, and so many unspoken words that I had no idea how to bridge it.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed because it was the only thing I could say that was entirely the truth. It was the one thing I could stand behind and know I was feeling for myself without any input from deities, or vows or curses.

“For which part of it?” Magnar rotated his arm back and launched the rock out into the ruins. It landed so much further away than mine had that I could barely even hear the clatter as it hit the ground.

I chanced a look at the strong slope of his brow and the breath-taking ruggedness of his features, now cast in even harsher lines than before, like the world just kept heaping weight upon his shoulders and it was all he could do to carry that burden.

“All of it. Everything that’s happened since my dad died. Probably most of what happened before then too. I can’t help but feel like all I’ve done since we met is make your life more difficult,” I said, my gut twisting with those words as I thought over all he’d lost and how much of it came back to me.

“That’s not true,” he replied, his voice laced with grit which chafed against my soul.

I didn’t bother to contradict him, but I didn’t know what else he wanted me to say. I crossed my ankles, looking down at the drop again as I released a heavy breath.

“I need to understand what they did to you.” Magnar reached over and took my hand, turning it so he could inspect the silver cross on my skin. My heart stuttered at the feel of his rough palm against mine, the memory of those hands and what they were capable of silencing any protest I might have had. There was no caress in his touch as he tilted my wrist to see the mark more clearly, so Idun allowed it, but the feeling of his hand on mine still sent shivers racing across my skin, the ache of longing sinking deep inside my chest where I wrapped it up tight and refused to let it go.

“I’ve never seen this before,” he murmured, his hold tight, the anger he felt clear in every piece of his muscular body.

“I told you; it was Idun. She bound me to your enemy because she’s cruel and it amused her to do it. She knew you were there, she knew what we…what we might have…” I swallowed thickly and forced myself to go on because we hadn’t voiced what we might have been becoming to one another and this didn’t feel like the moment to try and define it. “She made me look right at you before I...” The memory of Fabian’s lips against mine made me shudder in disgust and ache with desire in equal measures. It wasn’t fair. Why plant those feelings into me? It was like she wanted me to go to him now, to abandon Magnar and take up with those he hunted. It didn’t make any sense. I’d sworn to help her end the vampires and Magnar was her devoted warrior, so why do this to me? To us?

“So she laid claim to your body in the same way she held me when Valentina betrayed us?” he asked and I could hear the relief in his tone as he made that assessment.

I nodded, wanting to leave it at that. To pretend that she’d taken my limbs hostage and used them without my permission. But it was so much worse than that and he deserved to know.

“At first, that was all it was. But once we were married, once this mark appeared, it was like I...” My bravery stuttered out and I bit my lip, afraid to tell him the whole truth, afraid to admit the whole truth to myself too.

“Like you what?” he prompted, his eyes lifting from my hand to my face, his expression guarded like he could already tell it was worse than he wanted to believe.

I took a deep breath, forcing myself to tell him the whole truth. Or at least as much of it as I understood.

“Like I want to be with him. To be in his arms and give every part of myself to him. I want to feel his mouth on mine, I want him to pin me down and-” I slapped a hand over my mouth to stop the foul words from pouring out. “Shit,” I cursed, recoiling from those words, and tightening my hold on his hand. I could see him withdrawing, see the walls going up within his dark gaze.

“But I know that I don’t really,” I added quickly as I felt the tension building in Magnar’s posture. I dropped my eyes. I couldn’t bear to look at him and see what my confession was doing to him. “All I truly want is to hunt him down and cut his fucking heart out. I want him to burn for all the terrible things he’s done...but when I saw you standing over him, about to finish him...” I shook my head, unable to rationalise what I’d done.

“I should have killed him. Perhaps his death is the only way you’ll be free of him,” Magnar spat.

“Maybe,” I agreed, although the idea of a world without Fabian in it still filled me with dread. “But in that moment, I feared for his life like it was worth more than my own. I felt certain that his death would break something in me which I’d never get back.”

The silence stretched between us and I finally dared to turn and look at him again.

His brow was furrowed with concern and he seemed lost in thought as he gazed out over the ruins. As the sun continued to rise, the rich bronze colour of his skin appeared to drink in the light, like he was born of it and made for it alone. The sight of him like that made my heart rate finally settle.

With him close to me, I didn’t feel like I was second guessing myself anymore. Fabian paled into insignificance. This was real. He was real.

Butterflies danced in my stomach as I continued to stare at him and his gaze slowly slid to meet mine. An inferno raged in his golden eyes, blazing hungrily as he drank me in just as I did him.

“And did you mean what you said to me before we left?” he asked carefully, like he wasn’t really sure if he wanted to hear my response.

“Yes,” I breathed. The answer was easy as I looked into his eyes and the fractured parts of my soul knitted themselves together just for the chance to be with him.

The wind blustered around us and my hair swept across my face. Magnar caught it and pushed it behind my ear, his hand cupping my cheek. I leaned into his touch, wishing I could do more as I felt Idun’s will urging me to move away.

I fought against her as I looked into his eyes and his thumb brushed across my lips. My skin burned beneath his touch and desire built in me, sweeping from the pit of my stomach right down to the tips of my toes. I wanted him unlike I’d ever wanted anything. He was the most desperate desire of my heart and the greatest longing of my flesh, but it was as though the whole world was working against us.

His arm grew tense as Idun pushed against him too and his hand slid from my face as he was forced to pull away. His fingertips skimmed a pattern down my neck and my throat bobbed as I fought to stay still. He managed to trace a line over my collar bone, finally touching the skin above my pounding heart for half a second before he dropped his hand.

“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, Callie,” he said, his voice rough with longing. “I’ll do whatever it takes to free you of this curse and then I’m going to claim you for my own. No vampire bastard will take you from me and no goddess will stand in the way of that.”

I opened my left hand in my lap and frowned at the silver mark on my skin. I hated it. It felt like the touch of a monster, branded onto me like I was his belonging. It killed me that Montana had the same bind to Erik Belvedere. That she was as trapped by him as I was by Fabian. What right did those monsters have to try and claim us for their own? Like we were possessions instead of people. As if our own wants and feelings were irrelevant.

My hate for the vampires burned hot in my blood. What was it with immortal beings believing themselves to be so superior? Our lives may have been shorter but they held so much more meaning because of that. Each breath could be our last. Each moment could change our fates. And I’d be damned if I was going to let them take what little time I had on this Earth and mould it to their desires. My life would be my own again, no matter what I had to sacrifice to claim it.

Magnar ran his finger over the cross on my palm and it burned angrily in response. I snatched my hand away, forming a fist as pain flared in my blood. I squeezed so tightly that I could feel my nails cutting into my skin and a trickle of blood dripped onto the white dress.

“I just don’t understand why Idun wants to fuck with us like this,” I muttered. “Why she’s doing this to us...we’ve devoted our lives to her cause. Why would she be so cruel to those who are trying to help her?”

“I have been asking that question ever since she tied me to Valentina. I don’t understand why she chooses to punish her most loyal followers. She claims to be testing my devotion, but I have never wavered from my path. Allowing me some small measure of happiness would not mean that I’d abandon my hunt for the Belvederes. If she can see into my soul as she claims to, then she would know that that is the truth. So I have no answer for you.”

I turned over his response in my mind as I looked back towards the horizon and the sun spilled over the edge of the river in the distance. I watched it for several achingly beautiful moments before the clouds began to build in the sky and it was hidden from view.

Valentina. I ground my jaw as I thought of that bitch and all she’d done.

She’d gone beyond turning her back on the slayers and becoming their mortal enemy; she was leading the Biters. At least the Belvederes were making some attempt to protect humans from their kind. The Realms might have stolen our freedom so they could take our blood, but at least our lives were fairly safe under that system. If Valentina and her followers got their way, humans would be hunted. Prey to monsters who far outmatched them.

“Would you hate me if I killed your fiancée?” I asked, giving Magnar half a smile.

He laughed as he leaned back, resting his weight onto his elbows. “Are you jealous, Callie?”

I scoffed. “Of that bitch? Though I guess she is very beautiful, if you’re into that kind of thing.”

“She’s a vampire,” he replied, his features written with disgust and I couldn’t help but smirk at that.

“She was beautiful before she was a vampire,” I replied, remembering the girl he’d shown me in his dream and wondering if there had ever been a point when he’d desired his union with her at all. Had they been together? Should their story have ended a thousand years ago with a dozen slayer babies and a happily ever after?

“She pales to insignificance beside you. And in any case, I managed to avoid marrying my betrothed for over a thousand years,” he replied. “You married yours within the day. Perhaps I have more reason for concern than you do.”

I snorted with amusement. “I had no choice about that. And I did try to fight it until Idun forced my hand. I stabbed him pretty good – fucked up his whole face and ruined his eye. Though I’ll admit my attempt to strangle him was a poor choice.”

Magnar released a low groan. “You attempted to strangle a creature who is without need to draw breath?”

“Well I had very few weapons available to me so it seemed like a decent enough plan at the time. Suffice to say, it didn’t work.”

“And yet after trying so hard to do so yourself, you wouldn’t let me kill your husband.” The way he said the final word sent a shiver of fear along my spine. I glanced down at my hand and pulled the wedding ring from my finger, glaring at it as I tried to deny the part of me that wished to keep it on.

“No,” I agreed. I wasn’t really sure what else I could say to that. I didn’t understand it myself, so how could I expect him to?

“Did he hurt you while he held you?” Magnar asked, his voice dropping to a low growl which reminded me just how deadly he could be when he wanted to be.

“No,” I replied on a breath. “I probably did more harm to them; they were just trying to convince me to go along with the wedding. They seemed to really believe it could have helped them break their curse. And I can’t help but wonder…if they were right about it, shouldn’t I be willing to make that sacrifice? For the good of all the humans?” I asked bitterly.

That question had been gnawing at me even though every part of my being rebelled against the thought of it. I hated the idea right down to the marrow of my bones, but wouldn’t a better person agree to it? Wouldn’t a better person do anything they could to end this and save the rest of my kind?

I held the wedding ring out in front of me, intending to drop it into the ruins but I couldn’t force myself to release it, Idun’s twisted magic keeping it locked between my fingers.

“I cannot believe the answer to the curse lies in whoring yourself out to a monster and carrying his demon children,” Magnar growled.

I turned to look at him again as I returned the ring to my finger.

“Fabian isn’t a monster,” I snapped before I could slam my mouth shut.

Magnar’s gaze dropped to my wedding ring and something dark and terrifying flared in his eyes. He pushed himself to his feet and strode away from me without another word.

“Elder?” I called, my throat thickening as that damn title left my lips instead of his name. I shoved myself to my feet and took a step after him, needing him to help me with this, hating that I couldn’t simply switch off this link to Fabian and be done with it.

“Don’t follow me,” Magnar growled without turning back and his command hit me like a punch to the gut, my feet stumbling to a halt against my wishes.

I tried to fight against the command and managed to take three steps after him, my feet feeling like they were weighed down with lead while I cursed him out for using that bullshit power against me again. I attempted to lift my foot for the fourth time but it was impossible.

My lungs felt like they might burst from the pressure of the force which worked against me. I staggered back and a sob escaped my lips as I dropped down to the floor once more.

Tears fell from my eyes and I hugged my knees to my chest as the cold wind whipped around me. I shivered as it battered against me, easily pushing through the thin material of my dress and chilling me to my core.

The sun climbed higher in the sky beyond the clouds but I was trapped where I was, unable to move back inside while Magnar’s command immobilised me. He’d gone in there and I couldn’t follow.

Rain began to fall in a persistent drizzle, slowly soaking me and mixing with the tears on my cheeks. I was so fucking stupid. I never should have given myself to the vow, never should have gotten myself mixed up with the deals between gods and mortals. Now I was trapped in the midst of their games, a pawn to be used and manipulated. And there was nothing I could do to escape them.

I grew colder but I still didn’t move. I couldn’t. And the knowledge that my body had once again been snatched from my control sent an ice-cold fear pounding through me. But there was nothing I could do about it. All I could do was wait.